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Tuesday, November 27, 2007

Occasional Links: The "Spidey Loves Oranges" Edition

Okay, Who Here Wouldn't Do Angelina Jolie? Let's Try It That Way.


Breaking News: The latest Hollywood starlet to enticingly drop hints that she'd like to shag Angelina Jolie is...Hayden Panettiere! She apparently told GQ:

"Well, if you want to make me a lesbian, that's totally fine with me. That would be a pretty funny rumour. I'd love to have a love affair with Angelina. And there are other beautiful girls I like too - Charlize Theron, oh my God! Kate Beckinsale is gorgeous too, and Jessica Alba."

I don't want to get started on a rant over here, but why can't male celebrities have the same freedom in describing their own same-sex dream romps? Can you imagine Orlando Bloom or somebody saying in an interview, "Oh, I'd totally do Elijah Wood! OMG!"

And where's the creativity in Panettiere's choices? Jolie, Alba, etc. -- how banal. Now, if she had said "I'd totally do Marsha Cross" -- see, that takes some ingenuity.

In other entertainment rumors, Tom Cruise might be guest-starring in an episode of Doctor Who. As well as possibly Angelina Jolie. Because she's not over-exposed.

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Lesbians are..."Special." Yes, that's it. Complete with the little bus.

See, I totally could have linked the above two news items and made a Tom Cruise gay joke...but that would have made me better than the throwaway "nancy-boy" lines in "Countdown" how?

I think there is an inherent homophobia in Tom Cruise gay jokes.

Homophobe Batman, what do you think of that statement?


I kid. Batman's not homophobic. By using the word "special" Bats simply meant "awesome."

And as writer Chuck Dixon points out:

"He's Goddamn Batman, right?"

Yes. Exactly.

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"Dr. Light With Rapey Grip Action"

Meanwhile, Evan Dorkin, wondering why they don't make great super-villains like The Scorpion anymore, observes of today's comics:
"Gripping powers, out. Raping abilities, in."

I'm getting a vision of one of those old-school Super Powers action figures with the little karate-chop lever in the back.

(via Journalista)

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As If Yu Care...


Lenil Yu assures us that Tigra will have her revenge --


And meanwhile Yu & Bendis have apparently redeemed themselves for the Tigra beatdown with their unexploitative Spiderwoman shower scene:

"There are so many ways that this could have gone wrong, so many. But instead they made it work for me. I think because a) it's Wolverine. Wolverine's not one of my favorite characters, but even I, at my most irritated with him, would never suggest the man is a rapist. He might stab her in the head, sure, but he wouldn't rape her."

I agree: I soooo would rather Jessica Drew be stabbed in the head by Wolverine than raped by him.

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"Save The Males"

Journalista's Dirk Deppey comes to the defense of Wonder Woman scribe Gail Simone after she came under a nasty ad hominem attack by blogger Rational Madman:

"This is the point where intelligent men and women, even those who might otherwise agree with what Mr. Rational has to say, will invariably tell him to go fuck himself with a rusty knife. And they’ll be quite right to do so."

Which leads me to reproduce this classic quote from the Rational Madman post in question:

"One of the reason I read comics in the first place is that its one of the last bastions of male competence in entertainment. "

The scary thing is, I've heard variations of this argument from within the comic book industry before, the most prominent being the mantra of one long-time editor:

"Comic books are adolescent male fantasies. As such, they need strong men and sexy women in peril."

They also need ads for "Grit." And the 1969 ABC Saturday Morning line-up.

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Teddy Scares
So a teacher in Sudan lets her class of 7-year-olds name their teddy bear "Mohammed."


Guess what happens next?

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Video: Why Spider-Man Will Never Get Scurvy:
(via NeedCoffee)

36 comments:

  1. "Comic books are adolescent male fantasies. As such, they need strong men and sexy women in peril."

    He obviously didn't know that a HUGE demographic of modern comic readers are teh gayz.

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  2. ...And this is why Spider-Man is poor all the time.

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  3. My guy crush has always been Stephan Trask. Is that original enough?

    As I've said other places; I've begun to pride myself on not ever responding to RMM, ever since Fordmadoxfraud pointed him out.

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  4. Also, Jolie? 100x over-rated. I'm not going to say anything whacky like I'd kick her out of bed, or anything, but I don't "get" it.

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  5. This post brings up several questions that have plagued me:

    -Am I the only person who doesn't find Jessica Alba attractive? (And I don't even mean in a "she's no Sue Storm" sort of way)

    -Why does anyone actually pay attention to that Rational Madman guy? I read his blog once, and was quickly bored and annoyed.

    -Will someone please introduce the concept of moderation to the Sudanese? Please?

