It's been pointed out to me by a number of people that I've led a relatively sheltered life.
Among the things I've never done:
- Attended a rock concert
- Drove a car
- Rode a bike
- Camped out
- Walked in legitimately high heels
There are also things that are considered frivolous or fanciful that I would like to try, but have never justified it to myself enough to do. This is probably the longest list. I haven't done a lot of these things because I just felt...like I didn't want to cause any trouble. I mean, people do this type of stuff all the time, just to try new things. But whenever I consider these things I just think: "Better not. Don't want to cause any trouble." Stuff like:
- Getting a tattoo/body piercing
- Learning how to play the guitar
- Finally taking a course on cartooning so I can make my own comic
- Going to Burning Man or some other type event
- Taking acting lessons
Lastly, I'd like to do things that only shy people like myself might appreciate as bold and daring. Going to a party where I don't know anybody and starting conversations with complete strangers. I've never done karaoke – that might be fun/scary as hell. Taking a public speaking gig on purpose (instead of getting drafted into it by a friend).
So this is sort of what I was thinking of focusing on as my next project. Making a point to do these things and then record the process. Even if some of these things fail miserably, I want to document that. I figure the end result will either be me as this totally different person, or me at least being sure and comfortable with the fact that I'm shy and sheltered. I mean, I don't really mind if the conclusion I ultimately make is that I'm shy and don't like new things – I just want to be sure that's the case. I don't want to regret things I haven't done. I'm 35. Next February I'll be 36. I've lived such a restrained, sheltered, fearful, xenophobic, anxiety-filled life. The only place I've ever been bold was this blog, and even that has become relatively reserved.
You know, when I was a kid my parents really instilled a fear of everything in me. My dad told me that if I attempted to cross the street by myself, I'd probably get hit by a car. My mom told me after I had my first period that if I even went near boys, I'd get pregnant (because the sperm was like lice...they'd jump from the boy's clothing to mine and infiltrate). And whenever I'd try and fail at something, my parents decided to keep me from those things so I'd never get hurt again. So I would go to a roller-rink for the first time, come home with a bloody nose because I fell – and that was the end of me going to the roller-rink ever. I wasn't allowed to go again. And when I would try to do anything unique in terms of self-expression, it would just get so incredibly shot down, ridiculed, condemned. Even my initial request for eyeglasses was considered by my mom as just a cry for attention (instead of, you know...me just not being able to see the blackboard at school). "Oh, you just want to wear glasses to so you can be special..." Yeah, as if.
So: the world was this scary place, with possible sex offenders and child murderers around every corner. Or weirdos with strangely-colored hair. Or leaping randy sperm with the acrobatic skills of an Olympic gymnast. Or runaway cars ready to mow me down. The world was fucking terrifying for me. And so when something actually did happen to me that was bad, I used that as proof that my parents were right – instead of recognizing that both good and bad things will happen. Because you know what? There is a deep, primal comfort in proving that your parents are right, even if they are dead wrong.
To sum up: basically, my next project is Myself. And it might be as interesting or as boring as hell, but maybe it will do me some good.
Outstanding! This is what I really like to see - personal bravery. I look forward to hearing all about this new direction/adventure.
ReplyDeleteDo it up. I would totally read that.
ReplyDeleteLearn guitar.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. It's not all that hard, and it's a lot of fun. Get a cheap little number to learn on, and when you feel like you've progressed enough, find one you feel suits your style and ability.
You honestly won't regret it.
Not sure that I'd call living on your own at age 16 and having to fend off sexual advances from your employer as "sheltered." I'm all for self-exploration and trying new things, but I don't think it's really so much how much you do, but what you do with however much you've done. You can spend your whole life going from one wild or random experience to the next, but if you never take anything from it beyond being able to say, "I've done that" then all that effort really wasn't worth it.
ReplyDeleteThat said, kudos for taking on Project: Self. Good luck with it!
One note, though: "Walking in legitimately high heels"? Not easy to do well, certainly, but totally over-rated.
Valerie, that project cannot POSSIBLY be boring. Look at how many of us read your blog and look forward to reading your thoughts and feelings. And believe me, as someone who experienced a not-dissimilar childhood but needed years of therapy to even realize it, much less overcome it, you're already miles ahead of the game. Keep us posted on your progress and GOOD LUCK!!
ReplyDeleteIt's always a good idea to spend time developing yourself, and it;ll be interesting to see what you finally choose for that activity.
ReplyDeleteWhat the latest word on Cloak and Dagger?
So weird-I'm 4 to 5 years older and I've gone through almost the same thing due to a childhood illness. I'm making a list of things I want to do in the next half a decade....
