New Savage She-Hulk?

You know, I have no idea who this new Savage She-Hulk is, or why she looks like that -- but it *is* interesting. It's like she got a dye job, or something. Or is it one of those Planet Hulk chicks?

The regular series is canceled, so I assume this is something completely new?

I liked the "modern" She-Hulk, but there was something about the original "savage" one that had more of an edge for me.

Edit: I have been informed by several readers as well as my BF that this new She-Hulk is apparently Thundra. Then the BF told me to go and read through all the Marvel Handbooks.

Just Came Back From The Ninth Annual Rumour Awards

(huff! puff!)

Hi everyone.

I've just come back from the ninth annual Rumour Awards at LITG. I was (apparently) both a nominee and a presenter.

We had a lovely time. The food was great. Dan DiDio says hello.

But that Joan Rivers on the red carpet was a pain in my ass.

Cat Versus Sock Monkey

No really, my cat *loves* when I do things like this.

(BF: "If you are going to make LOL cat pictures out of him, at least clean his eye boogers out first!")

Box Office: Dog Bites Frank Miller

Top movies over the holiday weekend:


Bomb-arooney:


Via Rotten Tomatoes:

"Not all new releases clicked with moviegoers this holiday weekend. The one casualty was Lionsgate's stylish actioner The Spirit which bowed to an estimated $6.5M over three days and $10.3M across four days. Playing in 2,509 locations, the PG-13 pic averaged a weak $2,593. Graphic novel king Frank Miller made his solo directing debut after co-helming the 2005 hit Sin City with Robert Rodriguez which opened much stronger with $29.1M over three days."

What insights can we glean from this startling turn of events, especially as it relates to how the Frank Miller film got its butt kicked by the heartwarming doggie flick Marley and Me?

1. Please do not overestimate the jadedness of the typical American film-goer. I'm speaking to you, oh great purveyors of dark superhero flicks. America is already depressed and angry enough without your help telling them what a shitty, amoral, and corrupt world it is.

2. Judging by the weak box-office results for The Spirit against that of the surprise success of The Valkyrie, maybe people prefer to see swastikas in a strictly historical context, and not as a heavy-handed campy fashion statement (even if it they are worn on a curvy Scarlett Johansson).

3. Speaking of camp, the ghost of William Dozier called, and is wondering why this Eisner chap keeps getting referenced as the main inspiration for The Spirit instead of himself, Lorenzo Semple Jr., and Stanley Ralph Ross.

4. Frank Miller as director of this film was, as Walter Sobchak might say, "out of his element."

Finally, one OS reader emailed me and asked, simply,

"When did Frank Miller become the Caligula of comics?"

A Spirit movie that would have at least broke even:

That Certain Something

Doing a quick survey of my blog content over the past two years, I've discovered that every 2-3 months, like clockwork, I will post something and it will start a massive flame war. Not a regular flame war, but the nuclear type of thing where I have person after person email me and comment in horror and apology at how vicious the reaction has been from certain circles.

Looking at these posts, I noted that some contained very little of what would be considered "controversy." Yet those posts produced as much of a rage as the ones with highly controversial content. For example, I'm sure it is obvious that child porn is a controversial topic. But nearly the same amount of controversy and rage erupted when I dared make an interpretation about a movie, or made a post on a topic that someone else had touched upon months previous. It's unpredictable. In fact, the only way to avoid it is to stop posting entirely.

Indeed, had I made a post defending Simpsons child porn, I have no doubt in my mind that the handful of haters would have made posts expressing their outrage. They would say: "She can't be the head of a woman's organization. She supports child porn!" I know this like I know the sun comes up in the morning.

Which is why I'm convinced that it really isn't the topic or my exact opinions that is really at issue.

I seem to have developed, over the past two years, a strange sort of charisma.* Through my written word, but also in person. This is baffling to me, especially the in-person part, because I take little-to-no-care in making myself sexy or appealing at all. I stopped wearing contact lenses and now wear glasses. I let my hair grow out. I wear comfortable pants, comfortable shoes. I have a little roll of fat around my middle. But I have more charisma now than I did when I was a size 2, blond, with my boobies hanging out.

I don't understand the charisma of this blog or myself -- but there is one thing I do now understand. As much as there is a positive charisma, there is also its opposite. As much as people seem to like what I write and want to speak to me in person, there are also people who have a deep and abiding hatred for me. And the more people like me, and the more high-profile I get, the more there will be these online hate-fests at my expense.

This charisma energy works both ways -- bad and good. And rather than try to come up with some pop-psychology explanation for it all, I'll come up with a pop-New Age one: it's just the natural flow of energy. Positive polarity, negative polarity. And it certainly won't get any better when my comic book is published, so I ought to just get used to it.

Now I know how Will Ferrell feels.

*This is all written by a person that had -150 charisma points for most of her life, and knows the difference. The last time I went to a speaking engagement, I missed the entire buffet because I had a continual line of about 25 people come up to me after my speech. All that was left was the cold snow peas. And I have gotten stopped in washrooms, in comic shops, in the middle of Manhattan, by people who recognize me on sight for this blog. Personally, I think I have the charisma of a leek. But this is the situation. Life is patently bizarre, and God apparently has a ginormous sense of humor.

Happy Holidays & Merry Christmas

Hi all,

Again, thanks for all the emails of support that are coming in.

I'm closing shop until Dec. 29.

It's just my crazy work schedule before Christmas, and the fact that the holidays are sacred to me. I realize for some people, nothing is sacred. I think we are just going to have to agree to disagree on that one. What else more can be said?

If you comment, I will still moderate, though I will put a cap on any extremely long threads. I just don't have the time to sort through 100+ comments.

If you email, I will still respond, but when schedule permits.

Have a very happy and healthy holiday, and I will see you before the New Year! :-)

Update: Newsarama

Hi all,

I did close this blog for the holidays, but I want to say that I've received communications from a couple of people at Newsarama, and I'm satisfied with their concern for me and dedication to fairness on this issue. To the people who have contacted me from there: it is very much appreciated! God bless, and have a happy holiday!

(I will back-date this post tomorrow to have the holiday greeting first, but I wanted it up now just to clear the air.)

Newsarama Removing Comments In My Defense

You would think that in a thread where I'm being slaughtered, a couple of positive comments for my side would be allowed through.

But not at Newsarama.

I've just got my second report of a comments in my defense being blocked to this post by Newsarama moderators. Not only are the comments blocked, but the IP address as well so new comments can't get through from those users.

I've allowed literally almost a hundred nasty, negative comments to be posted on my blog on this issue. I've paid my dues on this. These comments were incendiary, aggravating, repetative, and very time-consuming to answer. Why can't a big website like Newsarama be as "brave"?

What are you afraid of, Newsarama? Why are you using a website that is theoretically supposed to be for "general audiences" to promote a political agenda? Is that what your site or Imaginova is all about?

Newsarama: do you print your "news" just for a certain segment of people in the comics community? Or for everybody?

Again: free speech...only for some.

Postscript: If Newsarama wants to only present one point of view and censor others, that's fine. If they want to block my supporters and present a grossly skewed version of the debate, that's also fine, because it's their site. It's just that they should wear their bias on their sleeve and admit it, instead of pretending that they are a general audience site.

To The People Writing In With Support

Thank you!

If I didn't know you people existed, I'm really at an age (34) where I'd be ready to just finish off my responsibilities to the industry, close up the blog, settle down, raise children, get a degree in social work, and be done with it.

...

Still would like the "raising children" part regardless. Have 12 eggs left.

Free Speech...But Only For Some

"So I shed no tears for the absence of porn based on underage cartoon characters on the Internet. Nor will I miss feeling like a party to an illegal act every time I do an image search for cartoon and comic book characters.

However, there must be a rather sizable number of people actually visiting these XXX cartoon parody sites -- not just those who get off on such images, but just regular people looking for some gross-out humor. Will the latter category find themselves roped in with these crackdowns, even arrested? Would having an illustration of a "Peanuts Orgy" on your hard drive be enough to convict you as a sex offender?

It would be helpful, I think, for these boundaries and determinations of what is or is not legal to view and download to be clearly delineated and widely broadcast, as to prevent misunderstandings."

This is what I wrote in my first post on the Simpsons child-porn case. Please note the last two paragraphs.

Of course, this post has been misquoted and misrepresented ad nauseum. Why?

I believe it's because within that post I dare to merely suggest that there might limits to moral conduct. That, I think, is the real problem.

In this industry, you are allowed to lie, cheat, commit adultery, have references to sperm-dumpsters and anal rape in comics that are marketed to general audiences. You can have an extended segment in your comic book depicting a teenage girl masturbating. And apparently you can have a hard drive full of illustrated child porn.

But you can't take a moral stand.

An exaggeration? I just took a moral stand against child porn. I was crucified. I had people email me and insinuate that I would be destroyed in this industry unless I backed down and recanted.

Recanted?

This is the free-thinking comic book industry? A place where I have to recant?

No, self-appointed Internet "mouthpieces" of the comic book industry and fandom. I have no respect for you. You have become the same self-righteous dogmatic hardasses you've spent so much time railing against. Congratulations. You have used the same tactics -- misrepresentation, coordinated attack, calls for boycott and firing -- that your "enemies" do. You are official card-carrying assholes.

You wonder why kids don't read comics anymore? Why the readership numbers couldn't be higher in general? Wake up -- a portion of the United States thinks your industry and your fandom aren't fit for children. Or fit for any healthy individual. You think that's all fundamentalist Christians? I run into adults in New York all the time from all walks of life who think that comics are for "weird," "socially backward" people. For people with sexual hangups, who live in basements. They don't want to let their children go to comic shops. And they ask me: what's a "normal" comic that they or their child can read?

The biggest question I received in this debate has NOT been, "do you think people who possess Simpsons child porn should be arrested."

It's been:

"Why do you think illustrated child pornography is harmful when it's just drawings?"

And that's such a naive, blissfully clueless question.

Again: why aren't children reading more comics?

Who is looking out for children in this equation?

