This is a list of words I don't like:
moist: makes me think of water-logged pound cake
yogurt: an ugly word for something that is awesome
multitask: "we just fired three other people in your department. we're going to need you to multitask for a while and do their jobs for free."
maybe: if somebody tells you "maybe," that usually means "probably not" but they don't have the heart to full-out turn you down
never: if somebody tells you "never," what they really mean is that if you send them a big chocolate cake, they will change their mind
anywho: the person who invented this word should be hurt
bran: I know we need bran to poop, but would have preferred "poo-poo grains" or something more fun
chillax: a great word to use when you want to make me even more angry
menses: it always reminds me of the actress Heather Menzies
uterus: a very awkward word that I feel distances women from the wonder of their own bodies. I prefer "baby cave."
content: I know I'm guilty of this too, but...when any sort of creatively-derived work is referred to as "content," I just feel it reduces the referred-to entity to packing peanuts or cans of peaches. It's like Michelangelo is working on the Sistine Chapel and his boss looks up and says: "hey, that's going to be great content! We could syndicate that on these new e-readers and run banner ads on them and shit."
product: see "content"
intellectual property: see "content" and "product," with the added insinuation that you are going to be screwed in some way.
metrosexual: created and nurtured by a slick band of marketers to convince dudes that paying attention to one's bodily hygiene and personal appearance isn't "gay"
tween: created and nurtured by a slick band of marketers to sell bellybutton rings to eleven-year-olds.
lol: outside of an actual chat room or cat photo, I don't want to see this word
fanboy: I always pictured that this word was invented by some comic book collector who thought he was better and more mature than all the other comic book collectors. A line of demarcation, if you will. "No, he's a fanboy; I'm a sequential art collector." Of course, this guy isn't a "sequential art collector," he's just a pompous dipshit who God forbid might actually have access to a blog.
cunt: I prefer "coont," which I think sounds a little more playful and vaguely British
Orwellian: too often used by people who are for anybody's right to free speech but yours
McCarthyite: see "Orwellian"
tampon: for some reason I immediately think of a large Styrofoam floatation device whenever I hear this word. "We're sinking fast...break out the tampons and hold on for your dear lives!"
vegan: immediately makes me think of the word "Vulcan," and the fact that Vulcans think they're superior to rest of the Federation. If you don't know it by now, I use a lot of word-association to remember things. I also think of Pulp Fiction hitman Vincent Vega when I see the word "vegan". And Suzanne Vega. And Sega.
bullet-point: annoying when used in a non-ammo context
inner-child: my inner-child is very skillful at chewing up Ritz crackers, spitting them up onto a fresh Ritz cracker, putting another fresh Ritz cracker on top of it, and calling it a "Ritz Cracker Sandwich." Getting in touch with her has almost as many pitfalls as benefits.
What words do YOU not like?
Zany, wacky, tangy, words like that. They sound like they were made up by marketers.
ReplyDeleteI like using the "product" to describe movies, etc., but solely as an insult (as in, "all Michael Bay does is put out product.").
ReplyDeleteWords I hate:
liberal, leftist, etc.: many users of this term usually say this in place of much meaner words that might the user look even worse (say like former US Rep. Bob Dornan).
conservative: rarely does this term actually describe the person it's supposed to.
most corporate buzzwords, like "synergy," "thinking outside the box," etc.: these words are usually as useless and pointless to use as the actual people running things.
downsizing: a nicer way to say "we want to keep our cushy lifestyles, so we're shitcanning you and your whole division."
outsourcing: a nicer way to say "we want to keep our cushy lifestyles, so we're shitcanning you and your whole division and sending it to folks who will be happy to work for almost nothing."
white collar crime: bullshit term that takes away from the strength of the term "grand theft." In all honesty, we need a term that is even stronger than that.
file sharing: while many people (even, in the past, myself) are guilty of the act, we have to admit that this is a very nice way to describe stealing, and should probably stop fooling ourselves.
wardrobe malfunction: just stop now.
"guru," "rockstar," or any other obnoxious ways to describe job openings: no matter how you write it, you are not now, nor will you ever will be as cool as you wish you were.
any acronyms created in any public school system to describe basic things: 'nuff said.
maybe: An invaluable tool as a parent.
