Top Ten Movie Creeps, Jerks, Cads, and Assholes

The creep, cad, or asshole is a staple of many a film -- and his or her importance cannot be overstated.

Here are my favorite ten cinematic jerks:

10. Toht


Toht from Raiders Of The Lost Ark is a creep. He has beady eyes, he's a Nazi, and I don't like him. Plus, he provided me with one of those nightmarish visuals of my youth; only in retrospect can I take any sort of pleasure in his face melting off. Obviously, Belloq was no better than Toht and a far bigger Nazi -- but it's Toht's creamy melting visage that has caramelized its way into our collective unconscious.


9. Carter Burke

Ripley: Just tell me one thing, Burke. You're going out there to destroy them, right? Not to study. Not to bring back. But to wipe them out.
Burke: That's the plan. You have my word on it.
Ripley: All right, I'm in.

Carter Burke from Aliens is an asshole, a corporate stooge, a liar, and a coward. He can go to hell. "Mad About You" worked to lessen the stain of Burke from actor Paul Reiser for me, but only to a certain extent. I much prefer Richard Lewis.


8. Miss Hannigan

Now, some may say that Miss Hannigan is technically a bitch, but I think "creep" goes beyond gender. As we all know, she tried to stop that adorable red-headed moppet Annie from getting adopted. But even worse, she was totally macking on Daddy Warbucks when it was clear that he should be with Grace Farrell. This is totally what creeps do. Excusing her villainy at the end and blaming it on the booze was just a cop-out, in my humble opinion, and she totally did not deserve to be in the victory circus.


7. Tom Chisum/Cha Cha DiGregorio/Leo

These three characters from Grease are creeps -- though to be fair, Tom only was a creep because he existed, whereas Cha Cha and Leo were actively cads and assholes. (Cha Cha, technically more of a bitch) All three stood in the way of Sandy/Danny and Rizzo/Kenickie living out the awesome true love that was their destiny. However, Cha Cha has her own Barbie doll, so go figure.


6. Miss Almira Gulch


What the hell business is it of hers that Dorothy has a dog? Jesus H. Christ. Mind your own damn business! Stupid lady.


5. Jim


Jim the Jock from Edward Scissorhands is a total creep asshole. Because of him, Edward became misunderstood and had to live out the rest of his emo existence on a lonely mountain. This is what happens when creeps get involved in timeless romances. The fact that Jim used to be that nerdy guy from Breakfast Club does not in any way excuse his behavior. Screw this guy.


4. Bill Lumbergh


Lumbergh from Office Space is a creep/asshole who nonetheless has some sort of undefinable physical appeal that allows him to score with Jennifer Aniston. Perhaps she was swayed by the heady whiff of Power that emanated from Lumbergh's being. All we know is, she's a lesser person for it. * Edit: it has been pointed out that Aniston slept with a different Lumbergh, meaning that Bill Lumbergh doesn't really have much going for him except an undeserved reputation as teh result of mistaken identity. Though it must be pointed out that in real life, some of the Bill Lumberghs of the world do get surprisingly lots of action, because corporate despots/hacks can be real sexy.


3. Cal Hockley


Cal from Titanic is the type of movie asshole who is really handsome but shitty at the same time. He beats his girlfriend and totally gets cute Jack Dawson in trouble. I initially really hated Cal, but as time has gone on and I have hated this movie more and more, I sometimes catch myself hoping for an ending where Cal knocks Rose unconscious, drags her into a lifeboat, they both end up alive, and she becomes a pampered, drug-addled mother of eight unloved children who grow up to be uncontrollable proto-hippies. I think that would have been more interesting.


2. Ed Rooney


I don't know about you, but I found Rooney's obsession with Ferris Bueller to be a tad unhealthy. Somebody really needs to look into that.

1. Walter Peck

Dr Ray Stantz: Everything was fine with our system until the power grid was shut off by dickless here.
Walter Peck: They caused an explosion!
Mayor: Is this true?
Dr. Peter Venkman: Yes it's true.
[pause]
Dr. Peter Venkman: This man has no dick.

