What's Up With Smallville?

Smallville: All-Justin, All The Time

Did anybody see last week's episode? A second emo Oliver Queen story in a row! I couldn't believe they had the stones to do that. It was near-unwatchable. And the last 15 minutes of the episode was like one scene of two people talking "blah blah blah" after another. Seriously, it was Oliver talking to Lois, then Oliver talking to Clark, then Clark talking to Chloe. And not even talking about interesting, dramatic stuff. But just using that time to regurgitate exposition and go over the same emo talking points over and over and over again.

Justin Hartley is hot, but I just don't find his Oliver Queen a compelling enough character to go through two concurrent episodes of his "personal hell." I don't find this new General Zod compelling either, nor the entire Kryptonian storyline. I don't want to watch an entire episode of Tess Mercer getting progressively more facial bruises.

To me, the "rock" of that show is simply Clark Kent himself. He is the only person I still find interesting in that show, who I feel is believably growing and evolving as a character. But I think the key to shows like "Buffy the Vampire Slayer" is that there is a strong supporting cast to back the main character up. The main character shouldn't have the burden of being the "rock." You know, maybe Willow or Xander was the "rock" on BTVS. But who is the "rock" of Smallville? Chloe? Good God. Talk about a character whose only perceived value at this point is being prophesied to die.

But this is all about a series which is probably on its last season anyhow. I just want the "permission" to stop watching it. I always feel this "duty" to watch it because it is a superhero TV show, but really I could be catching up on the episodes of "Community" I missed on Hulu or something.

A superhero TV show should never be boring.

Evolution of a Smallville Fandom Kick

Okay, here is the evolution of a Smallville fandom kick:

1. Watch show sporadically.

2. Hook on to some obscure element of show -- in my case, the "Doomsday" storyline. To refresh your memory, that's the storyline that revisions Doomsday as a cute EMT with great hair.

3. Watch show regularly.

4. Watch DVR'ed recording of show and skip through all the parts that aren't about Doomsday.

5. Go on YouTube and look for fan videos.

6. Search Google for fan-fiction.

7. Buy copy of Smallville official magazine with variant "Doomsday" cover.

8. Search Google for fan wallpaper.

9. Go back on YouTube and look for new fan videos.


10. In deep embarrassment, sign onto Chloe/Davis shipper fan forum under assumed name.

11. Nearly poop myself over last week's episode, recapping for BF only the Doomsday bits. ("And then Jimmy got addicted to morphine!")

12. Go back on YouTube and look at official CW promo vids of Doomsday; sit through excruciating CW reporter's tired banter (in order to get to the good stuff!).

13. Consider pros and cons of "friending" David Bloom on Facebook. Pro: great profile pic. Con: will show up on my newsfeed and will look like dork in front of 400+ Facebook friends.

14. Considers writing fan-fiction about next episode because the wait is too long for next episode. Wonders if sort of illegal.

15. Fights overwhelming feeling that resolution to storyline will be ultimately disappointing and leave niche of Chlavis/Chloom shippers in paroxysms of fan-rage. "DIAF! You always hated Davis! You bastards!"

16. Realizes that I'm turning into Mel from Flight of the Conchords.

17. Reflects on how cute Jemaine from Conchords is.


18. Go back on YouTube and look for Jemaine clips.

19. Contemplates Smallville/Flight of the Conchords crossover fic where Jemaine is third Kryptonian baby who landed on Earth.

20. The circle is now complete.

Bad Boys and Fangirls

Only in the TV series "Smallville" can Doomsday be emo.

I mean, this takes ingenuity.

I heard that Darkseid is going to be a dangerously handsome middle-aged owner of a chain of hotels who seduces Lois and threatens her with a honeymoon in Barbados.

But right now, there are a bunch of fans of the show who think that the "romance" between Chloe and the Doomsday character "Davis Bloom" is hot and "meant to be." So much so that they have created a bunch of YouTube fan vids about it.

This is besides the fact that on the show, Davis has already been proven to be a murderer of women.