ReplyDeleteanywho: I use this far too often in email.
uterus: Also used far too often in email.
metrosexual: While I loathe the word now, it did have the nice outcome that many men are no longer smelly slobs, so that's nice.
I don't like "issue" or "lifestyle." They don't really mean anything. At all. And when you go to use them, there's almost always a better choice.
ReplyDeleteFirst, some responses to your words.
ReplyDeleteuterus always makes me think of my favorite Dice nursery rhyme (sorry.) -There was an old who lived in a shoe, she had so many kids her uterus fell out-
Content and product along with "Talent" are examples of management's and corporate's attempt to devalue the actual artist.
However, as an IP attorney, I have to defend intellectual property, which was created to highlight similarities to Real property. It just means products of the mind.
Oh and in response to:
metrosexual: created and nurtured by a slick band of marketers to convince dudes that paying attention to one's bodily hygiene and personal appearance isn't "gay"
Of course it's gay to pay attention to one's bodily hygiene and personal appearance is "gay"
I believe in Northern England and/or Scotland they do pronounce it coont, which always made me wonder if they smirk when the author Dean Koontz is mentioned.
Orwellian is probably misused, but it is used legitimately lots of times. When something is called the opposite of what it is, it's Orwellian. Calling a relaxing of environmental protection laws a "blue skies" initiative is Orwellian.
oldies but goodies I do not like
ReplyDeleteproactive - there's active and reactive. This was a bullshit word that has been around long enough to have some acceptance.
utilize - an unnecessary word created by pseudo-intellectuals (or people mocking pseudo-intellectuals) that has stuck around way too long. It means use. There is no nuanced difference between the two words.
I agree with a fellow poster's comment on thinking outside the box. I do not believe anyone who has ever used that term has ever thought outside the box.
However, synergy is a perfectly fine word that some corporate types have abused over the years.
My girlfriend hates "moist" too. Unless we're in Florida.
ReplyDeleteJust a throwaway point -
ReplyDeleteI have clients and mentors who are gay, and (shock!) many of them do not fit some sort of "gay" fashionista stereotype. In fact, the polar opposite applies in many situations.
I like "anywho" thouhg I sometimes use "anywhosits". Words I do hate, however, are "methinks" and "gauge" when used by management. Not sure if this counts but anyone under 30 who pronounces the letter R as "arruh"... bugs me to no end.
ReplyDeleteHeather Menzies... Wow, haven't heard that name in a while. I remember her from the ill fated Logan's Run television show... And Piranha... lol
ReplyDelete'Sexy'
ReplyDeleteMadison Avenue has stripped away any meaning this word ever had. Nowdays almost anything and everything is 'Sexy', from amputees ,to food, to the latest electronic gadget flashed on your t.v. screen for 30 seconds.
'God'
This word has been used to justify anything and everything evil that Humans are capable of.
-I consider this the ultimate curse word.
'Fascist' 'Nazi' 'Communist' 'Racist' & so on...
I.E.
"Barack Obama is a 'Communist'/'Fascist'/'Racist' because he's not white/a muslim/a liberal/a Foreigner-----" Et Cetera.
'Faggot/Fag/Gay' & similar-
Where I live if you're a man who varies even slightly from the norm, you are automatically labeled a homosexual.
'Geek', 'Nerd', 'Dork', 'Loser', 'Fanboy/girl'---
See above and change homosexual to any of the above words.
'Horndog'
I have no idea why I hate this word,but I do.
"Normalcy" I HATE that word. It's not even a real word, other than a bunch of morons who should know better tend to use it when they want to say "normal" or "normality." It was coined by one of our more forgettable presidents. So forgettable, I forgot who it was.
ReplyDeleteHorrible, terrible word!
Dan, you beat me to it. Damn you, President Warren Harding for bringing "normalcy" into the popular lexicon.
ReplyDeleteSynergy is also a very silly word.
That must be the tampon pontoon!
ReplyDeleteHoodie and hot toddy.
ReplyDeleteApparently aversion to "moist" is pretty common, particularly among women.
I, personally, think that the word "uterus" is really fun to say. Uuuuuterus. Uterus Uterus Uterus.