Friends of Lulu?

But J. Caleb Mozzocco has already stated that because of my stance against illustrated child porn, I am not fit to be the president of Friends of Lulu.

Or it could be that Mozzocco is a card-carrying dogmatic idiot using the same tactics that I'm sure he'd condemn if they were being used by Karl Rove, Sean Hannity, Rush Limbaugh, etc.

Free speech...but only for some.

Free speech...but only for some.

Free speech...but only for some.

A Danish cartoonist who makes fun of Mohammed is allowed to have free speech -- but the offended Muslim who marches through the streets to protest it is held up as a symbol of a repressive mindset.

I've been seeing offensive and stereotypical portrayals of Christians in comics for at least the past fifteen years straight -- but I see no complaints from the same pundits who decry other stereotypes in comics. Why is that? Why is it ok to use the symbol of the evil preacher over and over and over again, but if that brand of stereotyping was done regarding any other religion it would be thrown off the stands?

Why is the person who possesses illustrated child porn supported and befriended by comics celebrities, fandom, and pundits -- but the same respect for "free speech" is not extended to me? Why?

Tell me why.

It's free speech -- but only for some. Those who do not fit in with the "program" do not get the benefit of free speech or respect. Those people must be thrown out of their jobs, ostracized, and attacked.

Was there a little asterisk at the end of "V for Vendetta" that led to the following caption:

"Of course, if we were talking about a Right Wing viewpoint, it'd be ok to do all this to them."

Because that's where we're headed.

And if I'm a "Conservative," I am the most Liberal of all Conservatives.

What about real Conservatives? Or hardline Christians? Or hardline Muslims? Where does your idealistic belief in "I may not agree with what you have to say, but I will fight for the death for your right to say it" extend to?

Why not at least admit that you DO have biases? That you DO hate certain people? And that if you had your druthers, certain people would not be allowed to voice their points of view? Why pretend that you are something you are not?

Why pretend you are tolerant? Stop the charade, already, and embrace your fascism. J. Caleb Mozzocco, embrace your fascism, embrace your intolerance. Stop pretending you are some beacon for free speech when you are just a Karl Rove hangover and a mediocre blogger to boot.

Response To Blog@Newsarama

J. Caleb Mozzocco's attack on me in his Newsarama column for my stance against illustrated child pornography has inspired me to officially take action to fight child porn and child exploitation. I am taking the following steps:

* Creation of resource page with links to websites against child porn, exploitation, and abuse. Conducting my own search on such resources, I think there is a need for an updated list.

* Research into taking my first-person testimony regarding sexual exploitation and pornography into the realms of written work and speaking engagements. It is one thing to say I am against child pornography and exploitation, and ultra-violent porn involving women. It is another to give my personal testimony. I've been afraid to do so up to now, because it broached incredibly personal topics regarding my life. But now I realize that though those parts of my life were painful, it also provides a wealth of information and unique insight.

The more I get publicly attacked, the more I will channel my energy to fight child porn and educate the public. That is the only reaction I will have to it from now on.

I am also tremendously proud to stand up for something I believe in. My thanks for Mr. Mozzocco for inspiring me to take action. When I write my resource list, I will be sure to reference his post at Newsarama as the crucial thing that finally convinced me to take action in my own small way.

And if anyone feels I am not fit to lead a national women's organization because I am against child porn (in any form) and ultra-violent porn featuring women, by all means start the impeachment process.

I do not have personal ethics and a code of morality in order that I might win popularity contests. I have them so I can sleep at night with a clear conscience, help protect others, and have peace with my God.

And I got into comics because I wanted to read stories about heroes.

Observations From Down The Rabbit Hole

I just re-read the first issue of the original Cloak & Dagger series, from 1985. The comic opens up with Cloak & Dagger busting a child pornography ring.

The narrator begins:

"Fifty cents for sixty seconds of fantasy. His pleasures are both inexpensive...and hidden from his wife and family. Just half a buck...and a cheap dream becomes a nightmare!"

Cloak & Dagger confront a customer of child porn, and have a debate as to how "guilty" this man really is. Is he just a poor slob with perverted desires that just got caught up in something that he had no control over? Or was he just as responsible as the people making money off the porn? And what should be his punishment?

Cloak says:

"Do you see how the pornographers and their clients seek to silence those who reveal their crimes, Dagger?"

Dagger to the customer at the peep show:

"You knew every time you dropped your fifty cents that you were peeking at some other family's child! You may not have known exactly where they came from, but you knew they could hardly want to, of their own free will, be where a sleazeball like you could stand and stare at them!

Cloak & Dagger (and their friend Detective O'Reilly), spend the majority of this issue talking about the crime of child porn in a very straightforward, condemning way. They see themselves as in a "war" against both child porn and the people that produce it. Further, even though Cloak & Dagger might have debates about the proper way to deal with the perpetrators, they are on the same page about the severity of the crime itself.

And it is inferred that part of the reason Cloak & Dagger care so much about the exploitation of children was that they themselves were exploited.

Though I read the original Cloak & Dagger comics in preparation for my own mini-series, I had no plan to take the book in the same direction as did its writer Bill Mantlo. Indeed, when I first read Cloak & Dagger #1, I thought it could never fly in today's marketplace. Too "moralistic." Almost religious in spirit.

Here's a sample caption:

"Dagger's faith is in the light illuminating every living being, in the soft glow of human souls. That light may burn dim in sinners, bright in others like Dagger herself, but she believes in the inherent beauty of the light...whereas Cloak exists to destroy it!"

Souls, faith, sin, light, darkness. This was the vocabulary Mantlo used to flesh out Cloak & Dagger's universe. And these were elements that he applied not only to drug dealers and child abusers but even characters like obsessed priest Father Francis Delgado -- and in the oft-tormented souls of Tandy & Tyrone themselves.

Reading those first stories was initially for me mostly an exercise to familiarize and re-familiarize myself with the continuity & history of Cloak & Dagger. I sought very little in the way of direct inspiration by what me and many others categorized (albeit affectionately) as an "very Eighties" comic book series.

But it is only upon further re-readings and reflection that I realize the power and beauty and honesty of Bill Mantlo's work on this book -- how unique it was, how raw and heartfelt. And I realize how -- though I didn't think it would -- it ended touching me very much anyway.

"The darkness wails wildly around the group enfolded in Dagger's gentle glow. Its terrible cyclonic howl cries out for the light denied it."

Growing up in the 1980s, child kidnappings, child abuse, and child porn were a constant topic in the news and in our classrooms. Even at six, seven, eight years old we were put on notice about sexual predators, and given information on things that -- though I didn't quite understand them -- I knew were pretty much worse than death itself.

One of my best school friends was repeatedly molested by a family member. Then it was rumored that this child began molesting an even younger family member. I remember sitting next to a girl in third grade on the school bus who would tell me how much she enjoyed sex, going into detail about explicit sexual acts. And from the ages of 12-16, there was no deficit in the number of predators put in my path. One of them lived in our own home for a year. I feel it is only by the grace of God that I managed to avoid being raped or molested, and that the 27-year-old man I slept with at age 16 was unable to have much of a hold on me. That is more than I can say for the 32-year-old man I moved in with the same year.

My dislike for child porn, for the "barely legal" aesthetic, and for erotica with extreme combinations of sex & violence, is not based on some pie-in-the-sky notions of morality grounded in fundamentalist Christian beliefs. It is based on observation and experience. I knew somebody very well who drew images of extreme sex-and-violence for a side business. I cared about this person very much as a friend. I watched him draw art on-demand by customers depicting women being put in the most humiliating of positions, things I can't even describe here because it's so disturbing. I watched him try to separate out responsibility for this from his daily life.

He said:

"It's only drawings, and at least I'm getting paid. I'm getting paid to draw, finally."

I watched his soul get eaten up by this business and his own addiction to pornography. I mourned for him. You may think "soul getting eaten up" is meaningless phrase, steeped in assumptions of morality and dogma. I assure you, when it is somebody you care about very much, and you see it all played out so intimately -- it is not meaningless.

"Dagger aids Cloak, feeding him the light that illuminates her soul, appeasing the all-consuming darkness that hungers within him...and thus diverting its hunger from the quivering victims Cloak has delivered to the darkness."

And finally, I have had my own battles to fight. I have come from an extremely physically abusive relationship with my father. When such a powerful male role-model impacts your early development like that -- it screws up everything. Including sex. It took me four counselors, 25 years, a revival of my faith in God, and the love of a good man to get over the darkness I found myself in, the willingness I had to replay the same tragedies from my past. And I'm still scarred, and I'm not perfect, and I am still making mistakes. I am the poster child for nothing. But I will tell you one thing -- pornography only made things worse. Far, far, worse. It was not a stop-gap. It did not satisfy. The "everything goes" ethic? Didn't work for me. Made me a banquet for the haters of women and innocence. Almost killed me on more than one occasion. Again, your mileage may vary. Just an observation. But I know how far down the rabbit-hole goes -- believe me.

"Something ravenous, human-hungry...yet something which would forgo all other sustenance if it could but feast on Dagger's light."

Reading the the words of Bill Mantlo now, I feel such appreciation for a comic book that dared to address these issues head-on. Back then, I'm sure it must have been difficult to do because of the "adult" subject matter. Today, it would be considered moralistic and "hokey" in some circles -- perhaps even "puritanical." Far hipper to bemoan sexual exploitation and at the same time "wink" at your own exploitation of the characters through their overly-sexualized renderings (slot in your own examples, they're plentiful and apparently very profitable).

And I realize that me getting a shot to write Cloak & Dagger was very much a case of the writer meeting the material. And that even though I was only nine years old when the first issue of the original series came out, its words reach through time and touch me with a startling immediacy.

"Cloak and I have a mission, Father -- to see that what happened to us never happens to other kids!"

Above all, I thank Bill Mantlo from the bottom of my heart for creating these characters, and giving a damn about the exploited, the morally conflicted, and those caught between the darkness and the light.

