How *I* Found Love and Sex at the New York ComicCon, By David G.
I hadn't planned on going to the New York ComicCon. I hadn't been to a real comic convention in over three years. I hemmed and hawed about going for weeks. Sure, I made a small splash in 2003 with my couple of books, but after that point, my health and my comic career took a serious nosedive. Comics and I had a little flirting, a fine little courtship, a passionate affair – and then nothing. You see, I got sick – and Comics was nowhere to be found. I thought we had broken up.
Comics must have been drunk dialing me a few day before the show, because, I heard her calling me again. I bought my professional badge and headed into what felt like almost felt like a class reunion. Maybe my love could be rekindled after all?
And of course, Comics didn't disappoint me. The show was spectacular. And Comics friends were delighted to see me.
"Hey, man … where you been?"
"It's been a long time, David G."
"Dude!"
It was flattering to be greeted back with open arms. Comics hadn't forgotten about me. I had forgotten about comics. I had forgotten how inspiring people can be – and how uniquely creative and beautiful Comics were.
Comics and I were lovers once more.
I didn't bring much with me to the show – a few writing samples and a copy of my advertising portfolio to show a few select people. No pitches. No proposals. No crazy ideas to pitch to editors on the fly. A few business cards – and a few samples of my work – and me.
Comics and I had a good time that weekend. She told me to attend the Valiant Comics panel – there were some people I had to meet. At the start of the panel, Comics told me that I had to meet with Jeff Gomez, the panel spokesperson, which I did. Comics didn't tell me that she had another surprise waiting for me in the form of a certain Occasional Superheroine …
During the panel, I waited for the Occasional Superheroine to speak. I asked a couple of doofy questions, which got a couple of chuckles … but there wasn't a moment that I was bored – not a moment when I wasn't totally engaged by the rampant misadventures of a defunct comic company that I thoroughly loved in the mid-90s.
After the panel ended, I stood out in the lobbying waiting to again speak with Mr. Gomez. As I stood there waiting, the Occasional Superheroine introduced herself. She was wearing a Snoopy t-shirt that read 'I don't like being stared at' – it turns out, it's really hard not to stare a beautiful woman, who is wearing Snoopy right over her boobs. (But, gentlemen, as much as they might want to – simply don't stare.)
As it turned out, Occasional Superheroine and I had mutual friends, and thanks to my insanely unnecessary knowledge of anything related to Valiant and Acclaim, we had much to talk about.
We talked. And talked. And talked. I showed her some samples. We talked about lettering. We talked about art. We talked about books and blogs. And, when it was all over, I gave her my business card and she gave me her number – on a hastily drawn index card.
And then she said …
"We should hang out."
And I said, "That would be awesome."
(Apparently, 80's lingo still hasn't totally escaped my vernacular.)
From the moment I met her I knew she was 'more than just an Occasional Superheroine.'
I saw through her secret identity – just as she saw through mine.
And, I discovered a beautiful, compassionate, remarkable young woman, whose smile is brighter than a thousand suns. A woman who is just as super as she is wonderful.
So, yes … my love for Comics introduced me to my girlfriend.
But, I found her all by myself.
Or, maybe, she found me.
Tuesday, April 17, 2007
Gilgongo! Comics Strategy Meeting, Take Two
Publisher Maximo Casey steps up to the head of the table.
Max: It's great to see you all were able to make it to the meeting. I know it's early. Of course, if you didn't make it to the meeting, I'd sort of fire you. Hahahahaha...Just a joke. How are the donuts?
Editor One bites into a Boston Creme, some custard dotting the tip on his nose.
Editor One: I personally adore these donuts.
Editor Two: What happened to Krispy Creme?
Editor Three: Um...I have diabetes.
Max: I've gathered you all here to discuss the Bold New Direction of Gilgongo! Comics. It's a multi-faceted plan stretching out across diverse media that incorporates creative branding strategies with synergistic ancillary properties.
Editor Four thinks: I hate this sonofabitch.
Max: Now, I really appreciated all the little folded-over pieces of paper you all have submitted during the week in the suggestion box. But, with all my various experience in the REAL WORLD, I sorta know better than you do. But I appreciate the effort. It touched me deeply. I love you guys.
Editor Four thinks: This should be my job. God. What a f**king joke.
Max: Anywho, the theme of our new "push" is, "The Women Rule." It's all about grrrrl power, respecting women, and being nice to your mother and the mothers of people you haven't even met yet.
Editor Six, the only full female editor in the room, starts to applaud wildly, only to sort of stop and sheepishly look to the left and right of her and then sort of scratches her nose like that was what she meant to do all along.
Editor Two raises his hand.
Editor Two: Now, when you say "respecting women," what do you mean, exactly?
Max: Well, remember how women didn't have the right to vote in the Gilgongo! universe? Now they will.
Editor Four thinks: Bulls**t!
Maximo Casey passes out maroon-colored packets to the editors.
Max: It will all be clear in this "The Women Rule" informational kit. See, the women gain the right to vote as the result of the "Gender War" 68-part biweekly crossover event.
Editor Four thinks: I hate this motherf**ker.
Max: But "The Women Rule" initiative is more than that. It's about a whole new attitude towards females in our books. One of respect & empowerment.
Editor Five: By "respect & empowerment," what do you mean, exactly?
Max: Well, all scenes depicting scantily-clad females having bayonets shoved between their heaving breasts will have to go.
Editor One: Okay, and who's going to pay for those art corrections? Because I have just such a scene in the latest "Shnell" comic & it's in production already.
Editor Three: I really shouldn't have ate that cruller...my bowels...
Max: All scenes of excessive sexualized violence towards women have to be changed effective immediately.
Editor Four: With all due respect, Max, comic books have traditionally catered to the adolescent fantasies of sexually-frustrated boys with overbearing mothers. Brutalizing and sexualizing women has long been a staple of the Gilgongo! comic book. To change that now would hurt the bottom line. Confuse the brand. Alienate our core base.
Max: I disagree. Women are becoming more and more an important segment of our consumer base. To pretend that their opinions don't count and to ignore them as part of our potential readership would be foolish at this juncture. It's just bad business.
Editor Four: But women are always trying to take over everything and tell me what to do! I resent that! I want to reduce them to sex objects so I can feel better about myself and more in control of my world.
Editor Three: Uhm, guys...everything is getting really blurry...I...I think my blood-sugar...uh...
Max: Editor Four, I respect your opinion. But if you've noticed, your name is "Editor Four" and mine is "Max." Sooooo...
Editor Two: I'm curious how this new editorial direction will impact the upcoming "Vicki Victim DeathF**k 2000" prestige format one-shot.
Max: Funny you mention that. From now on, Vicki Victim will be known as...
"VICTORIA VICTORY"
Editor Four thinks: If I had a flamethrower right now...
Max: We're going to retcon her origin story, give her full superpowers, and make her president of the League Of Heroes. Effective immediately.
Editor One: Again, who's going to pay for the art corrections? That's what I would like to know.
Editor Two: Get the inker to do it.
Editor Three: Somebody...call a hospital...
Editor Six: Well, I for one am really excited about this initiative...
Editor Four thinks: Well, that's a f**king shocker. Next thing you know, she's going to balk at getting a drunken grope at the holiday party.
Editor Six: ...I'm just hoping that this isn't all just a "stunt." You know, something to do just to boost sales, then abandoned.
Max: I assure you, Editor Six, this is the New Face of Gilgongo!. You know, unless sales are reaaaaaally reallllllllly reallllllllllllllllyyyyyyy looooooooow.
Max crouches to the floor and speaks directly into the carpet.
Max: I mean, if they're reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly loooooooooooooooooooooooooow.
Editor Two: Uh, guys, Editor Three just passed out.
Editor Five: He just wants attention.
Publisher Maximo Casey steps up to the head of the table.
Max: It's great to see you all were able to make it to the meeting. I know it's early. Of course, if you didn't make it to the meeting, I'd sort of fire you. Hahahahaha...Just a joke. How are the donuts?
Editor One bites into a Boston Creme, some custard dotting the tip on his nose.
Editor One: I personally adore these donuts.
Editor Two: What happened to Krispy Creme?
Editor Three: Um...I have diabetes.
Max: I've gathered you all here to discuss the Bold New Direction of Gilgongo! Comics. It's a multi-faceted plan stretching out across diverse media that incorporates creative branding strategies with synergistic ancillary properties.
Editor Four thinks: I hate this sonofabitch.
Max: Now, I really appreciated all the little folded-over pieces of paper you all have submitted during the week in the suggestion box. But, with all my various experience in the REAL WORLD, I sorta know better than you do. But I appreciate the effort. It touched me deeply. I love you guys.
Editor Four thinks: This should be my job. God. What a f**king joke.
Max: Anywho, the theme of our new "push" is, "The Women Rule." It's all about grrrrl power, respecting women, and being nice to your mother and the mothers of people you haven't even met yet.
Editor Six, the only full female editor in the room, starts to applaud wildly, only to sort of stop and sheepishly look to the left and right of her and then sort of scratches her nose like that was what she meant to do all along.
Editor Two raises his hand.
Editor Two: Now, when you say "respecting women," what do you mean, exactly?
Max: Well, remember how women didn't have the right to vote in the Gilgongo! universe? Now they will.
Editor Four thinks: Bulls**t!
Maximo Casey passes out maroon-colored packets to the editors.
Max: It will all be clear in this "The Women Rule" informational kit. See, the women gain the right to vote as the result of the "Gender War" 68-part biweekly crossover event.
Editor Four thinks: I hate this motherf**ker.
Max: But "The Women Rule" initiative is more than that. It's about a whole new attitude towards females in our books. One of respect & empowerment.
Editor Five: By "respect & empowerment," what do you mean, exactly?
Max: Well, all scenes depicting scantily-clad females having bayonets shoved between their heaving breasts will have to go.
Editor One: Okay, and who's going to pay for those art corrections? Because I have just such a scene in the latest "Shnell" comic & it's in production already.
Editor Three: I really shouldn't have ate that cruller...my bowels...
Max: All scenes of excessive sexualized violence towards women have to be changed effective immediately.
Editor Four: With all due respect, Max, comic books have traditionally catered to the adolescent fantasies of sexually-frustrated boys with overbearing mothers. Brutalizing and sexualizing women has long been a staple of the Gilgongo! comic book. To change that now would hurt the bottom line. Confuse the brand. Alienate our core base.
Max: I disagree. Women are becoming more and more an important segment of our consumer base. To pretend that their opinions don't count and to ignore them as part of our potential readership would be foolish at this juncture. It's just bad business.
Editor Four: But women are always trying to take over everything and tell me what to do! I resent that! I want to reduce them to sex objects so I can feel better about myself and more in control of my world.
Editor Three: Uhm, guys...everything is getting really blurry...I...I think my blood-sugar...uh...
Max: Editor Four, I respect your opinion. But if you've noticed, your name is "Editor Four" and mine is "Max." Sooooo...
Editor Two: I'm curious how this new editorial direction will impact the upcoming "Vicki Victim DeathF**k 2000" prestige format one-shot.
Max: Funny you mention that. From now on, Vicki Victim will be known as...
"VICTORIA VICTORY"
Editor Four thinks: If I had a flamethrower right now...
Max: We're going to retcon her origin story, give her full superpowers, and make her president of the League Of Heroes. Effective immediately.
Editor One: Again, who's going to pay for the art corrections? That's what I would like to know.
