Vacation...

...until Monday thereabouts. Have a great Labor Day Weekend!

The Night Owls Season One Finale...

...is up on Zuda.com

The Timony Brothers, who produce this fine supernatural-humor webcomic, are great people and very friendly to fans.

Why not drop by and leave them a message of congrats for one season done, and another ahead?

Beefcake Question

Do you ever think David Hasselhoff felt exploited for his body, back in the day?

I was doing a search on him for something completely unrelated to securing beefcake photos -- and like the very first picture of him is lying naked with a Shar-Pei over his weiner.

And there's tons of photos of him from his "Knight Rider" and "Baywatch" days like that -- shirtless, posing in a leather jacket and Speedos.

My God, the above picture is like the perfect counterpart to that classic "woman with snake" photo:


And what about the animals, how do they feel about being living loincloths?

In This Issue...Wendy And Marvin DIE!

Uh...spoilers?

Remember Wendy and Marvin from the old Superfriends cartoon?


So they are characters in the current Teen Titans book, and they find Wonder Dog, and, long story short, Wonder Dog tears them into gory pieces:


Just in case you were fooled by the cover --

-- and had any intention of purchasing the book for your child.

Comic By Comic writes:

"Remember when the Teen Titans book was supposed to be about hope for the future? That time's long gone. This just felt unnecessary. It's not even as if the characters in question were that well developed - it's just shoddy writing, shock for shock's sake. And it's not for me. I'm done with the book."

It's official: Teen Titans is not a book for actual young people. Kids can read the comic where the big-footed action-figure superheroes who smile all the time fight dinosaurs.


Because there's no in-between. Right?

DC's comics were dark even before The Dark Knight -- but I have to sincerely wonder if, in the wake of new WB dictates that DC movies have to be dark, if this will become the new editorial rule.

It's like the GWB presidency, I just can't wait for this era to be over.

Fangirl Fridays: Heroes and Villains

Four important things:

1. I'll respect the public crusades some people have against the "freaks and losers" when they crusade equally as publicly against those in power who fuck up in the same way.

2. Anybody who says that black-and-white thinking is superior to shades-of-gray thinking should never criticize George W. Bush and his cronies again. Similar mentality. You don't get a free pass to apply black-or-white thinking to feminism. You don't get a free pass to criticize Bush for classifying everybody as either patriots or terrorists, and then go and apply the same thinking to males. And you don't get a free pass to classify yourself as a liberal and then have a fucking meltdown because somebody interpreted "Onionhead Man" in a way different than you did.

3. When I used to hear a story about sexual harassment, I would automatically assume that the man was at fault, and that it was a black-and-white story. Knee-jerk reaction. And I would get mad -- furiously, furiously mad. I acted this way out of emotion, out of identification. And you know what? Sometimes, I was right. And sometimes? I was dead wrong. And sometimes it was just far more complicated than I had envisioned. But all that didn't matter. Because I just made a public statement to "hang this motherfucker and cut off his nuts." And if I was wrong -- or just didn't have the full picture -- I looked like a goddamn moron.

4. My insistence in shades-of-gray thinking in everything from feminism to the latest fandom obsession seems to really piss some people off. Good. I enjoy watching people with infantile ways of classifying reality roar and stew in their own self-righteous outrage. It's like candy for me, it's the fuel for my car. Keep pissing, keep moaning, keep crying, stay bitter, write screeds, invite friends, and keep viewing your truncated world as a realm of heroes and villains.

You know what? Even the comic book writers aren't seeing superhero stories as simply tales of heroes and villains anymore. Maybe some people should learn to grow the fuck up, throw open the door, and crack open their minds. Or, if they insist on being dogmatic and close-minded, at least stop making fun of the religious fundamentalists. In fact, you might just want to try one of their fine systems of theological thought. It might be even easier if you had a book to follow. Heaven, hell, good, bad, right, wrong. Black, white. Heroes and villains.

Man Refuses To Shave Until Fable 2 Is Released

Stories like this make me glad to be alive.

In other news, I am going to stop shaving until James Jean comes back to Fables.

Spider-Man "New Ways To Die" Sold Out Two Issues In A Row

Amazing Spider-Man #569, the second part of the "New Ways To Die" storyline (a.k.a. "The Anti-Venom Arc"), has sold out from Diamond on the same day it hits stands. This follows the first issue, #568, selling out last week.

Congratulations, Dan. You have a real hit on your hands, and you deserve it.

Revenge Of The Hollywood Nerds

This amusing Cinema Blend post complains about too many "nerd characters" getting the spotlight in today's movies:

"Why is it that every single goddamn high school movie now is about unathletic, unpopular, undesirables weaseling their way into a roll in the hay with the most beautiful girl at school?"

Movies referred to in the article include the hit Superbad and Mr. Woodcock.

Is this indeed a renaissance for the "nerd" in Hollywood? And didn't we have the same thing in the 1980s? In another era, Alex P. Keaton from "Family Ties" would have been considered a nerd, not a heartthrob. The show "Head of the Class" (remember that?) was about nerds who were of course really really cool (of course, they had somewhat of a "nerd hierarchy" within the glass itself). And even Ferris Bueller -- supposedly the coolest person in the entire school (or is that world), but actually a know-it-all computer geek who was a little on the scrawny side.

Chicks dig guys with brains, folks:

Girls Night Out

also known as, "what female comic book fans do when not reading comics"
also known as, "who needs medication when you have a hot Australian?"

On Sunday a bunch of friends inaugurated what will henceforth be known as "Girls Night Out," a journey of self-exploration, drinking, and discussing Nightwing.

Yes, I wore my special "Iron Man" t-shirt,
because I was trying to be fancy

Australians in background

First stop, "Blade Runner Sushi" -- not its real name, but what we like to call it on account of all its neon. I tend to fall asleep after my second glass of anything, so I decided to pace myself and NOT have the sake -- which was fine until someone said. "You know what I like? Sake!"

The Beauty Bar

Second stop, The Beauty Bar, where one can get both a drink and a manicure for $10. By this point, I had consumed a bit of sake at Blade Runner Sushi, so I was pulling out my wallet and saying "Dammit, who wants to get their nails done? My treat!"

An ode to Joe Strummer

Third stop, The Sunburnt Cow, an Australian bar which was the scene of the crime several weeks ago for one of our group, Tiffany. As she reminisced about the 6'4" rugby player from Melbourne who swept her off her feet ("eight times!" was our new catchphrase), I decided to stop drinking and sober up for the train ride home. I swore to God that the free shots of passion-fruit tequila the bartender gave us had Red Bull in it, because I became more awake with every glass.

And, alas, the best photo of me from the batch we took featured me holding up my middle finger. Cropped:

Face of pure joy

Whatever the case, by the time we left The Sunburnt Cow to follow a bunch of young Australian tourists who asked us to "hang out and show them where the good places were," I had assumed my hat of "oldest person in this group," as well as the hat they gave me earlier in the night, "Taken" (as in: "Single, single, taken"). As we sat in the 24-hour restaurant 7A for a late-night hybrid dinner/breakfast, I sipped on coffee and counted the minutes I was back home with my sweetie.

Because as much as I meticulously planned this night -- every venue, every awesomeness -- I honestly realized in the end that the most satisfying thing for me was just those ordinary days I have with my BF.

But if you were wondering what some female comic book fans do for fun, here you go.

Fries!

This is Tiffany's world, we're just living in it.

Sympathy For The Devil?

So here's the situation: in January, I had a blogger publicly take me to task for writing "blind items" about sexual harassers in comics, among other things. It was this long pedantic post. Was it addressed to me privately? No. It was meant to be this big finger-wagging thing. Given the blogger and her own unique history, I was kind of shocked she did this.

Recently, the same blogger has taken me to task again for allegedly expressing sympathy for a screwed-up freelancer who was bothering her. The freelancer in question, who is obviously in need of some mental help, was talked about by name through two posts by this blogger -- thus, of course, making him infamous and even mentioned in Lying in the Gutters.

I didn't say the person in question was a saint, or even that all the things said about him in the referenced posts were untrue. Quite the contrary. In fact, I specifically said that I believed just about every story told in that post about him. And -- I was harassed by not one but TWO of his friends in a manner similar to the situation the blogger described had happened to her.

However, I knew him personally, and knew his situation in life, and I felt since his name was put out there anyway, I should provide the full spectrum of who he is.

Basically, I was saying that he's not a worthless dog who deserves to die. That there were steps that led to this point. That he *was* employed as an inker's assistant and so not completely detached from the industry. That there was a time when he was better. That things are extremely dire for him now. And that I believe (oh yes I do) that an overriding obsession with both comics themselves and working in the comics industry is part of the reason he fell.

I don't think the men who sexually harassed me were worthless dogs who deserve to die, either. That's why when I speak to somebody who knows them well or is involved with them professionally, I don't say anything, and I certainly don't post long screeds with identifying information like names. When I write this in my memoirs:

"Because putting all the hoopla about the topic aside -- the catalogs of "atrocities" that make for such tasty sound bytes and quick and nasty Internet reading -- at its core, sexual harassment is just a goddamn sad situation for everybody involved. It is not simply a story of white hats and dark hats, Good vs. Evil. It is SAD.

It is just all so fucking sad.

Casualties. Me and *blank* both. And everyone caught in the middle."

I'm not writing that because I blame myself. I'm not writing that because I want to garner sympathy for the other parties. I'm writing that because it's the goddamn truth. And sometimes I get real angry and forget that truth, but I always try to steer myself back to it, because I know thatway lies some semblance of rationality. I'm doing it for myself more than anyone else, or else it all just devolves into continuous hate -- and I lose.

Sympathy for the devil? Once we start think of these people as "devils," we're finished.

Evilsexy

The fact that Grant Morrison or whomever would look at a character like Mary Marvel and decide that making her a pink-haired fetish queen (with stilted dialog that would seem at home with the second "Star Wars" trilogy) would be hilarious and ironic...that this is the best you can do with the character...

It's not the fact that she's turned evil that's the problem for me. Or that she was really good & now she's really bad.

But I'd like to see this with a female character where she's not automatically hyper-sexual as part of the bargain.

Take the "Dark Willow" storyline in Buffy The Vampire Slayer, for instance.


I know some of you might have your fetishes about grim women in loose-fitting black shirts and no makeup, but Dark Willow was not an overtly sexualized villainess.

Can't a female character be bloodcurdingly evil but not sexy? Can she express her evil in a way that doesn't mean really big breasts in a leather outfit? Or the need to seduce men?

Evil Mary Marvel doesn't need to wear sexy outfits. She could simply punch somebody's skull in. This was the same Mary Marvel who was sexually harassed in a "Supergirl" special and was pissed and wanted revenge. Would her evil side necessarily manifest as being a hottie with bigger boobs? That's all I'm asking.

See, I think the sex is added in to water down the threatening quality of this super-powerful chick. It's like, she's evil -- but she looks like a sex worker. She's evil -- but she could totally "do" you. She could beat your ass -- but you could totally enjoy it.

Nothing against "sexy" or leather corsets. It's just an observation.

(Oh, and for those who want to defend the iconic integrity of Fetish Mary Marvel -- I'm totally with you. Defend away. Just please don't specifically request that I retract my statements because you're obviously right and Grant Morrison is a genius who never makes mistakes.)

RIP Virgin Comics

Journalista reacts to the death of Virgin Comics:

"The Direct Market caters primarily to a closed network of 25-35 year old men who’ve been reading Marvel and DC Comics for over a decade, and have next to no interest in buying anything that doesn’t cater to their narrow set of interests. You can occassionally snag a moderate number of readers by producing work that grabs them by the fanboy short-hairs — vampires, zombies and licensed versions of characters or creative works that they fondly remember from childhood are usually required — but anything else is slow death where money is concerned. Treat the Direct Market as though it were a healthy, diverse and dependable sales environment and you might as well be jumping off a cliff."

In general, Virgin Comics seemed like a high class operation with beautiful art and high-quality production (not to mention: big name celebrities!). But it didn't have men in tights. Ergo: the masses didn't buy them. Ergo: the line failed.

Is this true? If so, whose fault is it? The Big Two? The direct market? Are the fans just too close-minded?

Can there be a big comics publisher on the level of DC or Marvel who puts out non-superhero comics? Isn't Image like this, a little?

Will superheroes and comics be synonymous until the end of time?

Um...wasn't some of those Virgin Comics sorta superheroey anyway? Are the capes a must?

Was counting on the Direct Market audience to know who Deepak Chopra was, and be impressed that he was writing a comic book, too much a gamble?

Now where will Hugh Jackman write comic books?

Casualties Of Comics

The Scott that Colleen Doran refers to in this and this blog post -- brought to my attention by yesterday's LITG -- is not unknown to me. He was one of my ex-roommate's best friends, and while I never hung out with him per se, he hung out with people I used to hang out with when I was in my late teens/early twenties. He called at the house for my ex-roommate many times, and I've seen him at several events.