Philosophy Class

At the moment, I am cleaning out a bunch of old files from my college days (a.k.a. Ancient History 101). Most of my term papers are getting the heave-ho, as I really cannot see anybody actually wanting to read them, much less me typing them out for the dubious benefit of the Internet.

Looking at some of these philosophy term papers, I remember the following incident:

During philosophy class one day, a security guard burst into our classroom and said that there might be a bomb in the building -- but to stay in our seats and wait for further instructions.

And so we sat in our seats. No instruction came. A faint alarm could be heard in the distance.

After fifteen minutes, I gathered my belongings and quietly walked out of the room. I walked past the security guards, past the police, out the building, crossed the street, walked out of the campus, then walked another block.

Later on, a fellow student told me that my professor said the following after I left:

"And that, class, is an example of the practical application of philosophy."

Kirk and Leia Sing: Who Was More Baked?

Kirk:



Leia:


Carrie Fisher reportedly said that she was high on drugs while singing this. I don't know what Shatner's excuse was.

Bonus: Play both clips at the same time!

What Is The Iconic "Bush Era" Movie or TV Show?

Newsweek asked some cultural critics to pinpoint "the singular emblems of this moment in history" -- specifically, representing life during the "Bush Years."

The overwhelming choice:


Battlestar Galactica.

"An orchestrated terrorist attack. An inexorable march to war. An enemy capable of disappearing among its targets, armed with an indifference to its own mortality. It sounds like a PBS special on Al Qaeda. In fact, it's a synopsis of the Sci Fi Channel series "Battlestar Galactica," which—for anyone who manages to get past the goofy name—captures better than any other TV drama of the past eight years the fear, uncertainty and moral ambiguity of the post-9/11 world."

My personal choice?

The Office.

I know it doesn't sound as serious as BSG. But think about it: Our country = poorly run paper company.

And Dwight is totally Cheney.

Wow! It's Official! Eddie Murphy Is The Riddler!

Hey everybody, Eddie Murphy is going to play The Riddler in Batman 3! Yeppers!

Look at this awesome costume test:


And oh look, Shia LaBoeuf is going to play Robin! Swell!

What, no Photoshop of Shia yet?

Oh, there we go!

Via The Sun

Mary Marvel Cooch Cover Benefit Dinner For Free Speech

Comic by Comic points out this cover by the usually awesome Alex Ross, showing an upskirt panty shot of Mary Marvel. There is some criticism about this cover, as it sexualizes a teen character.

But if we are working from the premise that even hard core illustrated depictions of teens and children are okay -- because they don't "hurt" anybody -- why should anybody get upset at this cover?

It's well-known that there is a big market for "barely legal" depictions of teenage girls. In the interest of free speech, shouldn't DC (or any other company) be allowed to have covers like this? Especially if it could bring in more money?

In fact, the sexualized teen Supergirl should have been defended by free speech advocates in the same manner as other high-profile cases, right? The fact that DC felt they were "forced" to change Supergirl (and I don't care what their official story is on the matter, I know better) was a blow for free expression, right? The equal of if Alan Moore was asked to cut scenes out of "Lost Girls," right?

But it all boils down to the following...

This is "low-brow" comics:
And this is "high-brow" comix:


No one is ever going to do a free-speech dinner for DC's right to publish images of sexualized teens in their superhero comic books. Even DC themselves would be too damn embarrassed to attend that dinner.

But if we are talking about freedom of expression, then isn't DC in the right if they want to publish covers like the above Mary Marvel image? And if that is the case, aren't "feminist bloggers" who complain about this and other "sexist" imagery in comics really against freedom of expression? In fact, isn't a lot of what feminists complain about as being "sexist" in the media just -- AGAINST FREE SPEECH? And if *that's* the case -- shouldn't they be publicly called out on it by self-appointed crusaders of Assorted Freedoms?

Lastly, if we are saying that any drawn image is "okay" because it's only imaginary and not hurting anyone, should there be any complaints about racist imagery? For example, those who are against Memin Pinguin. Or how about Jack Chick? To rail about Jack Chick's portrayal of a number of groups of people -- homosexuals, Catholics, Pagans, etc. -- would be really railing against free expression, right? Even to be critical of the images undermines one's stated belief of "images are harmless." If the images are truly harmless -- why criticize them? Why not just live-and-let-live, like one big happy family of creative ideas in a free society?

And yet, comic book bloggers are going to still complain about this image and that. It's inevitable. And implicit in those complaints is the idea that though these images and stories are "imaginary" -- they have a potential to negatively impact others. And if those images have a potential to negatively impact others -- that means they are not essentially "harmless."

As for me, I don't care for the Mary Marvel image. But I know the audience it's catering to. A flash of cooch, a knowing smile. What do all those budding Hollywood child-actresses say in interviews? "I'm not yet a woman, but no longer a little girl! Tee-hee!" Hollywood does it too, all the time. Don't make it right, tho. But it's a mentality as tenacious as head lice.

I can see the blog headlines now:

"Comic Industry Goes All Out To Defend Mary Marvel Cooch Cover; Benefit Dinner Starring Moby."

When your editor tells you your script is good

and, finally,

Blog@Newsarama...

...honestly, I can't pick on them anymore because, in spite of everything, I'm sure the new bloggers themselves are excited and happy to be doing this. It's like they are starting a fun new project, and me and everybody else are just saying, right at the beginning: "No! Fuck you! You can't even try! I poop on you!"

I started my blogging career at Silver Bullet Comics -- the site that was based off of a comic store, not the other one.

I had a good time writing those columns, even though the first ones were a little awkward and rough around the edges. It was very exciting for me. I was just very flattered that I was being posted on a website. And if things were reversed, and I had started out on the new Blog@Newsarama, and people started saying "it is to poop on!" right from the beginning...

Rachel Weisz To Play Catwoman?

I sure hope so.

If I was forced to look at Angelina Jolie's pouty mug for the next two years because she was playing that character in Batman III, I'd freaking...gak!

Jolie playing Catwoman is *such* a Joel Schumacher move.

And God, please don't double-up on villains either. When you double-up and triple-up on villains in a movie, you get this:


Not that there's anything wrong with that. Hell, I love exploding sharks.

Is It Because She's A Chick?

Seriously, why is Buffy The Vampire Slayer the only female-starring/driven mainstream comic that ever consistently gets very high/top ten ranking in sales?

You know, I could almost buy the argument that comics starring women don't sell well, but Buffy is consistently in the top ten on the Diamond Sales charts. Further, thrillers by book authors like Patricia Cornwell and Janet Evanovitch star tough female crime-fighters/detectives like Kay Scarpetta and Stephanie Plum -- and are consistent mega-bestsellers. (my God -- if comics sold the numbers that these mass-market paperbacks do...) And these long-running fiction series, to me, are very similar to comics, in that both are sort of serialized and feature the same character developing over many "issues."

So to me, I patently do not believe that action/thriller comics starring female characters are fated to only do so-so in sales. It just seems that we have to take a look at what other media has done with female-driven action stories.

Separate question -- is it a "superhero thing?" Is it the capes and tights that are throwing this all off? Does the fact that Buffy Summers does not wear a superhero costume make her more accepted as a hero by the mass (read: both male and female) audience?

Hitler's Ghost Said To Have Cursed "Valkyrie" Movie

In other news, producers of movie "Valkyrie" desperate to promote film.

Robocop Remake: Why?

Why why why remake things that are barely of drinking age?

A "Robocop" remake by Darren Aronofsky? Really?

That's great.. I guess.

A remake of "The Crow?"


Ok.

How about something -- new?

"Fuck new -- I can't get the investors to back new!"And with this sort of economic climate, you can kind of see the point of view here. Even if the Robocop remake is teh sucky, there will be a certain amount of money made -- based solely on the fact that it's Robocop™.

Hey, I heard they're going to remake "Titanic" with Miley Cyrus and that guy from "Twilight."


But seriously, you know what movie truly deserves a remake?

"Superman III" -- Skis + Richard Pryor + skyscraper = magic.


Wow, Superman III. Even at eight years old and not knowing who Richard Pryor was, I felt sorry for the man, realized something "wasn't right."

"Why are they making that man look stupid, mommy? Was he bad?"

My Conflict-Of-Interest Best Of 2008

Why settle for regular "Best Ofs" when you can have my refreshingly honest "Conflict-Of-Interest Best Of 2008?"

Best Webcomic: Anything with High Moon in it.










Second-Favorite Webcomic: Night Owls

Best DC Imprint: Zuda.com

Favorite Comics Non-Profit: Friends of Lulu

Favorite Characters: Cloak & Dagger















Favorite Comic Book Company: The one without Dan DiDio running it.

Favorite Comics Blog: Occasional Superheroine

Favorite Female Character: Occasional Superheroine

Best Comics-Related Journalism: Occasional Superheroine











Best Comics-Related Interview: Tom Spurgeon interviews Valerie D'Orazio

Favorite Writer: Valerie D'Orazio & David Gallaher (tie, in alphabetical order of last names)

Favorite Artist: Steve Ellis

Favorite Zodiac Sign: Pisces

Favorite Cat: Thomas

Funniest People: Curmudgeons who have slammed me several times for supporting the work of my own friends on my own damn blog. Honestly, I've promoted my own comic and the comics of those closest to me a *fraction* of the amount another person would have. I've actually held back. Well, my new motto for 2009 is "fuck that modesty shit, I'm doing what I want."

On the list:
* Well, I WAS going to put that Zuda box on my sidebar, but somebody's gotta give me code, because I'm not creating some cheap-ass one myself.

* Wrapping my blog in like a Cloak and Dagger wallpaper. Yeah, that won't be obnoxious.

* Changing my name to "Tandy Bowen."

* Having baby and giving it "Marvel" as his or her middle name. Might run into possible copyright issues and will have to rename it "Shazam!"

Early Buzz On "Spirit" -- Worse Than Battlefield Earth?

