A Word Or Two About "Twilight"

Look, I am in complete support of "Twilight" fans and their right to populate our nation's major comic book conventions.

But I've tried to sit through this movie and could only watch half before shutting it off. So now I've spent almost a week trying to finish this DVD so I can return it to Netflix. The DVD is now in my computer, and I'm going to force myself to finish watching it today.

I guess one of the issues I have with the movie "Twilight" is that it's really more like a TV show. I mean across the board: acting, directing, cinematography, plot, dialogue, special effects. TV show. And with the way they've already stacked up these sequels, I think that's no accident. These movie franchises are really just taking a page from the TV shows: Heroes, LOST, Battlestar Galactica, Gossip Girl.

So, it being just a long TV show, it might make sense that halfway through the movie I saw fit to shut it off. Because that's your 1 hour of TV drama.

What Robert Pattinson looks like when he isn't bullshitting us

Also, that glam look on Robert Pattinson is all wrong. It's like putting lipstick on Daniel Craig. The guy really has the look of a bruiser, like he was punched in the face; something that is only compounded by the way he mumbles his lines like Sylvester Stallone. I mean, take off the lipstick and the powder and wash that shit out of his hair. Now put him in a movie about steelworker union riots in the 1940s. See what I mean? He's no Leonardo DiCaprio. He's not even James Marsters. Marsters could rock the sexy vampire shtick well into his 40s. Pattinson is not going to be able to do this without looking like the equivalent of those over-the-hill movie actresses who just can't let the 1980s go.

Plus, the chick in this movie is indeed our generation's Karen Black:













(Plus, I had to endure a lot of naked Karen Black pics through Google Image Search to bring this post to you, most of them from way past her prime, thank you very much.)

Finally, what sort of teen narrative grants the new kid in school an entire Mystery Machine van full of BFFs within 5 minutes of touching down on the school's campus? I've never seen something like this before. Where's the conflict? Further, it's obvious that this chick is just using these new friends as something to tide her over because she really wants to hang out with the cool kids. It's made clear that she's too cool for her group, all coded as "nerds." They've opened up their hearts to her to make her feel a part of something, but she's obviously detached from them. She obviously will dump them the first chance she gets to hang out with the cool kids. And though both nerdy boys in the group hit on her, we know she is way too cool to waste one drop of saliva on their nerdy selves.

The Nerdy Kids Poor Bella Is Forced To Hang Out With
Until Something Better Comes Along

And we are supposed to be rooting for this chick, yes?

I mean, there is one scene in particular where Nerdy Guy B invites her to the prom. And she explains that she can't go with him, but that he really should invite Nerdy Friend A instead. And it's implied that Nerd should go out with Nerd. That she is way above that. Because she is so goddamned special.

The Cool Kids Bella Is Really *Meant* To Hang Out With

So really, the narrative of this movie could be seen as being composed by an unbelievably narcissistic teenage girl who thinks she is too cool for her friends and that the world revolves around her. That one day this cute guy who is normally a dick will fall in love with her, and she will happily run off with him and all his rich, preppy, dick friends. We've all met vapid backstabbing social-climbing shits like this in high-school, haven't we?

But in the end, you really can't argue with the success of a book/movie series that has so perfectly played into the cultural zeitgeist. "Twilight" plays into the zeitgeist of teen girls who feel less threatened by the sexuality of men when these men wear more makeup than them and have hotter hair. "Twilight" plays into the aforementioned sociopathic narcissism of the teen girl who secretly feels she's too good for her nerdy friends and would betray them in a second to hang out with the cheerleaders and the jocks. And "Twilight" plays perfectly to the zeitgeist of Middle America, in ways that I'm not even going to *start* going into in this forum.

To sum up, "Twilight" the movie seems to play to the particular zeitgeist of the following teenager:
That said, I might finish this DVD today and completely change my mind. Indeed, by the time the credits roll on this flick, I might want to have Edward Cullen's blue-blooded mumbling babies. I will let you know.

"Twilight" To Be Adapted To Manga: My Thoughts

This is just a reaction to the news that the rights-holders of the mega-hit "Twilight" chose the manga format to be its first comic book adaptation.

First, I'm not surprised AT ALL.

But really, is the mainstream comic book "floppy" format just not an option for the majority of comic book reading young women (and some young men) anymore? To the point that if you have some hot non-superhero property for teens you don't even consider putting it out as a floppy?

I'm just saying, because I know there have been many attempts to bring in the teen girl market in "floppy comics" form. Is it the format itself that turns them off? Does the idea of going in the local comic shop to purchase them turn them off?

And then what about the case of something like "Buffy The Vampire Slayer?" If Dark Horse had adapted "Twilight" in a similar format, would that have worked? Or are a good portion of those BTVS readers already familiar with the mainstream comics format, etc, while many of these "Twilight" readers may not be?

As a tangent, I have to reiterate my belief that "floppies" are the best format for little kids, especially if the price-point is moderate. I know some feel that digests are the best format, but I think little kids want nice big pictures and a format they can completely lay out flat on their table, floor, etc. (or roll up in a tube or tear up or cut up or whatever).

That all said, the current "Twilight" adaptation doesn't preclude a company like Dark Horse or Marvel or DC adapting it in the future. Or coming up with somethin' similar. Like, perhaps, "Schmilight."