The portrait Colleen paints of Scott in her posts is pretty depressing; and if I had to guess, I would assume most or all of it is true. Ditto concerning the "Warren" stories, which I used to hear about in great detail before I ever worked in this industry at all.

But, since his first and last name is now out there connected with a litany of unsavory anecdotes, I just wanted to give a little extra perspective.

I've known a lot of aspiring comic book artists and writers when I was younger -- and most of them are in their 40s and even 50s now. They often used to hang out at the same comic book store. If you've followed "Goodbye To Comics," you might be familiar with it.

These are people who lived their lives for the moment they would become professional comic book creators. I mean, really lived for it. Lived for their comics, too. If they had to choose between rent and comics: comics. Food and comics: comics. Like that. When you're in your twenties this might be a little charming. They were fanboys, sure; but they had a bit of that arty 80's punk edge to them. To a young fangirl, it all seemed rather cool.

And they knew their share of people in the industry. Like I said, I was hearing these industry stories way before I was ever in it (or thought I could even be in it).

Nobody in my circle really "made it" in comics. Some gave up at some point, and some didn't. It became this magnificent dream for some that turned into a nightmare when they found themselves middle-aged, without a savings, without health insurance. Most had parents who could kick a few bucks to them, but these people were now in their 70s and even 80s. How long could that last?

You could look at them and sneer and say "how pathetic." The other side of the coin is, there's a lot of people out there like this from that era. There's a lot of people in the gestation stages of this situation now. Fans, convention patrons, assistants in comics studios, friends of friends of friends in the industry. Heading into the other side of middle age; big comic collections, poor health, tons of sketchbooks and spec scripts. Sometimes small, cramped, bug-ridden apartments, fire-hazards, stuffed to the gills with comic books.

As Colleen pointed out in one of her posts, Scott's art submission was wrong on so many levels. Certainly, including rambling lines of old poetry in your introduction letter will not score you any points. But it was obvious just from that alone that he was troubled. It's very clear that to hold him to a measure of proper comic book submission procedure is pointless.

What's that line from Death of a Salesman? "He's a human being, and a terrible thing is happening to him"?

And I don't know what the answer is. Obviously, people like Colleen shouldn't have to deal with it. Her concerns are valid. I can't deal with it, either. I tried dealing with somebody like this for a long time. I've seen the long slide. You do what Colleen did in her post -- try to break it down rationally. It doesn't work. You gotta just let them live their lives, even if it seems like a bit of a train wreck.

But I also can't let this go as just a big grotesque joke about a loser when the entire perspective on the story is not there.

Scott worked many, many, many years as an inking assistant to professionals. He's filled in the blacks and done clean-up on a lot of books that made it to print. This might be the limit of what he can contribute to Big Comics. The drive is still there to submit samples, and to expand his range. The presentation in doing so -- whether in person or electronically -- is not great. The company he chooses to keep is not great. Judging by Colleen's "Warren" stories, and my own run-ins with obsessive people who were good friends with Scott -- well, there is obviously a pattern here.

But people like this, without the intervention of family and (good) friends, will end up in a bad place. That's all I'm saying. And some might say, "well good for them," but I'm saying that they too are part of the fabric of this industry's and fandom's history. They may not qualify for the Heroes Initiative -- but they might very well end up elderly, sick, and destitute in the decades to come. Trust me when I tell you this will become a problem. Trust me when I tell you that more and more in the future this will become a problem.

India's "Hari Puttar" Vs. Harry Potter

In India, "puttar" means son and "Hari" is a popular name. So the new Indian children's comedy "Hari Puttar," about a 10-year old Indian boy who moves to England, is pretty innocent, isn't it?

Not so fast, says the WB. They've filed a lawsuit against the makers of the film -- wanting it banned for its similarity (at least in name) to "Harry Potter."

Of course, the name "Harry Potter" first turned up in the 1986 supernatural movie "Troll" -- but who's keeping track?

"One Day He'll Be Out On His Ass!"

I need to write this down before I forget it.

I went out to buy some breakfast close to the house. Should have traveled farther, got a really good meal, but I had a lot to do and I just wanted to get it over with.

Went to the deli. This is an old old deli, that's been around since I was an infant. In a patchwork neighborhood filled with stores that open and close every other month, and several outright abandoned storefronts, the deli is a rarity. But it looks its age -- and worse, it has shared its long history in this sad area with my own. It knows too much: remembering the generations, my family's growth and implosion, my modest string of ex-boyfriends and roommates, everything. How to make a clean break of it? Certainly not at the deli.

When I walk into this deli, I feel as if I will never leave this neighborhood, as if the same preservative formula keeping it standing will continue to glue me in place.

The guy at the counter is ill with a degenerative disease, and I feel terrible as he struggles to put my $1.50 egg sandwich, container of orange juice, and cup of coffee in the brown paper bag. I feel terrible for him but I don't want to pity him; I'll be honest, I just don't know how to act. The other guy, he says "hello how you're doing" to me in the same rote way he has done for more than a decade, without looking at me, more a statement than a question. He's ill too, but not as bad as the first guy. And then there's yet another guy there, very old -- he's ill too, with big dark spots all over his skin. There was another guy used to work there, he died.

So anyway, I'm almost done at the place, this woman comes in and asks if they carry watermelons. Obviously, I think, she is new to the neighborhood. The closest thing to fresh fruit this deli carries are pickles.

When the lady leaves, the "hello how are you doing" guy scowls and says derisively, "Ha! Do we carry watermelons?!" And then he steps out to get some change for the store.

The first guy can't control his anger, his face bent in disgust. Now, I never seen this guy look angry before, so this is a shock to me. But he's furious, shaking, muttering, "Got no respect for people -- he's like an animal! You know? No respect! No wonder one day he'll be out on his ass!"

I scrambled to pick up my brown paper bag bursting with its contents (purchased for only $3.58). The man insisted, "you need a plastic bag? I'll go get you a plastic bag!"

"No, I-I'm fine..."

The poor man was clearly in agony packing the brown bag alone. I was fine. But it wasn't even that.

"No, no, let me get you a plastic bag!"

I thought about the elevators back at the apartment, both of them, rattling and in sore need of repair. I knew the landlord would wait until somebody got hurt in them again. I just knew it.

Fan Mob Rule

My unsent response to a email I received yesterday regarding my Joker post:

Why does an interpretation of an imaginary character mean that much to you that you need to write an email like this? I really do want to understand what people like you get out of it. You are basically taking the time out of your busy life to write to me to reiterate a position that only Christopher Nolan and Heath Ledger could possibly validate. Yet you say with seeming authority that the viewpoint of a bunch of vocal fans is right, and as such I must publicly concede my opinion. Let me repeat that -- that I must publicly concede my opinion, as if it's something I should pencil in my schedule between lunch and calling my sister. It is absolutely preposterous to demand such a thing of anybody. What right to you have to ask me this? "Fan Right?"

I was in the middle of having a night out with friends when I got your email on my Blackberry. I usually enjoy getting emails from readers, but this particular message was yet another reason I feel this Blackberry is pointless. You wrote: "listen to your friends when you've made a mistake." Friends don't demand that other friends change their opinion to fit mob rule. It's distasteful to ask. Don't you understand that? It robs me of my freedom to think critically and independently. And for what? For a comic book character. You know what, don't worry about The Joker's iconic integrity. They pay people big money to worry about his iconic integrity. They have a whole department to worry about his iconic integrity. Instead, why not create new things?

Do you agree with preachers who demand people follow their dogma? Who say that "Jesus loves you," but only if people agree with a particular interpretation of the Bible? If you don't, why do you think fans get a free pass to share this mentality? Seriously? I really want to know.

And you know who laughs the most at the spectacle of dogmatic conformity being enforced in His name?

Cher to Play Catwoman in New Batman Movie?

Is Cher on tap to play Catwoman in the latest Batman movie? The Telegraph says oui:

A studio executive said: "Cher is Nolan's first choice to play Catwoman. He wants to her to portray her like a vamp in her twilight years.

"The new Catwoman will be the absolute opposite of Michelle Pfeiffer and Halle Berry's purring creations."

I'm taking this with a big grain of salt, but given the trajectory of the films so far, such a storyline featuring an aging Catwoman is not completely out of the real of possibility.

Cue the fan posters and the Photoshop.

The Director Who Films My Life

**it's scary how accurate this is**

Your result for The Director Who Films Your Life Test...

Roger Corman

Your film will be 46% romantic, 24% comedy, 54% complex plot, and a $ 28 million budget.

An action-complex tale about a complex character that is you. Corman was responsible for a very early Jack Nicholson film, 1963's The Terror (Francis Coppola was associate producer), filmed in three days! The actor who plays you will emote complexity like Jack ... maybe Christian Slater or Gwyneth Paltrow. Also, Roger filmed the original Little Shop of Horrors film -- which in the 1980s was the basis for a hit Broadway musical and another film. All his films were shot for mere thousands of dollars, sometimes completed within the week. Roger knows talent, and knows how to keep costs down with complex stories such as your life story. His versions of Edgar Allen Poe stories are considered classics (The Raven, The Pit and the Pendulum), and also directed Deathsport and Bloody Mama in the 1970s. Oh, yeah, man, this guy will make your film a cult classic!

Take The Director Who Films Your Life Test at HelloQuizzy

My Favorite Bad Movies #1: Staying Alive

So many things about this film:

1. It's literally a "what if Sylvester Stallone made a dance movie?" Answer: many women (and men) half-naked in spandex.

2. The opening scene, at the dance try-outs, is an Eighties camp classic.

3. The Broadway show at the center of the film -- "Satan's Alley" -- is unbearably bad, yet it is always referred to as awesome and the show of Tony's career.



4. Tony Manero is portrayed as a complete and total asshole.

5. Director and writer Sylvester Stallone had no real grip either on the movie's predecessor, Saturday Night Fever, nor on the workings of the actual dance community -- resulting in a movie that rings hollow on both.

6. This film started the fast slide into failure & obscurity for John Travolta, a blow he would not recover from until Pulp Fiction.7. The very end of the film, where a triumphant Tony struts down Broadway in tribute to the opening of "Saturday Night Fever," should cause us to root for him -- but all I can think about when I see it is, "this guy has just been a selfish, insufferable asshole through the entire picture."

And yet, I never fail to watch this movie whenever it comes on cable. It's so preposterous that I am transfixed & compelled. It is the 1980s version of Showgirls.

And of course, we would later see Staying Alive co-star Finola Hughes later in TV's Generation X as Emma Frost:

Didio: Rebooting Was A Mistake

Dan Didio @ Toronto Fan Expo:

"My problem with us is that we reboot the characters too much.

“What happens is that if a character doesn’t work, we go, ‘We got a brand new direction to put him in! We’re moving him into something new! We’re going to try something brand new and different! We’re going to throw everything out and start over again!’ We make that mistake, but what that does is, it alienates fans.

“Our biggest mistake is that we don’t continue and build on…"

Now, is Didio referring to creative team reboots like Supergirl & Flash?

Or rebooted characters like Atom, Firestorm, and Blue Beetle?

Or both?

I'd like to couple this with references made in the last Lying In The Gutters regarding the fates of books like Atom, Blue Beetle, etc:

"...we can expect a swathe of cancelled DC books.

"We've seen "Shadowpact," "All New Atom," "Checkmate" and more get cancelled at certain sales levels. Now books like "Blue Beetle" and "Simon Dark" are at similar lower levels. My prediction: expect announcements shortly."

Now, I really don't want to see a book like Blue Beetle get cancelled, as I think it has a lot of merit.

However, I wonder with this newly admitted regret over rebooting, if DC's faith in the current crop of rebooted characters has dwindled.

Batman III Fan Posters -- Crappy Or Awesome?

Okay, this was almost as good as watching that Superman III trailer from the previous post...

CHUD points out some Batman III fan posters that are...well, they weren't too crazy with them.


But you decide. I think the David Tennant one is sort of ok. The Catwoman one kinda looks like she has a five o'clock shadow.

Posters of Harley and Two-Face here, via io9

WB To Look Towards "Superman III" As Inspiration

If Warner Brothers wants to do a "darker" Superman movie, may I humbly request that they look no further than the great 1983 film "Superman III" for inspiration. Reasons why:

1) Superman becomes evil self-hating wino
2) Woman turns into scary-ass robot

All the elements are there. I guarantee that if the WB puts in a scene comparable to the robot transformation scene in "Superman III," no child will be able to watch this film -- which is, apparently, kind of what they want.

Also, they can get some poorly cast comedian to play some slapstick comedy relief character who skis on the side of skyscrapers ala Richard Pryor. You know, I was watching the biography of Pryor the other day, and when they got to the part where he was taking these roles like "Superman III" that were the antithesis of everything he stood for in his brilliant stand-up comedy work, I just got so depressed. It's like, what's with these comedians -- Pryor, Robin Williams, Eddie Murphy. Hollywood just homogenizes them. Even freaking Bob Saget.

