Tuesday, September 11, 2007

My Fake Psychic Comic Book Gossip Column

Welcome to my latest edition of my fake psychic comic book gossip column!!!

Here you can get all the news that is wrong that I made up for non-sueable reasons of parody and mirth.


"World War Hulk Shocking Twist!"
My fake comic book insiders gave me all the poop on the ending to "World War Hulk." Apparently, it is a finale of M. Night Shyamalan proportions.

"The Hulk morphs into Granny Goodness at the end of issue #6," my imaginary informer told me. "It's a pretty cheap joke, but that's all I got."

Warren Ellis! Whee!
Have you heard of the new "Geo Force" series Dan Didio hired Warren Ellis to write? Me neither.

Didio's Least WantedSpeaking of Dan Didio, the big gossip that never went around the Baltimore Con concerned Didio's irrational hatred of the beloved superman character Krypto, and his secret plans to kill off the famous pooch.

"Dan said that Krypto was extraneous to the Superman mythos," a mole within DC told a friend of a friend of some guy. "He feels that the core 'Superman' characters should be Superman, Lois Lane, Lex Luthor, and of course Otis."

Will Warner Bros. allow Didio to kill off this historically important cash cow, er I mean, canine? With Frank Miller reportedly signed up to write and draw the upcoming miniseries "Old Yeller II: Dogs in Capes," it might be that the days are numbered for Superman's other best friend.

Hell Has Froze Over!It's been alleged by some parties who will remain not only nameless but non-existent that there actually might be a Marvel comic out this month that doesn't show Tony Stark being confronted & beaten up.

A "Legion" of Fans
My incredible fake psychic power are telling me that Jim Shooter's return to the DC halls was met with great whoops of joy -- and a special party held in his honor!

My crystal bowling ball is showing me all the DCU editors waiting at the entrance of the 1700 Broadway building to escort Jim personally up to their 6th floor headquarters, using a step-ladder to put flower-strewn leis around his neck and offering him a humidor.

"Our official building policy requires no smoking," one DC staffer never told Shooter with a knowing wink, "but f**k it, I love you."

Mouse TrapA little birdy told me in a fevered dream of fakery that the rodents from Archaia Press's "Mouse Guard" and Image's "Mice Templar" are currently feuding. Mrs. Frisby was unavailable for comment.

This just in: Mark Millar is set to rewrite the Bible with Bryan Hitch!

Well, that's all the time we have for his installment of my fake comic book gossip column.

We leave you with a few words from Don Rickles & Orson Welles:


  1. Anyone know what happened to that issue about Krypto?? It magically never came out, and I was SOOOOO looking forward to it.

    Krypto being Conner's pet was such a great part of GJ's Teen Titans.

  2. Orson Welles is a funny, funny man. ^_^

  3. Anonymous6:23 PM

    I liked this better when it was called "The Comics Outsider".

  4. I liked this better when it was called "The Comics Outsider".

    And I think I liked you better when you <3'd Rob Liefeld.

  5. dude orson welles was hot!

  6. Orson Welles is love. Some people should just be granted immortality so that all generations may bask in their unending awesomeness.