Walter Peck from Ghostbusters has served for me as the template of the Asshole in not just movies but every medium. He's elitist, he immediately hates the main character because of his own insecurities, and is willing to risk the deaths of countless people just to prove a point. Yes, he is truly dickless, without dick. At least, that's what I've heard. Then again, if you had a troupe of people dressed in crazy outfits spouting out psuedo-scientific gobbledy-gook and wielding powerful energy-thingies in the middle of NYC, you too might be an asshole about it. According to the Movie Villains website:

"Walter Peck, legal representative of the Environmental Protection Agency, has a legitimate beef with the Ghostbusters. No one wants "noxious, possibly hazardous" chemicals in their neighborhood, and that's the EPA's business."

Now, what if Walter Peck was totally nice about things, but said, in the nicest way possible, that there were certain EPA rules that the Ghostbusters had to follow?

I say, Venkman still wouldn't have cooperated with him. Which brings us to the concept of Asshole Pride. At least Peck had the pride of being a total self-righteous asshole. There is a certain consistency in that. The Lucy Van Pelts of the world are, in my opinion, happier than the Charlie Browns.

Assholes are the heroes of their own stories. And they don't even know that they're assholes; because if they did, they wouldn't truly be assholes. They'd be self-loathing wishy-washies in therapy. So raise a glass to the insufferable jerks; little critters of nature, they don't know that they're ugly.

New York Comic Con 09: Doing The Time Warp

Jimmy Olsen gets the scoop on the future of the comic book industry

I suspect to many in this strange uncertain time, New York Comic Con was a welcome escape from reality. Such as it was for me, and mostly how I used the event. I did more "wandering on my own, losing myself in dollar bins" than I have in the last three years. I bought up all the comics of my youth. I opened up these comics and immediately familiar panels, which I haven't viewed in 20 years, stood out. It's funny how these random panels stick in your memory.

I went to a bar, and one of my favorite former bosses from my DC days got up with his crew to leave -- providing my friends with a space. We sat down, and after an hour a former boss from Acclaim -- who always reminded me of that same guy from DC who just left -- sat down and started talking to us. It was surreal. Full circle. Another friend commented that being at NYCC was like having his life flash before his eyes -- people from so many different eras of his life, his career.

Complicating things was the fact that I had moments where I still thought that my late step-dad was still somewhere, living in his home at NYC or Cape Cod. That it was only a temporary absence. It's like you know absolutely that he's gone, but you distract yourself with the convention and talking with your friends, and everything seems normal. And him being around is part of that normal. But he's gone. I managed to process a lot of my feelings about that this weekend -- but perhaps it was more distraction, less process. I don't know.

Batman & Hellboy wait their turn

I also had a number of freelancers tell me that they missed my opinion pieces (a.k.a. muckraking) regarding the industry, as they felt it provided a useful service. This made me feel flattered and also kinda guilty for not writing that stuff anymore (or, at least, not writing it the way I did).

But is punditry truly a force of real change in the comic book industry? In terms of some of the most shocking things I have personally witnessed or heard about -- not as much as I thought it was. That doesn't mean that these things shouldn't be talked about online. But I think the real change -- the shakeups -- are coming from the economy and the move to digital. These changes are like a monolith glacier that is scraping across the landscape of the comic book industry. I feel like a little bean in comparison.

The sea change cannot be overestimated. It is hard for me to concentrate on who slept with who or who screwed who over in the face of this massive change. I watch and track Change, with all its attendant horribleness and wonder, with the awe and focus of an intense 10-year-old with Asperger's Syndrome.

Hordes of unemployed, angry Jedi storm the floor

Some complained about NYCC feeling a little "flat." Not a lot of OMFG moments, stuff to be revved up about. That's because this is the calm before the tsunami. It's not going to be a "bad" tsunami, in terms of being "evil." It's a tsunami of change. To say "Dan DiDio this and that" is irrelevant at this point. Two years from now, and this landscape will be completely altered. And in the shake-up, some will fall away and other, newer people will come out of seemingly nowhere and rise to the top. It's anybody's game at this point. It's not the time for pessimism, but for asking: "where do I fit within all of this?"

This is the time, that if you're smart, you can really build something for yourself. It is not Armageddon, though I know that term has been passed around as of late.

But change can be very painful, and those feelings need to be processed. And sometimes, there needs to be distraction, simple joys, good times with friends, etc. Seeing so many segments of my life on display at NYCC, blending, colliding, having drinks with each other, slinking away around corners or running up to me from across a crowded convention floor...I feel as if I am at a nexus-point in my life, in my career. And I feel the industry is at a similar place.