You know what Bob Saget was famous for before "Full House" and "America's Funniest Home Videos"? Being the dirtiest comedian on the strip. That's why my eyes filled up with tears when I watched that "I suck dick for coke" scene in "Half Baked" -- because I was getting a glimpse of the Saget who used to be.

Shit, I've just drank waaaaay too much coffee.

DC Movies To "Go Dark," WB Head Says

Following the huge success of The Dark Knight, WB's plans for the rest of the DC Comics movies are decidedly...dark.

According to CHUD, responding to (or quoting) an interview WB movie head Jeff Robinov had with the Wall Street Journal:

"Like the recent Batman sequel -- which has become the highest-grossing film of the year thus far -- Mr. Robinov wants his next pack of superhero movies to be bathed in the same brooding tone as "The Dark Knight." Creatively, he sees exploring the evil side to characters as the key to unlocking some of Warner Bros.' DC properties. "We're going to try to go dark to the extent that the characters allow it," he says. That goes for the company's Superman franchise as well."

Plus: "Superman Returns" is now out of canon, its disappointing showing convincing Robinov that they just need to make a whole new movie:

"'Superman' didn't quite work as a film in the way that we wanted it to," says Mr. Robinov. "It didn't position the character the way he needed to be positioned." "Had 'Superman' worked in 2006, we would have had a movie for Christmas of this year or 2009," he adds. "But now the plan is just to reintroduce Superman without regard to a Batman and Superman movie at all."

Going back to the whole "dark" DC movies thing...it would seem that all the darkness and death in the comics themselves for the last five years actually had a positive influence on the direction of the movies after all. Which, in my mind, goes back to that crucial pre-"Identity Crisis" editorial retreat several years ago where it was decided that what DC was lacking was grimness and violence.

But now apparently the WB will sink millions of dollars in movie treatments of DC characters that are (they can only hope) as dark and unfriendly to children as humanly possible.

But the movies, they're making money! That's what's important. Kids don't read comics anyhow, much less go to the movies. They're busy playing violent video games. Everybody wins.

Impressed, gives golf clap:

Arthur: Worst Reboot Of A Children's Character Ever!

When I was writing the previous Dora the Explorer post, I remembered what I consider to be the worst translation of a children's character from book to screen ever:

Arthur The Aardvark.

Okay, here is the original "Arthur" book:


It's a book about how even though Arthur has a big nose, it's totally okay because everyone's beautiful and it's what is inside that counts.

Now here is Arthur after Hollywood got a hold of him:


THEY CUT OFF HIS @$%@&* NOSE!

Can you imagine being the creator of some character like Arthur and being told by TV producers that they totally love everything about this character -- except for the key concept?

But the ears...the ears are still there. Thank God.

Dora The Explorer To Get "Feminine" Makeover

Apparently Nickelodeon is working on a revamp of Dora the Explorer to make her appeal to preteen girls:

"Amid competition from older and racier rivals such as the Disney phenomenon Hannah Montana, Dora's TV bosses are reportedly in talks about re-designing some themed toys and merchandise to make the character more feminine."

If this is true, and they make her into another Hannah Montana/Barbie/Bratz clone, I will vomit my guts out.

If they want to make her older -- fine. But just make her "normal." Please please please don't glam her up.

You know what Dora does? She freakin' explores! With comfortable shoes!

The Joker As An Abused Child

Just a straightforward question: does the idea put forth in "The Dark Knight," that The Joker was (maybe!) an abused child, work for you?

Do you prefer the classic origin, where he's just a thug who falls into a vat of chemicals?

Does the Joker being possibly motivated by his childhood abuse "water down" his villainy? Do you prefer him to be more of an evil without explanation, chilling like a serial killer from a perfect family whose misanthropic behavior is seemingly without explanation?

Now, a larger question: does having these explanations for the motivations of heroes or villains -- abuse, rape, etc. -- "ruin" the character for you? Or do they make the character more interesting?

My opinion? I encounter a number of comic readers who get pissed off with these sorts of origins. They feel it's a cop-out. But to say that there hasn't been villains or heroes who have been propelled towards their missions, at least in part, by some form of past abuse? I don't buy that. There would have to be some of them.

But the Joker? I remember in one of the Nightmare on Elm Street movies, they explained Freddy's origin as being a horribly abused child. Did that ruin him for me, take away some of his menace? It really didn't. If anything, that made him scarier. Because that placed him more in the realm of reality.

An Uncommon World Calls For Uncommon Strategies

I am in yur box, thinking outside of it

When I was in my early twenties, ready to leave college, I was still in a world that believed the best thing you could achieve was the security of a steady 9-to-5 job. This job would be one you could stay in for thirty years and which would provide you and your family everything you needed for the life you have grown accustomed to. Sure, you would start at entry-level at this great Job, but, as the years went by (and you caused no trouble), you could count on steadily moving up the ranks to a higher position, perhaps one day becoming a manager or even a manager of managers.

The old paradigm: Dagwood Bumstead, suburban breadwinner

My father had such a job. It was a job that managed to support a wife and three kids, and provide us all with medical insurance and regular trips to the dentist.

While he struggled for years in the trenches, finally my dad built things up at the job where he could be a Supervisor. Part of this meant that he could have the type of job so many people dream of -- a bureaucratic position which entailed him spending long stretches of time sleeping or doing nothing. I'm not exaggerating this. He often had nothing to do. He had nothing to do but had to stay in that goddamn office.

On one of the days he went back into the field, during an emergency, he had a heart-attack and died. Just days short of his pension. Which his employers saw fit to deny his family. Because while he played the game -- oh, so sorry, you're a couple days too late. Do not win, do not collect $200, do not cross "Go."

But back then, there at least was still a game to be played.

I think that the notion of job security I referred to earlier -- such a staple of life when I was growing up -- was just part of an era. I don't think it's the defacto way things are with working in America, or even should be. This notion of one's employer as the God-like father-figure who provides, who gives food and shelter and health and a future -- as long as you play by the rules and think inside the box.

The new paradigm: Lucille Van Pelt, entrepreneur

I just made a sum of money this week doing two things I enjoy -- writing and blogging. Neither path was a common strategy. The more I let go of my attachment to the common strategies, the more opportunities I encounter. It's as simple as that. It's as literal as that.

Just wanted to share that with you. This week was very very cool for me.

Sexual Harassment In Comics -- still going on

I know, I'm naive right?

No, I really am.

Somehow I bought the idea that we are all in a more mature place, and that these are not concerns anymore, cuz we're all adults here.

But apparently -- no.

"On Friday, just before the show closed, this same woman was closing up her tables when a group of four men came to her booth, started taking photographs of her, telling her she was the "prettiest girl at the con." They they entered the booth, started hugging and kissing her and taking photographs of themselves doing so. She was confused and scared, but they left quickly after doing that."

This shit is still going on? Women groped and stalked at SDCC? This is 1990s stuff!

My motto: "let the 1990s (in comics) stay in the 1990s."

And as several people have suggested, the answer is for San Diego Comic Con to have an official policy regarding sexual harassment.

Such official policies -- when actually enforced -- are everybody's friends. They prevent misunderstandings and tragedies (and tragic misunderstandings).

There is only one thing from the above-referenced post by John DiBello I would nit-pick at -- and I'm doing it based on my own experience.

It's this:

"Another friend of mine, a woman running her own booth: on Friday a man came to her booth and openly criticized her drawing ability and sense of design. Reports from others in the same section of the floor confirmed he'd targeted several women with the same sort of abuse and criticism."

I don't think this instance (as unpleasant and crappy as it is) should be added to an official complaint about the sexual harassment for the following reason:

Assholes who don't want to do anything to fight sexual harassment anyway will point to that quote and say: "oh, now we're not allowed to criticize a woman's drawing ability?"

That can be used as a strawman argument to discredit or make light of the other complaints.

I learned this from a sexual harassment attorney. She said I couldn't include claims of being yelled at and other abusive (yet not explicitly sexually harassing) behavior, because then it could be said that "I just couldn't handle the pressure" of my job.

NOW -- we all know that things like excessive criticism or verbally abusive behavior specifically towards women could very damn well spring from misogyny.

But I'm trying to tell you about some of the tough questions that come up, and how jackasses use certain things to excuse shitty behavior.

That all said -- SDCC needs a sexual harassment policy in place by next year's con. It will be good for them, it will be good for women, it will be good for men, it will be good for everybody.

Marie Severin Birthday Tribute: Fallen Angels #3

In commemoration of Marie Severin's 79th birthday, I wanted to run some art from a recent discovery I made: Marie's guest pencilling on Marvel's Fallen Angels #3, from 1987.

I absolutely love her art in this issue (with inks by Tom Palmer!), her comic timing for the extended "origin of Gomi" sequence perfect. In fact, this issue had largely females working on it -- script by Jo Duffy, and edits by Ann Nocenti. This was the 1980s, folks -- such occurrences were not uncommon.

For those not familiar with Fallen Angels, it was supposed to be another mutant teen team book, but with more of an edge. Gomi was a telekinetic nerd with a telepathic connection to two sentient lobsters, Don and Bill.

Lobster likes Chicken McNuggets

Gomi means "garbage" -- but he doesn't know that

Evil geniuses with a crush on Marvel Girl ...

...off to create a substitute "dream girl" with all of her powers

Unable to eat Gomi or his lobsters, the scientists retreat --
and a hero is born!

Grant Morrison???

Remake "The Craft" (Or Turn It Into A Comic)!

With all the horror reboots in the pipeline: Poltergeist, Child's Play...

Isn't it time to remake this movie:


C'mon, people. Teenage girls who practice magic. High-concept! Very "Hannah Montana" generation. I'm no dummy. It's not just nostalgia. I too am thinking about the bottom line here.

Sony Pictures doesn't want to make a movie remake? Turn it into a manga-sized comic. I will reiterate: teenage girls who practice magic.


And then, when you get the rights, hire me to write it.

Simple trajectory.

Does George Lucas Owe Anybody Anything?

I realize there has been a lot of angst out there over first the "new trilogy" and now this Clone Wars movie. For example, Joe Neumaier at the Daily News writes:

"Just keep in mind that when some of us saw the Death Star explode that first time, it already was in 3-D, It blasted off the screen, into our heads and lodged in our movie memories like a permanent scene in an Oscar night movie montage. We don't need 3-D AT-ATs and forest cruisers that jump off the screen. We just want you to stop. Create something new."

Moriarty at Aint It Cool News is a bit more emphatic:

"I am sorry that I ever spend the time and energy I did on STAR WARS, Mr. Lucas. I am sorry that I poured my money and, before that, my parents’ money into your pockets. I’m sorry that after decades of being a fan, even when there was no new STAR WARS to satisfy that craving, I somehow made your life so unbearable simply by sharing my enthusiasm for that world with our readership."

That last quote was in regards to an enforced embargo on Clone Wars reviews that got an early(and quite negative) review of the film pulled from the website.

But does George Lucas owe anybody -- fans or otherwise -- the Star Wars film they want to see?

If Lucas wants to turn this franchise into fodder for Nickelodeon or the Disney Channel, isn't that his right?

Or between Creator and passionate fans of the Creation, is there some unstated interdependence, a bond?

Does George Lucas owe anybody anything?

Would You Want This Superheroine In Your Corner In A Fight?

Detail of the cover to Final Crisis #3

The Beat's analysis points out that this cover might not be presenting Supergirl as the brightest crayon in the box.

My take? I was actually more surprised that Final Crisis was still going on. That series totally fell off my radar. So in that case, this cover was actually a success, because it brought to my attention that Final Crisis is still taking place.

But possible anti-feminist interpretations of the art aside, what are these covers really contributing to the series? They tell me absolutely nothing about the story. They only bank off the idea that "icons sell."

And you know who is one of the very few artists who can pull off a successful non-narrative "icons sell" cover? Alex Ross. He could paint Herbie The Fat Fury on a cover and make it sell well. Plus, he doesn't paint Supergirl as if she has a half-eaten snickers bar in her cranium where her brain should be.

What Makes A Top Ten Book?

Here are the top ten comic books for July, according to Diamond Comic Distributors:

175,459 Secret Invasion #4

151,955 Uncanny X-Men #500

110,724 Astonishing X-Men #25

108,751 New Avengers #43

103,213 Batman #678

96,252 Mighty Avengers #16

89,062 Wolverine #67

83,784 Thor #10

82,953 Justice League o/America #23

82,031 Buffy the Vampire Slayer #16

My question? What makes a Top 10 comic book?

Or screw that, what makes a 100,000+ selling comic book???

Secret Invasion: Sure it's an event -- but it also has had national publicity. You could say ditto for Batman, because of the movie.

Astonishing X-Men & BTVS: The Whedon connection.