Aint It Cool News correspondent Jondough has viewed Frank Miller's "The Spirit" movie and writes:

"...now I’ve seen something that has taken the top prize from “Battlefield Earth.” I mean, I honestly thought that would never happen."

and, to Frank Miller:

"You clearly don’t have any idea what you’re doing. Someone, ANYONE, over at Lionsgate should have known this. Fuck, it’s their JOB to know this. But they didn’t. They somehow bought the idea that you “co-directed” (hah) Sin City, which even if it WERE true, doesn’t mean you directed the movie... Seriously, how on Earth could they know that your idea of direction is to place the camera on a tripod and have your two actors walk back and forth for five minutes in front of a dimwit committing seppuku?"

Read reader comments at Aint It Cool and Rotten Tomatoes...

As for me, I would have to see the film. But from the trailers, "The Spirit" seems far more an homage to Miller's style of film-making than to Will Eisner.

SNL Skit Offensive To Blind People? (or just plain offensive?)

I was in another room of my apartment when I heard the announcement of the Saturday Night Live skit featuring NY Governor David Paterson come over the TV. And the first thing I thought was: "Oh God, they aren't going to make fun of his blindness, are they?"

The second thing I thought was, "Oh God, they're not going to have him hold a bar graph upside down, are they?"


Anyway, it is interesting seeing how split people are on message boards as to whether this skit was offensive or not. What leads one person to say "fuck em if they can't take a joke" and somebody else to say, "this is cruel and hurtful humor?"

Personally? I thought the skit was well below SNL's standard. But this was the show with the "I Jizz In My Pants" music video not too long ago. So maybe it isn't below their standard.

I always stick with: "Sure, it's funny until it's you, your momma, your child, or your friend. If it's you, your momma, your child, or your friend, well, then somebody is going to get their ass kicked." This seems to be one of the ruling factors of the human condition.

Namor In Real Life

Cable & Tweed spotlights Alex Maleev's photo-realistic, somewhat middle-aged interpretation of Namor in Secret Invasion: Dark Reign:


As fo real-life inspirations for Namor, I always thought of this guy:

Am I the only one?
He has the same pointy ears, dammit.

Blagojevich Separated At Birth

Embattled Illinois Governor Rod Blagojevich...


...and Larry Manetti from Magnum PI


(officially goofing off)

DVDs Unreliable For Long-Term Backup?

Here is an interesting post from The New York Times about the longevity of "home-burned" DVDs. The author found that a bunch of the DVDs he had burned four years ago were unreadable now:

"holy cow—how many thousands of people are backing up onto DVD, thinking that they’ll be set for at least a decade or two? I know, of course, that home-burned DVD’s, which rely on organic dye that deteriorates with time, are nowhere near as long-lived as commercially pressed discs. But man. Four years? Scared the bejeezus out of me."

Scared the bewhatzits out of me too.

I've been noticing that a number of my backup music and image discs from several years ago have been crapping out on me lately...

Even more interesting -- many commenters on the blog insist that the VHS and 8mm they've saved for their home movies and recorded programming have lasted far longer -- decades.

This could have a huge impact on many of us five, ten years down the line when we dig up our CDs and DVDs and find out that they don't work.

And what will work better in 25 years -- your old vinyl or a DVD recording of it?

Forgot To Get The Memo

I find it very, very interesting that for the last two years, I've been patted on the back and lauded in many circles for my stance on sexist and sexually violent comic book material -- but have recently slammed for a similar stance against illustrated child porn.

This is, obviously, because on the Comics Trendiness Scale™, feminism is only a 7.8, whereas child porn free speech cases ranks a 8.9. See, I forgot to get the memo on that. It's probably the same memo where I'm told what situations I am and am not allowed to hate Dave Sim.

But also, a lot of that sexist stuff is in "low brow," non-ironic comic book material -- you really can't get Moby to give a shit about things like that. And without Moby -- what do you have, really?

And truly, I totally "get" the idea that if I support the sale of vibrators, I should also support the right for people to view Homer shoving his cock down Lisa's throat. It's like if I support the use of medical marijuana, I should also support the use of meth. Right? Yeah, that makes a lot of fucking sense.

Anyway, you may think that I don't sympathize with people who feel their rights to free speech are systematically and daily curtailed. Forced to submit to Groupthink. Bedeviled by the horrors of Doublespeak. Afraid to speak one's mind, for fear of swift censor by self-appointed arbiters of What Is Right, forced to fit a rigid and unbending dogma.

Oh, but I do.

Feminist Spaghetti

You have to admit, "Girl-Ar-Dee" is clever.
And apparently feminists are ugly
with really big knockers

Busy day today, but wanted to get a few links of note in from around teh Internets...

Ferris Bueller Where Are They Now?
Is it wrong that I think Edie McClurg turned out looking the best out of all of them?

People Making Six Figures On YouTube
Well screw that, I'm making more videos!

Star Wars Producers Thought Leia Was Too Fat
Also, rolls on the side of her head made her look chubby

Emma Watson Looks Forward To Posing Nude In A Movie...
...and proving her worth as an actress
bonus: "I’m not a woman yet, but I’m not a girl any more."

Also: Jennifer Aniston Proves Her Worth Too

"You'll put your eye out."
It actually happened.

And a great quote from David Mamet regarding the Illinois governor scandal:
"I am from Chicago, and, so, having been disillusioned with politics at an early age I do not become involved. The only reason I vote is because they pay me."

Am I right in recalling that Gotham City was based a bit more on Chicago than New York City?

This is the sort of stuff you really need to get Batman to clean up.

Batman RIP-off

Re-reading my recent hate mail regarding Batman RIP, I am about 90% sure it was a lame-ass attempt to start a "fake feud" in the mold of recent posts. But I feel bad about not giving Batman RIP more publicity, so I will reference a post from Topless Robot reacting to the news that the ending for Batman RIP will be in Final Crisis #6:

"How fucking stupid of me to assume that the final issue of "Batman R.I.P." would be the conclusion of the story. I'm so glad that, if I were a loyal Batman reader, to be able to find out suddenly that the story I've been reading for the last half year makes no sense unless I also purchase the end of the Final Crisis saga, which I'm sure I wouldn't need to buy all its previous issues to make sense. That's real fucking swell.

And so fucking nice of you to create a bullshit lame ending for the "Batman R.I.P." graphic novel, so that people can buy that and...have absolutely nothing, because the real fucking ending is still going to be in the Final Crisis collected edition. What a huge goddamn favor for the readers...

Maybe if we all knew this was coming, it wouldn't have been a big deal--people could have been reading Final Crisis from the start, or chosen to avoid "R.I.P." altogether. But to find out "R.I.P." is meaningless without Final Crisis--AFTER "R.I.P." IS FUCKING OVER? Jesus, how much contempt can you have for your customers?"

As for myself, I didn't even blink when I heard this. I'm not surprised at all. In a way, I think this unholy marriage of two separate clusterfucks is kind of sweet.

Oh, No! Another Controversy! Read This Now!

I just received a letter from a person, "Seleca," who claims that because I wasn't that impressed with "Batman RIP," I must be a "sexist woman." S/he ends the letter by calling me a "feminist harridan."

Now, I was going to do a long point-by-point rebuttal, but then I thought:

"What if this is just a viral PR ploy to promote Batman RIP by starting another feud?"

That's why I'm going to use this time and space instead to promote the latest installment of Dan Goldman's excellent webcomic serial, "Kelly."


You could also check out this interview with my friend Amin Amat

Read this heartfelt post by Lord Shazam about sexual harassment

Check out Laurel Maury's picks for the Best Graphic Novels of 2008 at NPR

or even read some Night Owls strips.

But Batman RIP? I'll let DC's excellent promotions department handle the buzz on that one.

The Quotable DiDio

All DiDio quotes taken from an 2003 interview he did with Newsarama.

"It's not about the stunt, it's the characters!"
(except for Infinite Crisis, 52, Countdown, Final Crisis, Batman RIP, etc.)

"Veteran talent—that's a sensitive issue for me, personally...there's always a place for these creators at DC."
(ask Shooter, Dixon, etc.)

"There's something very important about continuity of talent."
(except when you are pulling and slotting in new creative teams every several issues like what happened with Flash, Supergirl, Birds of Prey, Robin, Final Crisis, etc.)

"After my first two or three months here, I realized that only one thing matters—content. If the content is good, people will find it. And if the content is bad, it won't matter who's on the cover, or what creators or involved—the book will still tank."
(see: Countdown)

"Don't stick with a faded idea so long that you wear everyone down and give a bad feeling about it. "
(except if it's your awful pet project that is forced to go on for 52 weekly issues)

"If we're trying to redefine the medium, we have to create new product, though; we can't just rehash what we did twenty years ago."
(except endless Crisis rehashes, Kingdom Come rehashes, and a LOTSH book that promises to bring us back to those halcyon days in the 1960s)

"Because it's such a competitive market, if you have writers who have unique voices, I'd like them to express that unique voice only with DC."
(as long as they don't mind being dictated to, have their stories rewritten, and treated like dishwashers)

"The idea for next year is that we're staying away from massive crossovers; it goes back to the teams. The right artist, the right writer— give them the opportunity to get a year's run on these characters uninterrupted..."
(unless everybody's stories are shoehorned and/or changed at the last minute to serve a rambling crossover that was poorly planned and executed)

"We have so much to offer that there's no reason for talented people to go somewhere else. "
(such as both an ulcer AND the medical insurance to pay for its treatment)

"One of the things we have to instill when we talk to editors and creators is that no one person is to blame if a book doesn't click."
(coughs)

"Creators should be coming here first with any of their ideas."
(ask Grant for more details)

"First off, we have to be excited about what we're doing. Then, if we're excited, you should be excited if we communicate our excitement to you. "
(that equation sounds just about right)

"The best creator to lock up with exclusives is the married one..."
(...because then of course you can invite the whole family to watch the Thanksgiving Parade from the DC offices and it is just so awesome!!!!)

"I like to treat everyone professionally..."
(O RLY?)

