Shocking Death Of Spider-Man Character!I found this on CNN.com yesterday:
Uncle Ben Parker Still Dead
Uh, I don't know if you know this, but like Spider-Man's uncle died. Over forty years ago. It was like totally key to everything Spider-Man is about. You know Spider-Man, from those movies everybody goes to see? Yeah, him. There are comic book versions of that movie that you can buy. And in them, this character Uncle Ben dies. It was really shocking and stuff.
Gwen Stacy died too. She was also from the movies.
You can buy this headline as a t-shirt, by the way.
(Really didn't find this on CNN. But I might buy the headline "Puppy Gets Ear Stuck In Paper Shredder" on a t-shirt. You know, just to be irreverent.)
I believe that he's the only dead character never to be resurrected by one of the major comics publishers. I guess that means he's due. . .
ReplyDeletePredicted Ret-Con: Aunt May will someday soon peel away a mask and wig to reveal that for years she has actually been...Uncle Ben in drag.
ReplyDeleteIt will be revealed that Aunt May did in fact die years ago like everybody wanted, er, I mean 'thought' and a resurrected Uncle Ben (it will be linked to the Beyonder, er, that sentient Cosmic Cube).
This will cause Peter to switch back to the black uniform to mourn his long dead Aunt (but not at all to cross-promote the coincidentally simultaneously released new Black Suit Spidey Pokemon Transformer).
It may also ret-con certain of 'Aunt Ben's' relationships as elderly gay trists.
Uncle Ben will then reveal that he only came forward due to his dying of cancer and then he will die shortly there after. Due to the aforementioned ret-conned gay relationships the Westboro Baptist church will protest the funeral causing Spider-Man to snap and kill all of the hateful and soulless protesters, thus creating a rare instance of comic book violence being totally justified and cathartic, not just done to sell books.
At least that's how it could> happen
The day they bring back Uncle Ben, the REAL one (not a clone, not an alternate timeline counterpart) is the day I call it quits on comics.
ReplyDeleteDitto there, wolverine. I should also point out that Gwen Stacy is also still dead, just with a clone.
ReplyDeleteI used to always say "The only deaths in comics that stick are Bucky and Uncle Ben" and now that Bucky's back, all bets are off. Ben Parker, come on down, you're the next contestant on The Retcon is Right!
ReplyDelete"the coincidentally simultaneously released new Black Suit Spidey Pokemon Transformer"
ReplyDeleteI would totally get that if they had a Classic Suit variant,
Uncle Ben is dead? Whoa, spoiler alert next time.
ReplyDeleteNo no no... it's much simpler than Uncle Ben crossdressing...
ReplyDeleteUncle Ben is Aunt May because s/he is a skrull. Of course, this will cause the "Brand New Day" deal Peter made with Mephisto to twist into macrame.
The SHIELD / Wolverine / Skrull / Richard and Mary Parker connections will then come to light, causing Peter to question the toothpick Eiffel Tower morality he has created over Uncle Ben's "death".
Uncle Ben will then be shot once again, mortally, and Peter must once again come to grips with his life.