In the equation, Jimmy Olsen gets ragged on as an unpalatable suitor for Chloe. Because he's only a decent person.

Fangirls, it's cool to fantasize about the adventure of having a romance with a "bad boy" who is mysterious, pouty, and slightly deranged. But the reality of such relationships usually involve such things as being left with crushing debt, bodily injury, psychological damage, or even an STD. Then you will be on a real-life adventure called Reality.

Wants more Jimmy Olsen fan vids on YouTube:

WB "Rethinking DC Comics Strategy," Dumps "The Graysons"

The potential "Smallville" replacement "The Graysons," focusing on Dick Grayson and his family pre-Batman, has been scrapped, Variety reports. Apparently WB studio had Jeff Robinov had gave his blessing on the series -- only to take it away over the last couple of days. The reason? There is speculation that director Christopher Nolan, who has made it clear he doesn't want a Robin in his Batman movies, might have played a role. But Variety quotes sources as saying that the decision was all Robinov's, not Nolan's.

In particular, insiders claim that Robinov has ordered the WB to "rethink its DC Comics strategy."

From the official Warner Brothers statement:

"The studio has opted not to go forward with the development of 'The Graysons' at this time as the concept doesn't fit the current strategy for the Batman franchise. Warner Bros. Television is currently working on several replacement options for the CW."

How is the WB rethinking this strategy of adapting DC Comics characters for both the big and small screen? Were they afraid that having a Batman-themed (however tenuous the connection) TV show would water-down the movie franchise? Was Robinov afraid of alienating Nolan? And did proposed events in "Batman RIP" -- which might change the status quo of Dick Grayson and Robin forever -- have an impact on the decision?

Or, if WB is aiming for perfect synergy between their movies, TV shows, and other entertainment properties, does "Batman RIP" itself pose a problem?

Stay tuned: same Bat-Time, same Bat-Channel. Or not.

story found via Blog@Newsarama

Lex Luthor As Freddy Krueger?

According to this source, Smallville's Michael Rosenbaum might be in talks with Michael Bay regarding the new Nightmare On Elm Street.

Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh!!!!!!!!

That's honking BRILLIANT!

Oh please Cinema Gods, let this be so...

Occasional Links: The Lex Is Leaving Edition

Old-Skool Popeye Will Mess You UP


He'll punch ya in ya jewels. And eat spinach when you cry.

Afraid of Popeye:


All kinds of awesome:


Came up inexplicably in Google Image search results and I figured, "what the hell...":


Is There a Link Between Valentine's Day And Infidelity?

"The National Retail Federation predicts that over $17 billion will be spent on Valentine's gifts this year. A significant portion of that money will be spent by cheaters buying gifts for their secret lovers, and most of these gifts will be delivered in person – either on Valentine´s Day, the day before, or the day after."

It is also estimated that Mephisto steals approximately 2,700 marriages during the holiday as well.

Wide-open social calendar during Valentine's Day:


Approximately how many times men have either used my name as a variation of "Valentine" or "Valkyrie": 27. Annoying? Yes.


Did The Cloverfield Monster First Appear In GI Joe?


Via Tom Biro's blog is a story about a first appearance of the Cloverfield monster in the 1980s GI Joe cartoon. Is it true? You be the judge. Remember, knowing is half the battle!

Meanwhile the hit JJ Abrams film continues to make some moviegoers sick...

I'm one of those happy view who get really nauseous during movies or video games with shaky cameras or saturated color -- so I will catch the movie in bite-sized clips on YouTube.



Kwick Kwotables:


"...today comics have become much more politically correct and political correctness is a disease that is slowly strangling western civilisation."
--Alan Grant

(How long should Lex fans watch Smallville?)
"For only a couple more months, because then I'm done."
--Michael Rosenbaum


"I have failed at my task as Sorcerer Supreme of this dimension. I-I don't think I can help you anymore."
--Doctor Strange, New Avengers Annual #2

"He just wore the costume that Alex Ross designed. He's a big Alex Ross fan, basically."
--Ed Brubaker on what deep symbolic significance the new costume represented for Bucky.