New York Comic Con Apperarances

Hi All,

Due to recent events in my family, my NYCC schedule has been shortened; I'm playing it very much by ear.

The best way to see me is Friday at the Zuda panel, 3:30-4:30 PM, room 1A06.
Obviously, I will not be on the panel, but I will be in the audience.

If you want to touch base with me or leave a message, please visit the "Nite Owls from DC Zuda / High Moon" table in the independent publishers area, Booth 2340. I will be there on and off, visiting.

After Friday, my attendance at the Con and schedule is very tentative, because I might have to leave the state to tend to family stuff.

(I'm dreading going back to San Diego this year, but things are looking more and more like I might have to. Ack.)

Hope you all have a great time at NYCC! Best, Val.

Joe

My stepfather, Joe, passed away today. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in late October of '08. Recently, he had a stroke, and was soon after stricken with reoccurring pneumonia.

One of the reasons some experts say fathers are so important is because they are (or should be) role models. Ideally, they should provide a basic template of what positive character traits a man should possess.

Joe was soft-spoken but very strong. He believed in living life to the fullest -- living every day to the fullest. He came from a more traditional background, but was very open-minded. He liked helping people. He worked hard. He loved my mother very much. He was very gentle but if somebody disrespected my mom, he would very likely punch that person. He liked building things. Him and my mother built a beautiful house in Cape Cod out of an awkward lot that nobody wanted. He was teaching himself how to play the guitar. He was an avid biker. I (re)introduced him to reading comics, and he liked "New Frontier" very much. His father had worked on the first rocket launch, and Joe still had a bundle of wires from the "umbilical cord" that was attached to that rocket. He had an Obama button pinned to the inside of his car. He had retired a couple of years ago after putting in over 35 years as an engineer, and had traveled the world with my mom. They made a great couple, and were very happy with each other.

Joe wasn't my biological father, and he entered my life when I was an adult. But I consider him a role-model, a template for the type of man I want to marry and to have children with. I am so very lucky to have had this wonderful man be in my life, and to have had the opportunity to spend time with him this past Thanksgiving. He never had any children, but I hope he considered me and my siblings his children in a way. He was the best father I ever had.

The Trend Towards Bobbleheaded Women

Stick with me, here.

The standard Barbie doll had a redo several years back, where her head size was increased. It was a subtle increase, but (especially to old-school Barbie collectors like me and my sister) it was noticeable.

To compare:
















Bobbleheaded Barbie and Old Normal Barbie

I assume that Mattel made this alteration to follow the general "bobblehead" fad in dolls, as evidenced in Bratz, My Scene, etc.

Now I read in bnjammin's blog (referring to this LJ post) that companies are doing the same thing with reproductions of famous art.

Compare:























See? The statue reproduction = bobblehead

Why has the bobblehead become our aesthetic default?





















It might have something to do with the fact that even after heavy dieting, the skull remains the same size. Which is why I recommend a good headshrinker.

Economy Sad Bear: The There's No Crying In Comics Edition

"Anonymous" has choice words for those complaining about Diamond's new policies:

"Quit complaining, grow and evolve, or shut the hell up and go away."

cue:




I'm only really following this WOWIO thing because I had considered publishing my memoirs through them and boy I would have been cheesed off now.


Did you know that it would be cheaper for The New York Times to just give their subscribers Kindles than to keep publishing the print edition of the paper?

I still occasionally buy and enjoy the print edition of NYT. But it's not a habit nor is it a necessity -- it's more of a "treat," usually spurred on by long train rides.


Of course, it must be asked -- is this ascendancy of digital over paper necessarily a development in the same league as the economy failing, etc.? Were things going to go down this road anyway as new technologies developed? Is it just a case of really bad timing? Or has the mass exodus away from paper sped up considerably in the face of the recession? In other words: clusterf**k?



On a positive note, Major Spoilers provides promotion tips for the small publisher, referencing chipper Mr. Seth Godin:

"Instead of being pessimistic about business, Seth insists that a different outlook can drastically change the outcome. When my comic shipment didn’t arrive last week as expected, I didn’t curl into a ball, bemoaning the number of readers that would be lost or comics that would not be enjoyed. Instead, I’ve been looking at other sources to see what can be reviewed.

