Tuesday, September 25, 2007

My Fake Psychic Comics Gossip Column -the humor edition

Welcome, trendseekers, to another edition of my big fat fake psychic comics gossip column!

My fake psychic abilities -- or spider-sense, if you will -- have told me that in an effort to stop leaked spoilers for "One More Day," Marvel Comics has decided to close down the Internet.

In other phony news, it has been announced that Zuda, DC's webcomic initiative, have, in the interest of "full disclosure," posted not only the contracts for their creators but their names, addresses, Social Security #, blood type, and MySpace passwords. In the interest of "full disclosure" DC is also working on getting those Area 51 documents and just as soon as they do, they will be sure to post them as well.

Hey, what about that Green Arrow, huh? I always knew that loudmouth Black Canary was also...A PAIN IN THE NECK!

Those crazy Swedish cartoonists who brought you Muhammad in various degrading images are back again, my fake insiders within the world of European comic art have told me. This time, they will be drawing naked pictures of yo momma. But that's okay, because it's all in fun.

Speaking of those damn high-brow intellectual comics, my cards are indicating to me that Dan Clowes will be asked by Hustler magazine to do a series of highly erotic pictures of flaccid pale white men standing in darkened doorways with existentialist expressions on their faces.

This just in: my fake moles within the DC Comics reprints division have said that plans to do an omnibus-sized hardcover slipcase edition of "Visionary: The Best Of Judd Winick" are in the works. It will come out right after a hardcover reprinting Dan Didio's run on "Superboy."

And finally, a rash of Steve Ditko sightings have been reported all across the country. Hundreds of reports of an unassuming older man in glasses and a suit who had created Spider-Man are flooding into local police precincts and media outlets every week. Cattle have been mutilated. Samples taken from the cattle indicate some sort of radioactive material. Cows are giving birth to eight-armed calves with superior strength and reflexes. The national guard have been called in. Taxi cabs are turning into giant-sized robots. It's a f**king mess.

Well, that's all the fake comic book gossip we have for now. Please come again.


  1. This comment has been removed by the author.

  2. Is it just me, or does Young BOb Hope kind of look like a live-action version of Glen Quagmire from "Family Guy"?