(Read about the Proust Questionnaire here)
1. What do you regard as the lowest depth of misery?
Being overqualified for a task and yet still feeling like a complete moron.
2. Where would you like to live?
In my mom's beach house in Cape Cod with no worries.
3. What is your idea of earthly happiness?
A stack of old Peanuts paperbacks.
4. To which faults do you feel most indulgent?
5. Who is/are your favorite hero/heroes of fiction?
Those girls at the end of Deathproof who kicked that guy's ass.
6. Who are your favorite characters in history?
Hunter S. Thompson, Helen Keller, and John the Baptist. Keller wrote nastier op/ed pieces than I do. And John because I think he had a totally different religion going, and history just shoe-horned him into the standard Christian narrative (in the process completely undermining him); which just shows you the power of the press, and why you need a good publicist.
7. Who are your favorite heroines in real life?
The women from Friends of Lulu.
8. Who is/are your favorite heroine/heroines of fiction?
I always liked Tippi Hedren's character in The Birds. I want to run down the street with fake birds glued to my hair (though actually I think Hitchcock attached at least some real birds to Hedren, because he was a freak).
9. Your favorite painters?
Mark Ryden and Eric Powell.
10. Your favorite composers or musicians?
The Monkees and the Sex Pistols. And the Foo Fighters. Yeah I'm banal, but happy.
11. Which qualities do you most value in a man?
Sensitivity, a sense of humor, and brainnnnnnnssssss.
12. Which qualities do you most value in a woman?
The ability to be nurturing.
13. Your favorite virtue?
Following through with one's bright ideas.
14. Your favorite occupation?
15. Who would you have liked to be?
A teenager in the 1960s so I could watch Batman & The Monkees first-run.
16. Your most marked characteristic?
Me and my big mouth.
17. What do you most value in your friends?
That they know the real me and are cool with it.
18. What is your principle defect?
God, didn't we cover this already?
19. What is your favorite color?
20. What is your favorite flower?
21. What is your favorite bird?
Chicken at Cosi <-----insensitive
22. Who are your favorite prose writers?
Kurt Vonnegut Jr., Philip K. Dick, Charles M. Schulz.
23. Who are your favorite poets?
I could tell you, but you're gonna laugh at me and call me a nerd.
24. What are your favorite names?
Two words: Chachi Arcola. And Potsie.
25. What is it you most dislike?
26. What historical figures do you most despise?
George W. Bush. Because I gave him another chance, and he blew it.
27. What event in military history do you most admire?
The one where the Nazis were beaten.
28. What reform do you most admire?
I admire the reform that led to substantially less dogshit on my sidewalk than ten years ago.
29. What natural gift would you most like to possess?
30. How would you like to die?
Of natural causes, in a thick jungle or forest undisturbed by humankind. Like one of those explorers with the funny hats. I would like to just fall over in a thicket or unruly pile of grass and just be allowed to slowly return to the ecology, with Disney squirrels and deer demurely stepping out of the green to take a look.
31. What is your present state of mind?
My present state of mind is that I think I seriously need to have a party to get rid of all the Rolling Rock and Bud Light in the fridge leftover from the last party.
32. What is your motto?
"You can't make an omelet without breaking a few eggs."