Why can’t this work for the smaller publisher? I’m not a print publisher, and will admit that my knowledge of print schedules, minimum orders, and the like, all comes from my conversations with a good friend who’s been a magazine editor nearly all his life. It seems that instead of worrying about canceling titles that have low order amounts, the smaller publisher should work to increase awareness of its offerings to increase demand, thus meeting Diamond’s new minimum limit."

Of course, now this post has come full circle.

Do you have any tales or news for Economy Sad Bear? Or maybe something inspirational to lift our flagging spirits? Let us know! I'm friggin' serious! I'm looking for s**t to write! Just don't libel nobody.

Palette Cleansers:
Pictures of Cute Animals
Tony Robbins Quotations
Bubblewrap Popping

I Heart Dead People: Why Do We Love Zombies?

**Spoilers**

Geekstir wonders if the upcoming "Blackest Night" event isn't DC's version, in some way, of "Marvel Zombies."

With even Jane Austen getting a walking dead makeover, the big question is: why do we like seeing shambling zombified versions of our favorite characters and stories?


Is it a commentary on pop-culture icons that have survived long past their prime? Or, like the calavera of Mexico, is our fascination with the dead or nearly-dead just a playful coping mechanism for the painful knowledge of the mortality of our loved ones and ourselves?


Or is it just...brainnnnnnnssssss???

Fringe's "Harvard" Really In Brooklyn

Hey, that "Harvard University" in an episode of the sci-fi show Fringe certainly looks familiar...

Oh! That would be because it's really my old alma mater Brooklyn College:


They always used to tell us that B.C. was really "a poor man's Harvard."

But we didn't have those fluffy letters floating in the air when I attended.

via Ditmas Park Blog

Superbowl Commericals

You see, I totally get the whole hubbub about Superbowl commercials now. They are largely designed and targeted for people who wouldn't even give a rat's behind about football. It's ingenious. They tune in for the commercials. Or just watch them on Hulu. And before I watch the Superbowl commercial on Hulu -- THEY PLAY A DAMN COMMERCIAL!

(note: these Hulu links may not work depending on where you live. If they don't, try YouTube. Though they are yanking some of these commercials off of YouTube. Because God forbid. You pirate. COMMERCIALS!)

Angels and Demons: "Oh crap, Ewan MacGregor is a priest! David! David, did you see this, he's a &%$#$ priest! David!"


Land of The Lost: Now I hate Will Ferrell all over again.

Heroes Football: The most inspirational fantasy/sports hybrid since NFL Superpro.

Alec Baldwin "Huluwood": Baldwin seems to be making a real cottage industry out of playing the evil but lovable gasbag, isn't he? Have you checked out his IMDB entry lately? Profile picture from ten years ago. "Raven haired, suavely handsome..." Who wrote this entry and when? Then this passage: "Unfortunately, Baldwin fell out with Paramount Studios over future scripts for Jack Ryan, and subsequent Ryan roles went to Harrison Ford. It was a minor blip on Baldwin's horizon, and he then contributed interesting performances as a lowlife thief pursued by dogged cop Fred Ward in Miami Blues (1990)..." Minor blip on his horizon? That ill-conceived decision blew his chances of being a dashing Hollywood leading man forever. And oh yes, the trivia section says he loves Cuban cigars: "Some guys smoke good Dominicans, other guys smoke great Jamaicans. I only smoke the best - Havanas!"

Heheheheh...CUBANS! That's a good cigar!
He's a gasbag, but we love him, and Liz Lemon would sorta totally do him, or at least, wouldn't completely vomit.


Transformers 2: "David! Transformers 2! With Shia! Shia's more serious in this one! This is like "The Dark Knight" of Transformers movies! David! Look at this!"

Pepsi MacGruber: Well, we all knew having Richard Dean Anderson make an appearance on this SNL parody was inevitable. Anderson looks now the way Adam West looked like in 1986. Do the math.


Pepsi Max: You see, this is the sort of commercial some "men's rights" group should target as making males look like dumbasses. Pepsi Max is like the Ax Body Spray of diet colas. I mean, it won't necessarily get you laid, but it's Manly.

Year One: Will Michael Cera's unique brand of sweet, self-effacing, and neurotic humor work in a non-stop comedic romp through Biblical history? And, most importantly -- will Biggus Dickus make an appearance?