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  6. Oh, and as far as the "who wouldn't do Angelina Jolie" question?

    *raises hand*

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  7. I betcha George Clooney could get away with vocalizing a man-crush.

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  8. "Lesbians are..."Special." Yes, that's it. Complete with the little bus."

    I don't know if you read the comic, but after that panel there's a whole thing about the woman feeling all offended that it's her private life and Batman shouldn't be spying on them.

    And then Batman clarifies (paraphrasing) "I read your body language and tone of voice when you talk to each other and assumed you had a friendship, until now"

    I know it's the trend to be an equal opportunity offendee but people should still read the book before getting outraged, if not, then you're like any other group that pickets a movie without actually seeing it.

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  9. "Until now... when my Miss Marple-esque ruse has revealed you for the filthy lez-be-freaks you are! Suffer my batarang!"

    You can't blame anyone for assuming homophobia on Chuck Dixon's part after interviews like this. Y'know: 'cause he's clearly homophobic.

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  10. Well how about judging the work objectively. Lest you think the Pianist is about child rape.

    Juan

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  11. ... He's telling me the World's Greatest Detective Is The Man With No Gaydar. Objectively, I don't like this. :)

    Also, I wouldnt' do Angelina?



    And meanwhile Yu & Bendis have apparently redeemed themselves for the Tigra beatdown with their unexploitative Spiderwoman shower scene:

    Nuh-uh. ;) Every five scenes like that I forgive him one :AIYEEE!"

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  12. Dixon is quite clear that he intended the Outsiders scene to be "homophobe bait". Nothing wrong in seeing what's actually there.

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  13. Anonymous4:17 PM

    I think there is an inherent homophobia in Tom Cruise gay jokes.


    I disagree - I think it's an inherent Scientologist/hypocritical-phobia. I really don't care who's gay in Hollywood, but it irritates me that a spokesman (an ambassador!) for a flaky cult that claims to be able to "cure" homosexuality, is a closeted gay man.
    To be closeted to protect your career as a hetro romantic lead/action man is understandable, if unfortunate. But when you're promoting a cult that claims that sexual preference is "curable"? If closeted anti-gay Republican senators are fair game, then so is Tommy.

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  14. I think it's more a sign of insecurity than anything else. Guys who joke about Cruise (or Gere, or Clooney) being gay are usually intimidated by them -- or more accurately, the image of sexy manhood those stars project and pretty much everyone else fails to live up to.

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  15. I think it's more a sign of insecurity than anything else. Guys who joke about Cruise (or Gere, or Clooney) being gay are usually intimidated by them -- or more accurately, the image of sexy manhood those stars project and pretty much everyone else fails to live up to.

    I beg to differ.

    A Tom Curise is TOTALLY gay, everyone knows it, cept he's so crazy us gays don't want him anymore.

    B. Sexy Manhood in MY definition would be James Gandolfini, or Kevin James, or Richard Riehle.

    So that is a totally off base assumption.

    Clooney isn't gay, he's just a man whore and doesn't want to get married.

    Vin Diesel, now he's a big ol mo. And everyone in the business knows it.

    Jake Gylenhaal. Gay.

    But Clooney, nah. Gere? not so sure about, could be all of the above.

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  16. I don't get Jolie either.

    And let's see...who's my boy crush... Jude Law I guess? It's hard to say. Most of the dudes in Hollywood are such flimsy Peter Pans it's hard to get a whiff of masculinity off any of them. Oh, no, wait! Adam Baldwin! There you go.

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  17. Juan Carlos said: "people should still read the book before getting outraged. "

    What are you talking about? We all know Chuck Dixon hates gays! I don't care what Mr. Dixon says, I know what goes on in his head better than he does! What are you, some PR guy for DC?

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  18. "My guy crush has always been Stephan Trask. Is that original enough?"

    -- give him a Marvel exclusive!

    no, wait...

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  19. "Am I the only person who doesn't find Jessica Alba attractive?"

    -- no. I mean, she's hot. But she's no Jenna Fischer.

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  20. "Oh, and as far as the "who wouldn't do Angelina Jolie" question?

    *raises hand*"

    -- give him a Marvel exclusive!

    And an award of some sort.

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  21. I'm not sure it is about Chuck Dixon being allegedly homophobic...it's just that some writers seem more at-ease with writing gay characters than others. If somebody has to openly admit that they are "homophobe baiting," or whatever...I mean, does Rucka need to throw stuff like that out there?

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  23. "Clooney isn't gay, he's just a man whore and doesn't want to get married."

    And America loves him for it -- because they love loveable man whores. Plus, he was in "Facts Of Life."

