Wednesday, July 09, 2008

Things I Like To Do When Nobody Is Looking

10. Listen to the Steve Miller Band's "The Joker" and sing along.

9. Pull the skin back under my eyes to simulate a face lift.

8. Maniacally hit "refresh" on my stat counters to see the numbers move.

7. Read Mark Millar's "Fantastic Four."

6. Wrap a washcloth or shirt around my cat's head like a kerchief and say "you're an old washerwoman, you're an old washerwoman."

5. Watch "Date Movie."

4. Pull out my old poetry from when I was in college and reassure myself, "you were a fucking genius."

3. Type normal words on Google Image Search with "Safe Search" off and see what sort of depravity shows up.

2. Eat the crispy noodles that came with our Chinese food that I'm not supposed to eat.

1. Doodle pictures of my boyfriend with hearts and rainbows in the background. Sometimes I add unicorns. Sometimes I give the doodles to him, but not the ones with the unicorns.


  1. Okay, number 6 is just a bit scary. and the cat the just goes along with your plan?

  2. Anonymous11:40 AM

    I like to bust out freestyle raps and then. once in a while, turn to my bewildered dogs and shout, "And the bitches on the couch say WOOF!", then hold out an imaginary microphone while their total silence fills the room.

    So. You're not totally alone.

    And, yeah, the doodles with the unicorns are probably best held until five years into the relationship.


  3. I don't know if you were ranking them, but I would make #6, #1. Because #6 is priceless!

  4. Anonymous11:57 AM

    Still got blogger's block, huh?


  5. Hahahahahahahaha!

    Cat (or pet)owners get the joke. It's the cat's reaction or non-reaction that is so amusing.

  6. Sadly, yeah, Date Movie has it's moments for me too. Oh, the shame.

  7. When the Star Wars overture plays, I conduct in a manic dance, arms swinging like Robbie the Robot.

    My favorite singalong is Steve Martin's "Dentist!" from Little Shop of Horrors.

    My favorite reading guilty pleasures are DC silver age stories, usually with strange stuff happening to Batman, Superman, or Lois Lane. (Strange stuff always happens to Jimmy Olsen, so that's boring.)

  8. Wouldn't it make more sense to just put cucumbers over your eyes to simulate the facelift, Val?