Star Trek: (takes in a mouthful of oxygen) "DAVIDDDDDD!!!!!"

Groundhog Day

This Groundhog Day I resolve not to live the same day over and over again -- but instead use my noggin and capacity for positive change.

Or, having seen my shadow, I might duck back into the apartment until Spring.

A lot will depend on if there are any clean socks.

Economy Sad Bear: The Webcomic Edition

Follow The Media Is Dying on Twitter for your daily (hourly?) dose of nail-biting, Rolaids-popping paranoia.

Are webcomics a viable alternative to your recession-plagued wallet? David Gallaher provides a list of his favorites at Blog@Newsarama.

Neil Swaab describes "the end of alternative comic strips," and gives his opinions on webcomics...

"I know there are plenty of web comic artists who are able to subsist on the income they make from their website, but they aren't making money from their comics; they're making money from merchandise. Not to belittle web-only comic artists, but when their income is derived from t-shirts, it makes them salesmen first, artists second. The comics act as a tool to drive traffic to their website and then the sales of their products allow them to continue to make the comics. I know this may seem like semantics and those artists would never see it that way, but I think it's a valid issue, particularly for the reasons that not every comic artist wants to be a t-shirt salesperson."

...and then clarifies those opinions:

"My intent in bringing up the question was that there are a lot of great artists out there whose work doesn’t translate to t-shirts or easily marketable products and who don’t have an interest in merchandising to support themselves. Their work shouldn’t fail because of that and that’s what the current webcomics model thrives on."

So if Swaab is basically saying that "the current webcomics model thrives on" CafePress tees and mousepads, what is the specific objection to that? Is the objection that such a model doesn't generate sufficient cash for webcomickers, or because the arrangement is "gauche?" Is it more gauche to sell T-shirts on your site or have your comic strip supported by an alternative weekly that runs ads (with some of ads, especially towards the back of the publication, being kinda sketchy)? Or are any determinations we make regarding this highly objective and situational?

Also -- I would totally buy a Rehabilitating Mr. Wiggles mousepad.

Then there is Brandon Thomas on digital comics:

"If you are a comic book company and are not seriously considering some method of digital distribution, then in the next couple years, you’re likely going out of business. The smaller the publishing house, the more important this ultimately is."

I've been hearing rumblings about the future and viability of original graphic novels as well. Shocking, because two years ago OGNs were the bee's knees and everybody wanted a piece of them, especially the traditional book publishers. Now it's like: "I don't got a &@%$ two years for your book to come out! We might be a Chick-fil-A by the time that happens!"


...and cult-favorite webcomic Achewood goes on hiatus:

"After seven full and happy years, though, production of the strip has had to find space for itself among other projects. Book development, animation development, and most recently, the rapid relocation of my little family to another state. That's the big killer. We lived in Silicon Valley until today. Until three weeks ago, we thought we were going to live here forever. It's a complicated story involving eminent domain, the stewardship of the American financial continuum, and a poisonous dog named Nasturtium. I'll tell you about it sometime."

This prompts Strangeman to muse:

"I don't know what to think. I think an artist has the right to walk away from his art, but it's something to be avoided. That's like leaving your baby at Wal-Mart. If it's ending, I'm going to feel what I felt when Calvin & Hobbes went away. Comics are taken for granted sometimes, be they in the paper, comic book, or online. No one really want to see them go."


Do you have any tales or news for Economy Sad Bear? Or maybe something inspirational to lift our flagging spirits? Let us know!

Palette Cleansers:
Pictures of Cute Animals
Tony Robbins Quotations
Bubblewrap Popping

Adama Will Kill You

Conversation I had yesterday while watching Battlestar Galactica with a friend (no spoilers, I think):

"Adama will kill you. He is not f**king around."

"Agreed. Adama will f**k you up and not even be crazy about it. He'll be all calm."

"He's kind of rotund, but he will totally kick your ass."

"I think he's sexy. I mean, he is a little rotund, but he's hot."

"Well, he had sex with Roslin. But you didn't see him naked or anything, you just saw his arm."

"Wait -- is that Richard Hatch?"

"Where have you been?"

"He looks so old."

"He's a major character on this show."

"..."

"Gaeta is totally going to get airlocked."

"Yeah."