Editor Two: Get the inker to do it.
Editor Three: Somebody...call a hospital...
Editor Six: Well, I for one am really excited about this initiative...
Editor Four thinks: Well, that's a f**king shocker. Next thing you know, she's going to balk at getting a drunken grope at the holiday party.
Editor Six: ...I'm just hoping that this isn't all just a "stunt." You know, something to do just to boost sales, then abandoned.
Max: I assure you, Editor Six, this is the New Face of Gilgongo!. You know, unless sales are reaaaaaally reallllllllly reallllllllllllllllyyyyyyy looooooooow.
Max crouches to the floor and speaks directly into the carpet.
Max: I mean, if they're reaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaalllly loooooooooooooooooooooooooow.
Editor Two: Uh, guys, Editor Three just passed out.
Editor Five: He just wants attention.
Monday, April 16, 2007
It's Time For...Occasional Superheroine Keywords!
Yes, not quite as cerebral as Bill Maher's "New Rules" but more entertaining than "Stupid Pet Tricks," here is a quick rundown of actual keyword searches people use to get to my site.
| c. | Search Term | ||
 | 4 | 22.22% | superheroine |
| 3 | 16.67% | felt a pop when having sex |
| 2 | 11.11% | occasional superheroine |
| 2 | 11.11% | superheroine comics |
| 1 | 5.56% | bondage comic blogs |
| 1 | 5.56% | favorite comic superheroines |
| 1 | 5.56% | superheroine videos |
| 1 | 5.56% | wonder woman breasts |
| 1 | 5.56% | dc comics who is strongest |
| 1 | 5.56% | i'm power girl damnit |
| 1 | 5.56% | wonder woman in bondage |
Personally, I love that when you type in "i'm power girl damnit" into Google, my blog comes up. It means I'm doing something right.
Sunday, April 15, 2007
How I Found Sex And Love At The New York ComicCon
Part II
The world of comic fandom is often portrayed in the mass media as a Never Never Land of arrested libidinous development and sexual frustration. But I am here to tell the uninitiated that there is a great deal of sex, romance, and drama within the comic book community. We only do it funner.
I am sort of in the middle of a drama right now.
There is no drama over who I've chosen to be with.
But I've gotten out of one relationship & into another, there are other complications, etc.
I always like to believe that all this can be worked out amicably. I'm trying.
But, through my sheer brilliance, I've really complicated things.
You see, technically, I wasn't in a relationship before I met David. I had been involved with someone who I had many good times with.
Someone who stood by me when I was injured. But someone who didn't want to commit to me but thought I was going to wait two years for him to sow his wild oats & then we'd be together forever.
F**k.
In two years, I would be a famous writer & have all this work coming in. Then I could do that series with him.
F**k.
And he assumed I wasn't going to be available to other men during this two-year-period because of the trauma of my sexual injury. He didn't believe I'd be able to perform. No, he never out-and-out said this. Except for one time.
F**k.
This post is officially over, now.
Part II
The world of comic fandom is often portrayed in the mass media as a Never Never Land of arrested libidinous development and sexual frustration. But I am here to tell the uninitiated that there is a great deal of sex, romance, and drama within the comic book community. We only do it funner.
I am sort of in the middle of a drama right now.
There is no drama over who I've chosen to be with.
But I've gotten out of one relationship & into another, there are other complications, etc.
I always like to believe that all this can be worked out amicably. I'm trying.
But, through my sheer brilliance, I've really complicated things.
You see, technically, I wasn't in a relationship before I met David. I had been involved with someone who I had many good times with.
Someone who stood by me when I was injured. But someone who didn't want to commit to me but thought I was going to wait two years for him to sow his wild oats & then we'd be together forever.
F**k.
In two years, I would be a famous writer & have all this work coming in. Then I could do that series with him.
F**k.
And he assumed I wasn't going to be available to other men during this two-year-period because of the trauma of my sexual injury. He didn't believe I'd be able to perform. No, he never out-and-out said this. Except for one time.
F**k.
This post is officially over, now.
Saturday, April 14, 2007
How I Found Sex & Love At The New York ComicCon
Part One
Slow dancing with David G. in his kitchen to Richard Cheese singing a lounge version of "You Oughta Know." Two sets of plastic Marvel Comics action figures watch from their discreet perches above his kitchen shelves -- roughly 200 of then separated out by good guys and bad guys. Across from us an Archangel figure is mounted on the wall like a piece of modern sculpture.
"Marvel Legends," I remember telling him when seeing those toys for the first time. "Whoa. Good stuff. Good sculpts."
What does dating a fangirl really mean?
It means exactly that -- being with a woman who doesn't see 200 action figures in the kitchen as a minus, and who can appreciate the difference between the Marvel Legends line and that early-90s Toy Biz crap.
I never planned on dating David.
No, that's not true. When I first saw him at the New York Comic Con in February, I eagle-eye zoned in on him and planned on dating him. I rarely use such forwardness. Despite periodically joking that comic cons are my "meat market."
But on that Sunday as I walked into the crowded convention center, I had no intention of getting involved with another man. I wasn't even really intent on doing the ol' comic book pimparoo -- passing out business cards, shaking hands, and making a lot of crazy promises.
I didn't exactly want to be there at all. I was tired. I had spent every free moment working on the manuscript for my agent. I was physically and emotionally spent. And the act of so intensely reviewing every aspect of my life as a comic fan left me ambivalent regarding the industry. Well, ambivalent was a plus, a step up from abso-f**king-lutely jaded and spent. But still.
I was also intensely ambivalent about running into any of my former DC cohorts. Honestly, I preferred not to. I stuck w/Marvel & Artist's Alley. Sometimes, I would catch a glimpse of so-and-so and squint and think, "Hm. That's him now. Three years." Then it was back to Artist's Alley, or hanging out with one of several pockets of friends & associates.
I had a Catwoman mask in my knapsack. There were always chicks at these cons dressed as Emma Frost & Black Canary & whatnot & I thought I might experiment. I said to my friend Hassan,
"Dare me to put this on & pull a Sean Young?"
I saw the mask as part of a possible "Occasional Superheroine" crimefighting costume. Every superheroine should have at least a mask or knee-high vinyl boots.
"Occasional Superheroine" was a name that, among other things, stood for personal female disaster. It stood for this "batshit insane" rant written one tense morning following a humiliating failed attempt to talk down my $11,000+ bill at the hospital. It was a laundry-list of every man who let me down in my life. It was pretty damn-near nihilistic, the narrative of a personal apocalypse.
"Sorry very much for the incidents that destroyed you," wrote one overseas reader. The use of the word "destroyed" hit me particularly deeply.
Was I destroyed?
Could there be a "chapter two?"
I was still scared of sex. I couldn't give sex to men. Me and Donovan gave it the old college try. But I felt damaged, unmarketable. Or, if marketable, only as an "angry comic chick."
The day I met David, I was wearing a tight T-shirt that depicted Snoopy sticking his tongue out and had the phrase "Stop Staring At Me!" on the top.
I think Snoopy was right over my boobs.
David had showed up for the Valiant Comics panel, which I was scheduled to speak at. The only reason I decided to attend the con at all was to fulfill my obligation to panel moderator Jeff Gomez. Jeff was one of my old co-workers at Acclaim/Valiant. So was Hassan. Was it not for them and the Valiant Fans network spearheaded by John Rosas, it is likely that I might not have had the stones to attend these comic cons. But here I was, dragged out of my Batgirl Cave yet again.
And among the smallish but enthusiastic crowd gathering to attend the panel I saw David.
And I said to Self,
"Him. I want to know him better."
Totally unplanned. I literally pushed another person out of the way to talk to him. I pressed my business card (okay, an index card with a hastily-scribbled phone number) in his palm and said, "We should hang out."
"That would be awesome," he answered.
"We should really hang out," I repeated for emphasis.
Then I said,
"You know, we should really hang out."
"That would be awesome," he replied.
David didn't exude the usual fanboyness (besides the fact that he was attending the Valiant Comics panel discussion), so I was caught a little off-guard. No superhero shirt. He had a portfolio in his hands filled with samples of his advertising work, which he showed me. In the seconds before the panel started, I hastily tried to figure him out, to pin him down. He was different.
My cynicism, finely tempered through various and sundry events including a torn cervix and boyfriends who wanted to get an agreement up-front that I was "down" for pregnancy termination in the off-chance we screwed up, hemmed and hawed:
"Watch out, Xena," Cynical Superheroine cautioned, "This might be a trap. Ares might be behind it. You're better off playing pinochle with Joxer, drinking a warm beverage, and calling it a night."
But then I thought, as I approached the podium for the panel discussion, as I saw David in the crowd --
--what did I think? Should I tell you? Should I tell you what I thought, this utterly jaded, angry, distrustful, damaged Occasional Superheroine?
"Oh God...I know this sounds crazy. But. Please. Him."
Part One
Slow dancing with David G. in his kitchen to Richard Cheese singing a lounge version of "You Oughta Know." Two sets of plastic Marvel Comics action figures watch from their discreet perches above his kitchen shelves -- roughly 200 of then separated out by good guys and bad guys. Across from us an Archangel figure is mounted on the wall like a piece of modern sculpture.
"Marvel Legends," I remember telling him when seeing those toys for the first time. "Whoa. Good stuff. Good sculpts."
What does dating a fangirl really mean?
It means exactly that -- being with a woman who doesn't see 200 action figures in the kitchen as a minus, and who can appreciate the difference between the Marvel Legends line and that early-90s Toy Biz crap.
I never planned on dating David.
No, that's not true. When I first saw him at the New York Comic Con in February, I eagle-eye zoned in on him and planned on dating him. I rarely use such forwardness. Despite periodically joking that comic cons are my "meat market."
But on that Sunday as I walked into the crowded convention center, I had no intention of getting involved with another man. I wasn't even really intent on doing the ol' comic book pimparoo -- passing out business cards, shaking hands, and making a lot of crazy promises.
I didn't exactly want to be there at all. I was tired. I had spent every free moment working on the manuscript for my agent. I was physically and emotionally spent. And the act of so intensely reviewing every aspect of my life as a comic fan left me ambivalent regarding the industry. Well, ambivalent was a plus, a step up from abso-f**king-lutely jaded and spent. But still.
I was also intensely ambivalent about running into any of my former DC cohorts. Honestly, I preferred not to. I stuck w/Marvel & Artist's Alley. Sometimes, I would catch a glimpse of so-and-so and squint and think, "Hm. That's him now. Three years." Then it was back to Artist's Alley, or hanging out with one of several pockets of friends & associates.
I had a Catwoman mask in my knapsack. There were always chicks at these cons dressed as Emma Frost & Black Canary & whatnot & I thought I might experiment. I said to my friend Hassan,
"Dare me to put this on & pull a Sean Young?"
I saw the mask as part of a possible "Occasional Superheroine" crimefighting costume. Every superheroine should have at least a mask or knee-high vinyl boots.
"Occasional Superheroine" was a name that, among other things, stood for personal female disaster. It stood for this "batshit insane" rant written one tense morning following a humiliating failed attempt to talk down my $11,000+ bill at the hospital. It was a laundry-list of every man who let me down in my life. It was pretty damn-near nihilistic, the narrative of a personal apocalypse.
"Sorry very much for the incidents that destroyed you," wrote one overseas reader. The use of the word "destroyed" hit me particularly deeply.