Big brands: JLA, Batman, X-Men, Avengers, Wolverine.

Most impressive: Thor.

See, a book like Thor had to fight to get in the Top Ten. You might say that X-Men & JLA are "naturals" -- big brands who you'd might expect to be on the sales charts.

But as cool as Thor is, that' s a book that traditionally -- with the possible exception of the Simonson years -- was not a "top tier" book.

That book had to be "built" into a top book.

Can any property be "built" and prepared in such a manner?

Is it that there are no mediocre-selling properties -- just mediocre presentation?

Also: is the answer just more spin-offs?

Would DC increase its slice of the pie by just adding another Batman title? A pseudo-movie spinoff, perhaps? Call it Dark Knight? (forgive me if they already have one & I didn't realize it)

Like Invincible Iron Man, it would have stylistic elements from the movie, tying the film into it in a way (though not really, continuity-wise).

Watchmen spinoff? Is that even possible?

Fox To "Kill" Watchmen Movie?

From Variety:

"A judge has denied a Warner Bros. motion to dismiss 20th Century Fox’s lawsuit over Warners’ right to make a film based on the graphic novel "Watchmen."

Ruling is potentially a huge victory for Fox, which could wind up as a profit participant in the film, and could cost Warners millions considering the film’s box office prospects. However, Fox’s legal team says it isn’t looking for monetary compensation and instead wants to prevent the big-budget film from being released altogether."

See, this is what happens when you make films against the wishes of a self-proclaimed "magus"...

Still, if this lawsuit really does hold up or "kill" the movie, that's gonna piss a lot of fans off.

Could it really happen?

"Surprisingly, Fox said it would rather see the film killed instead of collecting a percentage of the box office."

Related post: Alan Moore And The Watchmen Curse

What it's all about

Seriously.

I make it a point every year at SDCC to embrace Snoopy. Last year I had to track him down and tackle him, so this year it was a definite improvement.

Pre-DC Doc Savage "Superman" Sign

Diamond's Scoop blog has a picture of a 1933 advertisement for the pulp "Doc Savage" that predates "Superman" by 5 years. The catch? The ad clearly refers to Doc as "Superman."

I can has more lawsuits?

Who owns the rights to Doc Savage nowadays, anyway?

Carlos Meglia...

...has passed on?

If this is true, it's awful news.

He has one of the more unique superhero styles, with a great energy and sense of fun.

My "Bruce Wayne" Moment

The following story is not for the squeamish. It might not be good breakfast reading, either.

I was watching a special the other night on "the psychology of Batman" or something like that. It went into detail on the key event that shaped young Bruce Wayne's life, and how it shaped him in a conscious and unconscious way, going down each layer and influencing how he decided to live his life. There was the event itself -- the murder of his parents -- and the details surrounding the event -- the Zorro movie, bats, etc.

Watching that program brought to mind the following memory from my childhood, one I both consciously and unconsciously recall every once in a while, in different ways. It's about something very terrible that happened not to me, but to someone I didn't even know.

One night when I was around eight years old I woke up to hear loud banging on the front door of our apartment. My mom answered the door, I heard some murmurs, and then the door closed again. I went back to sleep.

Later on that night, woken up by the sound of men who weren't my dad talking, I found two policemen talking to my mom by the front door. The policemen had pads out, and at least one was wearing gloves.

On my front door was lots and lots of smeared blood, and pooled blood soaked into our welcome mat.

So this is what happened:

A young woman who lived two doors down from us was attacked by her live-in boyfriend with a machete. Yes, a fucking machete:


She was cut up all over the place, her hair soaked in blood, some of her scalp hanging off. In a panic, she ran to a number of neighbor's apartments, including that of my family, and banged on their doors to let her in. After this proved to be unsuccessful, she limped down to the next floor, to try those apartments. That's when another woman let her in, tried to calm her down, and called the police.

My mom explained to the police that she was just really frightened by the sight of this woman, didn't know what was going on, and feared for her kids. That's why she didn't let her in.

Now I must explain to you what my front door looked like. I'm not talking a little stain of blood, a hand print. I'm talking about Nightmare On Elm Street level blood. You know the scene where the blond chick is attacked by an invisible Freddy and is writhing on the ceiling? Remember how much bleeding? That's how much we are talking about. Even as a child, I marveled at the news that she was still alive, that a woman could bleed so much and not die.

And I distinctly remember our door handle, and how it was stained. It was a brass door handle. The woman had gripped it, trying to get in. I remember how red the blood was -- still fresh -- against that brass door handle.

As for the doormat, as I said, that was just soaked. And a trail of red footprints led from the mat to the head of the stairs leading to the next floor.

By this time my dad, who worked at night, had just come home. He started talking to the police, and my mom used the opportunity to grab some Ajax powder and sprinkle the blood with it, to disinfect it. She poured the powder on the mat, the door, and the door handle, and I remember that white stuff just sticking to the blood, getting soaked in it.

And by THIS time -- it was time for me and my little sister to go to school. So we got dressed and my mom helped us step over the bloody welcome mat to go to the elevator. And I distinctly remember stepping over that mat.

I played that night back in my mind for a long time afterwards. It was the first time I witnessed anything that I could label The Horror. So there was the visceral visual impact of it. But then there was the other impact, questions...

So this woman was bleeding to death, obviously in serious distress, and nobody on my floor opened the fucking door for her and let her in? Did anybody call 911?

The story went that this woman and her boyfriend were allegedly drug addicts -- and in a way, there was the insinuation that this was sort of "coming to her." That because of that lifestyle, this was going to happen sooner or later.

But when you have somebody half out of their mind in fear on your doorstep, all cut up, how do you make these judgments? This woman could die -- she could die on your fucking doorstep!

Was race/nationality a factor? The woman was Hispanic. At that time, most of the people on my floor were white. The woman downstairs who eventually opened the door for her was Hispanic as well -- and also had kids. The woman not only opened the door for her but sat her down on her couch and made her coffee. If the victim had been "white," would she have gotten more help earlier?

And I can make judgments on those who didn't help her -- but how can I make judgments on my mom? Weren't her fears legitimate? Finding a bloody woman at her front door in the middle of the night, with a crazy boyfriend still around with a machete? Three small children still asleep in the apartment, my dad still away at work?

But still, no matter how many times I turned the story around in my head, examined it from different angles -- it stuck with me, and it was messy. There were no comforting, clear answers. It stuck in the back of my subconscious, sphinx-like. I even felt guilty at times for it, about her, though there was obviously nothing I could have done at the time.

It plays back in my mind, this woman screaming, though I never really saw her -- but I see her in my mind, screaming for help, banging on doors, hysterical, the man she loved and trusted having just tried to kill her.

In the end, regardless if the woman was into drugs or not, regardless if race was a factor or not, regardless if my mom and the other tenants were justified or not -- in the end, this is the story about a severely injured woman who was looking frantically for help and found doors slammed in her face as she was possibly dying from her wounds.

And while this story still stays with me, it was only until watching that special on Batman that I was persuaded to take a second look at art and writing I had made years ago and realize what my unconscious was trying to remind me:

A Gay Hutt?

Seriously, is this the best George Lucas could do to include some sexual diversity in the Star Wars mythos?

Now, according to this blog, there has been an openly gay character in the extended Star Wars universe.

And, of course, the "sexuality" of C3PO is under some debate.

But the point is, both "Capote The Hutt" and C3PO, if they indeed are meant to represent homosexuals, represent them as stereotypes.

Isn't there any room at this point for a non-stereotypical gay Star Wars character of more importance than one created for a related videogame or paperback?

But that's the charm of the Star Wars universe, isn't it? It's like seeing everything through the eyes of an eager eight-year-old boy raised on old movie serials from the 1930s and 40s. Lots of fun and adventure, low on subtlety, bits of unintentional offensiveness here and there.

(That's why I like Star Trek just a little bit more. Though they could do a better job in this department as well, as documented here.)

Robert Downey Jr: "F**k DC Comics"

"My whole thing is that that I saw 'The Dark Knight'. I feel like I'm dumb because I feel like I don't get how many things that are so smart. It's like a Ferrari engine of storytelling and script writing and I'm like, 'That's not my idea of what I want to see in a movie.' I loved 'The Prestige' but didn't understand 'The Dark Knight'. Didn't get it, still can't tell you what happened in the movie, what happened to the character and in the end they need him to be a bad guy. I'm like, 'I get it. This is so high brow and so f--king smart, I clearly need a college education to understand this movie.' You know what? F-ck DC comics. That's all I have to say and that's where I'm really coming from."

--Robert Downey Jr.

I'll be honest with you, I caught the first 20 minutes or so of "Dark Knight" and felt no motivation to see the rest of the film. It didn't pull me in, it didn't compel me to want to see more or to care about the characters. I'm sorry. It was just like when I watched "Batman Begins" -- technically, a beautiful movie. Intelligent. Great performances. Pristinely shot. No motivation to see it again, no moments of wonder that I look back on fondly and remember. Just cold and beautiful.

In contrast, "Iron Man" grabbed me by the throat and said: "CARE ABOUT ME!" From the very first scene to the very last scene.

Since I found the "Spider-Man" movies to be very much in the same vein as "Iron Man," and "Superman Returns" more along the lines of the new Batman movies, is this just going to be a stylistic difference between these two studios? Can WB make a "Green Lantern" movie, for example, that can have the life and personality of an "Iron Man?"

Not saying "Dark Knight" is better than "Iron Man," or is a bad film. Just saying that "Iron Man" had a lot of heart, and when I think of "heart," I don't think of "Dark Knight."

And lovelovelovelovellovelove me some Robert Downey Jr.

Bubblegum Culture

Teen movie, 1965

I watched this recent movie the other day called "John Tucker Must Die" that made "The Craft" look like "No Country For Old Men" and "The Breakfast Club" look like "Citizen Kane." It seemed so stupid, shallow, and without relevance to the realities teens really face. And yet I wondered if it was really all those things -- or was I just becoming an old fuddy-duddy? I was open to the possibility that I didn't appreciate it because I just wasn't 16 -- and that perhaps it really was a good movie, only I couldn't recognize it.

Teen movie, 1985

Somehow, I remember "The Breakfast Club" and "Say Anything" having a bit more depth than "John Tucker Must Die." "Breakfast Club" dealt with rebellion, pain, abuse, and friendship. It was, to an extent, about teens attempting to forge their own identities in the face of a system that wanted them to just follow preprogrammed roles. It addressed frustrations and emotions that I could relate to; and as such, I felt very involved with the movie, and even changed (slightly) by it.

Teen movie, 1996

In contrast, "John Tucker Must Die" is about a plain girl who gets turned into a Cool Girl as part of the plot of three Cool Girls to get revenge on a cute guy who cheated on them. Lest you think this film is in any way a serious examination on any or all issues inferred by the description, let me describe one scene to you:

The girls secretly feed their target, John Tucker, estrogen. Within minutes, he gets a tender "breastal" area, a craving for chocolate, a higher voice, and all weepy. I mean, every stereotype you could think of for women, that's what he was after eating the estrogen. It was this scene that solidified everything I hated about the movie in one slick sequence. "John Tucker Must Die" must die.

The girls in this movie were the most two-dimensional characters you can possibly think of. They were like the "Spice Girls" -- each one had a gimmick. The Smart One. The Sporty One. And the Slutty Hippie. Unlike the characters in "The Breakfast Club," I couldn't fathom wanting to get to know any of them.

Teen movie, 2006

To be fair, I guess "John Tucker Must Die" is a standard teen sex comedy, only it was made in 2006 and not 1983 so there really isn't that much exposed flesh. Probably had more to do with a 1960s beach movie than "Porkys." Which is what I think films like this really are -- beach movies, bubblegum, harmless. Entertainment for the masses with nothing really threatening in them, nothing to challenge the status quo or make young people think.

That brings up another thing -- many of the teen idols that are really hot right now seem like throwbacks to American Bandstand, the sort entertainers that Dick Clark would put his seal of approval on. The Jonas Brothers. Miley Cyrus. Where are the rebels? Where are the entertainment sensations that change a generation? Elvis? Beatles? The Clash? Nirvana? Hello, anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

From dangerous...

Today's teen idols seem younger than the ones when I was a kid. I remember Michael Jackson, Madonna, Cyndi Lauper, Prince -- they were all adults. Now the music acts are more often than not the same age or similar in age to their audience. I guess in a way that's a good thing? But as teenage products of a machine often called "Disney" or "Nickelodeon," how much counter-cultural messages can you actually have? Or want to have? Or think to have? Or be allowed to have?

...to harmless.

But there are worse things than to have "clean" acts for teens. Just because I wouldn't necessarily put a lot of this music on my iPod doesn't mean it's not good or relevant music. I just think it's interesting that we are kind of in another "Bubblegum Pop" phase in music.

I think a revival of "The Archies" are in order. And I'm not being sarcastic, I actually think Archie Publications should do a talent search for the next "Archies" band and get it distributed through Disney or Nick. They'd make a fortune.