VIDEO: "TOM CRUISE IS CRAZY" (can you blame him?)

Occasional Links: The Is This Gratuitous Edition

Playboy On Comic Book Sex Symbols

From the Playboy blog:

"It’s our cover, and while we don’t feel the need to explain in detail our thought process, perhaps a step back is warranted. The story is called “Sex in America.” Wonder Woman is sexy. Her costume is red, white and blue, and she has stars on her hot pants – it suggests the American flag almost as much as Captain America’s does. But we like to put women on our covers, so Steve Rogers is SOL in this case."

(found through Journalista)

Beware, folks: this is the nexus-point between where When Fangirls Attack and Playboy meet in the blogosphere! Comets and small asteroids get pulled in by the tractor beam of their conjunction and crushed into those little smooth pebbles you get with those good-luck bamboo stalks.


Topless "Superman" Stunt Gets Singer Banned

A Malaysian rock singer who stripped off his shirt and bared his chest to reveal a bright red Superman logo has been barred from television concerts for three months by the country’s media authority. The singer, Faizal Tahir, apologized last week for his behavior during the performance on station 8TV.

Seems that going topless -- even for men -- is a violation against local broadcasting standards.

Wondering what part the big Supes logo had in the furor.


Chest Implants On The Rise...For Men

Speaking of men of steel, Fox News reports:

There were 409 pectoral implant procedures performed in 2006, a 99 percent increase over 2005, the San Francisco Chronicle reports.

You know, Fox News should do one of those "crisis" special reports on men getting the implants. Like:
"Our World In Turmoil: Pectoral Implants!"
"Are Men Getting Too Damn Pretty? What Does It Mean? Are Our Children At Risk?"
"Terrorism and Pec Implants: The Next Weapon Of Mass Destruction?"



In A Dark Alley, No One Can See Your Fishnets

The first promo pictures of Black Canary on Smallville have been released...


And Ragnell gives her a thumbs-up for realism & plausibility:

The makeup mask is interesting idea. If she has some quick way to smear it on like a spray or something like a solid rouge applicator (one of those big old-fashioned round bars that you could just smear circles on your cheeks with), it makes for a good quick change and won't fall off. But makeup like that doesn't seem to obscure the face very well. I suppose you could say it's a distraction. Between it and the fishnets and the dark alley no one is going to be able to properly describe her. She must have to carry wipes to clean it off.

In other news, this still sucks:


Desperately Seeking Lynda


Megan Gale talks about playing the world's most famous Wonder Woman in the now-delayed Justice League film.

"People used to tell me I looked like Lynda Carter."

As an aside, go Google "Megan Gale" in Google Image Search sometime (with SafeSearch Preferences Off)

Go on, I'll wait.

Now go Google Search "Lynda Carter Bobby Jo."

Go on, I'll wait.

Yes, today's "Occasional Links" has, in a sense, come full circle.

(Sorry, Keri Russell, new voice of the cartoon Wonder Woman, just has a tasteful nude-but-you-see-nothing Vanity Fair shot.)


Wonder Woman On "The OC"
Video: This Never Happens In Real Life, Folks, Unless You Are Some Big Time Comic Book Writer Or Perhaps Charlie Sheen

Fangirl Fridays: The "Apocalypse Liefeld" Edition

“Doing a book full of naked girls doesn’t interest me—never has,” he says. “But guys shooting heads off, putting knives through each other? I’m all for it.”

--Rob Liefeld, creator of the upcoming "Armageddon Now: World War 3," based on the book of Revelation and the prophecies of Ezekiel, "set in a sci-fi, testosterone-soaked, Halo-type setting."


WELCOME TO FANGIRL FRIDAYS!


Supergirl's Walk-On In Red Bikini Last Night On "Smallville"












Lana & Clark have a heartfelt conversation, then Lara inexplicably walks through the scene in a skimpy red bikini balancing a book on her head.