"What the success of Batman does, at least from inside our building, is that it creates a level of understanding and hope; it proves that, if we get all the pieces in place, we can do wonders. "
(and if that doesn't work, kill him off)

"I believe that DC will be number one consistently by the end of next year."
(and yet with all of Time Warner's money and influence, DC still can't beat Marvel in the market share for monthlies. )

"We have to hold ourselves to a higher standard..."
(and if that doesn't work, you can just cover it up and blacklist other people)

"I had a chance to hear an incredible amount of history about DC Comics..."
(oh, I'm sure you did)

"Unless you want to do Spider-Man or X-Men, DC offers you so much more, so many more opportunities."
(Or want to do Captain America, or Hulk, or Iron Man, or Avengers, or Daredevil, or Iron Fist, or...)

"One of the challenges we put to every editor is this: if this book was being launched today, would this the best team we could get on the book?"
(except when you pissed everybody else off and have to scramble with last-minute assignments)

"Some things have been difficult to measure, but I do believe that my presence has been an impact."
(I believe the term is "Deep Impact")

and, from the comments section:

"I like this man a lot."
--Graeme McMillan
(we all did in the beginning, Graeme -- we all did.)

My Day Yesterday

Looking over my day yesterday, it's like every single thing I did was for the nurturing and service of others:

1. Sent out holiday cards
2. Fed squirrels and birds
3. Patiently worked with boss and tried to organize things for him
4. Wrote several long emails to people who requested my help
5. Went to dinner with friend, listened to an issue she had and gave advice
6. Went home, fed and hugged cat
7. BF came home, hugged him too

I had this conception of myself, when I was younger, of being (or, more accurately, becoming) some sort of hard-drinking hell-raising firebrand.

This has really not happened, outside the auspices of my blog.

Nor do I really think I am this awesome selfless person, because I'm not. But I think it is important to observe your styles of work and interaction with others on a daily basis, if only to sort of know yourself and figure out what works best for you.

Also, on an unrelated note, I would like to note that if you sign up for one of these "legitimate" adult toystores looking for a simplest of simple implements, they will send you two billion pieces of snail mail to your door with PICK UP YOUR FREE VIBRATOR NOW! in big letters. Well...that was a mistake.

Real-Life Comic Book Villain

This Illinois governor they just arrested sounds completely at home in an issue of "Daredevil" or "The Punisher" --

On wiretaps he's recorded as referring to Obama's empty Senate seat as "...a fucking valuable thing, you just don't give it away for nothing." In reference to Obama's suggestion for a replacement, he said "Fuck him. For nothing? Fuck him...but they're not willing to give me anything except appreciation. Fuck them."

Basically, he wanted political/financial favors for the Senate seat. Because to him it wasn't a public office...it was a commodity for his own power and enrichment. He also allegedly wanted to "punish" the Chicago Tribune for running unfavorable articles about him.

It is beyond scary to think that there could be a person of such high rank who thinks this way. I'm probably naive. I still want to think this sort of villainy is only the purview of comic books.

But I'll bet the people who had to stand by and quietly watch this corruption flourish are doing the Snoopy dance right now...

10 Strategies For The Comic Industry In A Recession

Here are the 10 ways/strategies the comic book industry can use to survive and thrive in a recession/depression:

1. For God's Sake Entertain These People!
In the Great Depression, movie studios thrived, producing entertainment for the masses that made them forget their troubles. A movie ticket is $10+. A comic is less than $4. But you have to entertain these people! You have to create compelling storylines. You can't depend on that same fan base you've been handing lukewarm milk to for the last several years because they're just too blah to change their buying habits. Blah and complacency is out. Your audience: thrill them or lose them.

2. Go Back To The Basics.
Look up Joseph Campbell's The Hero's Journey. Get down to the basics of what makes a compelling story. Heroes, villains. Protagonists, antagonists. Problem/solution. If you need almost a whole paragraph to explain your story or event, you have screwed up somewhere along the way.

3. They Can't Afford Gigantic Crossovers
They can't. I mean, they did; but now they can't.

4. Lose Your Pride
Whether your pride is not wanting to reach out past your comfort zone in terms of readership, your hatred of digital media, your irrational bias against one thing or another, or whatever -- if it is standing in the way of sales, you are useless. Get over it.

5. Unsure? Make It Digital
If you are unsure about your product -- if you feel it is really iffy -- if you are a small publisher and you are going to risk everything to print just this one fucker -- for God's sake PLEASE put it out digital first. It can be digital with a roll-in hardcopy plan. But make it digital. The direct market won't hate you for it. They hardly got room on their shelves for a lot of that stuff, anyhow.

6. Are You Ballast?
Take a good look at yourself in your job -- especially if you are working for a larger company. Are you expendable? Are there "five" of you? Do you find yourself working on "special projects" that are always put last on the food chain? Do you have no idea on God's green earth why you are at your job, or why they are paying you? Get out on your own terms, and be in a good position to negotiate your next job. Don't just wait for the inevitable. Be proactive.

7. Are Your Comics Ballast?
Take a good look at the comics your company produces. Now, which ones are awesome, and which ones are "filler?" Which ones did you do as a favor for an old buddy which aren't that great but you promised him, and which ones are awesome? I mean, you can do the favor, but make that a one-shot, don't make that a three-issue prestige format. Use your brain. Which comics make you go "wow," and which ones, by your own admission, are "born to die?" You can't afford to put out "born to die" comics. What is it that Obama said? "No more pork barrel." You need to cut your pork.

8. Stop Making Your Heroes Villainous
We don't need heroes that are assholes right now. The assholes are the ones that fucked the audience financially and took away their homes, their jobs, and their X-Mas bonuses. They want real Heroes to help them out of this mess.

9. Have A Hook
If it doesn't have a "hook," don't do it right now.
Examples of hooks:
* awesome artist
* awesome writer
* topical
* controversial
* of superior artistic merit (possible award winner)
* unique

10. Stop Writing These Gloom And Doom Articles About How The Comic Book Industry Is Going To Collapse
You're really scaring the shit out of everyone. I mean, you should write them, it is topical. But it's like feeding this already jumpy nervous ready-to-totally-lose-it climate.

I really don't buy the rumors of the comic book industry's bust, especially in a world right now which is *starving* for escapism. But things need to be thought of strategically.

Simpsons Porn Case Follow-Up

Neil Gaiman reacts to the case in Australia where a guy was convicted of possessing child porn because he had images of child cartoon characters having sex:

"I don't know if it's something that they can further legally appeal, or afford to appeal, but I hope they can. If not, I hope that a bunch of Australians will get together to change the law."

Well, if it is within the purview of "artistic license" to show cartoon children in sexual situations, then why shouldn't some publisher be allowed to print or present online a child porn comic book? I'm not talking one with pre-established cartoon characters in it (because heaven forbid we violate the copyright laws), but just straight child porn, all drawn? There is most certainly a market for it. And it doesn't hurt anyone, right?

When you champion this sort of porn, you run the risk of taking all porn down with you. People outside of the quaint aesthetic bubble you are living in look at you making this passionate case for illustrated child porn and...they can't even identify with you, can't even understand what you're saying. And then in turn you make fun of these people, call them all puritanical maniacs, religious nuts. Nothing gets accomplished. There is no middle-ground. There are just extremists on both sides: extreme liberals who fight for the right to publish child porn, and extreme conservatives who put fig leaves on the penises of statues.

But there is a whole lot of people who are on the middle in this debate. In the end, you have to stop preaching to the choir and start addressing them. Understand where they are coming from, stop turning your nose up at them. Try your explanation on them about how harmless images of Lisa Simpson having sex with her dad are, and see how well that goes.

I like the CBLDF a lot, but if they were fighting for the right of a publisher to print images of little children having sex, I'm not interested in supporting that fight. I'm not. I know I would be more popular if I did. But I just can't do it.

I read stuff like what Neil Gaiman wrote, and it's like I'm living in a completely different world from him. I can't relate to it. I'm all for eroticism. I'm not here to take away Playboys, Witchblades, and your assorted avant-garde pornography. But...

It's a bubble. It's a big bubble. And it's a bubble in which I feel I do not have the complete freedom to speak my mind. It's a bubble all about "freedom" -- in theory. But it really isn't. It's only about the freedom to agree with the majority view within Bubbleland. I feel as oppressed by this bubble as I do by people I feel who are sexist, probably more. I mean, I don't really give a damn what the sexist people think of me. But to come up against the Bubble -- I don't have the guts to do it. Honestly, it scares me to death.

Man Convicted Of Possessing Simpsons Porn

Okay, this has always been a topic I wondered about --

If you did any Google image search without filters for topics like The Simpsons, Kim Possible, Teen Titans, Peanuts, etc you got tons and tons of porn images depicting the underage characters having sex with each other. It was all there in your face, as a part of Google's automatic thumbnail displays.

And I always thought: that's sort of child pornography, isn't it?

Is it a gray line, or black and white? Is it just harmless gross-out fun, like in the Tijuana Bibles of old?

Or should depicting Bart and Lisa Simpson in a sex act (or Charlie Brown and Lucy) be illegal?

Well, a man in Australia has been convicted of possession of child porn for using his computer to access images of the Simpsons children having sex:

"In the New South Wales Supreme Court today, Justice Michael Adams ruled that a fictional cartoon character was a "person" within the meaning of the relevant state and commonwealth laws."

Meaning, the cartoon images would be treated under the law as if they were of real people.

In addition, it appears that Google (or the copyright holders of the assorted characters in question) has massively cracked down on these images as of late, preventing them from being included in the search result thumbnails even with the Safe Search filter shut off. This is pretty significant, considering only several weeks ago Image Search was choked to the gills with these pictures -- many drawn so professionally, they looked like actual screenshots from the cartoons.

Personally -- setting aside the question of whether cartoon characters should be considered "people" in terms of porn -- there is definitely an aspect of a lot of this art that goes beyond the slapstick Tijuana Bible aesthetic, and which I think is kinda sick.