A Real Life Superhero Speaks Out

Hardwire, a regular reader of the blog and a Real Life Superhero, sent me an email clarifying the Real Life Superhero movement (as first mentioned in this post):

I just thought that maybe I would clear up a few discrepancies regarding the RLSH movement, and the community as a whole. I saw some of the comments, and it seems that the majority of people reading the post are uninformed.

First off, we're not all vigilante nut jobs. The majority of our community consists of men and women looking to do good through volunteer efforts, charitable fundraisers, and, of course, security patrols. Dark Guardian himself is a tremendous help to achieving these goals, as he has organized several events and drop-offs, and is in the process of getting Superheroes Anonymous, a RLSH organization, state (and later federal) non-profit status. In regards to what I do/have done, I have worked with Habitat for Humanity down in New Orleans, helped clean up my neighborhood, and have patrolled my city a ridiculous amount of times.

The uniforms, costumes, whatever you want to call them - yeah, they're a little unnerving, and they make us look a bit silly, but it also tells people we're harmless. We are no danger to American stability. If anything, we're boosters!

Yes, there are nut jobs who call themselves RLSHs, and think we're all about busting in crack dealers' skulls. Fortunately, those people typically just sit on forums or Myspace all day, talking about what they'd do, or making up fantastic stories.

Real Life Superheroes are just regular men and women who dress themselves in heroic alter egos, and set out to make a difference in someone's life, their neighborhood, or the world. They are selfless, compassionate individuals, with a strong sense of duty, honor, and responsibility. I can't say that I'm up there with the best of them, but those that are make me want to try.

You have my full permission to use this in a blog post.

Batman Vs. Darth Vader

Actually, this is exactly the sort of high-concept stuff the entertainment industry is looking for these days.

"You gotta gimme something sure-fire, that can I sell! I'm up to my ass in whiny autobiographies and morally-conflicted bounty hunters."

"Uh...Batman versus Darth Vader?"

"OH MY GOD!"

"Cloverfield Monster versus Godzilla?"

"OH MY GOD!"

"Lost: The Movie?"

"JUMPING JESUS ON A CRACKER!"

"Twilight 2?"

"YES! YES!"

"Legally Blond 3 direct to DVD starring that chick from Gossip Girl?"

"YES! DON'T STOP! DON'T STOP!"

"Vampire versus Mummy?"

"..."

"In 3-D?"

"WHARRRRRRGBBBBLLLLL!!!"

Matt Damon! Hates James Bond

"...Bond is an imperialist, misogynist sociopath who goes around bedding women and swilling martinis and killing people. He's repulsive"
--Matt Damon

Real Life Superheroes: World Superhero Registry

"I am a man who will make a difference in this world. Some may call me a hero, a super-hero, a vigilante, or a nut job. I fight for all that is right and just. I protect the innocent and punish evil. I will drive myself self into the ground to help make this world a better place. I now only live my life for justice and the betterment of mankind."
-- Dark Guardian, real superhero

From The World Superhero Registry FAQ:

Q: What is a Real-Life Superhero?

A: A Real-Life Superhero is a person who does good deeds or fights crime while in costume.


Q: What is the purpose of wearing a costume while fighting crime or performing good deeds?

A: There are a variety of purposes. Here are a few:

-To inspire others

-To illustrate commitment to an ideal

-To protect one's privacy

-To avoid litigation

-To protect one's safety and the safety of one's family

-To conceal vulnerabilities in one's protective gear

-For concealment or camouflage

-To have more fun with public service


Q: Is this a role-playing game?

A: No. This is a movement among ordinary people to make the world a better place in an extraordinary way. There are always those who will take something less seriously, but the Real-Life Superhero community is generally composed of sincere, well meaning people who have finally decided to go out and make a difference.


Q: Is costumed crime-fighting legal?

A: That depends on how it is done and where it is done. Citizen's arrest statutes vary by state. Some states ban the wearing of masks. It would be wise to review the laws of your state and adjust your crime fighting strategy to comply with them. Some Real-Life Superheroes are sanctioned by the local law enforcement, others are forced to avoid the police at all costs.

And from their "Philosophy" page:

DO NO HARM

Mistakes are unacceptable when one is dealing with matters of Life and Death. Getting into a battle with a villain risks not only the lives of those involved, but those of anyone within range of their weapons.

Non-lethal means of apprehending a villain provide an essential safety-margin, although even non-lethal techniques can sometimes result in injury or death. Sound judgment is always essential to prevent tragedy.

