I was thinking of trying my hand at the gossip biz, but the really good bits I hear from this person or that I'm not very likely to say on my blog because they will probably get said persons fired.
And then I remembered my semi-professional tarot reading gig, and I had a wonderful idea --
What if I had my own fake psychic comic book gossip column?
It would not only be fake, but psychically fake -- doubly cool! And triple the fake!
So let me put on my psychic mind-reading turban, get out my fake leads from my fake informants scribbled on fake used bar napkins from the fake parties I went to, and get this show on the road.
RUMOR BARRIER: ALL STORIES HAVE BEEN GLEANED FROM THE ETHER BY MY FAKE PSYCHIC POWERS! THEY ARE MOST LIKELY FAKE! IF THEY HAPPEN TO BE TRUE THEN THAT IS WHAT IS KNOWN AS A "MEANINGLESS COINCIDENCE!"
Jim Lee "Secret Artist" for Dan Slott's "Amazing Spiderman!"
Amazing! (Spider-Man, that is) Jim Lee, President of Wildstorm, is going to work for MARVEL! OH MY GOD! Shocking! And he's going to do an arc of "Amazing Spider-Man" with Dan Slott! See, that's why "All-Star Batman and Robin" is so late all the time!
Boy, is DC pissed off! But that's okay, because they are trying to woo John Romita Jr. over to their team in REVENGE!
Wow!
Wonder Woman Gets New Writer As Of Issue #15!
Hoo-boy! Can't DC EVER make up their minds?
It has been psychically gleaned by me from sources I dare not reveal (lest I be cursed for all eternity by the Hoary Hores of Hoggoth!) that Gail Simone is being replaced by Tony Bedard on Wonder Woman as of issue #15. As you may recall, Gail starts her run on issue #14.
Why the sudden switch? I predict that DC will tell Newsarama's Matt Brady that "we planned it this way."
Ragnell New Assistant Editor On "Green Lantern" in 2009
The cards reveal that Ragnell from the blog "When Fangirls Attack," will get a job as Assistant Editor on "Green Lantern" on April 13, 2009. Unfortnately, she will hold that position for eight years until she transfers to the Licensing department in a huff.
Marvel and Top Cow Officially Merge!
Oh my stars and garters! What has been rumored for years will finally come to pass!
Marvel will officially purchase Top Cow, a deal that will see The World's Mightiest Heroes combine their forces with Those Hot Superheroines With The Biggest Boobies!
First on the docket?
An Avengers/Witchblade crossover featuring the Scarlet Witch called...
Scarlet Witchblade!
Yes! And she'll be very unclothed! I'm laughing outwardly but crying inside for my gender and humanity! Too true!
Finally, I would like to introduce some sample pages from a book that I'm sure everybody will be talking about, my good friend Marlon Swires's spy thriller from Dishwasher Press, "Desperate Impact":
I asked Swires to describe "Desperate Impact,"
"Well, not to pigeon-hole it, but it is very Vertigo Comics, if you know what I mean. My artist, Bernie Rassmussen, uses a very impressionist style that addresses the inner conflict of our main character, a first-grade art teacher who is really a brainwashed Armenian spy."
"Desperate Impact" is going to be one comic to keep your eyes on!
Well, that's it for this edition of my fake psychic comic book gossip column! I really hope you found it not informative! Bizarro very happy to see you arrive! Hello!
The only reason I would ever want Gail Simone to leave "Wonder Woman" would be for "Supergirl," which could also use her help. This is not good.
ReplyDeleteIncidentally, I recently came across a Supergirl nove3-length fanfic, "Supergirl's Big Visit," in which exposure to bacteria at Star Labs (the same bacteria that affected Titano the space monkey many moons ago) causes Kara (the version with the white "S" tee from "Adventures") to gradually, exponentially grow to colossus proportions -- also losing her powers so she can't fly -- before Superman helps restore her. Anyway, a recurring theme is that Supergirl is perturbed that people can see up her skirt while she walks through Metropolis searching for help, and in fact there's a scene where she angrily picks up a guy who makes some lascivious comments about her and drums some sense into him. Had this been the slutty Joe Kelly Supergirl blown up to skyscraper scale, well...
"All The Rage" hasn't been a real "gossip" column in a while. It's about 5% "rumor" and 95% interviews about mostly smaller indie stuff.
ReplyDeleteWho is writing Scarlet Witchblade - that's what I NEED TO KNOW!
ReplyDeleteI fully endorse this column and wish for more! Weekly installments I say!
ReplyDeleteBut what will Greg Land, his 'free hand,' and his lightbox be up to this summer? I MUST KNOW!
ReplyDeleteRocketeerz is correct. Heck, it was like that before I jumped on. Not that I'm complaining. Go for it! (on the rumour thing, I mean) :D
ReplyDeleteOh, yeah, I'm back. New column hits on Monday... Happy Birthday to me, I say!
OC is kicking ass as usual. Keep up the awesome work. I've been out of the loop for like a month, so this has been quite informative reading what you've written over the last month.
Cheers!
Steve
Assistant Editor? But that's a crummy job! Maybe I can go back to USAF. I'd even take the cop job, at least the customers are more cooperative.
ReplyDelete