Tuesday, June 12, 2007

How The Sopranos Should Have Ended

"WWE Chairman Vince McMahon Presumed Dead "

"A night originally designated Mr. McMahon Appreciation Night turned deadly when the WWE Chairman’s limousine burst into a fiery explosion just moments after Mr. McMahon stepped into it. Permanently uprooting the world of sports-entertainment, the Chairman has been presumed dead in Wilkes-Barre, Pa.

"Local authorities stated it was still too early to declare anything as fact, including exactly what caused the explosion, but described the blast as an apparent “car bombing.” They also revealed that as of 11:30 p.m. ET, no body had been recovered from the incinerated wreckage."

I used to follow this professional wrestling stuff since I was eight. It's as about as real as $15 Prada bag. But this takes the cake.

"As the physical body of Mr. McMahon remains to be uncovered, perhaps the most perplexing piece to this puzzle is the Chairman’s uncanny, almost clairvoyant premonition of tonight’s grim events. Over the last few weeks on WWE programming, the swaggering, well-off billionaire seemed to unravel right before the eyes of millions. Speaking of a threatening presence that lurked in his foreseeable future, Mr. McMahon even cited the looming of a “black cloud” last week – a cloud very similar to the post-combustive smoke that billowed above his limousine tonight."

I mean, can you imagine if the world of comics had the sort of over-the-top drama as professional wrestling?

"Sources say that given the nature of the apparent car bombing, under law federal authorities will be called in for a more thorough investigation that would supersede local Pennsylvania authorities."

You would have Quesada & Didio challenging each other to grudge matches at the San Diego Comic Con. Then the roof of the convention center would open up and Didio would escape using a pair of robotic batwings...or a small helicopter with the words "buy Countdown!" emblazoned on the sides.

Bendis versus Slott in the steel cage match! Face front true believers!

Here is "actual footage" of the explosion, by the way.


  1. god...i saw that last night and really i was shocked they would do something so retarded. then again they did have a giant egg at survivor series that hatched the gobbledegooker. oh and mae young giving birth to a rubber hand....and mark henry finding a penis on a transvestite...ok so its not so shocking. just plain retarded.

  2. "and mark henry finding a penis on a transvestite"

    --see, I used to think Rowdy Roddy Piper hitting a dude over the head with a coconut was the height of controversy...