Okay, I'll spoil this for you: Wimpy would
prefer to eat hamburgers more than...anything else

For example (I've decided to totally edit this description of one of the Simpsons images out at the last minute, as it's just too disturbing). This is different, in my humble opinion, from Daisy Duck and Mickey Mouse having passionate sex against a wall. Daisy and Mickey are consenting adults sowing their wild oats in the usual way -- albeit by committing adultery and unfaithfulness to Minnie and Daffy!

So I shed no tears for the absence of porn based on underage cartoon characters on the Internet. Nor will I miss feeling like a party to an illegal act every time I do an image search for cartoon and comic book characters.

However, there must be a rather sizable number of people actually visiting these XXX cartoon parody sites -- not just those who get off on such images, but just regular people looking for some gross-out humor. Will the latter category find themselves roped in with these crackdowns, even arrested? Would having an illustration of a "Peanuts Orgy" on your hard drive be enough to convict you as a sex offender?

It would be helpful, I think, for these boundaries and determinations of what is or is not legal to view and download to be clearly delineated and widely broadcast, as to prevent misunderstandings.

Women's Wrestling Champion Of The World

If only all Comic Book Internet Feuds™ could be this easy to resolve.

Just a couple of swells: Valerie D'Orazio and Tony Lee

Yep. Me and Tony conceived of this whole back-and-forth as a spoof on Comic Book Internet Feuds™. Additional inspiration, for me, was the Daily Show/Conan/Colbert feuds from a couple of months ago. We tried to be extremely tongue-and-cheek about it, so it would be more or less obvious. Then Mr. Lee emailed me shortly thereafter to let me know he was taking on quite a pummeling, and it was decided to make this short.

As for Moonstone Books and the much-discussed MILF Magnet -- I'm fine with erotic comics as long as it isn't marketed to kids or could be confused as kids products. If Moonstone wants to branch out and try new genres, and if the sales from those ventures helps them support their other books like the old-timey radio show adaptations, let them do it.

One last thing of note in all this:

MILF Magnet, and to an extent the excellent other series, Johnny Dollar (which we've both used as comparisons in our messages) have risen from vague obscurity to a vague notoriety from this. For example, one well known, East Coast US shop that contacts me often emailed me Saturday night to inform me that since the feud started, orders for MILF Magnet had gone up four hundred percent.

Of course, neither MILF Magnet or Johnny Dollar can hold a candle to High Moon.

In fact, to assist Zuda.com, I would be happy to start a feud with D...

Oh, wait.

Comic Book Internet Feud!

It's apparent to me that news of my pugnacious heritage of Abruzzi mountaintop transplants living on the tough streets of Brooklyn has failed to waver Mr. Tony Lee's resolve to continue this vicious Comic Book Internet Feud™.

Pity.

However, I was heartened to read that the Honorable Joe Gentile, head of Moonstone Books, took my recent (very fair I believe) review of MILF Magnet to heart:

"Tony, Valerie's made me think. Are we sure that we want to be releasing this?

I mean, we have women, sexy women in the nude ravishing young men! We have bondage! We have dominatrices! Sure, there's a plot and there's a lot of laughs and jokes, but are we really sure about this?"

Mr. Gentile, you are a gentleman and a scholar. Thank you, thank you Mr. Joe Gentile, for taking a moment to digest my sage wisdom. Ever since you decided to put out that excellent comic book Johnny Dollar, I knew you were a man of foresight and integrity.

Meanwhile, Mr. Tony "I went to Gallifrey and all I got was this lousy T-shirt" Lee has promised further incendiary scribblings on his blog today. It is at this point that I wanted to point out just some of the badasses on my side:

The Fickle Finger Of Fate

So last night I was walking to meet up with someone at a bar, and I passed by this store which just had its facade completely collapsed. I mean, everything: awning, twisted metal, wood, concrete, bricks. Only thing left of the front of the store was cinderblocks. There was a big crowd around the rubble, though I was assured that nobody was under it.

Now --

Had I left the house 5-10 minutes earlier, there would have been a good chance that this facade would have fell on me.

It was directly in my path, about one block away from the bar. There would have been no other path I would have taken to the bar at that point -- even if I took a shortcut.

Had the facade fell on me, I would most certainly have been in a hospital today. It would have been one moment -- a handful of seconds -- that would have had anywhere from a minor to a major impact on my life.

Now, I was running late to meet my friend at the bar -- had I stuck with the plan to arrive at the bar on time, it would have put me in the path of the collapse. And I was running late because I was being a perfectionist and somewhat inconsiderate, and continued to write another page of Cloak & Dagger even though I promised I'd meet my friend at a certain time.

The lesson thus learned is,

Be a perfectionist and inconsiderate. If you have to chose between working on your own creative project and being attentive to the needs of others -- go work on that project.

And it's okay to show up late for appointments. Because showing up on time might mean that you could have a building fall on you.

--> genius

--> bonus, the scene I took extra time to write took place in a bar

The Sound And The Fury

I was dismayed to read Mr. Tony Lee's comments in his LiveJournal regarding my recent review (which I thought was very fair) of MILF Magnet. If this is a preview of what is come on his blog Monday, color me unimpressed. Just because I prefer family entertainment such as Johnny Dollar over bawdy sex-fests such as MILF Magnet doesn't mean I'm puritanical. But it's the same old story, isn't it? To quote Huckleberry Finn, "I been there before."

Lee writes:

"I am deeply outraged at your outrage, D'Orazio. And I accept your calling me out. This is war, sweetcheeks."

If it's a war he wants: it's on!

Only, he should consider the following two things:

1. I'm from Brooklyn, which makes me exactly 78.9 % tougher than the average person.

2. The unfortunate past targets of my feminine fury:




He wants to bring it? It's already brung!

MILF Magnet: I Am Deeply Outraged

It was with great unending horror that I read a preview copy of Moonstone's MILF Magnet. Full of naked people, sexual gadgetry, and outright bondage, I wept for the foundational creators of our great medium. Like Steve Ditko...

Jack Kirby...and of course the forerunners of what would become DC Comics:


But more to the point, what has happened to Moonstone Books, who used to put out such wholesome entertainment as Johnny Dollar? Do they think that by publishing such an obviously ribald and offensive comic book, they will suddenly have all these people blogging about them and tons of publicity? Has that ever worked before?

However, the bulk of my sizable ire is reserved for Mr. Tony Lee, the writer of this monstrous stack of paper. Mr. Lee, this is the plot of your comic book: a superhero, Taser, finds himself irresistibly attractive to older women -- or MILFs, to use the common nomenclature. And so he finds himself having sex with one older woman after another. That is the plot of the book. No Cosmic Cube. No Anti-Life Equation. Just fucking.

As noted, there are many unclothed body parts in MILF Magnet. Plus: the word "masturbation." Do those elements have any place in our beloved superhero genre? Isn't this how civilizations fall? Comic-By-Comic?

Most disturbing was a scene where Taser is mostly naked and chained up while a sexy lady in a corset rubs her body next to his. This scene was so irrevocably wrong and immoral that I had to read it several times in order to fully give expression and understanding to the outrage I felt.

Is this the start of a trend at Moonstone? Isn't adapting public domain radio shows enough for you guys? Do you need to stick your collective toe into Howard Stern territory?

But again -- I feel the buck stops with Mr. Tony "Doctor Who?" Lee.

Mr. Lee, I am hereby "calling you out" -- give up your immoral scribing! Do not be a party to the downfall of the venerable Moonstone Books, a corrupting influence to the publisher who brought us the return of both Mr. Moto and Captain Action!

So I'm urging you all not to click on this link for MILF Magnet, and, if you must, to read the page quickly, skipping over all the unpleasantries.

As for me...I'm so disgusted right now I'm going to order a turkey burger -- hold the fries, extra ketchup -- and a stuffed baked potato with broccoli and cheese. And no, that's not a cleverly-hidden sexual reference. Not everybody has their mind in the gutter...like apparently Mr. Tony Lee!

Zen Spam Moment

Subject: With such a developed huge monster in your pants you can catch a real goldfish

Message: You can’t rent a big friend in your underwear but you can gain it forever.

Thank you, Spam. I never thought of it that way before.

Why Does Newsarama Need Blogs, Anyway?

Seriously, I don't know why having a blog section is absolutely necessary for Newsarama at this point. Or necessary for Wizard, for that matter. Or necessary for any online news outlet -- unless that outlet understands what a blog is for and how you nurture it.

The first thing I learned in Social Media PR 101 is that not every company or website needs a blog. You know, I may have a client like "Regent Tea Cookies" and they will ask me if having a regular blog will help them.

Dude, who is going to go to a "Regent Tea Cookies" blog? How do you make that exciting?

And I'm like, unless you want me to do a Howard Stern routine on your Regent Tea Cookies blog, there's not a lot I can do about getting you traffic. Instead, I would advise one of two things:

1) Just keep a really simple company-based blog and post press releases, highlights, and simple personal things. "Our merchandising manager Holly just had her baby." Post a picture of the baby. It's low-key, and will not bring your blog tons of hits. But it humanizes your company, and keeps people up-to-date.

2) Have "Regent Tea Cookies" sponsor a blog on a relevant subject. For example, a blog about awesome snacks. The key there is to make sure the blog is a damn blog -- a blog people would really want to read.

Now, here is the big secret, friends: in order to get great blog content, you need to pay the bloggers. You need to pay the bloggers. You need to pay the bloggers for good content.

People make a living blogging excellent posts for clients. My friend Jessica is one such person. It is not a hobby for her, though she also maintains a "hobby" type blog for herself.

People pay Jessica to blog because she's really, really talented, and her posts are an asset to her clients.

Now, there is another way to "pay" your bloggers. It's through the currency of Publicity. This can be a very lucrative joint venture as long as each person understands what they are getting out of it. But it is not as stable as actually being paid. Especially if your blogger, who is being paid through the publicity of writing on your site, is so good that he or she receives opportunities elsewhere.

Another issue is: will the blog in question serve the needs of the site it is hosted on, or will it necessarily run counter to those needs?

