Monday, June 30, 2008

Superhero Roller Coasters Of Death

Call me Funless McFunnery, but I can't fathom why people would willingly go on roller coasters. I hear these stories like "oh yeah, they drop you and then catch you and suddenly shoot 90 degrees" and I'm like: "why?" Just why. I like my stomach contents in my stomach.

Are these Six Flags superhero rides just a bit more dangerous, or is it merely a coincidence? A teenager just got decapitated on the Batman ride, and last year a girl lost her feet on the Superman ride.

To be fair, in the Batman ride case, the teen allegedly jumped a fence and went in an unauthorized area. To retrieve a hat he lost when he was on the ride earlier.

And that's another thing: hats. What's up with that?


  1. This is sure to prompt even more reaction from those that think "they" need to come down harder on amusement parks and the safety of rides therein. News outlets are kind of helping that along by including the story of the girl whose legs were severed. But the two are totally different:

    Case of girl w/ severed feet = park liability - the cable on the ride was too slack and (allegedly) the ride operator didn't react appropriately.

    Case of decapitated teen = tragic Darwin award. According to reports, he actually hopped TWO fences and passed several "Do Not Enter" and "Danger" signs.

    The two will unfortunately be linked because they both involve Six Flags, a kid sadly died, and someone needs to be blamed. But they're not really the same thing.

  2. he gets DECAPITATED while trying to retrieve his HAT.

    oh, the irony.

  3. I used to like the "thrill rides" as a teen. In fact I rode one at a "pay one price" theme park over 10 times in a row! Arms hangin out, standing in the seat etc.

    Then I got into my 20's and I liked em less and less...

    I haven't been to a theme park in years...


  4. They cause spikes in all the interesting neurochemicals! Is why. Fun Fun Fun! I grew up in a place with tons of 'em, though, so to me they are like, a weekend entertainment!

  5. I'm not a roller coaster person. If I wear my glasses on the ride, then I'm scared that my glasses are going to fly off and I can't enjoy myself. If I don't wear them, I can't see a thing and can't enjoy myself. So it's a lose-lose situation.

    And don't get me started on Space Mountain, or as I like to call it, the only place I've ever had the sudden urge to start praying for my life.

  6. Anonymous11:32 AM

    You know what Stuart? I like you. You're not like the other people here at the trailer park.

  7. They were able to reattach one of the girl's feet. That happened here in Louisville, and I've sworn off ever going to that Six Flags. It was pretty horrific when it went down, especially the description of the event from the others on the ride.

  8. My cousins and I were suspended upside down mid-loop during the ride Viper at Six Flags Magic Mountain for half a day. I passed out around hour nine.

  9. It's the thrill.

    For Superman, it's the ability to pretend that you're actually FLYING. (Yes, I was skatting the Superman Theme as soon as we left the incline.)

    The Batman & Robin ride at Six Flags New Jersey offers an extra thrill: the feeling that you'll get stuck upside down on the inverted loop.

    I did almost all of the roller coasters at Six Flags, but stopped after my body reminded me how old I was. Of course, nothing compares to the Cyclone at Coney Island. That is one CANTANKEROUS roller coaster!

    The best cheap thrill at a carnival is the ride that starts out in a circle, and then inclines at a 45-degree angle, and THEN goes backwards!