That Certain Something

Doing a quick survey of my blog content over the past two years, I've discovered that every 2-3 months, like clockwork, I will post something and it will start a massive flame war. Not a regular flame war, but the nuclear type of thing where I have person after person email me and comment in horror and apology at how vicious the reaction has been from certain circles.

Looking at these posts, I noted that some contained very little of what would be considered "controversy." Yet those posts produced as much of a rage as the ones with highly controversial content. For example, I'm sure it is obvious that child porn is a controversial topic. But nearly the same amount of controversy and rage erupted when I dared make an interpretation about a movie, or made a post on a topic that someone else had touched upon months previous. It's unpredictable. In fact, the only way to avoid it is to stop posting entirely.

Indeed, had I made a post defending Simpsons child porn, I have no doubt in my mind that the handful of haters would have made posts expressing their outrage. They would say: "She can't be the head of a woman's organization. She supports child porn!" I know this like I know the sun comes up in the morning.

Which is why I'm convinced that it really isn't the topic or my exact opinions that is really at issue.

I seem to have developed, over the past two years, a strange sort of charisma.* Through my written word, but also in person. This is baffling to me, especially the in-person part, because I take little-to-no-care in making myself sexy or appealing at all. I stopped wearing contact lenses and now wear glasses. I let my hair grow out. I wear comfortable pants, comfortable shoes. I have a little roll of fat around my middle. But I have more charisma now than I did when I was a size 2, blond, with my boobies hanging out.

I don't understand the charisma of this blog or myself -- but there is one thing I do now understand. As much as there is a positive charisma, there is also its opposite. As much as people seem to like what I write and want to speak to me in person, there are also people who have a deep and abiding hatred for me. And the more people like me, and the more high-profile I get, the more there will be these online hate-fests at my expense.

This charisma energy works both ways -- bad and good. And rather than try to come up with some pop-psychology explanation for it all, I'll come up with a pop-New Age one: it's just the natural flow of energy. Positive polarity, negative polarity. And it certainly won't get any better when my comic book is published, so I ought to just get used to it.

Now I know how Will Ferrell feels.

*This is all written by a person that had -150 charisma points for most of her life, and knows the difference. The last time I went to a speaking engagement, I missed the entire buffet because I had a continual line of about 25 people come up to me after my speech. All that was left was the cold snow peas. And I have gotten stopped in washrooms, in comic shops, in the middle of Manhattan, by people who recognize me on sight for this blog. Personally, I think I have the charisma of a leek. But this is the situation. Life is patently bizarre, and God apparently has a ginormous sense of humor.