ReplyDeleteAnd then I almost said "anywho" (it's fresh on the brain, don't hurt me) to transition to my next point: "Wang." Is an AWFUL word. Also, "Tit(s)" makes me shudder.
Bromance. Don't even get me started on bromance.
Also, Butch. or Dyke. or is it Dike? Both are totally derogatory. If you're going to describe a girl like that, just go out and call her a lesbian. That's pretty much what you're doing anyway.
"sausage party" - Nuff said
ReplyDelete"quality" as used by buisness types as in " a quality product" WTF does that mean. A low quality product is a quality product by definition, right? I know what they mean, but it's one of those empty words attached to things.
BTW, when I made that comment in response to Val's comment on metrosexual, I was simply attempting to draw a logical corollary to Val's statement for humorous purposes. No offense intended.
Also file sharing is not stealing. It is copyright infringement and it is illegal. However, file sharing is responsible for very little of the economic troubles experienced by record companies. I would guess that the largest file sharers are probably the largest purchasers of material. I have used it to sample bands I thought I might be interested in and then gone out and bought their albums.
ReplyDeleteThe main problem is that for years the record companies liked the model where people would pay $16 for a cd where they only wanted one song. They had eliminated the singles market. Most people will pay a fair price for a product.
of course the problem now is people are only buying the songs they want, which is greatly reducing the profits of the companies.
The companies will disappear as the artists distribute music directly absent the music industry pimps.
Also file sharing is used for many legitimate purposes, especially in business to business applications.
ReplyDeleteSo many people I know or have met do not like the word "moist". It is just a mouthful of damp things that should be dry isn't it!
ReplyDeleteA woman I worked with hated moist combined with tunic - not many opportunities to say the two in the modern world though.
I don't really dislike single words, but can't stand it when people say things like "as quick as you can" or "asap" - they're trying to convey haste is needed but end up conveying that they are rude, spoilt little brats who deserve a kicking in my mind.
Leverage, corporate equity, and rest of the corporate buzzword family.
ReplyDelete"Let's leverage our social media presence to build brand equity."
For that matter, I'm sick of "social media" as well.
I also don't like the word "momentarily" because it has two conflicting definitions.
1. for a moment (I will be with you then I will leave)
2. in a moment (I will be with you soon)
"Whatever" as a way of dropping out of an argument. Either concede or articulate like an adult that you don't intend to further participate in the discussion, but lose the passive-aggressive attitude.
ReplyDelete"passive-aggressive" because of its over-use.
"Freudian slip" - not every slip of the tongue is Freudian, and the user of the phrase very likely doesn't know the difference.
"The whole (fill in the blank) thing" is the most grating construct ever invented. Eliminate three unnecessary words and just say "(fill in the blank)"
"Price point" where "price" would suffice, which is always. "Price point" doesn't make you sound like a businessman, it makes you sound like a buzz-word junkie.
"popcorn flick" because "flick" alone, while not inherently annoying, seems to be the word douche-bags prefer to "movie", and the "popcorn" modifier is a justification for a movie the speaker knows is stupid. The phrase's annoyance level is more than the sum of its parts.
"amazing" Every damn thing in the world is "amazing" these days.
Grand Theft Auto-erotic Asphyxiation.
ReplyDeleteI hate all those cutesy portmanteau words like bromance, guyliner, mantrum (as if men never threw tantrums) and so on. I do sometimes use broseph to disparage a certain mindset, though, so that makes me a hypocrite.
ReplyDeleteWhat words do we like, though? I love zenzen, Japanese for "never" or "not at all" and tokidoki, Japanese for "sometimes."
Why do so many people have a problem with the word 'moist'?
ReplyDeleteJoel,
ReplyDeleteOn the topic of mantrum, I hate how prefacing everything with 'man' somehow makes it a positive attribute.
Agree on Orwellian. I was watching Children of Men with my family, and my brother was about to say "...this is so Orw-" for the 5th time. I snapped.
ReplyDeleteI love MOIST.
ReplyDeleteMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOISTMOIST
"Consumer". For much the same reason as artists hate their work being called a product or property, we audience members don't like being thought of as big holes into which product is dumped. Even "fans" is a bit insulting. Audience, readership, I'd even accept customer if you force me. But consumer just reinforces the temporal nature of the relationship.
ReplyDeleteKumquat.
ReplyDelete