Time for an "Archies" comeback...

Mental Disability Groups Protest "Tropic Thunder"

People from the Special Olympics and the American Association of People with Disabilities have protested the opening of the new Ben Stiller comedy "Tropic Thunder," and many more are calling for a boycott of the film.

At issue? The liberal use of the word "retard" in the film -- specifically in regards to a movie-within-a-movie where Ben Stiller's character plays a mentally-disabled man.

Is this another case of PC-attitudes going amok? Or can a legitimate point be made that the word "retard" is as offensive as other words that are now mostly taboo?

Personally, I make it a point not to use the word "retard." It's just one of those words that seems kind of hurtful and ugly, even if used in the 1980s teen movie bully-picking-on-somebody sort of way that doesn't specifically refer to someone with learning disabilities.

That said, I can see that in the movie "Tropic Thunder" the point is that it's almost a cliche how actors and actresses pick parts as mentally disabled characters to establish their "cred" as serious thespians. Sometimes this turns out great, other times you get "I Am Sam" which I had to literally watch from a distance and halfway from another room because it was so corny.

But I don't like to use the word "retard," and maybe the protesters are right in so much as they suggest we give the term a second look and question its acceptance.

(I plan to watch "Tropic Thunder" eventually but really would rather see "Step Brothers.")

Bigfoot Body Found, and a question...

So apparently this dude found the dead body of a genuine Bigfoot and is now keeping it in a freezer in lieu of its grand unveiling in September. I shit you not. Or maybe I do...we'll see in September.

My question is:

If this was really the body of a genuine Bigfoot, wouldn't the authorities or the military get involved?

You announce to the public: "I have the corpse of a 9-foot as-of-yet undiscovered lifeform in a freezer in my shed." The FBI doesn't get involved? Mulder doesn't get sent down to check it out?

And since the Bigfoot is humanoid, aren't there legal issues here about holding on to the body? Was it a homicide or a natural death? Shouldn't there be any inquest? Should there be a proper burial?

I'm very open-minded about these X-Files type things, but I have a hard time with Bigfoot. Because if there really are these large creatures living in pockets of the United States, where are the bones? Wouldn't there be more dead bodies found?

And if the creatures are so advanced that they know how to stay away from humans and to assiduously bury their dead as to not be discovered -- what business does anybody have keeping their corpses in one of those portable freezer containers?

Parents Who Don't Like Their Kids Reading Comic Books

If you are lucky, when you were a kid you had parents or guardians who didn't completely hate the idea that you liked comic books.

My mother absolutely hated the idea that I collected comics. Not for the usual Wertham-esque reasons that comics would rot my brains or make me into a serial killer, but because they weren't feminine enough for me. She thought they would muck up my teenage socialization because they were a non-"gender appropriate" activity.

And to be terribly frank with you, she was right to an extent -- I got teased a bit in school for being a comics fan (this was the mid-80s, to give you some perspective). Now, how much of that teasing was for the simple geekery of being a fan and how much of it was for being a female collector? Who can say?

But I still would have liked support at home, regardless of my hobbies. Instead, my Mom engaged in a war against my comics, the crowning achievement of which was to tear the comics up in little postage-stamp-sized pieces and throw them in the air like party confetti.

A word to any parents out there who might be considering a similar tactic to rid their kids from habits they don't like: it doesn't work. It only imprints in their mind, at a time of their lives where they're just looking for something to rebel against anyhow, that it is heroic to "not give up the fight." You create stubborn children this way.

A friend of mine's father took things one step further. He took all of my friend's comics and burned them into ashes in an oven. My friend grew up to be a comic book hoarder.

Comics' Original Sin

via Comics Reporter:

"Comics' original sin echoes over the course of its history. It rips to the surface in a variety of nasty ways to which old men, widows and children mournfully testify. It spawns a thousand and one grinning doppelgangers carrying a bag of the oldest tricks. It rains abuse on a creative class that at times bristles, at times is grimly accepting, and at times gives birth to one or two poor, depraved souls that will fight for the imagined rightness of someone else, many someone elses, to benefit from an inspired act of creation ahead of that creator. What happened to Jerry Siegel and Joe Shuster isn't history, not in the way history is usually defined. It is close, and it is awful, and it can't help but make you just a little bit sad."

The quote reminds me of that scene in the New Frontier animated movie where the artist at his table finishes his book about man's inhumanity to man and then blows his brains out. When I first watched that, I immediately read it as a reference to the angst many of these comic creators went through -- and read the artist at his drawing table as being a comic book artist. In fact, it seemed so obvious and stark a reference that it really really shocked me.

However, I will go one step further and say that I think this type of exploitation and frustration is everywhere in this society -- school teachers experience it, TV writers experience it, store clerks experience it. I think there is a fundamental mechanism built in some human beings -- or maybe it's in all of us, and it's only "active" in some -- that leads them to take from others without producing and exploit the weak.

In the Comics Reporter piece, the way Siegel/Shuster was treated by DC is referred to as the industry's original sin. That may be true, but it's just part of a far far earlier state of affairs. It's only the fact that superhero books like Superman are supposed to be about "Truth, Justice, and The American Way" that makes the story so remarkable, and so ironic.

John Edwards As "The Smiler" From Transmetropolitan?

For the record, even back when I supported John Edwards and pushed for him to be at least VP, I thought he reminded me of the notorious "Smiler" president from Transmetropolitan.

The fact that he decided to risk the Democratic election by covering up the affair he had while his wife was in cancer remission only makes it moreso.

I don't condemn him for the affair, but I think had he made it to the presidential nomination and this stuff came out now -- it would have cost everything. It was irresponsible. But -- as he himself said in his speech a few days ago -- he was on an "ego trip."

You know how it is...the wife is tired from chemo, she's not paying attention to you anymore...you meet some chick in a hotel bar...and next thing you know, you're hiring her to do campaign videos for you as a cover for your affair -- even though the chick has little-to-no experience. And she's getting paid for this out of campaign funds. And now the videos have mysteriously disappeared. It's awesome.

And when she gets pregnant? Get one of your married loyal staffers to fall on his sword for you and claim it's his baby. Your staffers LOVE you, they'd eat poop for you! (this isn't proven yet...but this is the theory. there is no father listed on the child's birth certificate).

Can Warren Ellis make this stuff up?

Lucasfilm Makes Aint It Cool News Take Down "Clone Wars" Review

In theory it's because of a press release embargo, but I'm sure the fact that AICN said the movie sucked didn't help. The review was almost as harsh as the one they did for "The Love Guru."

As for me -- I have some problems with the computer animation style in this movie. It looks like a videogame. I liked that Dexter's Lab guy's simple classic animation on the Cartoon Network "Clone Wars" a lot more.

One quote from the pulled review, reposted on Fark, got my attention:

"Then they introduced Baby Jabba aka Rotta the Huttlet aka Stinky."

No, dear God no. They didn't.

Getting flashbacks:

Grant Morrison: Mercenary Or Awesome?

The Red Bee -- Apparently A Favorite DC Character To Pitch

Just a footnote to this quote by "James" on Grant Morrison spotlighted by today's Journalista:

"During the brief time I worked at DC, it was interesting to contrast Morrison's proposals to others'.

Morrison's proposals were always driven by economics and re-establishing brand identity. This is what DC Comics are good at; this is an untapped market need; these characters are valid trademarks and can perhaps be rehabilitated into spin-off children's cartoons.

I'm not clear whether Morrison can take this approach because of his high level of authority within the DC creative structure... or whether Morrison attained his high level of authority because of that economically-minded approach.

But for all of his reputation as a madcap, drug-addled sentimentalist, his approach is extremely mercenary. Nobody else apparently gave any thought to such matters in pitching new series, and it shows."

What I remember -- granted (pun!) this was several years ago --

Grant (and many other writers) would pitch stories and series featuring really obscure DC characters. And I'm not sure if there was a tacit understanding between him and management that he was creating these characters to extend "brand equity."

Specifically, I remember the complaint (and this wasn't just regarding Grant):

"All they're giving me is Red Bee pitches! Rag Man and Red Bee pitches!"

If anything, the "crew" were a little exasperated that Grant chose to focus on those characters more than, say Superman. And so what you really had was more of a trade-off -- "I'll see you your obscure mini-series for one blockbuster Superman series."

Which makes Grant a little less of a "mercenary" and more like, say, Owen Wilson.

Owen Wilson does awesome arty movies (either as an actor or behind-the-scenes), and then he does "Shanghai Express IV." He does "Shanghai Express IV" in order that he can do awesome arty movies.

Let's take another look at Owen, just for my edification:


See? "Drillbit Taylor" -- but also the writer of "Rushmore." And rocks a Black Sabbath T-Shirt.

And if he was a comic book writer? Red Bee pitch. Absolutely.

Okay, what should I do with this site?

EDIT: I've just found another template that blows the one at the link right out of the water. So I'm going to start from scratch again, probably have the new one up in a few days.

What do you think?

Built it up more over the weekend, I'm pretty happy with it, though it still needs tweaking.

It's definitely more a magazine than a blog.

Definitely more ambitious than I had envisioned.

Question: if you were reading a new comics site, what sort of info would you want most?

* Previews
* Interviews
* Reviews
* Op-Ed
* Short, fun features ("The Top Ten Male Superheroes With Red Hair")
* Non-comics stuff -- movies, TV, videogames

Not sure I have the time to really do a site like this, so it's something for me to really ponder.

Anime Eye Contact Lenses

Basically, these contact lenses are designed to give the wearer "anime eyes" -- complete with a wider iris.

From the ad copy:
"Wanna get big, watery shiny eyes without any surgery? CRAVE AND ENVY NO MORE!"

They're cute, but a little unsettling.



I mean, it is hard for me to think of a more unrealistic role-model to physically pattern oneself after than an anime girl.

Oh, wait...

"Dopey Is Sacred Here"

Actual photo of Superman and God,
proving that they are not one-and-the-same person.
No photographic evidence yet clearing Clark Kent, however.

I don't moderate all my comments, though I try to read most of them.

Among the comments not moderated by me was one that my co-moderator would only refer to as "nasty."

It said something along the lines that I should be (literally) arrested for saying anything disparaging about DC, and that the commentor was going to contact Blogger to have my blog taken down.

Meanwhile, 2000 dead in Georgia, Russia is at war, and an American has gotten stabbed to death at the Olympics. Today.

But what was really important to this person was that nobody disparage DC Comics or question their rights over Superman. (If it was indeed the Superman post he was referring to. It could have been those Countdown posts).

In this person's mind, there might have even been a connection to it all; that if we besmirch an American institution like DC, if we weaken its hold on Superman -- the "commies" win. Yeah, we might end up in a conflict with China or Russia one day -- and that's when we need Superman and the Justice Society intact. And we can't have people screwing around with Green Lantern, either.

It reminds me that some fans have a near-religious attachment to their superheroes. Scratch "near" -- it's just plain religious.


I mean, what do you do in a religion? You have sacred books. "Crisis." "Kingdom Come." "Infinite Crisis."

You also quote those books a lot, and refer to specific passages.

Then, there is the concept of what's canonical, and what's apocrypha. As you know, many many people have died in religious disputes over these issues -- and continue to do so.

But you just have to have continuity. Or else -- it all falls apart. And you can't let "wrongheaded" beliefs -- like Spider-Man shouldn't be with Mary Jane for the rest of his life -- hold sway. Because then you have heresy. And you know what they do with heretics.



Looking back on it, I feel DC knew very well the fervor with which their loyalest fans held to their characters. And this goes beyond standard comic book readership, to just people who idolize Superman or Batman but don't know a lot about the monthly comics themselves. I always thought that if DC could really get those particular fans to buy the comics, they'd really be swimming in dough.

So at DC I was told that we had a very special job -- we were the caretakers of icons.

As such, there was a protocol, especially for the most popular characters.

"Superman" can't do this, "Batman" can't do that. The logos on the chest had to be drawn just right. And Power Girl's breasts needed to be a certain size. Seriously. It's a trademark.

But there was a sense that we were to avoid any scandal relating to the company or the characters at all costs -- that nothing should darken the aura of Superman in any way, directly or indirectly.

And we took that pretty seriously. That's why a lot of us were very neurotic about doing the wrong thing -- in terms of how we interacted with the public, in terms of what the characters were allowed to say in their word balloons, everything. I know some people joke about DC being "The Kremlin" -- this is probably why.


And for companies that have such iconic characters as Superman in their stable, this can be common.

Take, for example, Disney. When I was editing Disney books for Acclaim, one of our writers came up with a story called "Dopey The Genius," in which the Snow White character temporarily becomes smart. Disney completely rejected this on the grounds that it too radically challenged the concept of "Dopey." As our Disney contact told us: "Dopey is sacred here."


Obviously, Superman is not Dopey. Neither is he God. Neither is he a real person.

