Wednesday, May 21, 2008

Jack Sparrow and Tarzan Allegedly Molested At Disneyland

A former Jack Sparrow for Disneyland spills all to Los Angeles Magazine, and alleges that him and Tarzan used to get propositioned and molested by female patrons.

"Disney warned us we were going to have a lot of horny women coming on to us. "

Specifically, he said that there was "excessive pinching of Tarzan’s ass by the park’s female visitors," and that one woman humped his leg. He also claims to have been given X-rated notes and offered blow jobs by women infatuated by the Pirates Of The Caribbean character.

But because we live in a patriarchy and men hold the power in society, it was all rather adorable and inoffensive.

Fun fact: where did this Disneyland Captain Jack get his start? You guessed it -- dressing up at San Diego Comic Con!


  1. You jest, but I was actually told something along those lines once, that as a man I should just shut up and be grateful for the attention.

  2. sorry guys never been to SDCC. Can someone explain that indside joke to me

  3. people dress up at SDCC as various comic book and movie characters and many like to have their picture taken. I didn't realize you could use that to actually get a paying job somewhere

  4. Yes, it is very sad that the reaction of many guys will be, "Dude, you got offers for guilt-free sex? And you're complaining?"

    It's times like these that you remember that both genders are trapped in their gender roles; just as women have to fight the "virgin/whore" dichotomy, men have to fight the perception that not wanting sex makes you less of a man.

  5. If "Jack" was the same guy who showed up at the Star Wars Celebration in LA, he shouldn't have been propositioned, he should have been beaten with a stick. The man either A. Clearly over-identifies with his character to the point of psychosis or B. Is desperate for attention, so he shouldn't complain.