Thursday, September 16, 2010

"Memoirs Of An Occasional Friends Of Lulu Member"

I wanted to clear something up regarding those who have said I have "ended" Friends of Lulu. I don't own Friends of Lulu. Didn't found it, don't own it. I am a volunteer. I am not the only person in the entire spectrum of women in comics who is responsible for this organization. The only reason I am the only person running it now, outside of the volunteers who have helped me with this year's Lulu Awards, is that EVERYBODY ELSE F**KING ABANDONED IT!

You know all those highly concerned former members that are having a public conniption fit over the fact that a man might win "best new talent?" Why aren't they equally as concerned about keeping Lulu going so there can still BE a "best new talent" award to give? Nobody's contacted me and said: "Friends of Lulu is SO important to me, how can I get involved again to keep it going?" Not one of these damn people publicly lamenting over FoL's apparent demise has offered as much as a fingernail to keep it going. You can be sure that before I take the steps to close FoL, I will post every single one of their names and say that they didn't do squat to help me save it. I'll post their Tweets and blog posts and comments regarding what a horrible human being I am for finally letting FoL go, and next to each I will write in red letters: "Did not do anything to save Friends of Lulu."

Oh you oh-so concerned comics professionals who see fit to rake me through the coals and tell me how to run an organization you are not taking any active role to help. The young comics creators and fans put you to shame with their willingness to volunteer. Oh-so-concerned comics professionals, you abandoned Friends of Lulu way before 2010. You left it in the hands of people years ago who meant well but didn't fully understand how to run a non-profit. You can't micro-manage and order around and bitch about an organization that you abandoned. I'm sorry you have too much work to do and can't serve as board members. I have a lot of work too. I know this is shocking, but I'm not really an international playgirl of mystery who is independently wealthy. I take time out of my intense schedule every week to deal with Friends of Lulu. Do you? No? Then maybe STFU.

No, it is apparently far more convenient to sit back and do nothing but complain. I've been kicked in the teeth so often both privately and publicly by these former members regarding my politics and my decisions that you'd think these women would be lining up to take over this organization again. You'd think they'd be popping champagne with glee that I'm finally gone! 

But while they certainly seemed to have enough energy to dog me these three years with their complaints, their sighs that Friends of Lulu is *not what it once was*, their consistently catty and ungrateful attitude -- they are apparently too lazy to take some damn responsibility for the organization they claim to love so much. Or maybe not lazy -- just hypocritical.

Sorry, I'm not going to be your punching bag anymore. I too am concerned about women in comics. I essentially put my entire comics career in mortal jeopardy by publicly documenting topics like sexual harassment in the comic book industry -- so don't you F'ing DARE say I don't give a damn about women in comics! I didn't take the "hush money" like so many did. I didn't rationalize covering things up for bad people just so I could continue my career or the career of my significant others. I went through HELL because I thought it was of vital importance that this information be public.

But as much as I have been hurt by some men in this industry, I'm not going to front an organization that does things like removes male comic creators from ballots. I don't want to be a part of a philosophy that believes that the solution to gender discrimination is more gender discrimination.

Just the other day I met this woman who said that she was considering joining Friends of Lulu years ago, but was told by some men in the industry that it was a "man-hating" organization. And of course I defended FoL. Just like I defended FoL when I was told it was eaten alive with nepotism, cattiness, and general irrelevancy. Just like I bristled with self-righteous outrage when a number of prominent figures in the organization were referred to by DC staff in less than flattering descriptions.

Hey, you know what would be a great first step in advancing the cause of women in comics? Not proving all those persons -- those persons we assume are male-chauvinists with an axe to grind against women -- right.

And that really is the final disillusionment for me. So if some women want to blame me for Lulu ending while they do nothing, that's cool. Their attitude is the true reason this organization failed in the first place. Their attitude is the reason I and so many others ran away from Friends of Lulu. I feel bad that I had to be the sucker they shoved all their half-baked plans, resentments, and failed responsibilities on. I feel bad that I spent countless hours trying to fix something that truly did not want to be fixed.

But hey, I guess every writer's life-experience is grist for the mill of a good story or two, right?

PS: You know that jackass I wrote about in Goodbye to Comics, the one who harassed me and tried to blacklist me from comics? The collective shit some "prominent" women in comics -- so-called "feminists" -- have flung in my direction during the last four years have been way more hateful, betraying, and traumatic than anything that idiot ever did to me. Capice? I went to you for help for a problem, and ended up with something FAR WORSE than the problem itself.