"Ya, ya, I'm exchange student."

No, it wasn't exploitative.

Clark: "Lana, my life has gotten a lot more...complicated now. I want to have sex with my hot cousin."

Lana: "It's not right, Clark. It's not right."

Clark: "Well, you slept with Lex, you got no right to talk."


When Bad DC Events Collide:

The "big reveal" of "Green Arrow/Black Canary #1:

"Get away from me, you damn dirty Amazons!"

But Cliff Chiang is pencilling, so I'm cutting slack.


When Casper Got Shot!






















Dude!

Pop Culture Rules, #456

1965: "You Can Show Midriff As Long As There Is No Belly-Button"














2007: "You Can Show Breasts As Long As There Are No Nipples"












And Chris Batista Is Pencilling "Robin!"



















Ah, so when he said in San Diego "I have this big awesome project I can't talk about but it's awesome,"

THAT was what he meant.


The Butt-Cheek That Launched A Thousand Complaints:























The Cover To "X-Men #491" caused a stir recently because of Storm's submissive pose and exposed butt-cheek.

Was that butt-cheek functional? Or was it an exploitative butt-cheek?

Bellatrys could immediately find only one cover featuring such nonfunctional depiction of male buttitude:























let's take a closer look at this, shall we?













Approves:



















I had only $8.00 To Buy Comics At The Store, And I Spent It On "Booster Gold" & "Simon Dark"





Aaaaaand That's It For Fangirl Fridays, folks!

Smallville Premiere Liveblogging

picture from kryptonsite.com

Spoilers

7:59 - Family Guy ends, Luke Perry in bed with Adam West, sweet!

8:00: Episode recap. Oh look it's "Superman Prime." Is Lana dead? I don't think so. Lois is cuter than Chloe so Chloe must die! Magic tears! Bizarro Superman.

8:01: Didn't this dam breaking thing already happen in the first Superman movie?

8:02: Nice flood effect. Luthor is now underwater in a police car...and Clark is WTF in the woods. Kick to the face! Baa-cock!

8:03: Evil Clark's voice sounds like his balls dropped, what's with that?

8:04: Oh this so happened with the dam in the first movie! Now Clark is f**king with the flood... What's going on here? Can Clark stop time? No he's evaporated all the water. Of course.

8:05: New-ish intro. Last Lex season, sad emoticon. Yay Chloe boo Lois boo Supergirl.

8:08: Lex is at bottom of ocean, banging his big head against the glass to get out. Houdini! Oh snap, is he dead? No, he's seeing a beautiful blond woman. Oy vey! That's Supergirl. Lex's life saved by teh hotness.

8:09: Superman prime is impaled on his own petard, as it were. There's blood everywhere. He roasts some dude with his crazy heat vision.

8:10: Lois is pulling dead Chloe out of danger- - lots of dead floaty people. "Down here we float...we all float hahahaha..." Oh no it's evil little bastard superbaby clone! Kill him kill him!

8:12: Lionel Luthor is all washed up & some mystery guy pulls him away and we're back with Lois and the little evil boy a door breaks its Superman yayyyyyy "It looks like it caved in," duh.

8:13: Evil clark getting high off of the green crack...I like Welling playing evil, he's got that oh face, you know the one ohhhh...

8:14: Lex is alive and faced teh hotness of Supergirl -- a John Williamsy refrain, then she flies away.

8:19: Chloe is in the Smallville medical center. "Lois you gonna tell me what happened?" "Maybe I was dreaming." Thinking about it, she should have left that 8-inch knife in, Chloe might still be alive! Oy vey, the "warm light" stuff, very new agey.

8:21: Lois is going to f**k Lex up. Calls him "Dr. Evil" see because he's bald and evil. "Lois, there is something you should know..." "Make yourself useful for once, Smallville!" Dis!

8:22: Lex is alive and on the lam, looking at his wedding ring boo hoo hoo. "I was dead and there was this light..." all this stuff with the light, touched by an angel, etc.

