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Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Joe


My stepfather, Joe, passed away today. He had been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer in late October of '08. Recently, he had a stroke, and was soon after stricken with reoccurring pneumonia.

One of the reasons some experts say fathers are so important is because they are (or should be) role models. Ideally, they should provide a basic template of what positive character traits a man should possess.

Joe was soft-spoken but very strong. He believed in living life to the fullest -- living every day to the fullest. He came from a more traditional background, but was very open-minded. He liked helping people. He worked hard. He loved my mother very much. He was very gentle but if somebody disrespected my mom, he would very likely punch that person. He liked building things. Him and my mother built a beautiful house in Cape Cod out of an awkward lot that nobody wanted. He was teaching himself how to play the guitar. He was an avid biker. I (re)introduced him to reading comics, and he liked "New Frontier" very much. His father had worked on the first rocket launch, and Joe still had a bundle of wires from the "umbilical cord" that was attached to that rocket. He had an Obama button pinned to the inside of his car. He had retired a couple of years ago after putting in over 35 years as an engineer, and had traveled the world with my mom. They made a great couple, and were very happy with each other.

Joe wasn't my biological father, and he entered my life when I was an adult. But I consider him a role-model, a template for the type of man I want to marry and to have children with. I am so very lucky to have had this wonderful man be in my life, and to have had the opportunity to spend time with him this past Thanksgiving. He never had any children, but I hope he considered me and my siblings his children in a way. He was the best father I ever had.

45 comments:

  1. I'm terribly sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you during this difficult period.

    -r-

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  2. You have my sympathies. He sounds like a great man and someone with whom you had a great relationship.

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  3. My condolences, Val, to you and your family.

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  4. Damn, Val. I'm sorry. Hope you and your mom are bearing up.

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  5. I'm sorry to hear about your stepfather, Val. Your tribute to him was very sweet.

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  6. My parents divorced when I was very young, and my mother remarried when I was around 8 or 9. It was hard getting used to a new man in the role of father figure, and it was even harder for him. We struggled for a while to get along, mostly because we were into different things. But as the years went by I thought of my biological father as less and less of an influence, "step"dad as my real dad. Recently I even changed my last name to match his, and as I read your entry I'm reminded of how special a relationship that is.

    I won't pretend to know what you're going through, nor presume that the words of a stranger could possibly cheer you up during this time, but you have my condolences.

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  7. My heartfelt condolences go out to you and your family. It sounds like you have a lot of happy memories of him.

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  8. Val,
    My deepest sympathies on the passing of your stepfather. He sounds like a very fine person and I'm sure he was very happy to be a part of your family. May you and your family find some peace in this difficult time in the memories of the love shared.

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  9. Though we don't know each other, I'm a longtime fan of your column and I'd like to extend my condolences to you and your family.

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  10. Val -

    I know there's nothing truly warm and comforting anyone can say right now that really matters, but ... it sounds like Joe was a good man and served as an important figure in your life, and this post does him a great honor.

    Take care.

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  11. I'm very sorry for your loss.

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  12. You have my deepest condolences in this difficult time.

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  13. My condolences for your loss.

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  14. I'm sorry for your loss. I am glad that you had him in your life though, there is never a bad time to have a good person in your life.

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  15. Please acdept my most sincere condolances on your loss.

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  16. Beautiful eulogy. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  17. Anonymous4:38 PM

    My condolences, I'm very sorry to hear about it. At the very least though, you'll have those wonderful memories and impressions from such a role model who sounds like he was an awesome guy, to say the very least.

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  18. i'm sorry. You and your family are in my prayers

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  19. So sorry to hear that, Val. You have my sincerest condolences. Will the funeral and stuff keep you from NYCC this weekend? If so, we'll be thinking of you. If not, come on by and catch up with friends.

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  20. I'm so sorry for your loss. I'm glad you got to have him in your life, though. The good he imparted continues.

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  21. Anonymous7:13 PM

    Joe sounds like he was an awesome guy, and well worth the love and respect you obviously have for him. My condolences on his passing.

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  22. Lost my father three years ago and not a day goes by that I don't think about him. Remember that they are still with us as long as we remember them and the best thing we can do to honour our fathers is to do right and be a force for good in this world. I feel for you Val and you hve my prayers.

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  23. I'm sorry for your family's loss, but glad that you and your mom had such a great guy in your life.

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  24. So sorry to hear about your loss, Val

    When I read this section: "Joe was soft-spoken but very strong. He believed in living life to the fullest -- living every day to the fullest. He came from a more traditional background, but was very open-minded. He liked helping people. He worked hard. He loved my mother very much. He was very gentle but if somebody disrespected my mom, he would very likely punch that person."...I felt that, even in the short time I've known you, that you could swap "Val" with the words "him" and "he" and this would ring true. (Well, except for the soft spoken part...but that's why we love you).
    While it sounds like you were indeed lucky to have him in your life, I'm sure he fekt just as lucky to have helped mold you into the woman you are today.

    My deepest sympathies to you and your family,

    Mark

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  25. I'm sorry for your loss.

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  26. Anonymous8:44 PM

    I'm very sorry for your loss. You and yours will be in my thoughts and prayers.

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  27. Hey all,

    Thank you so much for you kind words of support --

    The last thing Joe said in person to me was to have a drink for him, and we had a lovely dinner tonight in his honor and did just that.

    You are all awesome.

    --Val

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  28. Anonymous12:08 AM

    My condolences.

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  29. My sympathy and sorrow goes out to you as well, Val. That was a very sweet gesture and I can tell it came from the heart.

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  30. Sorry for your loss, sounded like a helluva guy to know.

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  31. Anonymous10:11 AM

    Very sorry to hear that. My stepfather has been my 'real' father as well. Take care.

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  32. I'm so sorry to hear of your loss. He looks like a real salt of the earth guy just from his picture.

    Condolences to you and your family.

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  33. I'll add my condolences and sympathies to the chorus...I hope you and your family continue to cherish your joyful memories in the face of his loss.

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  34. Please accept my condolences on the death of your (step)father. He must have been an admirable man and how wonderful that he was a vital part of yours and your mother's lives.

    My father died three years ago this March. From that I learned there are few words of comfort, and those sometimes come from where least expected. The only way I could deal with my grief was to simply give over to experiencing all the feelings that arose from his death.

    I hope that your family will find a way through your grief and loss and to remember Joe as the man he was and always will be in your hearts.

    - Joe

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  35. I'm very sorry to hear this. My thoughts are with you and your family.

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  36. My deepest sympathies to you and your family.

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  37. My sympathies also. You are in my prayers.

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  38. Anonymous12:43 PM

    That brought tears to my eyes :( Condolences, Valerie...

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  39. I am sorry for your loss. He sounds like a great guy who will be missed by you and yours terribly...

    I will tilt one in Joe's honour...

    ArrrOOooo!

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  40. I'm sorry for your loss. It sounds like he had a very positive impact on your life. Good luck to you and your family in carrying on.

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  41. Anonymous12:02 AM

    Long time reader first comment.
    That is a wonderfup bio of your step dad and his influence on your life.

    I am sorry for your family's loss.

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  42. I'm so sorry to hear that, Val. My condolences.

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  43. I am truly sorry for the loss of Joe.

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  44. You have my sympathy. I am so glad you knew this wonderful person and that he such had a positive influence on you. May he rest in peace.

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