Was I destroyed?
Could there be a "chapter two?"
I was still scared of sex. I couldn't give sex to men. Me and Donovan gave it the old college try. But I felt damaged, unmarketable. Or, if marketable, only as an "angry comic chick."
The day I met David, I was wearing a tight T-shirt that depicted Snoopy sticking his tongue out and had the phrase "Stop Staring At Me!" on the top.
I think Snoopy was right over my boobs.
David had showed up for the Valiant Comics panel, which I was scheduled to speak at. The only reason I decided to attend the con at all was to fulfill my obligation to panel moderator Jeff Gomez. Jeff was one of my old co-workers at Acclaim/Valiant. So was Hassan. Was it not for them and the Valiant Fans network spearheaded by John Rosas, it is likely that I might not have had the stones to attend these comic cons. But here I was, dragged out of my Batgirl Cave yet again.
And among the smallish but enthusiastic crowd gathering to attend the panel I saw David.
And I said to Self,
"Him. I want to know him better."
Totally unplanned. I literally pushed another person out of the way to talk to him. I pressed my business card (okay, an index card with a hastily-scribbled phone number) in his palm and said, "We should hang out."
"That would be awesome," he answered.
"We should really hang out," I repeated for emphasis.
Then I said,
"You know, we should really hang out."
"That would be awesome," he replied.
David didn't exude the usual fanboyness (besides the fact that he was attending the Valiant Comics panel discussion), so I was caught a little off-guard. No superhero shirt. He had a portfolio in his hands filled with samples of his advertising work, which he showed me. In the seconds before the panel started, I hastily tried to figure him out, to pin him down. He was different.
My cynicism, finely tempered through various and sundry events including a torn cervix and boyfriends who wanted to get an agreement up-front that I was "down" for pregnancy termination in the off-chance we screwed up, hemmed and hawed:
"Watch out, Xena," Cynical Superheroine cautioned, "This might be a trap. Ares might be behind it. You're better off playing pinochle with Joxer, drinking a warm beverage, and calling it a night."
But then I thought, as I approached the podium for the panel discussion, as I saw David in the crowd --
--what did I think? Should I tell you? Should I tell you what I thought, this utterly jaded, angry, distrustful, damaged Occasional Superheroine?
"Oh God...I know this sounds crazy. But. Please. Him."
Friday, April 13, 2007
The Easiest Decision Dan Didio Ever Had To Make - Gail Simone New Wonder Woman Writer
I mean really, what a no-brainer.
"Hottest female writer + hottest female character"
It had always baffled me how DC never more aggressively pursued female writers for this title. And then when Gail made it big, how it was not damn obvious that she should write it.
Is there something symbolic in all of this? Should I read anything into this editorial decision at all? Am I justified in feeling just a little bit touched by having this frankly schizophrenic female pop icon (woman warrior/bondage queen) placed in the gentle but very capable creative direction of a writer like Gail?
I worked w/Gail on "Rose and Thorn." Now, Rose Forrest -- there was a confused superheroine. Rose rode the tides between gentle, sexy, dangerous, heroic. I know the old comic book cliché is, "woman uses personal trauma as impetus to crimefighting," but Gail made it work.
Wonder Woman, in my estimation, has also been a confused superheroine. She was created by William Moulton Marston, who, if you do some reading on the man, had a little bit of a confused, labyrinthine viewpoint on the female animal. Wonder Woman, basically, is the strongest woman in the world -- but somehow always finds herself onto bondage comic book covers. What a dichotomy. In the interest of making her a "stronger" superheroine, can we completely surgically remove this kinky/cheesecake aspect of the character, can we rewrite her past? I don't think we can. I don't think any writer can. The heady soup of Wondy's past -- her history not within DC continuity, but within our collective unconscious -- must be dealt with by the prospective writer in a skilled, sensitive, sincere manner.
Wonder Woman -- an easy character to f**k up. A personality larger than many writers can accommodate.
Gail is up to the job.
And yeah, I do think DC is making an effort. And that's not an easy thing for me to say.
(much thanks to regular blog reader Sammy, whose finger is constantly on the pulse of stuff that would be cool for me to rant about)
I mean really, what a no-brainer.
"Hottest female writer + hottest female character"
It had always baffled me how DC never more aggressively pursued female writers for this title. And then when Gail made it big, how it was not damn obvious that she should write it.
Is there something symbolic in all of this? Should I read anything into this editorial decision at all? Am I justified in feeling just a little bit touched by having this frankly schizophrenic female pop icon (woman warrior/bondage queen) placed in the gentle but very capable creative direction of a writer like Gail?
I worked w/Gail on "Rose and Thorn." Now, Rose Forrest -- there was a confused superheroine. Rose rode the tides between gentle, sexy, dangerous, heroic. I know the old comic book cliché is, "woman uses personal trauma as impetus to crimefighting," but Gail made it work.
Wonder Woman, in my estimation, has also been a confused superheroine. She was created by William Moulton Marston, who, if you do some reading on the man, had a little bit of a confused, labyrinthine viewpoint on the female animal. Wonder Woman, basically, is the strongest woman in the world -- but somehow always finds herself onto bondage comic book covers. What a dichotomy. In the interest of making her a "stronger" superheroine, can we completely surgically remove this kinky/cheesecake aspect of the character, can we rewrite her past? I don't think we can. I don't think any writer can. The heady soup of Wondy's past -- her history not within DC continuity, but within our collective unconscious -- must be dealt with by the prospective writer in a skilled, sensitive, sincere manner.
Wonder Woman -- an easy character to f**k up. A personality larger than many writers can accommodate.
Gail is up to the job.
And yeah, I do think DC is making an effort. And that's not an easy thing for me to say.
(much thanks to regular blog reader Sammy, whose finger is constantly on the pulse of stuff that would be cool for me to rant about)
Wednesday, April 11, 2007
How I Found Love At The New York City Comic Con
How I Found Love At The New York City Comic Con
When I posted "Goodbye To Comics" in November, it painted a very bleak picture of the life of a woman in the comic book industry. And I'm not apologizing for that -- the story was what it was.
But now I want to tell a very different type of story.
***
I almost didn't go to the New York City Comic Con this February. I was too tired. I was writing the story of my life for my agent. In part, it was a review of every major relationship I had in my life. Kinda like 50 weeks of therapy crammed into 1 month.
Of course, most of my relationships had revolved around comic books.
Among the more notable:
* My long-term platonic alliance with Sid Lonesome, who met me when he was 32 and I was 16. We worked at the same comic book shop. I had just run away from home and was scared to death. Though Sid couldn't give me sex, he gave me companionship, nuturance, and a sense of security. The negative side was that by the time I was in my very early twenties and ready to mature to the next level, Sid absolutely refused to leave. Picture the end of the movie "Ghost World" with Enid not leaving on the bus but staying with the Steve Buscemi character. Whenever I try to explain Sid, I refer to Buscemi in "Ghost World."
* Rocco, Sid's erstwhile roommate. Rocco was like James Dean on cocaine. If Sid was like Scott Summers, Rocco was like Wolverine. Rocco was dangerous, artistic, and full of sex. He was in his twenties. I was 17. He took my virginity in a bathtub. I didn't regret it one bit. But then Rocco became possessive. He stalked me. He walked with a rifle past the the comic shop where I used to work and where Sid still remained. Rocco wasn't really a comic fan, but he liked The Shogun Warriors, so I'm lumping him in with "fanboy."
* Furlong, who was one year younger than I was, 15, but looked like he was ten. They said that all that smoking stunted his growth. He was a hoodlum. We never had sex. He wanted sex from me, but he just looked too young. But we had a lot of interesting adventures together. I remember one time we walked down the railroad tracks and this band of little kids (more hoodlums) started chasing us and pitching pebbles at our heads. We couldn't escape, there was a wall on either side. We could have turned around pitched pebbles right back, but there were just too many of the wee suckers. So we ran. Rocco wanted to beat Furlong up because he thought we were having sex with each other. Furlong hated Sid and stole around $4000 worth of comics from him, including Frank Miller "Daredevils" and Liefeld "New Mutants." Then I had to literally throw myself in front of my front door so Sid wouldn't kill Furlong. I confronted Furlong about the theft. We physically battled. I think he got out all his sexual frustration with that fight. It was a draw. I never spoke to Furlong again. The last I heard of him, he tried sticking up a Dunkin Donuts using his girlfriend as a fake hostage.
* Danny the Vampire. A tall, blond, strikingly handsome, bisexual man a couple of years older than me. I was 18, he was 23. He was a comic book fan and a vampire. He was interesting. I've had an interesting life.
* Wiccan Molly. We met in college. It wasn't a sexual relationship, but it was very close. She was into Wicca. She thought she had superpowers. She bought me jewelry. I wrote her poetry. College is a funny time that way. I wasn't dating men during that period. Molly was paranoid that I was gay. Molly had issues about homosexuality. One day an "out" bisexual girl kissed her on the back of the neck during lunch. Molly told me that if I ever did that to her, she would "punch all my teeth out." At first I wasn't angry at what she said, then I was very angry. We stopped speaking to each other. When we made up, we were closer than ever. I idolized Molly. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn't gay. I wanted her to know that I was "normal." So I made an effort to have sex with this guy I was flirting with for a while. Then I called Molly to brag about it. I thought she would be happy. But she wasn't happy. She said she hated my guts. She told me that she never wanted to speak to me again. I felt so bad about that. But I also felt very confused. I took all the jewelry Molly bought me and buried it by a tree so I could forget her. A car ran into that tree.
* Professor West. Me and Molly both attended Professor West's classes. Molly & me theorized that West was CIA and that the special program we were attending was part of some grand New World Order conspiracy. That might sound crazy, but the program was financed by the Ford Foundation and the curriculum quite literally revolved around a "New World Order." West had a knack of singling out talented girls and sucking them into his life and his world. I was his current "find." He wanted to shape me into a Rhodes scholar. He got me into Phi Beta Kappa. I was under a lot of pressure to succeed. When I won a scholarship to study in England, he wanted me to stay with him at this hotel rather than use the dorms. He gave me a big wad of cash for the trip. I thought about it, but then I gave him back the cash. I didn't know if he was CIA but my instincts told me to be afraid of him and whoever he was working for.
When I posted "Goodbye To Comics" in November, it painted a very bleak picture of the life of a woman in the comic book industry. And I'm not apologizing for that -- the story was what it was.
But now I want to tell a very different type of story.
***
I almost didn't go to the New York City Comic Con this February. I was too tired. I was writing the story of my life for my agent. In part, it was a review of every major relationship I had in my life. Kinda like 50 weeks of therapy crammed into 1 month.
Of course, most of my relationships had revolved around comic books.
Among the more notable:
* My long-term platonic alliance with Sid Lonesome, who met me when he was 32 and I was 16. We worked at the same comic book shop. I had just run away from home and was scared to death. Though Sid couldn't give me sex, he gave me companionship, nuturance, and a sense of security. The negative side was that by the time I was in my very early twenties and ready to mature to the next level, Sid absolutely refused to leave. Picture the end of the movie "Ghost World" with Enid not leaving on the bus but staying with the Steve Buscemi character. Whenever I try to explain Sid, I refer to Buscemi in "Ghost World."