What Superman is, at best, is an inspirational symbol. But inspirational symbols are tricky.

You should let the symbol inspire you, but you shouldn't get too attached to it. Let Superman inspire you "in the moment" -- but then step out of that headspace and admit to yourself that he was a character created by two kids who were in turn inspired by other heroes. Admit to yourself that back in the 1940s, the company that would eventually become DC Comics took a chance on a concept, saw that it had a lot of potential, and sought to retain as much rights and financial gain on the concept as possible -- as many companies did and do.

Admit to yourself that one day, DC Comics will lose the exclusive copyright on Superman, and that many many artists and writers of varying degrees of talent and varying motives and political leanings will seize upon this character and do a 1,000 different things with it.

Yes. They will. A few might even make him gay.

And what will be done then? Will a holy war be declared to suss out just who the "correct" Superman is? Is it like "Crisis On Infinite Earths" -- but for real???

And as much lip-service as is paid to the Loyalists -- and indeed, DC has of late largely shaped their output to cater to them -- when the new generations are in full bloom, and if the tide changes, and if the 2012 equivalent of Rob Liefeld and Alan Moore shows up on the doorstep of collective comic book culture with the Latest Thing, those sacred continuities and characterization might just be bent and morphed to serve the current climate.

***

I don't cotton to the notion of superheroes or fictional characters as religious icons. I mean, it's fun to look at it all and play around with the concept, in Joseph Campbellian terms -- it's a nice place, and all, but I wouldn't want to live there.

I think religion -- real religion, that induces faith and mobilizes people to act -- is something very very delicate. The thought of that mixed with the place where I got my free comps every week and which fed me potato chips from the conveniently-placed vending machines -- kinda makes want to vomit. That, and the idea of Power Girl as the Virgin Mary. Or Mary Marvel as the Virgin Mary, for that matter.

And one of the things that religious fervor can -- but certainly not always -- do is make one excuse/cover up whatever indiscretions, scandals, negativities, and wrongs that have been committed by the agents of said religion. Because the power of the religion -- or the government, or family unit, or what have you -- is in the belief in its essential infallibility.

In such a mindset, the Siegel situation is a potential apocalypse -- Siegel and Siegel's heirs being considered the Adversary. What is worth more: Superman the intact icon with the DC bullet (or is that a swirl?) to the top left of him, or some creator's rights issues? Icon of millions versus some heirs to some guy?

But if you really love Superman -- Superman in its entirety, the real Superman -- you have to take it all into consideration. You can't hate its creator.

If you really idolize a person or an icon or an entity, but blind yourself to any warts that might obscure the picture -- you're worshiping something that is incomplete, and largely a product of your own mind more than its reality. You don't have to focus on the warts -- but shooting the messengers and burying the victims doesn't make the warts go away.

Then again, you can worship Dopey...

Bernie Mac RIP

This coming so soon after George Carlin...

Comedian Bernie Mac just passed away at the age of 50 from complications from pneumonia. He starred in TV series The Bernie Mac Show, and appeared in Charlie's Angels 2, Transformers, Friday, and the Ocean's Eleven series.

Like his idol Bill Cosby, Mac wasn't just a comedian but a storyteller. In one skit he describes taking care of his drug addict sister's small children after they are taken away from her. It is an incredibly politically incorrect and even harsh narrative. He does away with the sentimentalities you usually hear in such stories. But the genius is that it is also clear he really loves those kids.

In this clip, Mac describes the need to have love in your comedy, and how listening with his dying mother to Bill Cosby changed his life:

Fangirl Fridays: Comic Book Junction

I'm a compulsive blog creator. Okay, that made me sound like I also compulsively purchase figurines of pigs and hedgehogs to crowd my house and bedevil my guests.

But I like to create blogs. I do it for a living for other people. And every once in a while I find some topic I like and want to create another blog for myself.

I started Comic Book Junction on a whim, and the desire to do a more "general interest" comic book site. I held off launching it for weeks, as I was quite a perfectionist about things, but I figure I should just get off the pot and get it up there. This was originally supposed to be the "Comics Spirit" blog I mentioned earlier.

The design, widgets, etc. are not finished. But I have one review up. I have a lot of material "in the queue" that needs to be typed up and formatted. Regular updating will probably not happen until next week.

The substance of the blog would be longer-form features and reviews interspersed with shorter bits on cool comic stuff. Many of the posts will still have an edge to them, but the material on Comic Book Junction is meant to be one step less personal. If "Occasional Superheroine" is 11 on scale of 1 to 10 in terms of personalness, then Comic Book Junction is a 6 or a 7. Which means I probably won't grouse about things I hate on this new site. That, childrens, is what the OS is for.

But also, "Occasional Superheroine" is sort of my home-base blog -- about me as well as comics. A lot of people who haven't talked to me in a while will check the OS to see what's new in my life. Which, depending on the blog post in question, could be inspiring or slightly alarming.

So there you have it -- Comic Book Junction. I'm open to your thoughts and suggestions. And, if something like the comments function doesn't work, or a link leads to Rick Astley, I trust you will let me know.

Best,
Val

The Straws That Broke Jerry Siegel's Back

So let me get this straight...

According to unearthed correspondence between DC Comics and Jerry Siegel dating back to the 1940s, Siegel & Shuster were repeatedly told that their work was (I'm paraphrasing here) shitty.

...that the duo's work often bordered on the "unacceptable"

...that Superman was drawn "too gay"

...that Lois was drawn "too fat" -- asking Shuster to give Lois "an abortion" to lose all the "weight" around her middle.

...that the company questioned the popularity of Superman in relation to, say, a real crowd-pleaser like Zatara.

Reading this correspondence, it strikes me how much DC deserved to be left with just Zatara. I think there are levels of bad karma, and I'm sure most companies -- comics or not -- have incurred them. But to build a company (and a company identity) around one character that had been so utterly bitterly contested by its creators, and have that bad energy follow it around for almost 70 years...

I really have to wonder, in that early stage of the comic book industry, if Siegel & Shuster saw their work in a very personal way -- as indy comic creators who own the rights to their own work today feel -- or was it just a business thing? Did they want to grow as creators, did they want to take Superman to new places creatively & content-wise? When they saw completely different teams handle their work, did they feel outraged, or heartsick, like it was "their baby?" When they read letters where their work was summarily dismissed -- and dissed -- did they take it personally?

And did resentment over these letters -- some of which were pretty harsh, even for standard editorial criticism -- help fuel Siegel's many decades of fighting over the character he helped create? Did these documents, in some of which he was talked down to as if he was a hick or a child, make everything more personal?

That said, it should be reiterated that these documents are pretty old -- and shouldn't be construed as indicative of the company's current methodology of handling talent. I'm sure if they they had another talent today with the sort of groundbreaking vision that Siegel and Schuster had at the dawn of Golden Age, they wouldn't be so pedantic, shortsighted, and alienating. At least, I would like to think so.

(read Jeff Trexler's excellent analysis of the documents here, and read the documents themselves here.)

Some X-Men To "Come Out Of Closet?"

In an interview with the San Francisco Chronicle, Marvel editor Axel Alonso hints that with series relocation to SF, some X-Men characters might be coming out of the closet...

Q: Is there a chance we might see one of the X-Men come out?

A: Yes. Yes. The city being what it is, certain characters whose sexuality might have been ambiguous are going to feel free to be who they are. I will qualify and say that I never go into the situation with a mandate or an agenda. It has to come along naturally. We're not going to rush into it. But I see it happening.

I fully support this. With such a large extended cast as in the X-Books, it would be only natural that some team members and supporting characters would be gay. It's like with The Avengers. Or the Justice League Of America.

The question is, what X-Men (X-Women) are we talking about here?

Me, I always liked the storyline where Northstar had a crush on Iceman and there was the possibility (and maybe I'm wrong and read too much into it) that maybe Bobby Drake had some sort of conflicted feelings back for the Canadian superhero.

Did Northstar just call some woman "a skank?"

But what would be really awesome is to have a gay character just have an open, non-emo relationship with someone. I mean, it's THE X-MEN, so a certain amount of emo is going to be there. But...you know what I mean. What Cyclops has with Emma Frost. When you read Cyke/Emma stories, you get the feeling they are boinking each other all the time. Or have it be more sweet, like Spidey/MJ.

Why can't you have homosexual characters have that freedom, without it being this self-hating frustrated longing thing where they are afraid to be who they are? They used to have those plotlines in old movies all the time, ending with the self-loathing gay (or "gay coded") character dying horribly or killing other people or more likely killing his- or herself.

Northstar is too hot to be pining over some guy he can't have. He's way smarter and savvy than that.

Anyway, I'm looking forward to the new storyline.

"Valerie" Platform Wonder Woman Boots

I'm not sure why these faux-Wonder Woman boots are called "Valerie"...

From the product copy:

Superhero sexy!
The Red “Valerie” Platform Boots feature a 5” heel, a red and white striped design, and a 1½” Platform sole. Whether you are a sexy superhero saving the world from imminent doom, or a mod-maven shakin’ your groove thang on the dance floor, these boots add a flirty and feminine finishing touch!

Unfortunately, I can't keep my balance on two-inch heels.

Then again, I might opt for the "sexy Freddie" costume instead:

Nothing quite screams "sexy" like a dream-terrorizing child-murdering serial killer.

Seth Rogen "Working Out" For Green Hornet Role

Read in Heidi's "Beat" column about how Seth Rogen is working out for his new "Green Hornet" movie. This quote in particular:

"I have a personal trainer now… it’s really hard. I exercised to the point where he made me throw up."

This happened to Chris Reeve too when he was being trained for "Superman." His first workouts ended in vomiting.


But he turned out pretty buff for the movie, though. If you look at the old screen tests, he was pretty skinny, almost unrecognizable.

What I like<----no rubber or foam muscles on a superhero costume. Except for Ben Affleck in "Hollywoodland" -- I'm letting that one slide. Best role of his career, in my opinion:

Laurence Fishburne To Join CSI as "Dexter" Type Character?

I tend to watch the various iterations of "Law and Order" rather than the "CSI" shows. But this proposed cast addition to "CSI" sounds interesting...

Larry Fishburne would replace William Petersen on the show, playing a new scientist/doctor on the show whose profile is just like a serial killer's -- except he has never acted on his homicidal impulses. This would make the character similar, in a sense, to that of the title character in Showtime's hit "Dexter."

Other actors in the running for the role: John Malkovich and Kurt Russell.

I like that plot twist; makes me wish I thought of it.

For my money, though, nobody beats this guy:

Is The Print Format In Trouble, #171 Of A Series

Okay, here's my observation:

On the subway, I see more and more people reading books off of Kindle and other electronic reading devices.

The difference -- these do not seem to be "techy" early-adopters. These are people in nurse's scrubs, middle-aged people in suits on the way to their corporate jobs, people who casually handle the device as they would an iPod or a $7 paperback. Why are they using these devices? 'Cause it's easy and convenient.

Now, the Kindle is the high-rent version of this type of device, but I'm seeing more and more no-name knockoffs. Which means it's getting even easier to buy these things, and that there is more of a demand for them.

That said, I think a crucial element is that these devices seem to be taking the place of the $7 paperback. I think, in terms of mass consumption, these devices will eventually take the place of -- or be a popular alternative to -- the mass-market paperback.

Where does that leave comics?

I think at some point, the most popular comics will have the digital option readily available as well as the print. What is really needed is a convenient digital reader and format. But I think once you hit upon that reader & format...

But I still think there will be a demand for more "niche" print comics. I can see reading my weekly Amazing Spider-Man on an e-reader. But not a collection of Kirby reprints, especially if I love Kirby. And not the latest Ganges book by Fantagraphics Press. Ganges -- that has to be in print, I need to hold that oversized tome in my hands -- that's part of the experience of it. And when you get into mini-comics, DIY, etc...the paper and ink is part of the experience.

As for me, I've been researching options to self-publish my memoirs. As easy as the ebook option is, I still want to go print. Even if that means a pain-in-the-ass to format (which it is), even if it means more of a cost on my end (which it is).

Everything I Know About Being An Assistant Editor

After having several brave souls ask me about what it takes to get an assistant editor job at DC Comics -- and how to move up the ladder, etc, -- I figured I'd devote a short post to the topic. Originally, this post was going to be about getting an assistant editor job in general. But I think every company is different, and while some of what I write might apply to the different comic publishers across the board, I have no way of really knowing that.

On the other hand, much of what I write might apply to all jobs in general.

Official Versus Unofficial Methods Of Applying For The Job
I applied for my job at DC in an unofficial manner. I simply bought a stack of DC Comics, copied out the names of the editors, and sent them letters inquiring about employment. I used the address that was on the indicia. I was very honest in those letters: I was a marketing research specialist who really wanted to work in the comic book industry. Within three (count 'em three) days, I had four interviews set up.

