Tuesday, December 16, 2008

Robocop Remake: Why?

Why why why remake things that are barely of drinking age?

A "Robocop" remake by Darren Aronofsky? Really?

That's great.. I guess.

A remake of "The Crow?"


How about something -- new?

"Fuck new -- I can't get the investors to back new!"And with this sort of economic climate, you can kind of see the point of view here. Even if the Robocop remake is teh sucky, there will be a certain amount of money made -- based solely on the fact that it's Robocop™.

Hey, I heard they're going to remake "Titanic" with Miley Cyrus and that guy from "Twilight."

But seriously, you know what movie truly deserves a remake?

"Superman III" -- Skis + Richard Pryor + skyscraper = magic.

Wow, Superman III. Even at eight years old and not knowing who Richard Pryor was, I felt sorry for the man, realized something "wasn't right."

"Why are they making that man look stupid, mommy? Was he bad?"


  1. A few reasons to remake movies:

    1) The original wasn't that good. (Only works with licensed properties. Or with films with a good pitch, but lousy execution.)

    2) Technology has improved (sound, color, SFX), the zeitgeist has changed, or some other criteria is different. (I liked "The Day the Earth Stood Still". Updated, cool GORT, acting okay.)

    3) It helps revitalize an old franchise. (See: Ace Ventura, Batman) Sequels suck the bone marrow from successful films as the original cast and crew are rarely involved. A hiatus of a decade or more can help people forget the bad stuff and wax nostalgic over the good. The old properties can then be dusted off and re-released as collector editions.

    4) Some Hollywood ueber-geek wants to remake a favorite film. With said name attached to the film, it is easier to market and finance. (This is usually a bad reason.)

    5) The original movie might work better in a different form, such as a musical or animated feature.

    6) Money. Prestige. Awards. Ego. Power. In other words, the same reasons to make an original film.

  2. Superman III was really under-rated. It's gotten props in Office Space - I just think it was ahead of it's time.

  3. They did remake Superman III. It was Superman Returns. I liked Richard Pryor better.

  4. Anonymous3:10 PM

    Watched Superman III again not too long ago. As rough as the bad parts are (bad enough to color the general opinion of the movie sucking out loud), there's a good movie buried under all the schtick. The plot to corner the coffee market is not that much worse than the "Orange Juice Futures" scam in Trading Places and about as believable. "Clark returns to Smallville" and Annette O'Toole as Lana were really strong and, along with the Clark/Superman battle ("Would you like more hamfist with that metaphor?") are always worth watching. If you can block out the Atari 5200 graphics and the parts that make it feel like a Disney-fied Richard Pryor movie that just happens to feature Superman, it almost holds up as well as Superman II (Lester version).

  5. I was gonna have to sign on just to mention that I find Supes III pretty damn enjoyable, but seems like other people have already done so... So hey, guess I'm not the only one after all.

    After the truly dire and mis-edited opening scene, I really enjoy it. I mean, Synth-K-Affected-Drunk-Asshole-Supes? Solid f***ing gold! Lana Lang? More interesting and cuter than whiney chainsmoker Lois. Cheesy 80s computer-game graphics? Rad! And less giant gaps in logic and Deus Exes than either I or II.

  6. I know the Titanic comment was a joke, but something that bad (or worse) could still be coming down the pike.

    After all, a "Beetlejuice Goes Hawaiian" project was seriously in development (who knows - the studio may still be thinking about it).

  7. Superman III is good as long as you don't take it too seriously.

    Plus take let's put three in perspective here.

    - Superman II, Non vs the plastic S scene...come on.

    -Superman IV...Nuclear/Solar Powered bad guy cloned from Superman's hair..and a whole movie is spent on how to defeat him...Superman finally thinks "HEY I'LL PUT HIM ON THE MOON!' *slaps forehead* Superman III looks like a freaking masterpiece compared to IV

  8. I hear that. I mean, Halloween wasn't even a decade after the last in the franchise until they're remade the first one. And now they're doing to Friday the 13th...well, I think they're doing it to Friday the 13 Part II because Jason is in it. How long ago was Freddy vs. Jason? Not that frickin' long ago.

    I also heard about Goyer wanting to re-do the Blade franchise?! Those movies were great...the last was okay...the series was "Eh!" But ya, he wants to pull an Incredible Hulk for it apparantely...jeez! Can't they leave things alone.

    I'm loved The Day the Earth Stood Still but am still conflicted on whether to see this remake. Apparently about global warming instead of nuclear power.'s fun in small doses.

  9. How about a robotic crow on a space Titanic hitting Richard Pryor and a vampire Mylie on the moon. Now thats good watchin!

  10. Anonymous8:53 AM

    Superman III is brilliant. It is foolish not to enjoy Richard Pryor using Nicotine Kryptonite to turn Superman into the World's Biggest Dick. He straightens the Leaning Tower of Pisa, for crying out loud!