Saturday, January 26, 2008

"Spider-B**ch" -- Millar Out-Miller's Miller

Just read up on Mark Millar's upcoming Wolverine arc, "Old Man Logan," and the following quote caught my eye:

"Only a few Marvel Heroes are still alive and the story mainly focuses on their descendants. There's a new Kingpin for example and Spiderman's granddaughter, Spider-bitch, is a favorite..."


Okay, so if Spider-bitch went up against Goddamn Batman, who would win? That's all I want to know.



    i fucking hate everyone.

  2. Better yet, what would their kid be named?

  3. from the guy who said videogames are for pedophiles...

  4. "Okay, so if Spider-bitch went up against Goddamn Batman, who would win? That's all I want to know."

    There would be no winners in that battle. We would all lose.

  5. Okay, so she's a wolf-spider of some sort? So which wolf-based character is her father?

    Oh. He's trying to be cool and edgy. Never mind.

  6. I think I speak for all of us when I say, "Oh, fer f***'s sake..."

  7. If this is going to be a pissing contest between Mark Millar and Frank Miller, the end result is going to be pretty horrendous for all of us.

  8. Fuck Spider-Bitch vs. Goddamn Batman. I want to see Millar vs. Miller. Hopefully they'll kill each other and do us all a favor.

  9. I dunno, maybe I'm just crazy, but I though the Spider-bitch name was pretty funny as a throwaway joke.

    I always wonder why people just look to be offended? I mean, why waste the effort? Why not just read either the Spider-bitch name or the video game players are pedophiles lines as the off the cuff jokes they're supposed to be rather than getting all offended over nothing?

    What normal person wouldn't chuckle at Spider-bitch? It just sounds goofy! It doesn't imply all women are bitches, it just sounds goofy.

    Or, you know, we can all get bat-shit crazy insane angry over a throwaway joke. I bet that will be productive!

  10. Kenny-- the thing is? It is a symptom. & treating issues in comics like you are a fat kid in junior high acting like a jerk to cover up your insecurities (like: can you imagine Millar writing this story? He's got a Metallica shirt with Spaghetti-O stains in my mental image) doesn't make you seem cool. It makes you seem like a loser. It isn't so much a matter of "ow mah Lawd! Mah delicate sensahbilies!" so much as "are you fucking kidding me with this crap?"

  11. Remember when you could walk into a comic shop and buy any Marvel or DC and it would be suitable for a 10 year old?

    Yeah, that was almost 25 years ago now.

  12. I think I know what you are getting at Chris but I also remember when I was a wee little one and read those Micronauts comics where the villains ground up people into their base parts in order to either create foot soldiers for the military or to keep the bodies of the upper tiers of society healthy. It makes me wonder if comics from previous generations were intentionally aiming at the 10 year old market or if the Comics Code was keeping creators from telling more diverse stories.

  13. Don't forget: Spider-Bitch is black. Why? Because.

    I'm tempted to read this as Millar and Joey Q's rebuttal to everyone who thinks Spider-Girl is awesome. "You like fun breezy adventure comics that you wouldn't be ashamed to show your kids? Screw you! We'll make her a Bitch! And Black! HAW!"

    (In my mind, the editorial departments of the Big Two all have Chick Tract "Haw Haw!" laughs)

  14. the whole thing depends on the goddam batman having his bitch repelant bat-spray, the amount of goddam prep-time and whether or not spider bitch as an actual spider sense or a bitch sense... I mean, she could have been bitten by a radioactive bitch you know...

  15. Spiderbitch, Spiderbitch
    friendly Mark Millar's Spiderbitch.
    Tact and taste? He's ignored.
    MOST XTREEEEME is his reward.
    Look out!
    Here comes the Spiderbitch!

