Why Are Really Bad Films Made?

First, take a look at this trailer for Ace Ventura Jr.:



Now, answer me this question: Why Are Really Bad Films Made?

We all know them: stinkers beyond the scope of any sort of hipster smug ironic enjoyment we could possibly glean from them. Son of the Mask, that last Eddie Murphy movie with the big head and the thing, Mr. Magoo with Leslie Nielsen WHY?!!!! Thunderbirds with Bill Paxton--why?!

Why.
Batman and Rob--WHY?! Oh God, why?

I believe this is the culprit:


The Yes Man (or Woman).

When all you surround yourself with are Yes People, you get inbred ideas that suck and which everyone is afraid to assert said suckage of. Case in point: Eddie Murphy. Case in point: whoever is buying up the rights to those Jim Carrey movies.

"Oh, I really think recasting Ace Ventura as a chubby boy with big hair is a bad idea...but my boss is a dick, and I don't want to lose my job. I'll just say it's awesome."

I swear to God, I turned on Alvin and the Chipmunks, saw them sing "Had A Bad Day" while in a tree, and was ready to nuke my TV set. Then there was the scene where Simon ate Theodore's dookie and called it a raisin.

And. Called. It. A. Raisin.

My Favorite Bad Movies #1: Staying Alive

So many things about this film:

1. It's literally a "what if Sylvester Stallone made a dance movie?" Answer: many women (and men) half-naked in spandex.

2. The opening scene, at the dance try-outs, is an Eighties camp classic.

3. The Broadway show at the center of the film -- "Satan's Alley" -- is unbearably bad, yet it is always referred to as awesome and the show of Tony's career.



4. Tony Manero is portrayed as a complete and total asshole.

5. Director and writer Sylvester Stallone had no real grip either on the movie's predecessor, Saturday Night Fever, nor on the workings of the actual dance community -- resulting in a movie that rings hollow on both.

6. This film started the fast slide into failure & obscurity for John Travolta, a blow he would not recover from until Pulp Fiction.7. The very end of the film, where a triumphant Tony struts down Broadway in tribute to the opening of "Saturday Night Fever," should cause us to root for him -- but all I can think about when I see it is, "this guy has just been a selfish, insufferable asshole through the entire picture."

And yet, I never fail to watch this movie whenever it comes on cable. It's so preposterous that I am transfixed & compelled. It is the 1980s version of Showgirls.

And of course, we would later see Staying Alive co-star Finola Hughes later in TV's Generation X as Emma Frost: