Archie: All-American Boy, BigamistI just received a press release for Archie #603-605, where Archie will now marry Betty. To catch you up, Archie has just married Veronica. To my understanding, this is all some sort of "Elseworlds" parallel universe thing. Nevertheless, the press release asks some tantalizing, TMZ-worthy questions:
What about Veronica?
She will go crazy and start shoplifting at Barneys as a cry for help.
Will Archie and Veronica divorce?
Archie of course sues for alimony.
What about the twins?
They are starring in a new TLC reality TV series.
Will Archie lose his job?
Archie just cleaned out the joint bank account.
What will Jughead think???
Jughead makes a play for Veronica while she is still vulnerable, marries her, becomes head of Lodge Enterprises, is invited to become a Mason, joins a top-secret cabal that seeks world domination, adopts an Italian orphan that turns out to be the antichrist, and then eats the world's largest hamburger.
Anyway, that's how I would write it.
Italian orphan? Jughead adopts Dondi? I always wondered about that kid....
ReplyDeleteAn Elseworld thing? What do you mean? That makes me think there will be two Archie titles - one where he's married to Betty, and one where he's married to Veronica. That would be brilliant.
ReplyDeleteAnd I guess, in the TV show, the guy who played Jimmy Olse would play Archie. They're like twins!
ReplyDeleteI always wanted to see ARCHIE do an imaginary story (perhaps a daydream during history class) where Archie would imagine himself as a pioneer in the Utah territory, married to Betty and Veronica...
ReplyDelete...and Midge...
...and Big Ethel...
...and Miss Grundy...
...and Miss Beazley.*
* At which point Archie wakes up screaming...
Jughead will be the first one to be thought of as the killer, only to be killed by the killer while trying to escape everyone who thinks he is the killer.
ReplyDelete"Jughead will be the first one to be thought of as the killer, only to be killed by the killer while trying to escape everyone who thinks he is the killer."
ReplyDeleteIn other words, he will be played by Jamie Kennedy in the movie.
Who reads Archie?!??! I didn't know that was still in print.
ReplyDeleteYour version doesn't sound like an 'Elseworlds' it sounds like a 'What if..'
ReplyDeleteGood ol' What if.. where even the most minor of change in decision always resulted in WORLD SHAKING CONSEQUENCES!!!!