I have nothing against Newsarama. But they, by their own admission, focus largely on the positive side of comics. That's fine. But as we see on the TV news every day, there is a portion of news that is not positive. Similarly, there is a portion of comics that are not good. There are things that happen in the comics industry that are not good.

That doesn't mean Newsarama should focus on the negative like the TV news does. But you can't have Paul Levitz be your "blogger" and then also have a blogger who rips DC's major event a new bung-hole. I mean, certainly you could -- but I find it unlikely.

But why does Newsarama need to put themselves in that position at all? I don't get it. Why not have the people blogging for them now just write articles and columns? By insisting on having these blogs, they are bringing this negative scrutiny and publicity upon themselves.

Newsarama, through Imaginova, is clearly trying to position itself as some sort of comic-focused but generally pop-culture-driven Entertainment Weekly thing. That's fine. I don't see why they should be attacked for that. They do a good job in terms of what function their site serves -- which is an entertainment news source.

But I think they should leave the blogging to other blogs and blog collectives. It's like, I don't read EW for their reviews and opinions. Because they're run by Time Warner, and I consider it a conflict of interest. But I still enjoy EW.

Two more quick points:

1) I don't know if the current bloggers at Newsarama are getting paid -- and if so, what type of wage. My observations regarding the need for proper payment of bloggers concern the blogging field in general, and are not meant to comment on the specific situation at Newsarama.

2) I certainly don't want to see the new bloggers at Newsarama lose their blogs. I mean, I don't know what Paul Levitz would do if he didn't have this forum for his personal self-expression. I'm only suggesting that these "blogs" get official articles and columns within the body of the general Newsarama output. By doing so, I think, the writers would get more exposure and more readers anyway. And in resumes, it still looks better to have that you were a columnist or reporter for some media outlet than a "blogger."

3) Look, I wasn't crazy with occasional posts at the old Blog@Newsarama starting some shit about something I wrote that ended up giving me tons of grief on my own site. But still -- that's what blogs are sometimes for. To piss me the hell off.

Bratz Dolls Banned!

In a stunning court decision, the popular doll line Bratz has been...BANNED!

MGA Entertainment, Inc. has been ordered by a judge to stop selling and manufacturing Bratz, as a result of a lawsuit brought on by rival Mattel over copyright infringement. Mattel's story was that a designer working for them came up with the concept for Bratz, the went to the rival company with the idea.

Just to give you some perspective, it would be like if DC took Marvel to court over Spider-Man or something and the judge decided to ban Spider-Man comics. It's a big, big deal in the toy industry, because Bratz is a #1 selling doll.

Personally, I really don't like the Bratz dolls, because I think they are hyper-sexualized for a really young age group. I'd rather buy my children American Girl dolls. So yeah, basically, I'd be that "boring parent" who is no fun and is trying to destroy my child's social life.

In other news, sales of Barbie dolls are down 15%.

Blog Vacation Day

No! Say it isn't so!

I've been hereby banned from blogging tomorrow (Thursday).

I have:

1. Script edits

2. Friends of Lulu newsletter

3. Speech to prepare (and possibly buy clothes for)

4. Conference call with client

etc.

I know: blahblahblah excuses, excuses...

Just letting you know where I am.

But remember: Thursday is the best night on television!

Best,
Valerie

What I Can And Cannot Do

I've been recently asked why I don't just publish "Goodbye To Comics" uncensored and with all the names. The person who asked me has been in this industry a long time, and can really answer his own question. Would doing such a thing result in perhaps a little more justice for women? Maybe.

Or maybe the wagons would just pull in just a little more tighter. And maybe the bulk of the comic book media would just "happen" not to run the story. And maybe I'll get a bunch of emails asking how I could do something like that to "such nice people" -- and ask me to retract everything. You know, just like when I committed the cardinal sin of even mentioning the "DC Insider" on my blog.

And maybe someone would just "happen" to beat me into a coma. People get stabbed to death over bus transfer tickets. How about a high-profile three-part expose illustrating how someone is a sexist creep who used his power to ruin people's careers? When I first reported the harassment, a colleague told me that the person in question wanted to punch me in the face. Maybe it will be even more awesome now.

And who will stand by me, outside of close friends? When it gets that personal? In an industry this small? Who in this industry would want to publish it as a memoir? What website, other than personal blogs, would want to host it, or even cover the story? Newsarama?

What organization would protect me? Friends of Lulu? I have enough on my plate getting this newsletter and the Christmas cards out. Now I gotta go protect myself too?

What happened to me was very, very terrible, and I don't want to see it happen to anyone else.

But I have one family member who was just born, and another who is very ill with cancer. I have a dinner on Friday in front of a bunch of women that I have to prepare a speech for. I have one script to edit, and one to write. And coordinate and come up with content for a newsletter. All by the next two weeks. That's not counting my day job, or the two whole screens of email from the last day-and-a-half that I have to deal with.

Let me educate, protect, and empower. Let me accept what I cannot change. Let me keep the door open to any woman who needs help.

I may never change Warner Bros or DC Comics. But the topic of my speaking engagement on Friday is, "Women Working In A Traditionally Male Field."

Let me focus on what I can do.

My Christmas List

Sweetie has been nagging me to put together my Christmas list for the last few weeks and now I'm down to the wire.

So here is my Christmas list for Sweetie:

1. Shoe Rack
A shoe rack is key, as my cat enjoys vomiting on my shoes. On my shoes, in my shoes. Sweetie assures me that the cat is not purposely seeking my shoes to vomit in, but rather they just happened to be there at the time. I do not buy this explanation, and I think it underestimates the intelligence of said feline. Sweetie and my cat are always ganging up on me and eating my cereal.

2. Red Metal Tea Kettle
It is official -- I am an old, old woman, and nothing turns me on more than a shiny new red tea kettle.

3. Garfield Minus Garfield
I'm not sure if I want this book so much because I desire to read it, or if it's just the idea that Jim Davis wasn't a dick about the whole thing and instead gave his blessing.

4. Omega: The Unknown (Jonathan Lethem)
It is my sincere hope that by having all the issues collected in one volume, ready to read as a unit, I will be able to finally understand this mini-series. Will let you know how that goes.

5. Omega: The Unknown Classic (Steve Gerber)
My plan has always been to read the two series side-by-side, and by so doing have my brain explode with some sort of revelation as to the elliptical creative genius of the whole enterprise. As if I have the time to do all of this.

6. Marvel Illustrated: Picture Of Dorian Gray Hardcover Edition
It's pretty Victorian slash fiction. Reason enough.

The 2009 Glyph Comics Awards: Submissions Being Accepted

Hi All,

I'm honored to have been asked to participate in the judging for the 2009 Glyph Comics Awards. The Glyph Comics Awards recognizes the best in comics made by, for, and about people of color.

Submissions for the 2009 awards are now being accepted; please read the press release below for details, and feel free to repost the info on your own site!

SUBMISSIONS FOR THE 2009 GLYPH COMICS AWARDS ARE NOW BEING ACCEPTED; JUDGES NAMED

This past May, in the closest race in the brief history of the Glyph Comics Awards (GCA), Sentences, the autobiography of underground rapper MF Grimm, a.k.a. Percy Carey, walked away with the grand prize of Story of the Year. This year promises just as competitive a race.

The GCA Committee has selected their panel of judges for the 2009 competition. They are:

· Valerie D'Orazio, president, Friends of Lulu

· Mathan Erhardt, writer, Comics Nexus

· Ed Mathews, columnist, Pop Image

· Tim O'Shea, writer/interviewer, TalkingWithTim.com

· Elayne Riggs, comics reviewer and commentator

Any comics publisher – small, large, corporate, independent, self-published – as well as online comic creators and cartoonists for newspapers and other periodicals, are invited to submit black-themed material released from January 1-December 31, 2008 for consideration for award recognition. The Committee defines black-themed work as any comic with any combination of the following: a black protagonist(s), or at least a black character(s) pivotal to the direction of the story; a setting(s) or a theme(s) that explores the black experience within the United States and/or abroad, past, present, and/or future; and/or a comic of any kind written and/or illustrated by a black creator(s).

Anyone wishing to submit their comic book or comic strip for consideration in the 2009 competition should e-mail GCA Committee Chair Rich Watson at rich.watson@gmail.com for further information. Hard copies are preferred, though submissions of e-files will also be accepted. Online comics creators and newspaper/periodical cartoonists with websites should send a direct URL link to their site or page. Daily cartoonists must have a minimum of one month's work archived and available for viewing; weekly cartoonists a minimum of two months. The deadline for submissions is January 31, 2009.

The 2009 Glyph Comics Awards ceremony will be held at the East Coast Black Age of Comics Convention (ECBACC) in May 2009.

About the Glyph Comics Awards:

The Glyph Comics Awards recognize the best in comics made by, for, and about people of color from the preceding calendar year. While it is not exclusive to black creators, it does strive to honor those who have made the greatest contributions to the comics medium in terms of both critical and commercial impact. By doing so, the goal is to encourage more diverse and high quality work across the board and to inspire new creators to add their voices to the field.

The awards are named for the blog Glyphs: The Language of the Black Comics Community (http://glyphs.popcultureshock.com), started in 2005 by comics journalist Rich Watson as a means to provide news and commentary of comics with black themes, as well as tangential topics in the fields of black science-fiction/fantasy and animation.

About ECBACC:

The East Coast Black Age of Comics Convention (www.ecbacc.com/wordpress) is an annual gathering of comic book creators and retailers who create and sell material that caters to black readers of all ages. In addition to selling their work, they also take part in panel discussions and self-publishing workshops for aspiring creators. The convention is held in Philadelphia each May. There is also a pre-show reception held at the African American Museum in Philadelphia. ECBACC is an outgrowth of the original Black Age of Comics Convention in Chicago, founded by Turtel Onli.

For more information about ECBACC, contact event coordinator Maurice Waters at maurice.waters@ecbacc.com.