* Rocco, Sid's erstwhile roommate. Rocco was like James Dean on cocaine. If Sid was like Scott Summers, Rocco was like Wolverine. Rocco was dangerous, artistic, and full of sex. He was in his twenties. I was 17. He took my virginity in a bathtub. I didn't regret it one bit. But then Rocco became possessive. He stalked me. He walked with a rifle past the the comic shop where I used to work and where Sid still remained. Rocco wasn't really a comic fan, but he liked The Shogun Warriors, so I'm lumping him in with "fanboy."
* Furlong, who was one year younger than I was, 15, but looked like he was ten. They said that all that smoking stunted his growth. He was a hoodlum. We never had sex. He wanted sex from me, but he just looked too young. But we had a lot of interesting adventures together. I remember one time we walked down the railroad tracks and this band of little kids (more hoodlums) started chasing us and pitching pebbles at our heads. We couldn't escape, there was a wall on either side. We could have turned around pitched pebbles right back, but there were just too many of the wee suckers. So we ran. Rocco wanted to beat Furlong up because he thought we were having sex with each other. Furlong hated Sid and stole around $4000 worth of comics from him, including Frank Miller "Daredevils" and Liefeld "New Mutants." Then I had to literally throw myself in front of my front door so Sid wouldn't kill Furlong. I confronted Furlong about the theft. We physically battled. I think he got out all his sexual frustration with that fight. It was a draw. I never spoke to Furlong again. The last I heard of him, he tried sticking up a Dunkin Donuts using his girlfriend as a fake hostage.
* Danny the Vampire. A tall, blond, strikingly handsome, bisexual man a couple of years older than me. I was 18, he was 23. He was a comic book fan and a vampire. He was interesting. I've had an interesting life.
* Wiccan Molly. We met in college. It wasn't a sexual relationship, but it was very close. She was into Wicca. She thought she had superpowers. She bought me jewelry. I wrote her poetry. College is a funny time that way. I wasn't dating men during that period. Molly was paranoid that I was gay. Molly had issues about homosexuality. One day an "out" bisexual girl kissed her on the back of the neck during lunch. Molly told me that if I ever did that to her, she would "punch all my teeth out." At first I wasn't angry at what she said, then I was very angry. We stopped speaking to each other. When we made up, we were closer than ever. I idolized Molly. I wanted to prove to her that I wasn't gay. I wanted her to know that I was "normal." So I made an effort to have sex with this guy I was flirting with for a while. Then I called Molly to brag about it. I thought she would be happy. But she wasn't happy. She said she hated my guts. She told me that she never wanted to speak to me again. I felt so bad about that. But I also felt very confused. I took all the jewelry Molly bought me and buried it by a tree so I could forget her. A car ran into that tree.
* Professor West. Me and Molly both attended Professor West's classes. Molly & me theorized that West was CIA and that the special program we were attending was part of some grand New World Order conspiracy. That might sound crazy, but the program was financed by the Ford Foundation and the curriculum quite literally revolved around a "New World Order." West had a knack of singling out talented girls and sucking them into his life and his world. I was his current "find." He wanted to shape me into a Rhodes scholar. He got me into Phi Beta Kappa. I was under a lot of pressure to succeed. When I won a scholarship to study in England, he wanted me to stay with him at this hotel rather than use the dorms. He gave me a big wad of cash for the trip. I thought about it, but then I gave him back the cash. I didn't know if he was CIA but my instincts told me to be afraid of him and whoever he was working for.
Sunday, April 08, 2007
Saturday, April 07, 2007
Drabble
Friend: That's another stupid idea just like when they made Wildcat a womans! They always take these great characters and turn them into womans!
Me: Okay, now you're "mugging" for the blog...
Friend: No, no, no...
Me: Okay, just to get you on a roll: "Dan Didio."
Friend: He always does it to the best second-string male characters, replaces them with womans!
***
My friend's Dan Didio/Watchmen conspiracy theory
Friend: The whole thing is a consoiracy theory. Because Dan didio wants to show that DC is in charge with the characters, okay? So they're coming out with a watchmmen mob=vie, okay? And the Watchmen are based on the Charlton characters, okay? And central to the characters is Rocharch, who is based on the Question, okay? And it's no secret that Alan Moore and DC had this badf blood between them. So what does Dan Didio do? He makes the Question a woman.
Me: So you're saying that Didio is punishing Alan Moore by making a male character female. Because to be female is humiliating.
Friend: No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying...
***
Friend: Plus, look how butch Montoya is drawn here!
Me: I think she looks cute.
Friend: Well, you just like her because she looks like Amy Winehouse
Me: She does not look like Amy Winehouse
***
Me: Do the Ditko "A or Not A" speech.
Friend: There's right and there's wrong. There's no grey area.
***
Me: Fuck, I don't even know where I was going with this
Me: Okay, now you're "mugging" for the blog...
Friend: No, no, no...
Me: Okay, just to get you on a roll: "Dan Didio."
Friend: He always does it to the best second-string male characters, replaces them with womans!
***
My friend's Dan Didio/Watchmen conspiracy theory
Friend: The whole thing is a consoiracy theory. Because Dan didio wants to show that DC is in charge with the characters, okay? So they're coming out with a watchmmen mob=vie, okay? And the Watchmen are based on the Charlton characters, okay? And central to the characters is Rocharch, who is based on the Question, okay? And it's no secret that Alan Moore and DC had this badf blood between them. So what does Dan Didio do? He makes the Question a woman.
Me: So you're saying that Didio is punishing Alan Moore by making a male character female. Because to be female is humiliating.
Friend: No, no, no, that's not what I'm saying...
***
Friend: Plus, look how butch Montoya is drawn here!
Me: I think she looks cute.
Friend: Well, you just like her because she looks like Amy Winehouse
Me: She does not look like Amy Winehouse
***
Me: Do the Ditko "A or Not A" speech.
Friend: There's right and there's wrong. There's no grey area.
***
Me: Fuck, I don't even know where I was going with this
Friday, April 06, 2007
"The Question Should Be A Mans"
Here is an actual conversation I just had 15 minutes ago with a friend:
ringringring
Me: Hello?
Friend: I know I just called you 5 minutes ago, but I have just come across late breaking news that I think is relevant to your blog.
Me: Okay.
Friend: The Question is now Renee Montoya! And she's having a lesbian affair with Batwoman!
Me: As a long-time Ditko fan, that must really frost your s**t.
Friend: This is blasphemy!
Me: Now, is it blasphemy simply because you're a Ditko purist, or is the fact that it's a woman -- a lesbian, no less -- that really upsets you?
PAUSE!
Friend: No, no, no, it's nothing like that.
Me: You paused before you answered my question. That was a significant pause.
Friend: It's just that: The Question should be a mans!
Me: Wait, did you just say "mans?"
Friend: But it's also like a big conspiracy against Charlton Comics! DC is taking over the Charlton heroes one-by-one and changing them!
Me: Well, DC owns those characters. They can do whatever the hell they want with them.
Friend: It's just...too pat, that's all. It's too pat. The Question should be a mans.
***
You heard it here first: "The Question Should Be A Mans"
***
Postscript:
I personally have no problem if The Question is a womans. Is making Montoya The Question a bit too "pat," a bit too convenient, for my taste? On that point, I would have to agree with my friend. On the other hand, rebooting established superheroes using brand new characters that nobody has heard of is very risky -- whereas Montoya has a following. In the end, it all depends on how the book is written. But consider my friend's s**t frosted.
Thursday, April 05, 2007
Monday, April 02, 2007
Bad Buffy Fan-Fiction
Or
The Ultimate Shame
Or
The Ultimate Shame
If you have ever watched amateur Buffy the Vampire music videos on YouTube set to "I Will Always Love You" by Whitney Houston, then you probably understand my personal shame -- that of being an uber geek when it comes to certain fandoms. While this urge to geek out through prose and other forms of artistic expression has died down over the last two years, I assure you it was quite strong and without shame.
Shamelessness is the key word. Writing the 100,000th X-Files shipper filk is a shameless act, though not as much as writing Scully/Doggett multi-part epics. Through the magic of fan-fiction I can keep Tara Maclay artificially alive through one of a dozen methods -- parallel universe, retcon, vampirism, or simple denial. And by writing fan-fiction for obscure horror films that no one has ever heard of I can maintain a sense of superiority and hipness over, say, the more banal Gilmore Girls fan-fic crowd.
The following are excerpts from one of my shameless Buffy fan-fics. It has all the elements necessary to qualify it as uber-geek fan-fiction of the shameless variety:
1) Angel with no shirt on
2) Inexplicable appearance by Faith (why is she there? what happened to her coma? what season is this? we don't know, we don't care. She's bad-ass and we just like her)
3) Angsty first-person narrative that is a cover for being too lazy to write a real story
4) MELODRAMATIC AS HELL.
It should be noted that I wrote this fic many moons ago, though not so many moons ago to completely absolve myself.
***
The title:
"Angel's Descent"
Get it? Angels fly, but for some strange reason Angel the character is descending. Could it be that gypsy's curse? It doesn't matter, because I'm damned clever.
In the story, Faith has Angel trapped and is going to kill him. What does Angel do in response? Perhaps he is thinking of some daring escape plan? No, he is enjoying a long, self-pitying inner-dialogue.
Angel: "Maybe it's better this way. Sunnydale can't bear the brunt of another attack by my demonic alter-ego. What if I become evil again? What if my next victim turns out to be Xander, or Willow? Buffy could see past the death of Jenny Calendar because she wasn't close with her, but if it was her best friend..."
Angel continues:
"I can't bear the idea of Buffy hating me for all eternity."
But finally, Angel comes up with a productive course of action:
"But I've decided what I have to do."
Yes?
"I have to goad Faith into finally killing me."
Say what?
"To kill me now, before something happens, before Buffy bursts into this room to save me."
But I think that would be a good thing...no?
"In my deepest of desires, the thought of Buffy coming in now, her soft warm body next to mine, cradling my face in her hands, washing away all these sins..."
Ok, well it's settled -- Buffy's coming in.
"No."
NO?!
"Goodbye, Buffy."
Oh would you stop this "Wuthering Heights" moody nonsense for just two fricking seconds?!
"And so I play the dangerous vampire to Faith's righteous Slayer, I convince her of what she already is sure of...that I am a danger to Sunnydale that needs to be eliminated. I laugh about the victims I have claimed, as much as it turns my stomach to do so."
I think you just need a cookie and some Mountain Dew and you'll perk right up.
"I snarl and smile menacingly as she sharpens her pointy stick..."
Oh, good GOD...
"Finally, she reaches for the stake."
You have your own solo TV series to look forward to! Think of the residuals!
"My last thoughts are of Buffy, and surprisingly, the rest of the Scooby Gang...Wil, Xander, Giles, Oz."
Nobody has last thoughts that resemble this. This is really corny.
"Do it now, Faith!"
You know, you're only enabling her to be evil with this attitude of yours.
"The stake rips through my chest, blazing hot. My sight dims, I feel my soul loosening from my battered body...deliverance..."
Sure, other vamps immediately turn into a pile of dust, you have to have a 5-minute spotlight. You ham.
"Then something odd happens."
Not dead yet, guv'nor!
"My soul...my essence...darkens. Hardens. Grows...fangs and claws and horns."
I thought that only happens when you have sex.
"No!"
Okay, no need to shout.
"But how can this happen?"
Well, since I wrote this 3:00 in the morning on a bender while watching a "Quantum Leap" marathon, don't expect a lot.
"Then Angelus takes over."
Oh, snap! Another chance for David Boreanaz to expand his acting range!