  16. Mordicai,

    No, sorry, I just don't agree. I usually think you have a point and I'm not trying to disrespect you, or anyone else, but I think it's *just* a throwaway joke. It's just a silly, off the cuff comment meaning nothing more than it sounded silly to say. I don't think it's projecting any images at all. I think some, and I emphasize *some*, of the people upset about it are projecting their insecurities. I think they're the kids who were fat in junior high and are all offended because they're reading a joke about someone being fat now, to borrow your analogy.

    And I'm sure her name won't be Spider-Bitch in the actual comic.

    I think this whole thing is just an overreaction and I'm sure the character won't be named anything derogatory in the actual story. You know, we could always wait until reading the actual story until we get our collective panties in a bunch. That's an option, I imagine!

    And has anyone even considered for a second Spider-Bitch could be a dog with spider powers? I mean, it's just as likely as anything else at this point.

  17. The problem is that Mark Millar has a tendency to throw away good taste for XTREEEEEEME storytelling that somehow gets interpreted by the general community as being brilliant (I'm looking at you, Ultimates) even though there's no real substance to it (I'm looking at you, Civil War). It doesn't seem beneath Millar at all to name a character Spider-Bitch, but what really irritates me is that he's written some great comics in the past WHEN he's restrained (I'm looking at you, Superman Adventures).

  18. Misfit would break both of their brains by yelling "DARK VENGEANCE!"

    "I'm the Spider-Bitch, bitch!"

    "I'm the goddamned Batman!"


    They would both just... give up.

    "Okay, Teleporting Batgirl, you got us and you got us ironically."

  19. Maybe I'm a moron, but I thought "Ultimates" was pretty damn impressive. I thought it was a very well done re-use of his widescreen technique mixed with wonderful interpretations of classic characters. I also thought it was a wonderful examination of the hawkish pro-war retaliation to 9/11.

    I just don't get why it's so cool to hate on Millar (and Bendis, for that matter). Why always assume the worst? Why assume Spider-Bitch is the actual name of a character and not a throwaway joke? Why get so pissed off over nothing? I just don't get it.

  20. Kenny, no one here is getting pissed. The original blog entry is only a few lines long and everybody else is just making one or two sentences, nobody is really getting excited here. Except for you.

  21. Steffi,

    I'm not getting excited, just very confused. You can't deny that everyone is reacting as if Millar was serious. So, why the hate? It just lacks all logic other than the typical kneejerk fanboy complaining whenever someone transcends the medium.

    You also can't deny some of these comments have been dripping in vitrol. My comments have simply been expressing confusion? Or, are you overreacting to my comments the same way everyone else has been overreacting to Millar's joke? I say that in jest, but I think I'm on to something here.

  22. ...everyone is reacting as if Millar was serious. So, why the hate?

    Kenny: there is nothing that Millar has said so far to indicate that he is nothing less than 100% serious.

    And the hate... speaking only for myself, I'm kind of sick of Millar's hollow, cynical mining of macho-man-man testosterone X~TREAM~! concepts and stories.

    fanboy complaining whenever someone transcends the medium.

    A re-hash of Dark Knight Returns to the Thunderdome Has Eyes is not transcending the medium. Promethea is transcending the medium. If anything, Old Man Logan is the sort of thing that is kind of stagnating the medium.

  23. If Spider-bitch is a dog, it totally works, fine by me! Except (as I hear reported at least) she's going to be black. Which I guess means she's going to be !Sassy!

    I get that a lot of "feminist" griping comes out of the same place that "fanboy" griping comes out of. Take it with a grain of salt.

    As to the Ultimates & Mark Millar in general...I like it up to a point. After a while though I start thinking "isn't this the same chord we hit last issue? Didn't we see this the issue before that?"

    It really is a sort of Pootchie situation. Millar can fall into a "Totally X-Treme" mind-set that just ends up coming off...gross.

    & yeah, "Spider-bitch" just vibes that way. Heck, I'm not happy about hillbilly Hulks, either. I haven't written the series off yet, but his "sell" sounds like he's trying to get adolescent skateboarders on as his demographic.