A Very Osmond Star Wars

Cast:
Luke Skywalker: Donny Osmond
Princess Leia: Marie Osmond
Han Solo: Kris Kristofferson
Obi Wan Kenobi: Redd Foxx
Grand Moff Tarkin: Paul Lynde

Plus: dancing Stormtroopers

It's like God created this show. I mean, directly, from whole cloth.






via Journalista

If Superman and Wonder Woman Were Real

If Superman and Wonder Woman were real, I think they would perpetually be Enemy #1.

Both are very powerful and committed to justice. Not bullshit justice like in politics and war, but real Justice. You know, like they would choose to go into Darfur to help out rather than Iraq. That's right. To the Powers That Be, Superman and Wonder Woman would be Completely Useless. Because they aren't motivated by the profit margin. Plus, they would interfere in the Profit Margins of other powerful people.

Hence, the media would be torn between portraying them as dangerous criminals, while at the same time playing upon their appeal to a segment of the disaffected masses. Here is where I think the Powers That Be might really have their chance to defeat Superman. And it won't involve several Kryptonite atomic bombs.

The thing to do is create a media "cult" over someone like Superman or Wonder Woman. The Powers That Be can tell them that they really want to work with them to further the cause of (chortle) justice. So they do this whole "public image" media blitz with Superman, for example. "Superman and Gigacom Conglomerate Team Up To Fight AIDS." Wonder Woman becomes the special ambassador to some war-torn country. It's a sensation.

To the people, Superman and Wonder Woman become saviors -- truly good people with wondrous powers whose only mission in life is to help humanity.

Once the Powers That Be get that firmly in place, they break out the Kryptonite bombs. The cult images of Superman and Wonder Woman will be far more lucrative and easier to control once the actual people who inspired them stop being alive.

Flash to twenty years later, and the images of the late Superman and Wonder Woman are smiling down from some Wal-Mart/death camp. Now, Superman and Wonder Woman stand for Status Quo and loyalty to the government. Some people still remember the "real" Superman and Wonder Woman -- but that version of the superheroes is heresy.

So that is what would happen, I think, to Superman and Wonder Woman in Real Life.

Whereas with Batman in Real Life, he'd be pretending to actually be one of the Status Quo, while at the same time ripping them a new asshole. Because he don't trust nobody.

Why I Can't Relate To Tina Fey

The Perfect Life, as delineated by Vanity Fair regarding Tina Fey:

"Fey is sitting across from Richmond in their comfy, vintage-y Upper West Side apartment, where a lavender exercise ball lolls next to the flat-screen TV, a pink tricycle is parked under a black grand piano, and golden award statuettes abound. When I arrived, at 9:30 p.m., Fey had already put her three-year-old daughter, Alice, to bed and was tapping away on a silver Mac laptop at the kitchen counter on a script for 30 Rock, her slyly hilarious NBC comedy about an NBC comedy. She’ll return to the script when I leave, near midnight...

The 38-year-old Fey sips a glass of white wine and eats some cheese and crackers—all her food-obsessed doppelgänger on 30 Rock, Liz Lemon, longs to do is go home and eat a big block of cheese—while Richmond and I drink vodka martinis he has made."

Sure, I can *totally* relate to that. (eye-roll)

okay, here is my version:

"D'Orazio is sitting across from Sweetie in their rent-controlled, not yet awesome but livable Brooklyn apartment, where a plastic statue of a large Kirby villain versus the Fantastic Four is perched unsteadily on the big hulking soon-to-be-obsolete TV, an unlicensed convention set of the complete GI Joe on DVD is parked in an Ikea shelf, and empty containers of Red Bull abound. When I arrived, at 9:30 p.m., D'Orazio remembered to feed her 14-year-old cat, Thomas, before he vomited again in her shoes, and was tapping away on a battered and scratched Mac laptop balanced on her knees on a post for Occasional Superheroine, her raucous and sometimes infuriating blog about the comic book industry. She’ll try to return to the post when I leave, near midnight, but will be distracted by "Smallville" music videos on YouTube."

"The 34-year-old D'Orazio takes a swig of a glass of red wine and eats some cereal out of the box—all her alter-ego on her blog, Occasional Superheroine, longs to do is to snack on Total Raisin Bran, attain vengeance on her enemies, and maintain a regular bowel schedule—while Sweetie and I drink some more of that excellent Red Bull."

That said, perhaps one day I will be swanky.

Goddamit Give Me A Reason

"And who also has a history of making money for DC Comics? DiDio. So as far as Warner Bros is concerned, he's not going anywhere soon."

With all due respect -- and I do like Rich Johnston as a person, so this is not an attack on him -- surely there are other important issues apropos to this conversation besides money. Yes? No?

I want to be shown what specific sexual harassment protections have been put in place for female workers in the DCU editorial department. Do they have an impartial forum in which to discuss these matters, one in which they feel they won't be censured and punished for? Do women feel they can come to Dan and pour their heart out to him about this harassment problem or that? How sensitive is he to these issues?

I also want to be shown statistics regarding rates of promotion for female editors over the years of DiDio's tenure, along with corresponding years of experience -- as well as what strides have been made in the diversity of their editorial department in general. Showing me an Adam Hughes poster and Gail Simone on Wonder Woman and calling it a day just doesn't cut it.

These are the things I want to see. The spin is meaningless to me.

Anyway, I know money makes the word go around and floats the Warner Bros. boat, but there are more important things than money. I know that sounds absolutely laughable and naive. That's right, more a fool am I. Good. This is the sort of fool I want to be.

As this new year begins, I'm very open to mending fences -- but I'm just as open to waiting it out two, five, ten years for a regime change at the DCU to start recommending girls and women to them again. In fact, I'm resigned to the fact that the only solution is to just wait it out, because I do think Rich is right, and that DiDio isn't going anywhere. But I'm also not shutting up or letting this issue die any time soon. Welcome to the world of stubbornness and Italians.

Movie Gambit: Hot or Not?

Actor Taylor Kitsch (loving that last name) is playing Gambit in the new Wolverine movie.

What do you think?

Not bad, in my opinion -- I but think if you don't have enough facial hair growth to really rock a mustache, it's better left alone.

Batman RIP Final Thoughts SPOILERS

Spoilers Spoilers Spoilers

I was asked to give me two cents on the ending of Batman #681 -- the last part of the "Batman RIP" storyline" -- and so here, in brief, it 'tis.

When I was a teenager, I enjoyed Morrison's Doom Patrol immensely -- to the point where I would literally count the days for the next issue to come out. And when he had a twist ending -- a hero revealed to be a foe -- it really meant something. It also made sense. Also, the comics themselves, the narratives, made sense.

But reading Grant Morrison's take on Batman was, for me, like hearing that "waw-waw-waw-waw" voice from those Peanuts cartoons. Or is that "zur-zur-zur-en-arrrrh?"

I couldn't help but think that some Power That Be finally read Morrison's resolutions to both this and Final Crisis, blinked a few times, then said "hell no" -- leading to the purported rewrites for FC and the absence of Morrison on the follow-up Batman "event." Not because Morrison's take was so bad -- because he is indeed a great comic book writer -- but because it required an annotated study edition to comprehend.


Also, the "reveal" regarding Black Glove towards the end of the issue made the finale of "Batman: Hush" seem like M. Night Shyamalan in comparison.

"Okay, I'm not your dad! I'm the exact double of your dad from that story several issues back remember that one? And I also might be a metaphor for the devil. Also, you could just be crazy. Also, maybe I really was your dad at one point, and Time Warner said "hell no." Or I could be Tim Drake. But most likely I'm the devil, and also that guy from several issues who skinned that guy. Actually, I'm the adopted child of Ralph and Sue Dibny."

That said, I will default to my old mantra "Maybe This Comic Book Wasn't Written For Me." In which case, you really need to read the review of an enthusiast for this sort of thing. It's like reviewing "Buffy" when you're not a Joss Whedon fan.

These books are not written for a general audience. "Batman RIP" was not the great cross-over event that brought the non-comics reader into the stores in droves and reawoken them to the love that is collecting comics on a regular basis -- not even with demure "hints" dropped in the mainstream media. It just wasn't. Books like the Azzarello GN Joker and even the potty-mouth fest Batman: Cacophony are far more likely to reach new readers.

Additionally, though it was certainly written as though it thought it was, "Batman RIP" is far from the definitive Batman story. It's not even the definitive "quirky" Batman story. It's just a quirky Batman story, and in that sense, it succeeds.


Which is why if you really want to read a great Batman tale, read The Untold Legend of the Batman from 1980. Even at the tender age of seven, I realized "Untold Legend" was heads and tails above any Batman story that had been written to that point. I have no doubt that it was this mini-series that Morrison was influenced -- nay, obsessed by.

But that's the thing, you know? I have an obtuse, highly self-referential, highly obsessive-with-the-pop-culture-of-my-youth novel at home too that I wrote. I would love an opportunity to publish it as-is, have my small but devoted band of readers comb the work for "clues" and parallelisms, and totally alienate the wider audience. And get paid for it. And get paid good money for it. But I'm probably going to contact a good friend of mine today who freelance edits books to take a look at my novel and help me turn it into something at least semi-comprehensible and capable of being related to by more than ten goth codebreakers high on life and absinthe.

Am I selling out? Do I sell out by having an editor read and actually edit my work? Do I sell out by wanting the wider audience to understand my story? Am I in favor of killing the Great American (Graphic) Novel by worrying about such matters?

Waw-waw-waw-waw.

Was Emily The Strange Ripped Off???

I was pretty shocked to read about a 1978 children's book that features a character very similar in design and attitude to the highly popular "Goth" character Emily The Strange...

Look at the images above and then read this from the You Thought We Wouldn't Notice website, who spotted the uncanny resemblance:

"The top image is a page from Nate the Great Goes Undercover, complete with text. This book was published in 1978. The bottom image is one of the first images of Emily the Strange ever made publicly available–it was sold, WITH THAT TEXT INCLUDED, as a bumper sticker."

What do you think? Unconscious influence? An homage? Total rip-off?

Glad that bitch Emily is getting what's coming to her: