Saturday, August 23, 2008
If Warner Brothers wants to do a "darker" Superman movie, may I humbly request that they look no further than the great 1983 film "Superman III" for inspiration. Reasons why:
1) Superman becomes evil self-hating wino
2) Woman turns into scary-ass robot
All the elements are there. I guarantee that if the WB puts in a scene comparable to the robot transformation scene in "Superman III," no child will be able to watch this film -- which is, apparently, kind of what they want.
Also, they can get some poorly cast comedian to play some slapstick comedy relief character who skis on the side of skyscrapers ala Richard Pryor. You know, I was watching the biography of Pryor the other day, and when they got to the part where he was taking these roles like "Superman III" that were the antithesis of everything he stood for in his brilliant stand-up comedy work, I just got so depressed. It's like, what's with these comedians -- Pryor, Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy. Hollywood just homogenizes them. Even freaking Bob Saget.
You know what Bob Saget was famous for before "Full House" and "America's Funniest Home Videos"? Being the dirtiest comedian on the strip. That's why my eyes filled up with tears when I watched that "I suck dick for coke" scene in "Half Baked" -- because I was getting a glimpse of the Saget who used to be.
Shit, I've just drank waaaaay too much coffee.