Thursday, September 27, 2007

Smallville Premiere Liveblogging

picture from

7:59 - Family Guy ends, Luke Perry in bed with Adam West, sweet!

8:00: Episode recap. Oh look it's "Superman Prime." Is Lana dead? I don't think so. Lois is cuter than Chloe so Chloe must die! Magic tears! Bizarro Superman.

8:01: Didn't this dam breaking thing already happen in the first Superman movie?

8:02: Nice flood effect. Luthor is now underwater in a police car...and Clark is WTF in the woods. Kick to the face! Baa-cock!

8:03: Evil Clark's voice sounds like his balls dropped, what's with that?

8:04: Oh this so happened with the dam in the first movie! Now Clark is f**king with the flood... What's going on here? Can Clark stop time? No he's evaporated all the water. Of course.

8:05: New-ish intro. Last Lex season, sad emoticon. Yay Chloe boo Lois boo Supergirl.

8:08: Lex is at bottom of ocean, banging his big head against the glass to get out. Houdini! Oh snap, is he dead? No, he's seeing a beautiful blond woman. Oy vey! That's Supergirl. Lex's life saved by teh hotness.

8:09: Superman prime is impaled on his own petard, as it were. There's blood everywhere. He roasts some dude with his crazy heat vision.

8:10: Lois is pulling dead Chloe out of danger- - lots of dead floaty people. "Down here we float...we all float hahahaha..." Oh no it's evil little bastard superbaby clone! Kill him kill him!

8:12: Lionel Luthor is all washed up & some mystery guy pulls him away and we're back with Lois and the little evil boy a door breaks its Superman yayyyyyy "It looks like it caved in," duh.

8:13: Evil clark getting high off of the green crack...I like Welling playing evil, he's got that oh face, you know the one ohhhh...

8:14: Lex is alive and faced teh hotness of Supergirl -- a John Williamsy refrain, then she flies away.

8:19: Chloe is in the Smallville medical center. "Lois you gonna tell me what happened?" "Maybe I was dreaming." Thinking about it, she should have left that 8-inch knife in, Chloe might still be alive! Oy vey, the "warm light" stuff, very new agey.

8:21: Lois is going to f**k Lex up. Calls him "Dr. Evil" see because he's bald and evil. "Lois, there is something you should know..." "Make yourself useful for once, Smallville!" Dis!

8:22: Lex is alive and on the lam, looking at his wedding ring boo hoo hoo. "I was dead and there was this light..." all this stuff with the light, touched by an angel, etc.

8:23 "Her soft skin, her hair, that half-awake smile, that nice firm ass, those heaving..." He's turning himself in even though he is rich and doesn't have to.

8:24: Lois: "is that you Clark" oh no it's evil Clark but she doesn't know..he catches a look at her ass ah hahaha horny superman prime bizarro clark. She's getting turned on you can tell.

8:25: Uh oh it doesn't look good for Chloe, they get out the paddles she's dead so sad why did they drag this out?

8:29: Chloes alive...and naked. Clark: "Chloe's gonna be okay isn't she?"

8:30 What s**t is clark doing now? Is he psychic too? He finds Chloe yay "why am I in a morgue?" "she looks like crap"

8:31 Did Lex's guys do something to Chloe? She finds a labcoat that fits her pretty quick, oh no she found out about Lana too boo hoo

8:32: Lex in jail, totally OJ-ed.

8:33: Oh crap Lex is all born again now...and Superman Prime comes in conveniently enough, disembowels the lawyer, squishy sounds.

8:34: "You took Clark's body. "Just a few cells."

8:39: Product placement - Dell. Gotta get a dell! (We're not going to see Supergirl until the end are we?)

8:40: We miss Lana good cry wah! "Phantom Clark thing." "Chloe I don't know how to stop him." Chloe calls evil Clark "Bizarro." Damn Chloe those are some big earrings.

8:41: "Reeves" dam -- get it "Reeves." Ahhhh Martian Manhunter in a hot purple leather jacket. Looking good!

8:43: "That's why his face distorted when he got into the light." "Come into the light...all is welcome! All is welcome!" Good and Evil Clark have reverse color schemes.

8:44: Lex pulls a big gun oh snap Lex watch out he's gonna kill you. Throws him into those pipes. Oh now Evil Clark's got the crack fiending overdose buzzzzzzzzed...

8:45: Ohhhhhh slow motion punch! Watch out Clark he's on the green PCP! Tom Welling looks so fetching grimacing evilly.

8:46: Clark has a healing factor just l ike Wiolverine. He is going to kick evil boy's ass. Evil Clark looks like he has that tech virus from X-men, slow-motion rocky moves, he punched him into the air.

8:50: Oh no, Clark is all depressed. "Who's to say he's any more emo than I am?" Oh that's evil not emo.

8:51: "Hate is so clean." How old is the actress who plays Chloe now, 35?

8:52: "I'm not human." Emo! "The fact that you're from a galaxy far away..adds character."

8:53: Boo Lois. You're so bossy with your Farrah Fawcett hair. (finger goes into throat)
"If you ever grab my ass again, I'll be grabbing your head with me when I go." Evil Clark sex harass.

8:54: So Supergirl was like in this episode for less that two minutes? You could have had a prop in her place for those scenes.

8:55: More emo speech by Clark.

8:56: Chloe sets fire to her death certificate, "those producers will never get me off this show now!"

8:56: I hope they don't drag this whole Lex-as-born-again-martyr thing all season. BF: "this is Smallville - they forget about things." Oh yeah let him take that picture of him & his wife with him into prison sure.

8:57: Oh Lana is in this fake-ass China with this fake-ass wig. Laaaaaaaame!

8:58: Supergirl -- now has a full punk Earth outfit on, puts on her fashion accessories very solemn-like.

9:04 Watching The Office, still thinking about Lana in that fake-ass wig.


  1. The things you endure for us. Truly, you are the wind beneath our wings.

  2. lmao.

    I read your blog all the time but usually I just lurk. Today, I had to say what a great play by play that was. Nicely done.

    And what was with the ball dropping Bizarro voice anyway?

  3. How old is the actress who plays Chloe now, 35?

    According to imdb, she's 25.

  4. I don't think Smallville will ever be so short of ides they'd need to riff on something that was in the movies.

    Supergirl's pose at the end was hilarious. I noticed she makes a big deal of swooping off into the distance, but then at the end she turns around and flies back at the screen towards town. So if I have this right, she's on top of a water tower with "Smallville" written on it in huge letters, and she STILL can't find the town?
    That can't bode well.

  5. Yeah...I just watched My Name is Earl and the Office instead.

  6. "Smallville" written on it in huge letters, and she STILL can't find the town?
    That can't bode well.

    Ummm she speaks Kryptonise maybe?

  7. My boyfriend and I laughed so hard when they cut to Lana in fake China with her fake, fake, fake hair. Come on, they don't have ANYTHING in their budget for a better wig? Tragic.

  8. I think you're being too hard on Smallville. Trust me, I know all there is about watching crap and that show doesn't measure up to the worst of them.