"She'll pay for my humiliation. They'll all pay."
Will you be wearing leather?
"Especially that blond bitch. Buffy Summers."
Oh, the irony! He was trying to save Buffy but now he's evil again! What a genius I am! This one will be sure to win the 1999 "Mr. Pointy Awards!"
And so now you know the full brunt of Bad Buffy Fan-Fiction.
Sunday, April 01, 2007
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Part Two
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes Part Two
Sid Lonesome is moving out of my apartment next week. He had been living in there for almost 18 years. Even though it was my apartment, Sid lived there far longer than me. That is because he flat-out refused to leave, and so I did instead.
If you do the math, Sid's extended stay means that he had known me since I was 16 years old. This is true. I met him at the comic shop. Most of my relationships begin with the phrase, "I met him at the comic-something."
Me and Sid had a very close friendship, but it was always platonic. I sometimes think that had it not been platonic, it would have been easier to end it. With sex as a factor, there can always be the explosiveness of adultery and jealousy to speed the process along if things are stagnant. But me and Sid were tight. Tiiiiiiight.
Sid never cleaned the house. He was an obsessive comic book collector and he never cleaned the house. This meant that dirt, comics, and toys all grew exponentially in the space over the years. But to be fair, he didn't buy the toys. I bought them. For him. I bought all his toys. I liked giving him gifts. I bought him an entire set of Sideshow Toys James Bond dolls. They looked very awesome posed on their stands, pistols at the ready. I bought him Pussy Galore, too, but he chose to keep her in the box because he didn't want to get cat hair on her shirt.
Sid never cleaned the house. He was never mean about it. He just wouldn't do it. So I split my time between cleaning it myself and nagging him to help me.
When I was 20, I asked Sid to move out. I was in college and I wanted my own life. I tried to bring boyfriends over the apartment, but it was just too weird with Sid there. Even though me and Sid weren't romantically involved, he was passively jealous of my suitors. By passively jealous I mean like when Felix Unger would honk and moan and say "don't mind me, I'm just going to stick my head in the oven."
I was always afraid that Sid was going to die, either by killing himself because I was gone, or from neglect of his own health. I realize now that he fed into this fear, and that it was all a passive-aggressive cluster-f**k.
I can hear Sid now, as I write this. He is coughing and hacking away. He just took up chain-smoking again two months ago.
"I quit!" Sid says to me. "I quit three days ago!"
He is always quitting three days ago. And then I always find him in the middle of the night smoking by a crack in the kitchen window, flicking ashes into a coffee cup. And look, I got no big beef about smoking but when you're 50 years old like he is and diabetic and all these other medical problems, smoking isn't the way to go.
Yes, you heard me, he is 50 years old.
When I was 24, out of desperation, I packed my things and left him in my apartment. When I came back four years later, he still hadn't cleaned anything. I mean, ANYTHING. It was like something out of the movie "Seven."
But I thought I could fix things (and rent-control is an alluring mistress) and so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
Two years later, I moved out again.
Last summer I moved back for the final time. I told Sid that the apartment was under my name, that I needed to save money because of my hospital bills, and that I was giving him 3 or 4 months to move out. That date stretched out until this April, but he's finally moving.
I would say Sid has about 10,000 comics to move, and then another 2-3 thousand books & magazines. My intense desire to see these things gone is indescribable. My intense desire to see life move is indescribable. I mean, this has been going on so long that I am just in shock that it's finally happening.
But also, despite of everything, Sid is my friend. I worry that he won't be able to properly take care of himself -- that he won't get out from the avalanche of comics and medical problems and depression -- but I keep telling myself it is not my problem anymore.
And I don't blame comics for any of this. Comic books get a bad rap for being the oasis of the dysfunctional, but that's not what it's about. In the end, comics gave Sid tremendous happiness. In the end, comics brought me and Sid together, and we had some wonderful times.
In the end, there is no blame. There is just life.
I bought him dinner & gave him a Galactus T-shirt as a going-away present.
***
Sid says he can't take the toys, because he has no room in his new apartment. He asks if I can hold on to them for him, and I say ok. I had bought him this really sweet Hellboy doll that's going on my desk for sure.
And I'm finally getting this Pussy Galore doll out of the box.
Sid Lonesome is moving out of my apartment next week. He had been living in there for almost 18 years. Even though it was my apartment, Sid lived there far longer than me. That is because he flat-out refused to leave, and so I did instead.
If you do the math, Sid's extended stay means that he had known me since I was 16 years old. This is true. I met him at the comic shop. Most of my relationships begin with the phrase, "I met him at the comic-something."
Me and Sid had a very close friendship, but it was always platonic. I sometimes think that had it not been platonic, it would have been easier to end it. With sex as a factor, there can always be the explosiveness of adultery and jealousy to speed the process along if things are stagnant. But me and Sid were tight. Tiiiiiiight.
Sid never cleaned the house. He was an obsessive comic book collector and he never cleaned the house. This meant that dirt, comics, and toys all grew exponentially in the space over the years. But to be fair, he didn't buy the toys. I bought them. For him. I bought all his toys. I liked giving him gifts. I bought him an entire set of Sideshow Toys James Bond dolls. They looked very awesome posed on their stands, pistols at the ready. I bought him Pussy Galore, too, but he chose to keep her in the box because he didn't want to get cat hair on her shirt.
Sid never cleaned the house. He was never mean about it. He just wouldn't do it. So I split my time between cleaning it myself and nagging him to help me.
When I was 20, I asked Sid to move out. I was in college and I wanted my own life. I tried to bring boyfriends over the apartment, but it was just too weird with Sid there. Even though me and Sid weren't romantically involved, he was passively jealous of my suitors. By passively jealous I mean like when Felix Unger would honk and moan and say "don't mind me, I'm just going to stick my head in the oven."
I was always afraid that Sid was going to die, either by killing himself because I was gone, or from neglect of his own health. I realize now that he fed into this fear, and that it was all a passive-aggressive cluster-f**k.
I can hear Sid now, as I write this. He is coughing and hacking away. He just took up chain-smoking again two months ago.
"I quit!" Sid says to me. "I quit three days ago!"
He is always quitting three days ago. And then I always find him in the middle of the night smoking by a crack in the kitchen window, flicking ashes into a coffee cup. And look, I got no big beef about smoking but when you're 50 years old like he is and diabetic and all these other medical problems, smoking isn't the way to go.
Yes, you heard me, he is 50 years old.
When I was 24, out of desperation, I packed my things and left him in my apartment. When I came back four years later, he still hadn't cleaned anything. I mean, ANYTHING. It was like something out of the movie "Seven."
But I thought I could fix things (and rent-control is an alluring mistress) and so I rolled up my sleeves and got to work.
Two years later, I moved out again.
Last summer I moved back for the final time. I told Sid that the apartment was under my name, that I needed to save money because of my hospital bills, and that I was giving him 3 or 4 months to move out. That date stretched out until this April, but he's finally moving.
I would say Sid has about 10,000 comics to move, and then another 2-3 thousand books & magazines. My intense desire to see these things gone is indescribable. My intense desire to see life move is indescribable. I mean, this has been going on so long that I am just in shock that it's finally happening.
But also, despite of everything, Sid is my friend. I worry that he won't be able to properly take care of himself -- that he won't get out from the avalanche of comics and medical problems and depression -- but I keep telling myself it is not my problem anymore.
And I don't blame comics for any of this. Comic books get a bad rap for being the oasis of the dysfunctional, but that's not what it's about. In the end, comics gave Sid tremendous happiness. In the end, comics brought me and Sid together, and we had some wonderful times.
In the end, there is no blame. There is just life.
I bought him dinner & gave him a Galactus T-shirt as a going-away present.
***
Sid says he can't take the toys, because he has no room in his new apartment. He asks if I can hold on to them for him, and I say ok. I had bought him this really sweet Hellboy doll that's going on my desk for sure.
And I'm finally getting this Pussy Galore doll out of the box.
Ch-Ch-Ch-Changes, Part One
Mom: Happy Easter!
Mom: Happy Easter!Me: Mom, it's not Easter. It's April Fool's Day.
Mom: No, I know it's April Fool's Day. But isn't it Easter too?
Me: No, Easter is next week.
Mom: But the bodega on the corner was closed this morning, they're never closed.
Me: Well, it's Passover weekend.
Mom: They're Spanish, they don't celebrate Passover!
Me: No, what I'm saying is that...I don't know, it's just a holiday week, that's all.
Mom: That's probably it...anyway, have you heard the news?
Me: What news?
Mom: I'm...pregnant!
Me: You got me there, Mom!
Mom: April Fools!
Me: Though you know, some women your age are getting pregnant nowadays...
Mom: Okay, now I'm going to tell you the real news...your sister...
Me: What, is she pregnant?
Mom: She's getting divorced.
Me: Oh, you got me again! Good one, Mom! April Fools!
Thursday, March 29, 2007
Wanted: Female Comic Book Legends
The following is a stream-of-consciousness meditation on the question: are there any female comic book legends in the industry? Most of this is made-up, except for the parts that aren't. It's pretty rambling, so you could just skip it.
(An editor and his plucky assistant look for female comic legends to work on their high-class high-end comic book anthology.
Editor: We don't have enough women on this book.
Plucky: We don't have any women on this book.
Editor: I tried looking for women for this book.
Plucky: I know you did.
Editor: I mean, the door is open. The vouchers are here.
Plucky: I know, I know.
Editor: Do me a favor -- take this afternoon and make me up a list of female comic book legends.
(Several hours later)
The List:
Marie Severin
Ramona Fradon
(The Editor frowns)
Editor: This is a good start, but there just HAS to be more female comic book legends!
Plucky: Colleen Duran? Amanda Conner?
Editor: They're great artists but they haven't reached legend status yet. I'm talking LEGENDS: Gil Kane, Johnny Romita, Steve Ditko.
Plucky: Trina Robbins?
Editor: Should I call Marie or should you?
***
Plucky: H-hello, Ms. Severin?
Marie: Yes?
Plucky: Wow! I can't believe I'm talking to you! This is so cool! I loved your work on "Not Brand Echh!"
***
Editor: I need a list of legendary female comic book writers for this new project. Take the afternoon.
(several hours later)
(note: this takes place before Gail made it big)
The List:
Anne Rice
Maya Angelou
Devin Grayson
Editor: Maya Angelou?
Plucky: Well, I know she isn't a comic writer...but with us hiring more and more established authors...I just think it would be very classy. Besides, I just can't think of any more, you know, legends.
Editor: Well, I suppose there is always Ann Nocenti. But see, again, good writer -- but not a legend. Not like, say, a Roy Thomas.
Plucky: But who can really be a Roy Thomas?
Editor: I want to go home.
***
Editor: There aren't many female comic book legends.
Plucky: I know.
Editor: I mean, like Gil Kane and Steve Ditko and Will Eisner and Johnny Romita.
Plucky: Or Roy Thomas or Stan Lee or Denny O'Neil.
Editor: And now I'm going to put these books out and there's hardly gonna be any women & people are going to think it's sexism. But there just aren't many female comic book legends.
Plucky: I know. It really sucks balls.
***
Plucky: Marie, did you ever get that thing where fans would say, "your art was so good, it totally fooled me, I thought a man drew it?"
***
Plucky: I want to become a female comics legend one day.
Editor: I have no doubt you can do it.
