A Meditation On Teh Boobage
The Supergirl "Smallville" promo photos + Diva Lea = trouble. I knew when I saw the pics earlier in the week that simply no good could come of it, that these shots of Laura Vandervoort with the tube top and the boobies were going to piss her off, and piss off a portion of bloggers in general.
Though we have a newly-visioned "Supergirl" on the stands, it is obvious that that the "Smallville" producers used the "Space Lolita" version for their research & development. But what really bugged me is that after reading Lea's posts on the subject I took a double-take at the photo in question and said to myself: "God, those breasts are HUGE."
The breasts are huge. Nothing wrong with that. If, as Lea posits, some photoshoppery has been done to enhance said boobage, then yeah that's kind of creepy -- though really common.
It immediately brought to mind another photo, this time of Emily Watson on the "Harry Potter and the Order Of The Phoenix" poster. Her under-age boobage is not so very prominent in-and-of-itself -- except for the way she is positioned on the poster. And then, when Googling images of the poster, I found out something a bit more interesting -- on some versions of the same poster her boobs are smaller than others.
Is Watson simply maturing at a faster rate than a family movie can allow? Was a digital reduction in order? Such a situation reminds me of the situation Mouseketeer Annette Funicello faced fifty years ago, when her burgeoning bosoms had to be strapped down as to not scandalize teh childrens.
An impromptu meditation on teh boobage could not be complete without mentioning, in my opinion, the queen of movie poster boobage, Jennifer-Love Hewitt. Her poster for "I Still Know What You Did Last Summer" is an absolute classic. Contrast it with the poster for "Can't Hardly Wait," another Hewitt film out the same year. Notice the disparity in mammary size. Was there a reduction or an addition?
Is photoshopping bigger boobs tantamount to the steroids scandal in professional sports? Is it false advertising?
The last boobage I wish to contemplate, at least on this cheery New York morn, is that of Jessica Alba as the Invisible Woman on movie posters for "The Fantastic Four." Note that in the first "coming soon" posters, her breasts are very pronounced. But then the images on subsequent posters become far more demure, until in "Rise Of The Silver Surfer" she is just a head.
Why no further exploitation of the formidable Alba physique? Perhaps it is tacit acknowledgement that, in the final analysis, the "FF" flicks are essentially children's movies. We are back in Mouseketeer territory.