8:23 "Her soft skin, her hair, that half-awake smile, that nice firm ass, those heaving..." He's turning himself in even though he is rich and doesn't have to.

8:24: Lois: "is that you Clark" oh no it's evil Clark but she doesn't know..he catches a look at her ass ah hahaha horny superman prime bizarro clark. She's getting turned on you can tell.

8:25: Uh oh it doesn't look good for Chloe, they get out the paddles she's dead so sad why did they drag this out?

8:29: Chloes alive...and naked. Clark: "Chloe's gonna be okay isn't she?"

8:30 What s**t is clark doing now? Is he psychic too? He finds Chloe yay "why am I in a morgue?" "she looks like crap"

8:31 Did Lex's guys do something to Chloe? She finds a labcoat that fits her pretty quick, oh no she found out about Lana too boo hoo

8:32: Lex in jail, totally OJ-ed.

8:33: Oh crap Lex is all born again now...and Superman Prime comes in conveniently enough, disembowels the lawyer, squishy sounds.

8:34: "You took Clark's body. "Just a few cells."

8:39: Product placement - Dell. Gotta get a dell! (We're not going to see Supergirl until the end are we?)

8:40: We miss Lana good cry wah! "Phantom Clark thing." "Chloe I don't know how to stop him." Chloe calls evil Clark "Bizarro." Damn Chloe those are some big earrings.

8:41: "Reeves" dam -- get it "Reeves." Ahhhh Martian Manhunter in a hot purple leather jacket. Looking good!

8:43: "That's why his face distorted when he got into the light." "Come into the light...all is welcome! All is welcome!" Good and Evil Clark have reverse color schemes.

8:44: Lex pulls a big gun oh snap Lex watch out he's gonna kill you. Throws him into those pipes. Oh now Evil Clark's got the crack fiending overdose buzzzzzzzzed...

8:45: Ohhhhhh slow motion punch! Watch out Clark he's on the green PCP! Tom Welling looks so fetching grimacing evilly.

8:46: Clark has a healing factor just l ike Wiolverine. He is going to kick evil boy's ass. Evil Clark looks like he has that tech virus from X-men, slow-motion rocky moves, he punched him into the air.

8:50: Oh no, Clark is all depressed. "Who's to say he's any more emo than I am?" Oh that's evil not emo.

8:51: "Hate is so clean." How old is the actress who plays Chloe now, 35?

8:52: "I'm not human." Emo! "The fact that you're from a galaxy far away..adds character."

8:53: Boo Lois. You're so bossy with your Farrah Fawcett hair. (finger goes into throat)
"If you ever grab my ass again, I'll be grabbing your head with me when I go." Evil Clark sex harass.

8:54: So Supergirl was like in this episode for less that two minutes? You could have had a prop in her place for those scenes.

8:55: More emo speech by Clark.

8:56: Chloe sets fire to her death certificate, "those producers will never get me off this show now!"

8:56: I hope they don't drag this whole Lex-as-born-again-martyr thing all season. BF: "this is Smallville - they forget about things." Oh yeah let him take that picture of him & his wife with him into prison sure.

8:57: Oh Lana is in this fake-ass China with this fake-ass wig. Laaaaaaaame!

8:58: Supergirl -- now has a full punk Earth outfit on, puts on her fashion accessories very solemn-like.

9:04 Watching The Office, still thinking about Lana in that fake-ass wig.

Stuntcasting!

Playing Kara/Supergirl's aunt in "Smallville":

Dude. I s**t you not.

The New Supergirl

It's official -- Canadian actress Laura Vandervoort is the new Supergirl on "Smallville."


From People Online:

"She's a combination of beauty, intelligence, a certain warmth, and great attitude," Smallville co-creator Al Gough tells PEOPLE. "We've wanted a character to shake things up. She may be Clark Kent's cousin, but that doesn't mean she's going to be the obedient one!"

Uh-oh.