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  24. "Oh, no, wait! Adam Baldwin! There you go."

    Dude. I am soooo with you on this.

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  25. "What are you, some PR guy for DC?"

    Dan, while you're at it, can you check in what happened to my "New Frontier" comps? I was supposed to get the first few issues mailed to my house. Though I'll settle for one of the hardcovers.

    --Just *kidding*! Great to have you back at the blog.

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  26. Thanks for the linkage, O.S. And...dammit, scurvy. Of course. I, like Lewis L., was so floored by the perennially poor Spidey being fine with an orange, that scurvy completely slipped my mind. Well played.

    Oh, and I wouldn't do Angelina either, if the poll's still going on. She's hot enough, no doubt, made a good Lara Croft, rocked ass in Sky Captain, but...she used to wear a vial of Billy Bob's blood around her neck? That's, to use a Farsidism, "How nature says 'Don't Touch.'"

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  27. "Just *kidding*! Great to have you back at the blog"

    You always know what to say, OS.

    By the way, thanks for the link to Dorkin's site. Love the guy's work, Dork being a personal favorite. Thought he fell off the map since I haven't really seen anything new from him in the past few years during my annual Jim Hanley's visit.

    Speaking of Jim Hanley's, why don't more stores arrange their books by writer or artist? It makes things so much easier and helps to open one's eyes to different works.

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  28. As far as Cruise jokes go ... I dunno. Maybe it's okay to think closet cases are assholes. On the one hand, no one has a personal responsibility to be Hollywood's gay test case. On the other, I think it's obvious homophobia would be less pervasive if everyone who was gay was just like, Look, I'm gay, get over it.

    I don't think it's crazy to suppose the African American civil rights and women's suffrage movements moved as far as they did as fast as they did precisely because the people involved could not conceal their identities in the way that gays are able, if they so choose, to conceal their sexual identites.

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  29. @ danbizzle

    I have no idea. I certainly only shop based on a book's writer (and, on very rare occasion, its artist). It still boggles my mind that Kim's Video is (as far as I'm aware) the only store in New York that arranges its movies by director rather than genre.

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  30. Guys don't describe same-sex dream romps because straight guys don't think other straight guys are in any way attractive. Women, even if they have no desire to sexually explore other women, can appreciate the aesthetic of other women. Straight guys can't. It's not homophobia, it's just not something we can do. In my opinion, we're worse off for it.

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  31. Oh, and I don't think Angelia Jolie is attractive at all. I think she's kinda ugly, actually. For Hollywood women, I have quite the crush on Jessica Alba, but truthfully, I like curvier women a Hell of a lot more than twig-like women who look like they're dieing!

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  32. Saying you are "baiting" & then saying "gotcha" when people call you on it doesn't defuse the situation, it escalates it. Anyhow, the sentiment that has been going around, the one that ammounts to "WTF? World's Greastest Detective, World's Worst Gaydar?" is the one I adhere to.

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  33. Occasional Superheroine: "It's just that some writers seem more at-ease with writing gay characters than others. If somebody has to openly admit that they are "homophobe baiting," or whatever..."

    The "baiting" in the comic is as obvious as heck, in the sense that the bait is "switched" the next panel, it wasn't a big thing. It is a bait that could only be taken if you didn't read the book and just looked at that one panel.

    Mordichai: "Saying you are "baiting" & then saying "gotcha" when people call you on it doesn't defuse the situation, it escalates it."

    If you mean "escalates" as in "makes people who took the bait feel angrier" then I guess you are right.

    Also, to Batman, his crime fighting partners' sexuality is as irrelevant as anything else they do with their free time, he has no gaydar, only, uh.. crime-dar.

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  34. I liked Angelina Jolie back when she had her original nose and that bushy butch haircut, circa Foxfire and that hacker movie... which was called Hackers? Although I did also like her more recently in Sky Captain and the World of Tomorrow, but to be totally honest there's NOTHING about that movie I don't like.

    Greatest last scene since... I dunno... I'm edging close to hyperbole. But it is good.

    I have but one crush and it's a secret. It's not Rational Mad Man, though.

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  35. "Comic books are adolescent male fantasies. As such, they need strong men and sexy women in peril."

    Not exactly sure how he missed out on the fact that there's a HUGE contingent of (straight) adolescent males who get off on strong sexy women and men in peril, especially since that's pretty much what drove Chris Claremont's entire original run on the X-Men titles, mostly notably "The Dark Phoenix Saga," which introduced both Emma Frost and the BDSM Queen version of Jean Grey.

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  36. I'd totally do Alexis Denisof (Wesley from Angel). Well, maybe not do.

    Yeah, okay, probably do.

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