This is a highly unofficial way of doing things. Another unofficial way is to use your connections & network, which is how I got my job at Acclaim Comics some years before. I am a big believer in thinking outside the box and using these unofficial methods.

However, this was the DC Comics of nearly ten years ago. They still accepted unsolicited submissions back then as well, and gave employer recommendations if you were moving on to a new job. Within a few years, they changed their policy to no longer accepting those submissions (though, I suppose, they do have Zuda if you want that outlet). And the current official policy is that one's individual bosses at the company are not allowed to give you personal recommendations; you can only get a "neutral" statement from the human resources department confirming that you worked there.

What I'm saying is, it would seem that now it might be easier to go through the official channels of finding the posted job online and sending your resume, etc. I don't know if there is that openness anymore that facilitates the unofficial approach. I think if you still have a good connection at DC, you might want to use it to possibly leverage a position there. But it's just a bit tougher. Or, if you have a super-de-duper connection, maybe not.

Where do you find these want ads for job openings at DC? I believe you go to the Time Warner website under "jobs." Every major company should have such a section on their websites.

Is Being An Assistant Editor Right For You?
Well, let's back up and say that, as far as I know, assistant editors at comic book companies do not get paid tons and tons of money. There still is that "I'm partially doing it for the love" factor. Some people from other fields such as marketing, finance, etc ask me about becoming an assistant editor. I say: probably not. Enter into the company as a marketing specialist, administrative assistant, etc, and, if you wish, make a lateral move into editorial at some point. That's what I did, and my salary was slightly higher because of it; I made a lateral move from the creative services department -- that paid more -- to editorial as an assistant.

It all depends what you *really* want to do, what your goals are. Really want to be a comic book editor when you grow up? Okay, then take the assistant editor job. But maybe you are only in it because you want to develop contacts for your eventual career shift into comic book writing or art. In that case, you might want to consider taking a job as an administrative assistant who works with the editorial department. Those jobs traditionally pay better -- and you get to meet editors. Or take a job in marketing or advertising or licensing and build that second skill.

And here is the thing about being an assistant editor at DC -- go look at the rate of promotions. Look at how many assistants have become associates and how many associates have become editors -- say, within a ten-year-span. Look at that data, and use that as part of your decision-making process. You should try to find such data out -- and this might involve a bit of research on your part -- for any job you take. Or at least ferret that information out when you have just gotten the job, to figure out what your chances are for upward mobility.

If you are an assistant editor and you are in that position past four years without promotion -- it is not an ideal situation. If you have been an assistant for three years and there is not even a hint that you might be promoted at some point of your career -- it's not an ideal situation. Unless -- you are happy being an assistant and that's enough for you. And if you are, and if, with occasional raises, you are happy with your income (and free comics), then that is ok and I respect that.

But when Acclaim Comics closed their NYC office and I was laid off, I can tell you that no traditional publishing house that I went to was impressed by my two-and-a-half years experience as an assistant editor at a comic book company. Some looked at the books that I worked on and thought they were "school projects" of some sort. Which is why I made a decision to develop skills in another field.

Diversify Your Skills
The best shot you have in "making it" in the comic book editing field is to diversify your skill set.

The best shot you have in the comic book field is to diversify your skill set.

Diversify your skill set.

Not just to get the better jobs, but to sustain you between jobs.


What Type Of Stuff Does An Assistant Editor Do?
* Copy
* Scan
* Answer phones
* Prepare and fill out forms
* Talk to freelancers
* Maintain schedules
* Proofread
* More copying
* Give notes
* More copying
* Write Previews copy
* More scanning
* Research
* Make balloon placements
* More @#&%&# scanning and copying
* Mailing
* Helping out at conventions

Now, when your boss trusts you have enough experience, he or she might give you a book to edit yourself. I think this is really the goal you want to aim at as an assistant editor. Can you handle a book by yourself? Can you get it in on time? Regardless of whether you get promoted at the company or end up going elsewhere, having those books under your belt is crucial.


"The Wall"
The best advice I can give you about being an assistant (or associate) comic book editor -- or about any sort of job, really -- is to learn to recognize The Wall.

The Wall is that point in your career at a firm where you realize that you will never get promoted any further.

Sometimes, your employer will make The Wall that is holding you back very clear to you. They might say, "you will never get past this point." You might get angry when being told this, but it is actually a mercy.

The worst type of situation is where you stick it out for years and years and you keep hearing the same bullshit -- "oh yes of course one day you will be promoted" -- and meanwhile you see people left and right of you with less tenure get ahead of you. That situation suuuuuuuuuucks.

Life is short. You are delivering for your job -- but is your job delivering for you?

And I will tell you right now -- if somebody with a ton less experience and tenure than you gets promoted ahead of you -- that is a massive red flag. Go start looking for another job.

On the other hand, sometimes your employer is not really looking for anything other than an assistant, and you fit the bill and you're great at it. And your employer really depends on you and doesn't want to lose you. Then decide if you want to stay at the company under that arrangement -- but ask for more money! Heck, executive assistants make a ton of money.

But remember -- if you spend ten years as an assistant at a comic book company, and then leave and apply for other jobs, the people looking at your resume will question why you never advanced.

How To "Make It"
1. Do good work
2. Don't cause no trouble
3. Be liked by important people

This is a universal. But it is not the only way.


How To Have A Fulfilling Career
1. Do good work
2. Follow your dreams
3. Write everything down, archive your emails, make To Do lists, and keep on track
4. Always maintain your self-respect

The Way The Assistant Editor Thing Should Work
Traditionally, being an assistant editor meant that you were "apprenticing" in a way for an eventual career as a full editor. That, among other things, ensured a sense of continuity in the editorial department. That is the way I think the assistant editor thing should work.

Assistant Editors: The Backbone Of A Company
Assistant editors are the backbone of a comic book company. They are in the trenches. They keep things moving. They deserve recognition and respect.

One More Thing
In the interview, you can say you're a fan and that you follow the books. But don't be a fanboy or a fangirl. Keep it professional. Do not say "gawrsh, I'd do ANYTHING to work in comix!" This will not help you in the salary negotiation.

Playgirl Vs. Playboy

Granted, this is a 1979 copy of Playgirl, but it just gave me pause.

Theoretically, Playgirl Magazine is the companion to Playboy -- a magazine with nude pinups of men for women to gawk at.

Now, look at this cover:

Let me point out:

* Picture of Mork making goofy face on cover. With a "fake" Mindy -- a "Mary Sue Mindy," to be sure. The Mindy that could be YOU.

* "Confessions of Topless Dancer" -- Why am I reading about women being sexually exploited in this magazine? Isn't this magazine supposed to make me feel like I'm sexually exploiting the other gender?

* "What To Do When You're Crazy About Him But He Dresses Funny" -- like, for example, you are dating Mork.

* "Ten Ways To Really Turn Him On" -- #1: Buy Him "Playboy."

* "1,000 Hysterically Funny Words From Martin Mull" -- my point exactly.

Basically, this magazine looks more like an issue of Redbook than a porn tabloid. And I guess if you're a housewife in the 1970s and the idea of women buying such material is still taboo, this would be a great way to disguise things.

And there IS the little red banner down the right corner touting sexy European men.

And...I will admit...I did experience a gentle moment of excitement at the sight of the Faux Mindy pawing at hairy Robin Williams' naked chest.

Anyway, here is an example of Playboy from the same year:


The old debate: do women enjoy their erotica the same way that men do?

Could there ever be a counterpart to "Hooters" that caters to women, for instance?

And could a comic only featuring cheesecake men appeal to female readers in the same way Witchblade appeals to male readers?

Oh that's right...it's called "Nightwing" (ba-dump-bump!)

Girl-Wonder.org Accepting Webcomics Submissions

Girl-Wonder.org is now seeking webcomic submissions. That makes yet another site/organization who are turning to webcomics. Five or ten years ago, this might have been a printed collection or series of comics.

From the press release:

Feminist fan organisation Girl-Wonder.org, as part of its mission to support and encourage women in the comics industry, permanently opens submissions to webcomic artists.

We're looking for webcomics created by women or teams that include women, and we offer space, tech and publicity support, and a sub-forum devoted to your work on our thriving forums.

There are absolutely no restrictions on the genre, setting or sexual content of your work - we've hosted/are hosting Regency-style spy romance, slice-of-life autobiography, Wild West adventures and fairy-tale fantasy wordless comics. Your comic can be an on-going tale, or a complete story, and work previously published in other venues (in part or in whole) is welcome, providing you possess the rights to re-distribute it.

Your work need not explicitly promote feminist ideology. However, we envisage that it won't be explicitly anti-feminist or otherwise contrary to Girl-Wonder.org's aims.

If this sounds like something you (or your team) might be interested in, please email karen.healey@gmail.com for submissions guidelines!

ABOUT GIRL WONDER – Girl Wonder is a collection of websites dedicated to female characters and creators in mainstream comics. Our goals are to foster an attentive, empowered audience community and to encourage respect and high-quality character depiction within the comics industry.

Neil Patrick Harris: "Too Accepted"?

In the following post, the writer questions if openly gay "How I Met Your Mother" star Neil Patrick Harris is too "accepted" by the heterosexual community:

"Plus he sings and dances and is good with little ones! So yeah, all around a pretty down to earth, un-swishy, monogamous, famous geigh dude who can party with the bros. He's a homo hero! Except, I dunno, for me? Something just doesn't feel quite right."

So Harris is not "gay" enough? C'mon. He's just a person. He plays an ultra-heterosexual character convincingly, and this is a liability? It shows that a good actor can play a character with any sexual orientation. It puts a lie to the old Hollywood excuse of, "oh, this openly gay person can't play a straight romantic interest because nobody would believe it." It gives one less reason to maintain the "Celluloid Closet," one less reason for some actresses and actors to live a lie. And I think living a lie because you are afraid of not getting work (or acceptance) is tragic.

I see this "not BLANK enough" label being put on many successful people for many reasons. I think it's stupid. I think people should be judged on their own merits. It is so convenient to see people not as individuals, but a representatives of a larger mass.

That said -- it would be nice if there were more great homosexual roles out there for actors to play -- starring roles, non-cliche roles. In comedies, dramas, horror movies, sci-fi, TV shows, movies. Maybe that is what the author of that post was getting at, as well. That is a valid concern.

And there is also the idea that "being accepted" shouldn't be a goal. When Harris is quoted on the "Out" magazine cover as saying "My job is jester, not advocate...I'm striving to be an example of normalcy," it can be interpreted by some as him "wanting" to be "normal" -- whatever "normal" is defined as. And a critic might suggest that he is defining "normal" as something more along the lines of heterosexual culture.

As the author of the original post writes:

"If he really does want to chill on motorcycles and swill beer and make a living talking about poontang, then fine. But let's not congratulate him so effusively for it."

That said, I still like Neil Patrick Harris a great deal as an actor. And he was the voice of The Flash in the New Frontier cartoon<-----showing off my geek cred.

The Batman and Superman Curses

illustration from Telegraph article

You know, I was going to post this immediately after Morgan Freeman's car crash, just as this automatic instinctual thing, but I checked myself. I didn't do it.

But now with all the online articles on the subject...

Is the "Dark Knight" cursed? Does the movie have "bad luck?"

Or is it that human beings like to find patterns in things and ascribe meaning to them?

Yes, I think Heath Ledger playing such an intense character as The Joker and dying shortly afterwards is creepy. I'm not immune to superstition on this point. I place it on the same level as Brandon Lee dying while making The Crow. I really feel the roles they played had some impact -- however slight and subtle -- on what eventually happened. Like I said - superstition.

But should we assume that the unfortunate incidents that befell Christian Bale and Morgan Freeman are indicative of some "movie curse?" Don't bad things happen to everyone, even celebrities, every day?

This goes back to the alleged "Superman curse," with the two most famous actors who played the character having tragic ends. We could even go so far as to say their names -- George Reeves and Christopher Reeve -- were unsettlingly similar.

The rumor was that one of the reasons Keanu Reeves turned down the role was because, well, it all seemed too creepy.

But again -- are we just giving meaning to these incidents as a "curse" because of how well-known Superman is? If these incidents happened in connection to Boring Movie would we even care?

Wasn't there a curse related to the play "Macbeth?"

And comics -- has there ever been a cursed comic?

Okay, here is one quick story of a cursed comic, and then I'm done with the topic:

Back when I was working at Acclaim Comics, there was a specific issue of Magnus Robot Fighter that we felt was cursed. The whole process of getting the pages in and editing it was difficult and full of delays. But you know, that happens sometimes. But then every electronic device we used to prepare the book -- Xerox machine, computers, scanners, Photoshop/Illustrator programs, even the printing press -- massively failed. The issue figuratively (literally?) "killed" every machine it touched.

The irony? Magnus Robot Fighter was a book about a man who fought against machines and liked to tear them apart with his bare hands.