Unless a Hero chances upon a major crime in progress, careful research and planning are essential to any action to be taken. Poor research and planning could result in trying to apprehend undercover law-enforcement officers and other undesirable outcomes


FAIRNESS

Although it may be tempting to pursue petty criminals due to the ease with which they can be found, in many cases it does not truly serve the cause of justice, nor is it worth the risk.

Apprehending prostitutes saves no lives, protects no property, and does not significantly advance the cause of justice.

Apprehending casual drug users is also of limited value to society.

When confronted by an essentially victimless crime, the appropriate response is, more often than not, a stern lecture.

And, if you should require it, legal advice is also available.

Characters I Kinda Dig: Quantum and Woody

Cracked/Mad Feud Reaches Fever Pitch

Sylvester P. Smythe was seen slapping Alfred E. Neuman with the backs of his hands yesterday, as the decades-old feud between Cracked & Mad continued its bloody reign.

News of Mad Magazine's recent hardships only added gasoline to what has already been a dark spot in the usually sunny world of humor periodicals. Cracked, (which is actually no longer a periodical) (which also actually hasn't even used Sylvester P. Smythe in years) tried to send an olive branch of sorts to Mad in the form of a post written by Daniel O'Brien.

Entitled, "Cracked Officially Starts Feeling Sorry for MAD Magazine," the post is a love-letter of sorts to the magazine that started America laughing more than fifty years ago.

"I wanted to reach out to you, but I just got so busy; see, we were installing hot tubs in all of the Cracked offices at the time, which required a ton of my attention, (you can’t install hot tubs within five feet of a chocolate fountain, which we’d just installed in October). They’re kind of tacky, I know, but we had some extra cash so why not, right?"

O'Brien also gives us a glimpse into the rich history the two humor magazines share:

"Oh, but one more real quick thing. As different as we are, (in terms of success, our adaptability with regards to the shifting trends in media, our superior sexual behavior), we do have one similarity. According to legend, longtime MAD editor William Gaines reportedly kept a voodoo doll in his office, in which he would stick pins, all labeled as various MAD “imitators,” (Cracked, Sick, The New York Times), and he would remove a pin whenever one of these imitators would stop publishing or disappear. At the time of Gaines’ death, there was only one pin left, and it was labeled “Cracked."

Which, of course, brought to mind:


It is my belief that only Obnoxio the Clown can bring these two sides together and restore the friendly rivalry they shared in the good old days, the days of reading material made of paper.

Occasional Links: Turner D. Century Edition

Turner D. Century: Best superhero name EVER!

Mickey Rourke pulls out of Wrestlemania AND JUST ABOUT BREAKS MY HEART!

Arrested Development movie still on (and Michael Cera on board)...

...and here is a mini-documentary of the cast talking about it.


USA Today demonstrates how to utilize popular culture figures in a manner designed to increase our knowledge and personal safety:

"And if someone is bothering you and won't stop, flag the real-life version of Paul Blart. If you don't see a mall cop nearby, go into a store and ask an employee there to call mall security."

Cats say: "stupid humans with their stupid toys"

A Ghost Rider movie sequel and more Nicholas Cage as Johnny Blaze...


Seth Rogen Green Hornet movie still on; Adam Sandler to cameo as "certain surprise superhero."

WHO WILL ADAM SANDLER CAMEO AS?????!!!??? ???
Will it be...TURNER D. CENTURY??/?/?

Oh yes, there will be Tribbles...

A brief history of the A-Team movie. Formerly considered for the role of Hannibal:


And Turner D. Century, updated for modern comic book readers:

"Protect Yourself At All Times"

Regular readers will probably notice this anyway, but just to be clear:

This site will no longer be host to my opinions on politics, feminism, ethics, morality, and, most importantly of course, "which comic is bad?" I certainly might on occasion put the question out to you, the reader, without any sort of deep commentary: for example, I might show a comic book cover and ask for your two cents. But for reasons of personal peace & safety, I can no longer "get too much into it" anymore.

On one hand, there is the taboo against expressing certain views that are not "the correct views." For example, the view that an artist might hold a degree of personal responsibility for what they produce. On the surface, this may not seem like that much of an explosive and divisive thing to say. It is an opinion, and not one that includes a request for governmental interference or any other compulsory limitations. However, just to mention such an opinion provokes such a reaction of hysteria, that it is clear to me that there can be no rational discussion in this format. And that's too bad.

