Thursday, April 26, 2007

Gilgongo! Comics Seeks "Cover Decency Czar"

Job Opening, Immediate Hire:

Cover Decency Czar, Gilgongo! Comics.

Applicant must have at least BA or higher. Comic book experience preferred, but not entirely necessary. Perhaps you have spent time in a seminary. We'll admit it, we're looking for reactionary tight-asses. Be the Pig-Virus to our merry band of Howard Sterns. We'll back you up.

Applicant must know the difference between a rock-solid stiffie and merely a realistic flaccid organ -- and then still veto the flaccid organ. No male organs! Men don't want to see other men's organs, except for ones who are homosexual or bi. Don't get us wrong, we like homosexuals. We're very egalitarian. But really, if we lose the NASCAR audience, we're doomed. I mean, I know that Disney is doing okay, and they're openly accepting of alternative lifestyles. But what I'm trying to say is, looking at a honking big schlong on The Shnell, for example, a big ol' thing -- it makes me uncomfortable. As a man. Because it's creepy. It makes me scared, looking at that phallus. I'm not sure why. Lesbians are kind of cool, though.

Now, chicks-on-chicks -- very popular with the NASCAR crowd. But we can't have the big tits. Because that pisses off the female bloggers. And they're very loud and cranky. So we'll save them for the limited-edition maquettes. Women wouldn't be caught dead buying limited-edition maquettes.

So ideal applicant must have major stick up ass. Catholic guilt a plus. Radical feminist background a plus, but musn't get too liberal on the cock. Because too much cock makes me nervous, it makes me doubt my own masculinity. I want to pretend that nobody in this world has a cock but me. I really think that's what it means.


Anyway, that's our ad for Cover Decency Czar. I hope you liked it. You'll get one of those cool white markers to circle the crotches & breasts with. When nobody's watching, you can do that Perez Hilton thing and make the comic book characters look like they just snorted coke.



  1. Sounds sweet. What sort of benefits come with the job? How's the pay? When do I start?

  2. The only time straight guys want to see other guys penii is when they're watching M/F porn.

    You mentioned Catholic guilt - is Jewish guilt OK as a substitute?