Thursday, September 24, 2009

Jennifer Love Hewitt Regains Right To Be Loved

With her hot new cellulite-free body on the cover of the latest Shape magazine, TV & movie actress Jennifer Love Hewitt has once again regained her status as a human being with the right to be loved and respected.

As you may recall, Hewitt has been plagued over the last couple of years with unflattering photos that revealed she had acquired the normal amount of weight for a woman of her age and genetic heritage. These photos caused an international stir, because they seemed to signal that she was no longer a human being with the right to be loved and respected.

But with the help and encouragement of her current boyfriend Jamie Kennedy, who couldn't stand the sight of any excess fat on a woman that he would deign to call "girlfriend," JLH has finally lost the weight.

Don't worry kids: she's not REALLY drinking any of that milkshake

Other interesting articles in the latest issue of Shape include:
  • 5 Sneaky Habits That Are Making You Fat
  • Beat The Jiggle: Take A Inch Off Your Hips
  • Why Fat Makes You Unlovable
  • The One-Finger Solution To Fitting Into That Wedding Dress
  • If You Gain Weight, You Deserve To Be Mocked In The Press (Because You Suck As A Human Being)
  • "Honey, I Only Want You To Lose That Last Fifteen Pounds So You Don't Get The Diabeetus" And Other Funny Things He Might Tell You


  1. The sad part is, no matter how thin and 'in shape' she is, there's no doubt in my mind the cover photo was manipulated to make her look even thinner than she appeared in the original photo. That's the standard for any women's health/fitness/fashion magazine today.
    On one hand I can say, "she's fit, good for her" on the other, there's the ugly side of our culture that made her feel she needed to loose weight when she was just fine the way she was.

  2. Anonymous10:37 AM

    First, the magazine is called shape... That must say something :-P Second, the only sell that deformed vision of well-being, because there are people buying it. Curiously enough, all that social pressure for fitness and impossible thin bodies doesn't appear to do any good about the overweight epidemic that seems to plague us those days... So I hope the Ladies and Gentlemen here do keep an eye on their weight by means of exercise and a equilibrated diet to ensure good health, but don't get crazy with this obsessive search for impossible thinness. Meat beneath the skin is good, skin wrapped on bones isn't. IMHO, of course :p

  3. Oh man, what am I gonna do now? My unnatural love of '90s teen movies and a bizarre loyalty to their stars has led me to seek out ways to defend folks like JLH in the past. When she did her big blog post about how her normal weight was awesome and she was in no way "fat," I was like "Yes! Not only is she right and looks better with more curves, but now I have ammo to defend her if need be, because this shows she's actually pretty cool."

    Now what do I have? Nothing. Ah well, you're on your own now, J. Love.

  4. I always thought she looked a little like a cat after a bath when she first became popular. When she had more butt and more weight in her face she was actually cute.

    This feels distinctly like a studio exec taking her aside and explaining to her how fat chicks don't get movie roles.


  5. Anonymous3:27 PM

    "On one hand I can say, "she's fit, good for her" on the other, there's the ugly side of our culture that made her feel she needed to loose weight when she was just fine the way she was."

    I wonder if actors whose public image is less centered on their beauty are treated better. Would Diane Lane or Natalie Portman have been treated differently from Ms. Hewitt?

    On a somewhat related but different subject, I recently saw a set of images of male actors that had been photoshopped to make them look as though they were wearing makeup that females often wear. They looked ridiculous.

    Seeing them made me realize something. Women wearing makeup look ridiculous, too. (I'm ignoring on-camera "touch up" makeup common for both sexes in Hollywood, etc.) We're acclimated to seeing it, and so accept - and expect - what actually looks awfully ridiculous.

    If you look at a picture of a female actor or other famous person, set aside your first impression, and really look at what the person looks like. It's really . . . quite strange.

  6. That cover belongs in

    Well, actually it's not a massive technical disaster so it probably doesn't, but it's a disaster in every other sense.

  7. Anonymous6:50 PM

    I'm still waiting for the article that proclaoms "Jennifer Love Hewitt looks like Jennifer Love Hewitt again!".

  8. Reminds me of one of those "This is how the stars look without their make up!" exposes I saw somewhere on the internet, which made me think of the following:

    - Kate Moss ought indeed to have taken better care of herself.
    - Some of the women actually looked prettier without slap, showing more character and less mask.
    - Christina Applegate did not look good without make up... But the pic was probably taken when she came out of the hospital (or went in) for a mastectomy, so this 'indictment' was really rather crass.

    On the weight issue - I am horrified each week by the fashion spreads in the newspaper tie-ins, where girls not only are stick thin, but made up to look even more sunken-eyed and, well, dying of consumption.

    A woman's attractiveness does by and large not relate to her weight.

  9. Anonymous4:33 AM

    I think it's marvellous, where we live in a world and time that can point to someone like Rosie O'Donnell and the movers and shakers can say, "See? Non-Size-Zeroes can be successful in our business!"
    And then go on to do the same thing they were doing fifty years ago.
    No wait, strike that. Fifty years ago most women didn't look like starved pubescent girls.
    My God, I just had a notion that in comparison, the early Hugh Hefner presented positive body images of women...

  10. Anonymous1:06 PM

    Where did the comment slagging on her D-List celebrity boyfriend for her getting in shape come from? Is that in the article or something?

    Being that she (JLH) seems to be - how do I put it - of not Oscar worthy acting talent? And someone who has gotten where they are based primarily exploiting unhealthy societal ideas of beauty. I have very little sympathy to devote to her having to eat healthy and spend time with a personal trainer in order to make millions. Meh.