Plucky: But I want to write like a man. Being known as a "chick writer," that's the kiss of death.
***
(the present day)
Friend: You're like a legend in the industry now!
Plucky: For a blog that many consider to be a feminist rant.
Friend: Hey, whatever gets your name out there.
Plucky: Yeah, but I don't want to be writing about broken vaginas and rape pages all my life! I want to write the Punisher, man!
***
(Submission to Marvel, age 13)
"My story is about this mild-mannered man who wants to be cool like the Punisher. So he puts on the Punisher's outfit and tries to fight crime, but he doesn't know what he's doing and gets horribly beaten up. He realizes in the end that he doesn't have to be like the Punisher to be cool. And that he's lucky to have gotten out with his life. This could be a one-shot or stretched out into a 6-issue limited series. Also, if the Punisher isn't available, I could turn it into Captain America.
Sincerely,
Plucky
PS: I love Wolverine"
***
(From hand-written response to the above from Marvel Editor)
"Your writing sample shows a lot of enthusiasm for the craft. But as you get older, you will gain more valuable life-experiences that will help shape your stories and make them richer."
***
(email from fan of Plucky's blog)
Dear Plucky,
I usually can't stomach this Oprah shit but you're all right.
Sincerely,
The Dudest of all Dudes
***
(So I wanted to do this comic which was a take-off on "Yentl," where it's 1941 and this chick goes undercover as a guy so she can fullfil her dream of being a comic book writer. The only catch is that she ends up working on this cheesy "Phantom Girl" comic for twenty years straight.)
***
(the feminist response:)
No, there have been plenty of female comic book talent that deserved to be considered "legends," but they either
a) work in a genre (like manga) that is not considered "real comics"
b) never had their talent & work cultivated & promoted by the mainstream publishers the way male creators have
c) are compared to solely male artists and writers, ie "her work is good enough as a man's"
d) get dissed even when they do succeed by being called "tokens"
***
(So I wanted to do this comic called "Fetish Lass and Pizza Boy," that would be this total parody of cheesy "T & A" comix. This billionaire heiress gets traumatized after her parents convert to the Hare Krishnas and start dancing in airport terminals. Now she fights crime. With her pizza delivery boy. And they break up this "sheep porn" ring. By dressing up like sheep. Now, would that be the very end or the very beginning of my career? That's what I want to know.)
***
(back to the original scenario of the Editor and Plucky talking about the anthology)
Plucky: Well, will there ever be any female comics legends?
Editor: Well, I think it's just going to take time.
Plucky: How much time?
The following is a stream-of-consciousness meditation on the question: are there any female comic book legends in the industry? Most of this is made-up, except for the parts that aren't. It's pretty rambling, so you could just skip it.
(An editor and his plucky assistant look for female comic legends to work on their high-class high-end comic book anthology.
Editor: We don't have enough women on this book.
Plucky: We don't have any women on this book.
Editor: I tried looking for women for this book.
Plucky: I know you did.
Editor: I mean, the door is open. The vouchers are here.
Plucky: I know, I know.
Editor: Do me a favor -- take this afternoon and make me up a list of female comic book legends.
(Several hours later)
The List:
Marie Severin
Ramona Fradon
(The Editor frowns)
Editor: This is a good start, but there just HAS to be more female comic book legends!
Plucky: Colleen Duran? Amanda Conner?
Editor: They're great artists but they haven't reached legend status yet. I'm talking LEGENDS: Gil Kane, Johnny Romita, Steve Ditko.
Plucky: Trina Robbins?
Editor: Should I call Marie or should you?
***
Plucky: H-hello, Ms. Severin?
Marie: Yes?
Plucky: Wow! I can't believe I'm talking to you! This is so cool! I loved your work on "Not Brand Echh!"
***
Editor: I need a list of legendary female comic book writers for this new project. Take the afternoon.
(several hours later)
(note: this takes place before Gail made it big)
The List:
Anne Rice
Maya Angelou
Devin Grayson
Editor: Maya Angelou?
Plucky: Well, I know she isn't a comic writer...but with us hiring more and more established authors...I just think it would be very classy. Besides, I just can't think of any more, you know, legends.
Editor: Well, I suppose there is always Ann Nocenti. But see, again, good writer -- but not a legend. Not like, say, a Roy Thomas.
Plucky: But who can really be a Roy Thomas?
Editor: I want to go home.
***
Editor: There aren't many female comic book legends.
Plucky: I know.
Editor: I mean, like Gil Kane and Steve Ditko and Will Eisner and Johnny Romita.
Plucky: Or Roy Thomas or Stan Lee or Denny O'Neil.
Editor: And now I'm going to put these books out and there's hardly gonna be any women & people are going to think it's sexism. But there just aren't many female comic book legends.
Plucky: I know. It really sucks balls.
***
Plucky: Marie, did you ever get that thing where fans would say, "your art was so good, it totally fooled me, I thought a man drew it?"
***
Plucky: I want to become a female comics legend one day.
Editor: I have no doubt you can do it.
Plucky: But I want to write like a man. Being known as a "chick writer," that's the kiss of death.
***
(the present day)
Friend: You're like a legend in the industry now!
Plucky: For a blog that many consider to be a feminist rant.
Friend: Hey, whatever gets your name out there.
Plucky: Yeah, but I don't want to be writing about broken vaginas and rape pages all my life! I want to write the Punisher, man!
***
(Submission to Marvel, age 13)
"My story is about this mild-mannered man who wants to be cool like the Punisher. So he puts on the Punisher's outfit and tries to fight crime, but he doesn't know what he's doing and gets horribly beaten up. He realizes in the end that he doesn't have to be like the Punisher to be cool. And that he's lucky to have gotten out with his life. This could be a one-shot or stretched out into a 6-issue limited series. Also, if the Punisher isn't available, I could turn it into Captain America.
Sincerely,
Plucky
PS: I love Wolverine"
***
(From hand-written response to the above from Marvel Editor)
"Your writing sample shows a lot of enthusiasm for the craft. But as you get older, you will gain more valuable life-experiences that will help shape your stories and make them richer."
***
(email from fan of Plucky's blog)
Dear Plucky,
I usually can't stomach this Oprah shit but you're all right.
Sincerely,
The Dudest of all Dudes
***
(So I wanted to do this comic which was a take-off on "Yentl," where it's 1941 and this chick goes undercover as a guy so she can fullfil her dream of being a comic book writer. The only catch is that she ends up working on this cheesy "Phantom Girl" comic for twenty years straight.)
***
(the feminist response:)
No, there have been plenty of female comic book talent that deserved to be considered "legends," but they either
a) work in a genre (like manga) that is not considered "real comics"
b) never had their talent & work cultivated & promoted by the mainstream publishers the way male creators have
c) are compared to solely male artists and writers, ie "her work is good enough as a man's"
d) get dissed even when they do succeed by being called "tokens"
***
(So I wanted to do this comic called "Fetish Lass and Pizza Boy," that would be this total parody of cheesy "T & A" comix. This billionaire heiress gets traumatized after her parents convert to the Hare Krishnas and start dancing in airport terminals. Now she fights crime. With her pizza delivery boy. And they break up this "sheep porn" ring. By dressing up like sheep. Now, would that be the very end or the very beginning of my career? That's what I want to know.)
***
(back to the original scenario of the Editor and Plucky talking about the anthology)
Plucky: Well, will there ever be any female comics legends?
Editor: Well, I think it's just going to take time.
Plucky: How much time?
"It's Time For Love"
Watch out, Green Lantern! Star Sapphire (and her glowing hoohah) has you in her crosshairs!
I think I had a She-Ra doll that did this once.
Of course, in a world of perfect economy, Saffy could be paired up with the dude from the Omac #3 cover and all would be well in the world...
(Anyway, just one more reason to run to your store & buy Green Lantern #18, in case you were looking)
Tuesday, March 27, 2007
"Marvel Comics"
-- a report by Occasional Superheroine (age 12)
(I found this school report as I was going through some papers the other day. I wrote it in Junior High. It was typed on this old tall black manual typewriter and had pictures cut out from Marvel Age pasted on the cover. My teacher at the time was so flabbergasted -- not only that a female wrote this but that anybody my age remembered who Bulletman was -- that the next day he gave me oversized treasury editions of Superman & Batman. Here are excerpts. I don't know, I keep seeing this amalgam of Sally Brown & Napoleon Dynamite reading this in front of the classroom. "Ol Nessie...")
-- a report by Occasional Superheroine (age 12)
(I found this school report as I was going through some papers the other day. I wrote it in Junior High. It was typed on this old tall black manual typewriter and had pictures cut out from Marvel Age pasted on the cover. My teacher at the time was so flabbergasted -- not only that a female wrote this but that anybody my age remembered who Bulletman was -- that the next day he gave me oversized treasury editions of Superman & Batman. Here are excerpts. I don't know, I keep seeing this amalgam of Sally Brown & Napoleon Dynamite reading this in front of the classroom. "Ol Nessie...")
(from the Introduction)
The date was 1938. The comic was ACTION COMICS. The hero was SUPERMAN. He was the first real superhero, and he spawned hundreds of imitations. There was: Capt. MARVEL, WONDER WOMAN, Capt. AMERICA, DAREDEVIL, BULLETMAN, GREEN LANTERN, HUMAN TORCH, HAWKMAN, THE FLAME, BLUE BOLT, BATMAN, SHEENA, PHANTOM LADY, SUB-MARINER, and many more. It was the Golden Age of Comics, and they sold by the millions. The plots were small, the quality was low-but no one could beat the price-10 cents.
(Stan & Jack's big idea)
STAN LEE and JACK KIRBY had a big idea. The comicbook veterans thought of the most radical ideas in that time about comic books. Heroes that were human. Complex plots. Art that was more than just art. The critics thought they would fail, the rival companies (mainly D.C. Comics, of Superman fame) said it wouldn't last an issue. But Stan and Jack didn't care. They took the company that was Timely and then Atlas, christened it Marvel, and they, an artist called Steve Ditko, and a couple of inkers, started what is now known as the Marvel Universe.
(The origin of the Fantastic Four)
But cosmic rays bombarded the ship, and the four suddenly got superpowers! They reacted to this with nervousness, tension, stress, and in Ben's case, berserkness. The world was not reacting to this with clearheads, either. In the old days, this never happened. A normal man would be granted superpowers and act like nothing happened. The superheroes wouldn't fight amongst themselves. Not here.
(Spiderman)
When letting go of a crook because of sheer lazyness, his beloved uncle was murdered. By the crook he let go. In which he learned that "with great power comes great responsibility."
(Daredevil)
But this hero was something no major hero ever was. He was blind. This was never tried in the history of comics. But that was what Marvel was and still is. Radical.
(The Hulk)
But Marvel had its strange, inhuman keepers of the peace, too. In 1964, a big green behemoth joined the bunch. He was the Hulk, and there was a twist to this one. Not a mindless monster was he. When Prof. Bruce Banner got shot through his body with Gamma rays that was supposed to be used in nuclear bombs. He was a casualty of the Nuclear Age.
(Dr. Strange)
Dr. Strange was a master of the art of Black Magic. He traveled in different dimensions, fought psychic demons, the like. But the plots were very complex. You really had to think with this one.
(The Punisher)
The Punisher was a man right out of the army, ready to start a life with his wife and kids, when a crazed murderer kills them. The police tell him there is nothing they can do. Almost losing his mind, he dons a costume and becomes the Punisher, all-purpose vigilante. And this was before Bernhard Goetz.