See? Giving meaning to things. Creepy, yes. But it also gives a sort of comfort, as if life is really not so random after all.

Thanks -- and a word about health care in this country...

Hi all,

I wanted to just thank from the bottom of my heart all who expressed their sympathy over my recent hospital bill situation. And thanks so much to those who donated as well.

I'm really touched by the support. Donations reached almost $300, which makes paying the lump sum of $500 by my deadline today much easier.

After that, I will have to pay about $100 for the next 14 months. But being smart with my finances and cutting some corners should help with that.

But thank you so much again. You are very fine people.

***

Originally, this bill was over $14,000. At that time, things looked very bleak. I was in a lot of self-denial. I was in self-denial about how close I came to dying, too. I was in self-denial about that until like eight months ago. At Beth Israel Medical Center, they marveled at how calm and good natured I was through the whole situation, how polite I was to the nurses. But I was calm largely because I was in complete self-denial. It's a survival mechanism.

But there was one moment I almost lost it, when they brought me my dinner. Dinner was like a stale danish and orange juice. I had almost bled to death, the nurses told me I had a dangerously low amount of blood in my system that could lead to a bunch of things including cardiac arrest. And they brought me a stale danish.

I screamed: "GET ME A CHICKEN SALAD!!!!!!!!"

And they said, that's only in the visitor's cafeteria. And I made them go to there and get me a fucking chicken salad with eggs. And I'm sure, if I look over my itemized bill again, I'll see the chicken salad.

Though my blood pressure was so low at one point that the nurses freaked out and started running all over the receiving room where my bed was (I didn't have a proper room until the last four hours of my stay), the doctors held back from giving me a blood transfusion. At one point a nurse fought with a doctor and said I was in danger of dying unless I got the transfusion. But they wouldn't give it to me. When I limped into a medical office a few days later -- still white as a sheet, out of breath, and only able to move very slowly because of the lack of blood in my system -- my doctor was horrified that nobody gave me a blood transfusion.

And really, I think at least part of the reason they didn't give it to me because I had no insurance, and they figured it'd be just another cost I was likely to not pay. Why waste blood on the uninsured? It might be the same reason I had to recuperate after surgery in a crowded receiving room with questionable hygiene. And that might be part of the reason why I acquired a massive infection that cost me hundreds of dollars and three months of hell to fight.

But those bills -- and their collection agents -- certainly arrived soon enough. They wouldn't knock any money off the charges for the infection I got through surgery -- but they charged me literally for every bandage I used to stop the bleeding. I remember asking for another bandage, and being warned that I would be charged for it. But the nurse felt sorry for me and said she would look the other way and give me a bandage for free. I wish this was an exaggeration. And so what, I decide to save myself the 8 or 15 dollars for the bandage (essentially, a glorified maxipad) and just bleed all over the bed? Is it like being fed a stale danish after massive blood loss? Why are these considered *options?*

I think our health care situation in the US is largely corrupt and dysfunctional. I think it puts undue pressure on people who are experiencing or recovering from serious illness. I think it makes the uninsured far more likely to not recover. I think it makes the hospitals, whether they are or are not conscious of it, far less likely to give good care to the uninsured. I think it makes people in corporate jobs far more likely to put up with bad practices and not speak up, because they are afraid of losing their jobs and hence their medical insurance. And from my own experience I've watched medical insurers fight tooth-and-nail against paying out the insurance anyway.

Learning preventative health care and voting out those who are against universal health care are great first steps. But also, I think there needs to be a constant outcry over these medical nightmares. What happened to me sounds bad, but the crucial thing is that I lived and I need no further medical treatment in order to deal with the injury (though there is some debate as to how much damage the long-term infection from the surgery caused, and if I ever find out it has hurt my reproductive system I'm going to sue them for every penny they have -- and they aren't the only parties who are going to get sued). So even if the hospital cleans me out financially, I can't die from lack of treatment; the only way I can be hurt is in my pocket.

But there are plenty of people out there who need life-saving treatment and cannot get it because they are uninsured. Whose quality-of-life is severely impacted. Who, at the same time they are suffering or even dying, are getting harassed by bill collectors and turning time they need to heal into a time of anxiety and pain.

We can't pat our backs in this country and say "God Bless America" and have this go on. It's not the hallmark of a civilized society. We have tall buildings, 3000 cable channels, and a system that does not adequately take care of the health of all its citizens. Massive FAIL.

Crap.

Hello dears,

Remember the accident I described in "Goodbye To Comics?" The one I was uninsured for?

Well, I paid off a relatively good portion of it over the years, but that involved draining out my personal savings to zero.

I still owe $2900, and I have to pay $500 by next week.

Which is fine. I mean, I really can't afford any of this, but it's going to be fine.

I've reduced my hours at my current job to give me more room to breathe with my writing, and taken on an extra marketing freelance gig. In a couple of months, when everything kicks in, I should be fine. But the next month is going to be brutal. And I will be paying medical insurance out-of-pocket, so that's a bit more stress.

I don't like being in debt. I never planned to be in debt. I never planned to have this insane accident.

I don't like borrowing money. I don't like credit. I want to start a family. I want a fresh start.

This is all to say, that I'm selling off everything of value -- that is not directly related to my job or my writing or is really special to me -- on eBay. Starting next week.

Don't feel sorry for me. Some people, many people, are in far far far worse shape than I am. But as I said, I don't like being in debt. I do think it is bullshit that people have their lives and finances gutted because of accidents outside their control -- that while they are still in the hospital bed they are being asked for how many bandages they used so they can itemize those bandages on your bill. Yes, they actually fucking do that.

Really, this is just a hanging dread that's carried over from a couple of years ago. I'm going to face it head-on and make the sacrifices and put it to bed in as positive a way as I can think of. And I'm going to clear out my medical debts and come out of this better than before.

So when the auction starts, if you want to check it out and buy anything...

That's all I'm saying. Have a good weekend!

So What Do You Think Of All These SDCC Announcements?

So there was a lot of stuff announced at San Diego this year -- what do you all think?

What are you excited about?

My reactions:

Darwyn Cooke doing Donald Westlake graphic novels for IDW: Great! He's the perfect person to do such a high-profile project and I like IDW a lot. The books will probably get a good number of non-comic fans giving graphic novels a try. And Darwyn is a genius.

Marvel's "Agents Of Atlas" as an ongoing: Here's one that I think earned a monthly spot. I'm sorry it won't be Leonard Kirk on the art, but that slot isn't filled yet so who knows? I hope it has that quirky-but-solid "Incredible Herc" quality to it.


Another Flash book, this time by Geoff Johns: Is this taking the place of the monthly? Is this in addition to the monthly? Whatever the case, they've really got to stick with it this time. I mean, it seems as if Johns/VanSciver on Flash would guarantee a certain number of sales right off the bat. But after so many false starts, the public really needs to trust that this is THE Flash book.

Boom Studios/Disney deal: Smart Smart Smart. I feel that if you want to ensure longevity as an "indie" publisher like Boom, you need to hook up with a known quantity and do licensing of big-name properties as well as original stuff.

Chris Batista drawing Animal Man: I'm not sure if this was an official announcement or not but I saw it on LITG so I'm running with it. Batista is a great artist who was made for drawing characters like A.M., Adam Strange, et al. Looking forward to it.

Mark Millar does more Ultimates: I know opinions are mixed on Millar -- some people really love him and some people really not-love him. Kick-Ass, I'm on the fence about, though admittedly I've only read the first issue. But I liked his Ultimates, I liked his Fantastic Four, and I miss his Ultimates. I liked the cynicism of the Ultimates. I liked that it was all sort of cold and brutal. It was like The Authority in its prime.

New Supergirl book: My patience would have been completely exhausted on this title was it not for the fact that Jamal Igle is on board. This guy does A-list work. This guy is like Kevin Maguire if you've been missing Kevin Maguire -- that good. The fact that he is doing this Supergirl title would be the only reason I would buy it. No slight to Geoff Johns -- it's just that I've been through too many relaunches of this book. But I will buy it for Jamal.


Neil Gaiman on Batman: Certainly I think this is significant and will probably do really well. I just think that fans want more a long-term, dedicated writer on a book like Ed Brubaker, with a carefully constructed story leading up to certain blockbuster events over many arcs. It's like to my mind, I'd rather have a sturdy, "mid-level" writer do several well-planned arcs in a row leading up to a big development in the end; with that sort of strategy, "mid-level" writers could end up becoming blockbuster writers anyhow. Only -- you "grew" that writer. You nurtured him or her. Whereas with this strategy, it's more about an upfront "punch." Which again, will bring in a lot of dough -- it's just short-term vs. long-term investment.

Archie & Milestone characters to DC: If it's done right, that'll be great. I love the Archie characters. I loved DC's Impact line. I think the idea of situating the Milestone characters firmly within DC continuity -- a la Charlton characters, etc -- is awesome. I'll just repeat what an associate told me: "shouldn't they really focus on getting their own characters solid first?" That, to me, is the challenge. It seems like an awful lot of stuff to throw into the pot at this juncture. It's going to require a lot of coordination. And then there is the question -- will the public embrace the Archie superheroes? Because an awful lot of effort went into Impact, and the books were slick, but they sort of fizzled out. Of course, the key might be in mixing them with the DCU rather than keeping them separate.

Marvel adapting Philip K. Dick: This one seemed to skid off the radar a bit, and I want to bring it firmly back on it. This is big. This is wonderful. I idolize Philip K. Dick. I hope they do more.

Andy Diggle on Thunderbolts: Hard to follow-up that Warren Ellis run. But Diggle has an edge and kicked ass on Green Arrow, so I'm willing to give him a chance.

Peter David's new IDW book: Illustrated by Robin Riggs! I'm so glad Robin is getting a chance to show everyone his pencilling chops, and I will definitely be picking "Sir Apropos Of Nothing" up.


New Season of High Moon: Yay! Go Zuda! Whoo-hoo! I wonder what's going to happen in this season! Wait -- I might know! But I'm not gonna tell ya! HA! You'll have to read it to find out!

Val on Cloak and Dagger:



What do you all think? Also, let me know if I missed anything important.

A Terrific Comic Book Grader

I think I've referred to this topic in previous posts, but I stumbled upon this article on prepping your comics for CGC and I decided to bring it up again. Basically, CGC is a company that grades and "slabs" your books for collection purposes.

I don't remember there being a CGC type slabbing service when I worked in a comic book store in the early 1990s. In those days, to put the comic in a mylar sleeve was considered a big deal. I think after the mylar sleeve came the sturdier sleeve or "case" -- the predecessor to the "slab" we all know and love today.

I still look for copies of comics that are in "mint condition" when I am at the comic book store. This is an unconscious search, habit, an automatic reaction built from my earlier comic book collecting experience. I never pick up the first copy of an issue on the rack -- I always reach in the stack and try to get a "fresh" one. Yes, just like one might do with a bag of Wonder Bread. The irony is, once I take it home I bend the cover back, toss it by my bed side, the cat steps on it, I step on it, etc.


My first assignment at the comic book store I used to work at was to accompany a co-worker to an-off-site grading session. It was basically the fabled story you heard so many times you believe it's just an urban legend: early runs of Marvels in decent condition kept in some guy's suitcase and found by accident. First Spider-Man, a run of Fantastic Four from issue #1, etc. Crisp, bright covers, non-yellowed pages, probably read only once and socked away in the suitcase.

And so started my strange, complicated, long-term relationship with Mr. Sid Lonesome. The first day I had to meet up with Sid to do the grading with him, he was late. Then I saw him coming down the block and the bus was coming. I hopped on the bus and motioned to him to pick up the pace and catch the bus. He didn't catch the bus. I got off the next stop and waited for him. I watched him make several unsuccessful attempts to light a cigarette in the face of a direct blast of wind. Then we went to the house to grade the comics.

We were both impressed at the collection, to say the least. Sid was instructed by his boss not to gush over the comics but keep a poker face; he gushed anyway. This of course made the bargaining harder. The owner of the books was an antique dealer, so he was no dummy. He just didn't know comics, didn't deal comics.

Sid: "Oh my God...X-Men #1 in near mint condition...it's...it's beautiful."

The way the deal went down, we paid through the nose for some of the "keys" in the collection -- Fantastic Four #1 etc. -- and then bought some of the lesser books, like early Tales of Suspense and Daredevil, for cheap.


Me and Sid finished the day by going to a big Chinese restaurant, the suitcase of comics resting on the floor beneath the table. We already devised how we would mark some of the really lesser books at fives and dollars and then just buy them ourselves. Our boss was paying us largely in comics anyway, either right-off-the-bat or when we turned around and spent our pay on them.

I determined that day that I really liked Sid, but I wasn't sure how. Many, many, years later, I was still at that stage of our relationship; I really liked him, but I wasn't sure how. And then we went our separate ways, touching base only occasionally. But I'll always remember -- he was a terrific comic grader. A terrible buyer, but a terrific grader.