ReplyDeleteHope your new project goes well.
I can dig it! Sounds like an awesome journey and it should be documented, webcomic style!!
ReplyDeleteSuggestion:
ReplyDeleteAround June/July next year, take a road trip to the general South Dakota/Montana/Yellowstone area and camp. It'll cost:
1. $200-$400 initially in gear and groceries(comfortable tent, sleeping bags, odds and ends, food, camp stove is a good idea, too). The nice thing about this stuff is that most of it is reusable, and, more or less, a one-time buy.
2. A few hundred bucks in gas. (back and forth).
3. Very little cash in actual tent camping. At Custer State Park (near Mount Rushmore), it costs $10 for use of the park for one week, and $16 per night for a camping spot. It costs $10 - $20 per person to tour Mount Rushmore and the Crazy Horse national monument, respectively. Groceries are very reasonably priced.
My better half and I went on a trip from Kansas City to that general area, then through the Crow Agency in Montana to Big Horn, from there to Livingston, Montana, then to the Museum of the Rockies in Bozeman, took a drive through Craters of the Moon in Idaho, went through Yellowstone, and, lastly, Grand Teton National Park. We spent a little over a grand on the trip, but, we also bought an $80 year-round All-Parks Pass (for national parks), and we were gone for three weeks.
From NYC to Custer, it's about 1740 miles. Figure in $150 in groceries. One week in actual bills to the park would amount to $122.
All things considered, it's cheaper than driving cross country to a beach and staying in a hotel for a week (though that's nice, too).
I would highly, highly recommend it - I had never before been on a long camping trip, especially not up in "Big Sky" country. It's quite relaxing and beautiful, relatively inexpensive, and, if anything, a total change of pace - just try to get out before the Sturgis biker rally starts (assuming you're looking for peace and quiet).
Good luck! Regardless of what you discover you like and dislike, I have no doubt that it will be rewarding for you.
ReplyDeleteIt surprises me to read this kind of stuff about you considering how forthright you are on the internet. As a fellow sheltered person, I'd be very interested in reading about your experiments. I fall into more of the traditional, pathetic male geek categories than I'd like to admit and I'll also turn 36 next year.
ReplyDeleteHave you considered that you may not be so much sheltered nowadays as introverted? Many of the things that you haven't tried seem like very over-stimulating sorts of activities. Of the things on your list, I'd be more inclined to try the classes and would be in complete terror of going to a party where I didn't know anyone and starting conversations. And I bet rock concerts and haunted houses would probably seem lame to you as a 35 year old who seems to know a lot about how the world works.
I believe this is a great idea. BTW, and I know others on here disagree, but camping sucks. I prefer nice hotels. But I am definitely a city boy who was forced to endure the hardship of growing up in the burbs.
ReplyDeleteAs a relatively shy and reserved person, I will say I have done everything in your first list but nothing in your last two. Although, I have gone to a few parties with a single friend who was the only person I knew, which often resulted in me being on my own and (1) a random person talking to me, (2)me starting a conversation with someone occasionally, or (3) hanging out near the keg getting plowed.
Too bad about your parents overprotectiveness. My parents were mixed. They were pretty lax and permissive in a number of areas, but OTOH, for example, my mother would have died before I could get a motorcycle or a dirt bike. I heard all sorts of horror stories.
"Learn guitar.
ReplyDeleteSeriously. It's not all that hard, and it's a lot of fun."
My stepdad did this for a couple of years before he passed away -- it was a personal goal of his that he never had time to do until he retired. He enjoyed it.
"Not sure that I'd call living on your own at age 16 and having to fend off sexual advances from your employer as "sheltered.""
ReplyDeleteTrue, but I feel like I've had tons of life-experience with dysfunctional situations. And that's really helping me with stuff like writing fiction or memoirs. But there's all that normal stuff I never did: like, I never learned how to dance. So I want to catch up with that stuff.
"One note, though: "Walking in legitimately high heels"? Not easy to do well, certainly, but totally over-rated."
Well, it's slimming and kind of sexy. It can really jazz up a pair of boring jeans. That said, I did try on a couple of occasions to wear heels at the shoe store. I really thought I was going to fall over and break my neck. Even women I see who are pros at this footwear wobble when they walk.
For all who are inquiring about my comic book work: trust me, you will not be disappointed. Just, as they say, watch this space for further information. I am at the best place creatively I've been in my entire life, the stars are aligned and I feel wonderful.
ReplyDelete"just try to get out before the Sturgis biker rally starts (assuming you're looking for peace and quiet)"
ReplyDeleteSturrrrrrgissssssss!!!! (whoo!)
"Have you considered that you may not be so much sheltered nowadays as introverted?"
ReplyDeleteThis, to me, is the $25,000 question.
I've read books about "highly sensitive people" who are overwhelmed by too much noise, crowds, overload of sensory input, etc. And this might be me, and this might be just a natural response my body has.
On the other hand, I have never been 100% sure.
If it turns out that I'm just naturally introverted, I'm willing to accept & even embrace that.
If you are going to wear heels, don't wear them to a party or social event where you will be standing a lot. Wear them to dinner and wear them inside with your boyfriend. They do improve the appearance of your legs and other assets. Also, if you do have to walk any distance in them, make sure you are with someone who can take your arm while walking.
ReplyDeleteHere in Japan, tall black boots with stiletto heels are fairly popular, especially with young women. Unfortunately, they usually look awkward walking in them, as if they're deathly afraid of falling over.
ReplyDeleteAnd I'm guessing there is that danger.
So I don't understand the point. The boots themselves are aesthetically pleasing and maybe the people wearing them are... until they start moving. Then all bets are off!
Anyway, I think it's great to push the ol' envelope. It's better than a bucket list or any of that crap. I had overly cautious parents as well, but when my friends started dying from drugs and alcohol I decided it was time to do some of the stuff we'd only dared talk about. And now I live in Japan, a lifelong dream.
As Ron Sexsmith sings, "If I were to listen to my doubts/I'd think my time was running out/But I'm old enough to do it/ And young enough to do it again."
Looking forward to the big creative announcement, too!
Before going to Burning Man, go to a local burn. I would recommend the spring Playa Del Fuego in Delaware over Memorial Day weekend. It's an awesome time on a much smaller scale. And it's far less extreme camping than Burning Man. If you're interested, email me, I can even get you hooked up with a theme camp to camp with. You should totally do it. Two birds with one stone!
ReplyDelete-Ed
this wasnt mentioned on your list, but have you ever shot a hand gun?
ReplyDeleteits fun if done safely. And not trying to sound sexist, women tend to be better begining shooters than men.
" * Attended a rock concert
ReplyDelete* Drove a car
* Rode a bike
* Camped out
* Walked in legitimately high heels"
I've never done any of those things. I bet most of the world hasn't either.
"Reading "Dianetics.""
Don't waste your time
Don't wait for cartooning lessons. You don't need 'em. Just do it. And the only thing that surprised me on your list was the bike riding thing. Driving's one thing. My mom has never driven. But riding a bike is so much darn fun. I know it sounds silly but whenever I get on my bike, I'm instantly 30 years younger.
ReplyDeleteAnd if sex was as simple as your mom told you it was, I'd be standing next to Milla Jovovich right now.
If it makes you feel any better, I doubt you're missing much when it comes to camping and wearing legitimately high heels. XD
ReplyDeleteIj say try riding a bike and/or driving a car, though. Wheeee!
Never ridden a bike? Seriously? Aren't you from Brooklyn? How do you grow up in Brooklyn and never ride a bike? Even I rode a bike and I was afraid of thunderstorms! Very sheltered, yes.
ReplyDeleteWow, this is kind of scary to read. I'm 20, and I took on the "me project" last year, because my parents were a lot like yours. I was not allowed to wear any kind of necklace, because I might strangle myself to death. No attending pool parties, at public pools with lifeguards, 'cause I might drown. I couldn't go to *BIBLE CAMP* until my mom became a counsellor at said camp, even though some of the other counsellors were her close friends. So I made a "101 in 1001" list. Most of my goals are about trying new things, developing my social skills, getting my finances in order, and minimizing the amount of disorganization in my life (I'm a slob :3).
ReplyDeleteI used to have stiletto boots that I wore occasionally (much to my parents' chagrin bwahaha), and I have to say it's not really as great as it looks. If you walk more than two or three blocks, your feet and calves will be very upset with you. You have to change your gait so you don't fall over, and it makes me feel like a show pony. A very wobbly show pony. I stopped wearing heels almost entirely when I turned 18, and I'm much happier for it.
While the particulars are different I felt deeply familiar with the sentiments in this blog. Maybe a lot of shy and reserved people feel the same. We need to do more to be more. Slaves to our fears we enter a world of desperate existence. We feel as if to do is to be; if we don't "do" what are we? But all molds can be broken: especially those crafted by careless hands. Thank you for this blog.
ReplyDeleteReading Dianetics, like walking in legitimately high heels, is hard to do certainly, but totally over-rated.
ReplyDelete