When the breaking of this aforementioned taboo is coupled with the obsessiveness of certain hardcore fans, it produces something that I personally find disturbing and dangerous. And when I show somebody who is unfamiliar with this aspect of comic book fandom and online discourse what the results are -- both the reaction on my blog and off -- they get scared for me and usually suggest I shut Occasional Superheroine down completely.

I've done this for about two years now. Over that time, I have encountered many wonderful people. I have had many, many people email me privately and thank me for being so open about my experiences and opinions, and I have saved every email to remind me that this was not all for nothing. It is in deference to these people that I am explaining the current direction of this blog, rather than just quietly let the change take place with no acknowledgment.

I'm proud to have had the opportunity to express myself so openly regarding a whole range of issues. I am glad those opinions are on this site, and I have no plans to remove any of them. And in the future I might print some of these opinions in a book or in an alternate format. But like I said, I've been doing this for a couple of years now. In that time, I have had to weather at least fifty of what I refer to as "forest fires." These have included other people publicly ridiculing my most personal tragedies, and sending me explicit and threatening emails. The ferocity of these attacks have shocked even the most cynical comic industry friends I know.

Friends of mine who are professional comic creators tell me that some of this will not go away regardless of whether I post my opinions or not. Once I get into the realm of writing comics, there will be those who will go ballistic regarding even the seemingly most harmless plot point. I accept that. I accept that a wall, to an extent, has to go up. That you have filter a lot of the noise out, and perform the balance between letting fans in and keeping abusive people out. And that you can't react, that reacting and defending yourself publicly only throws gasoline on the situation. Okay. I get that.

But to regularly post opinions on this blog -- opinions that it has already been established some people do not react to rationally, or use and distort to pursue their own agendas -- only increases my exposure to this sort of abuse. I can't do it anymore, even to "be brave." I'm almost 35 years old. My health has never been quite as robust as I would like, and there is a tendency in my family to expire in one's late 30s/early 40s from heart-attacks and stroke. My dad died at 42, and his dad died at 40. Massive heart attacks. I don't need a doctor right now to advise me to stay away from stress, because I am more than aware of this. I have an immediate family member who is gravely ill, and another who I've been too preoccupied to give the help she really needs to raise her child. This is real life, and this is what's important.

My writing career is important to me as well. I think the people who create nefarious reasons about why I have a writing career are only about a few degrees above the anonymous emailer who writes about how I "fuck to get ahead," how I am a whore, complete with explicit descriptions of all the sexual favors I must be so freely giving. To me, it's all part of the same continuity. This has been done to women in the industry before -- and not just by men, but, most sadly, by other women. I particularly enjoy the conspiracy theories about how Marvel controls the content of my blog. Wow. Marvel Comics has never, ever expressed a single opinion, direction, or any words whatsoever to me regarding my blog, except for the comment, when we had our first communication, that I had a "powerful voice" in my writing. That was it. I have saved on Gmail hundreds of emails from people telling me that I have a powerful voice in my writing. So I guess Marvel and those hundreds of people were on the same page.

To be honest, some of the ways I've been treated within my own "community" have disillusioned me to a degree that "Goodbye To Comics" just couldn't touch.

But I'm still very grateful to the fans, to the people who have written in, to the friends that I have made through this blog. I hope you can think of this blog as a place where you can find out some relevant news about comics & pop-culture, be introduced or reintroduced to some great comic book creators, and can have some good conversations. I will also keep you posted on what's going on with me and my projects.

Part of me is too exhausted to even wrap my head around New York Comic Con, but I think I will use the opportunity to do what I did before I wrote "Goodbye To Comics" -- just getting in touch with the nuts and bolts and heart of what makes comics positive and fun. I did that for a whole year before "GTC," and while I wasn't very well-known, there was a purity to it that sustained me.

Onwards and upwards, folks.

Frankie Dunn: You forgot the rule. Now, what is the rule?
Maggie Fitzgerald: Keep my left up?
Frankie Dunn: Is to protect yourself at all times. Now, what is the rule?
Maggie Fitzgerald: Protect myself at all times.
Frankie Dunn: Good. Good.

Characters I Kinda Dig: Sally Brown