(The Champions)
The Champions was comprised of members from other teams. They were the first team to disband because of poor financial management.
(Secret Wars)
1984 introduced Secret Wars a limited series that was a mega-success. A god-like entity called the Beyonder whisked away the most popular characters in the Marvel Universe and watched them fight. Believe me, it has more plot than you think. Anyway, it rejuvenated Marvel, who was sinking.
(The New Universe)
With much fanfare, in 1986, they introduced a new universe called, originally enough, the New Universe. It introduced 8 titles that had nothing to do with the Marvel Universe. Marvel says that this new branch is more realistic and down to earth. In any event, it did not live up to its hoopla, critics and readers agree. But it's not a total failure, since it's too early to tell.
(In conclusion...)
Thus ends my report, but not Marvel's success which at this point is guaranteed. Marvel dominates 60% of the market. It is branching in the areas of animation and Movies, and is doing well. So here's to Marvel, the company that saved comics from oblivion. Excelsior! Nuff' said.
Monday, March 26, 2007
How A Cover Is Born
How A Cover Is Born
Reflecting on the fracas over the cover to Justice League #12 (which I highly doubt will ever see the stands in its present condition) I thought it would be kind of interesting to talk about how a cover is born -- from concept to sketch to the final product.
The amount of input the editor has in the making of the cover depends on the artist. Some artists are told, more or less, exactly what image the editor wants. Some are given plot synopses or scripts and interpret the issue as they see fit. And some artists, for whatever reason, really don't care too much about what is going on in the book and end up just drawing something iconic that has very little relevance to the content of the actual issue but will probably sell really well anyhow.
A good cover, at least in my opinion, is one that is both iconic (a bold, striking image) and tells a story. Some really great interior artists occasionally make lousy cover artists because they treat the cover like a panel -- a bunch of stuff going but no focus. And some really great "pinup" style artists occasionally turn in covers that are pointless and without context.
What might be controversial is that, as an editor, I would choose "pointless but striking" over "deep but unfocused." This is because, in terms of sales, the iconic cover will always grab more eyes on the stand. And, each month, the editor is given the "numbers" for the books she or he edits and is either patted on the back or left with a warning. Whenever you try to fathom the decisions these editors make, you should take this fact into account.
The artist will often first submit a cover sketch. This gives the editor some idea of what will be on the cover, and there should be enough leeway at that point to change things around. Some cover sketches are quite elaborate, and some are a couple of lines with a smear.
Once the sketch is approved, the art then either goes through the stages of pencils, inks, and color or, in the case of painted work, straight to the finished product. Ideally, the cover is approved and signed off on each step of the way. You need to have all these checks and balances for the comic cover, so many sign-offs, because a f**k-up that gets to print is a DISASTER. And I've seen these disasters.
For instance, when I worked at Acclaim, an issue of "Master Darque" got through with a nipple on it. I mean, the whole cover was so abstract, so etherial, that none of us saw the nipple. Until it was published. Then, we ALL saw the nipple.
Generally, you don't want nipples on your comic cover. You don't want cuss words, you don't want nudity, you don't want your artist getting cute and etching in a tiny portrait of Peter Parker when it's a DC book, etc.
Sometimes you will get a comic book that features a woman with huge gazongas. For some editors, this is a dilemma. For others, it's a non-issue. The only time I heard of an editor insisting on a breast reduction on a cover, the editor was female. Was she more sensitive to these issues? All I know is that the cover artist was a big name, the cover was finished, and this editor said: "look, she's too top-heavy and that's not what she's all about. these have to be reduced. please." And either the big-name artist changed it himself or it was changed in-house. And all his future covers reflected the change. And that was it. Maybe there was a minor grumble at the beginning. But that was it.
DC is a company, as far as I remember it, that took a special pride in the artistic quality of its covers. It wasn't just about "
selling soap," as they say. They were looking, in most cases, for Art. That's why there are so many coffee-table books that feature beautiful reproductions of their covers. And that, ultimately, is why I feel the cover to Justice League #12 has to be fixed or replaced. Not because of the "sexist" issues. But because to allow one of their top books to go out with such a cover really sends the wrong message.
Reflecting on the fracas over the cover to Justice League #12 (which I highly doubt will ever see the stands in its present condition) I thought it would be kind of interesting to talk about how a cover is born -- from concept to sketch to the final product.
The amount of input the editor has in the making of the cover depends on the artist. Some artists are told, more or less, exactly what image the editor wants. Some are given plot synopses or scripts and interpret the issue as they see fit. And some artists, for whatever reason, really don't care too much about what is going on in the book and end up just drawing something iconic that has very little relevance to the content of the actual issue but will probably sell really well anyhow.
A good cover, at least in my opinion, is one that is both iconic (a bold, striking image) and tells a story. Some really great interior artists occasionally make lousy cover artists because they treat the cover like a panel -- a bunch of stuff going but no focus. And some really great "pinup" style artists occasionally turn in covers that are pointless and without context.
What might be controversial is that, as an editor, I would choose "pointless but striking" over "deep but unfocused." This is because, in terms of sales, the iconic cover will always grab more eyes on the stand. And, each month, the editor is given the "numbers" for the books she or he edits and is either patted on the back or left with a warning. Whenever you try to fathom the decisions these editors make, you should take this fact into account.
The artist will often first submit a cover sketch. This gives the editor some idea of what will be on the cover, and there should be enough leeway at that point to change things around. Some cover sketches are quite elaborate, and some are a couple of lines with a smear.
Once the sketch is approved, the art then either goes through the stages of pencils, inks, and color or, in the case of painted work, straight to the finished product. Ideally, the cover is approved and signed off on each step of the way. You need to have all these checks and balances for the comic cover, so many sign-offs, because a f**k-up that gets to print is a DISASTER. And I've seen these disasters.
For instance, when I worked at Acclaim, an issue of "Master Darque" got through with a nipple on it. I mean, the whole cover was so abstract, so etherial, that none of us saw the nipple. Until it was published. Then, we ALL saw the nipple.
Generally, you don't want nipples on your comic cover. You don't want cuss words, you don't want nudity, you don't want your artist getting cute and etching in a tiny portrait of Peter Parker when it's a DC book, etc.
Sometimes you will get a comic book that features a woman with huge gazongas. For some editors, this is a dilemma. For others, it's a non-issue. The only time I heard of an editor insisting on a breast reduction on a cover, the editor was female. Was she more sensitive to these issues? All I know is that the cover artist was a big name, the cover was finished, and this editor said: "look, she's too top-heavy and that's not what she's all about. these have to be reduced. please." And either the big-name artist changed it himself or it was changed in-house. And all his future covers reflected the change. And that was it. Maybe there was a minor grumble at the beginning. But that was it.
DC is a company, as far as I remember it, that took a special pride in the artistic quality of its covers. It wasn't just about "
selling soap," as they say. They were looking, in most cases, for Art. That's why there are so many coffee-table books that feature beautiful reproductions of their covers. And that, ultimately, is why I feel the cover to Justice League #12 has to be fixed or replaced. Not because of the "sexist" issues. But because to allow one of their top books to go out with such a cover really sends the wrong message.
Tuesday, March 20, 2007
Sexy, Not Sexist
In reference to my previous post about the cover to Justice League #10, I'm presenting an example of a cover that features a superheroine with a big rack that I think works.
Here we have a Wonder Woman cover by Adam Hughes. Note the big rack on Wonder Woman. Chances are, however, her big rack was not the very first thing you noticed about the cover. This is because cheesecake is not the very first quality Hughes chooses to play up in this art. The real focus is on the fun, magic, and power of the icon Wonder Woman. Make no mistake, sexiness is a part of it. But it isn't all of it. However with the Justice League cover, PG's boobs are the star of the show. I mean, they are virtual guest-stars in the comic the way Don Rickles used to be in those Jack Kirby Jimmy Olsens. Now, if you have a issue of Justice league written by New York Times bestselling author Brad Meltzer, surely there is something of more substance to feature on this cover.
Next, note how relatively realistic Wondy's boobs are in contrast to Power Girl's. They hang more naturally. There is even a hint of a tear-drop shape. It's the real thing vs. silicone.
But lets move beyond the merely physical and look at the aesthetics. Hughes obviously put a lot of time into composing his cover. The motifs of the golden lasso, the birds. The different "sides" of Wonder Woman: 1) The standing figure: Strong; 2) The flying figure: Fun, Graceful; 3) The close-up: Sexy, Pretty. There is a lot going on in this cover. In contrast, the Power Girl cover is boring, static, and uninspired. This is not a knock on Turner's work in general. I'm just saying on this particular cover, it looks kinda like a panel or something. It's just...there.
Lastly, look at the faces of Wonder Woman & Power Girl. Wondy's face has LIFE. Her eyes are alive. This isn't even the best example of the personality Hughes can put into his Wonder Woman faces. But there is a glimmer of personality. Power Girl's eyes are expressionless. In addition, she looks not that much different from Black Canary, though Canary at least has this weird sorta pissed-off thing going on (maybe because she's jealous of PG's endowments, who knows?).
I find Adam Hughes's covers to be, for the most part, sexy but not sexist. Sexy but not sexist means that your subject has some glimmer of humanity in her and is not just a blow-up doll. Sexy but not sexist means that you can see that the artist has a genuine love and understanding for the subject. Sexy but not sexist encompasses, at least for me, not only Hughes but the work of Rags Morales, Frank Cho, Darwyn Cooke, Alex Toth, Will Eisner, and many more.
And to be fair here is an example of a Michael Turner cover I did like, for the Teen Titans. It's nicely composed & fun.
In reference to my previous post about the cover to Justice League #10, I'm presenting an example of a cover that features a superheroine with a big rack that I think works.
Here we have a Wonder Woman cover by Adam Hughes. Note the big rack on Wonder Woman. Chances are, however, her big rack was not the very first thing you noticed about the cover. This is because cheesecake is not the very first quality Hughes chooses to play up in this art. The real focus is on the fun, magic, and power of the icon Wonder Woman. Make no mistake, sexiness is a part of it. But it isn't all of it. However with the Justice League cover, PG's boobs are the star of the show. I mean, they are virtual guest-stars in the comic the way Don Rickles used to be in those Jack Kirby Jimmy Olsens. Now, if you have a issue of Justice league written by New York Times bestselling author Brad Meltzer, surely there is something of more substance to feature on this cover.
Next, note how relatively realistic Wondy's boobs are in contrast to Power Girl's. They hang more naturally. There is even a hint of a tear-drop shape. It's the real thing vs. silicone.
But lets move beyond the merely physical and look at the aesthetics. Hughes obviously put a lot of time into composing his cover. The motifs of the golden lasso, the birds. The different "sides" of Wonder Woman: 1) The standing figure: Strong; 2) The flying figure: Fun, Graceful; 3) The close-up: Sexy, Pretty. There is a lot going on in this cover. In contrast, the Power Girl cover is boring, static, and uninspired. This is not a knock on Turner's work in general. I'm just saying on this particular cover, it looks kinda like a panel or something. It's just...there.
Lastly, look at the faces of Wonder Woman & Power Girl. Wondy's face has LIFE. Her eyes are alive. This isn't even the best example of the personality Hughes can put into his Wonder Woman faces. But there is a glimmer of personality. Power Girl's eyes are expressionless. In addition, she looks not that much different from Black Canary, though Canary at least has this weird sorta pissed-off thing going on (maybe because she's jealous of PG's endowments, who knows?).
I find Adam Hughes's covers to be, for the most part, sexy but not sexist. Sexy but not sexist means that your subject has some glimmer of humanity in her and is not just a blow-up doll. Sexy but not sexist means that you can see that the artist has a genuine love and understanding for the subject. Sexy but not sexist encompasses, at least for me, not only Hughes but the work of Rags Morales, Frank Cho, Darwyn Cooke, Alex Toth, Will Eisner, and many more.
And to be fair here is an example of a Michael Turner cover I did like, for the Teen Titans. It's nicely composed & fun.
Friday, March 16, 2007
It Will Never Change
It Will Never Change
(the cover of Justice League #10 brought to my attention by Sammy)
Look, recent strides in the emancipation of Supergirl aside, there are two things that will never change about DC superheroines:
(the cover of Justice League #10 brought to my attention by Sammy)1) Power Girl's breasts
2) Wonder Woman in bondage
They will never ever ever ever ever change. Power Girl will always have huge mammaries, and Wonder Woman w
ill always find her way into the chains of Mars, dig it?I'm not saying it's right or wrong --
I'm not saying people shouldn't complain --
I'm just saying this is what it is -- just things that a number of readers out there cherish, that they're nostalgic about from when they were young. It's like Al Bundy keeping his tattered but well-loved stack of "Big 'Uns" magazine, it's like Homer Simpson keeping that mouldering old left-over hero sandwich after the party, it's like Ralph Kramden keeping his old college outfit with the straw hat, it's like Ross convincing Rachel to dress up like Slave Leia -- it's Theirs. It makes those readers happy. They don't want it taken away from them. They see efforts to take it away from them as part of a PC-driven conspiracy to ruin this tiny bit of four-color joy that such images provide.
And I'm not saying it is right or wrong -- I'm just saying I recognize what the motivation is, and, frankly, I'm choosing to not go on the stomping ground to eradicate these particular quirky bits of (lets face it) erotica that finds their way into mainstream superhero comics. Which doesn't mean I won't poke fun when it's especially stupid.
Supergirl I got down on because it featured a teenager, and that, to me, is a whole different story.
Also, I think the stubborness on DC's part to not give Stephanie a trophy box (or whatever the hell you call it) is something that should be rectified, because 1) teenage girl (and ostensible role-model), 2) it seems like such a minor thing to ask for, why the hell not just do it already? --->though the unwillingness to give her official recognition as a Robin might also have to do with "keeping the integrity of the licensable property" (i.e., Robin is always a boy), in other words a business issue.
Lastly, I read on Loren's blog that Brad Meltzer had requested a boob reduction on Power Girl on this cover -- and that what we see here is the result. I highly doubt her chest was reduced that much -- it's really hard to f**k with covers by big-name artists like Turner, to either ask the artist for an edit or go in there yourself with Photoshop. It's really an awkward thing to ask for. But besides that -- Meltzer is a New York Times bestselling author. His love for comics aside -- why the hell would he want his name on something this silly? Point is -- I met the guy, I worked with him, I highly doubt the air-bags on Kara was part of his artistic vision.
But in the end, they're just mammaries. Really big, puffy, pale mammaries. And I'll tell you, when I was 60 pounds heavier, those damn things hurt my back. But I am not nor have I ever been a pseudo-Kryptonian. So maybe PG can hack it. I don't know.
Back to my chicken salad.
Amazing Voice
I'm pretty disenchanted by most popular music today but I really like this Amy Winehouse -- her music is like classic 60s girl group stuff/Motown dipped in hard liquor and harder living. It's the perfect counterpoint to these Britney/Jessica Simpson/etc singers who glorify the night life in their music & videos but aren't really honest about its effects. Winehouse seems completely honest -- she's waking up on the floor with a shot glass in her hand, looking like s**t, and not giving a rat's ass what anybody thinks of her. Not the best role model on the whole planet, but the music is great. I might actually (gasp!) buy this whole CD
I'm pretty disenchanted by most popular music today but I really like this Amy Winehouse -- her music is like classic 60s girl group stuff/Motown dipped in hard liquor and harder living. It's the perfect counterpoint to these Britney/Jessica Simpson/etc singers who glorify the night life in their music & videos but aren't really honest about its effects. Winehouse seems completely honest -- she's waking up on the floor with a shot glass in her hand, looking like s**t, and not giving a rat's ass what anybody thinks of her. Not the best role model on the whole planet, but the music is great. I might actually (gasp!) buy this whole CD
Thursday, March 15, 2007
Which Pop-Culture Hairstyle
Should I Rip Off ?
Should I Rip Off ?
It's that hated time again -- the time when I have to go and get my hair done.
I know it should be this fun, sexy experience, going to a salon -- but to me it brings back memories of when I was 8 and of my mom having to pay the barber extra because I kept ducking the scissors.
So I figured instead of agonizing over this alone, I would open the floor up to discussion:
What is the best pop-culture female hairstyle? (in general)
and
What would be the best for me? (take into consideration I can't blow-dry my hair for s**t)
Saturday, March 10, 2007
Questions, Questions...
Why is John Cusack always in movies where he's standing in the rain?
Why is that man in a bear suit punching that lady?
Is that a real beer bottle Rowdy Roddy Piper is smashing into his forehead? (not for the faint of heart)
Why, after big-budget sophisticated renditions of these characters in the movie theaters, does this video still make my toes tingle?
Why is John Cusack always in movies where he's standing in the rain?
Why is that man in a bear suit punching that lady?
Is that a real beer bottle Rowdy Roddy Piper is smashing into his forehead? (not for the faint of heart)
Why, after big-budget sophisticated renditions of these characters in the movie theaters, does this video still make my toes tingle?
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
In Praise Of Ethel Muggs
It has occurred to me that my blog has been relatively lacking in good old fashioned comics scholarship. In an effort to rectify this, I turn my intellectual lens to an unsung heroine in the annals of comics history: Ethel "Big Ethel" Muggs.
A regular member of the supporting cast of the "Archie" universe, Ethel's singular raison d'etre has seemed to be an ugly girl to mock. I mean, it doesn't really get much deeper than that.
Tall, skinny, buck-toothed, and looking not a little like Jughead in drag, one could say that her spiritual ancestor might be the immortal "Lena the Hyena"
made famous by Basil Wolverton. But whereas Lena, in all her wonderful infernal hideousness, had a mindless quality about her that rendered the character somewhat unsympathetic whilst chasing hapless Eddie Valiant off a roof in the movie "Who Framed Roger Rabbit," Ethel's singular love for Jughead Jones has elevated her, at least in this reader's mind, into the plane of Pathos.Perhaps if Jughead possessed all the narcissistic zeal of Reggie Mantle he might have fallen for his female doppelganger; but alas, the slap-happy jokester of Riverdale could barely get hot under the collar for anything besides a hot steaming plate of hotdogs -- which is an article for another day. But if Jughead has been known to be notoriously cold when it comes to the opposite sex, he has been especially cruel to poor Ethel. Nary an issue featuring the two goes by where Jughead responds to his would-be girlfriend's advances by saying something to the effect of "I want to vomit." Such protests are considered "punchlines" in the comics.
Whether Ethel's last name is derived from that immortal phrase "hey look at da mug on dat dem ugly dame" or simply refers to J. Fred Muggs, a popular trained chimpanzee of the era, is unclear. But what is known for sure is that the girl's official debut was proceeded by two appearances of similarly-drawn ugly teenage girls that made the lives of the Riverdale boys hell by simply being their outgoing, homely selves.
In Archie Comics #30 (1948), Archie is bedeviled by a buck-toothed figure who at first he thinks is a boy. Dubbed "The Zombie" by Archie, he decides at the issue that the only way to deal with an ugly girl who likes you is to commit suicide. Later, "The Zombie" would receive a name, Ophelia Gleutenschnable,
and would shift her focus away from Archie and onto his goofy best friend Jughead. Ophelia and Jughead would actually date for several issues. As Jughead explained, Ophelia's appeal was that she was "different" from the other girls: "She's the only one who will go with me!"But their storybook romance was not to last. Somewhere through the years Ophelia became Ethel, and Jughead grew distant. Possessing a steely determination and an inability to recognize vital social cues, Ethel turned to bribing Jughead with hotdogs and fried chicken for his affection. While such strategic maneuvers yielded the girl notable short-turn gains, she generally remained the butt of Jughead's (and, in extension, the comic book itself's) cruel mockery.
Though most "Big Ethel" appearances follow the general "let's laugh at the ugly chick format," there has been a few storylines that took the opposite approach. These stories can be grouped under the "Beautiful On The Inside" banner:
1) Archie dates Ethel in "Archie's Riverdale High" #8 and finds out that she is really a beautiful girl "on the inside." Jughead gets jealous. (Note: this story, in terms of continuity impact, is on roughly the same level as the one where Lois Lane takes LSD and thinks she and Superman have a green-skinned mermaid baby with genius IQ who teams up with Bruce Wayne's own infant to helm a series of one-shots drawn by John Byrne)
2) In "Archie and Friends" #12, a handsome dude, "Hank," is Ethel's penpal. Understanding by now the impact of her ungainly appearance, Ethel sends him a picture of Veronica instead of herself. So now Veronica has to go on a date with Hank as to not shatter Ethel's already-fragile self-esteem and drive her to killing half the student body with her telekinetic abilities run amok. BUT HANK REJECTS VERONICA AND LOVES ETHEL BECAUSE ETHEL IS "PRETTY ON THE INSIDE!"
3) In "Jughead" #29, Ethel dates a blind boy, the only particular flavor of boy that could possibly stand to be near her. Which means, in pop-culture terms, that her appearance is roughly on the same plane as The Thing, Frankenstein, and the boy from the movie "Mask." In the same issue, not to be outdone, the now-jealous Jughead finds his own "handi-capable" love interest, a paralyzed African-American girl. Shockingly, by next issue the blind boy and African-American girl were completely and utterly forgotten; it is theorized that they, along with the idea of interracial romance, were casualties of the epic "Crisis on Infinite Archies" maxi-series.
One last interesting storyline development concerning Ethel Muggs is contained in the TV movie "From Riverdale and Back Again,"
in which Archie and the gang are all grown up. Late-bloomer Ethel, it is revealed, matured into a sexy pinup model. While she could have any man she wants in the whole world, of course she takes Jughead back, her self-esteem being somewhere between similarly masochistic Betty and shoe-heel dirt.Big Ethel recently received a slight redesign, part of an overall effort by Archie Comics to be more sensitive to "ugly girls." As noted in her online bio, Ethel is "a beautiful person on the inside" (OUCHOUCHOUCH).
In the footsteps of similar online campaigns for characters such as Supergirl and that "Robin" chick, I suggest a "FREE ETHEL MUGGS" crusade to pressure Archie Comics into ceasing to make fun of her. As part of "reparations" for all the abuse the character has received over the years, I humbly suggest that Archie Andrews be forced to date her -- with a SMILE, damnit! -- for at least twenty issues. Then Jughead could get jealous and have a Star Trek "Kirk Vs. Gorn" style gladiatorial match for her affections using big pointy sticks.
Anyone interested in the "FREE ETHEL MUGGS" campaign or has non-pornographic fan art to post on this site can feel free to e-mail me. Together, we can make a difference! First, Ethel -- then the World!
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