A Short Halloween Story

When I was a child, my father always expressed the worry that I was too timid and too physically weak to be able to handle the slings and arrows that the world would inevitably throw my way. As such, he would often try to "toughen me up." I was enrolled in self-defense classes. He tried to teach me how to box. He told me that the only way to handle bullies was to hit them back, and harder.

But I was only interested in collecting my Smurfs in peace. I couldn't throw a punch to save my life. And I learned that the best way to handle the slings and arrows was to assiduously avoid them, and stay in Smurf Village.

Still, my father persisted. One of his tactics to toughen me was to make me watch one whole horror movie at Halloween. He would take me to our video rental store and tell me to pick a horror movie to watch. Then, when we came home, I had to watch the whole movie. No exceptions.

You must understand, merely standing in the horror section of the store scared the hell out of me. We're talking about the very start of the VHS industry, when most video tapes came in big boxes -- and, for the horror films, those boxes often had lurid, gory illustrations.


I can't even remember what movies I had picked. If it had blood or any sort of skeletons in it, it most probably did me in. I personally preferred the Universal monster cycle of the 30s and 40s, but apparently Frankenstein & Dracula didn't count as horror to my father. I could see the reasoning, I guess. Drac and Co. were positively cuddly by that point, victims of the marketing and licensing machine.

So instead I watched some modern supernatural horror and slasher films. "Watched" is not quite an accurate term, because I spent most of the movies with my hands in front of my eyes. I would make a little slot between two fingers through which I would view slivers of the horrible doings on the screen.

Then one Halloween night, when I was 12, my father died. A transit worker, he was asked to cover the body of a homeless woman who had just committed suicide by jumping in front of a train. Apparently, the sight and stress was too much for him, and he died on the subway platform of a heart-attack.

My mom canceled Halloween for a couple of years after that. And even when the official cancellation was over, the holiday was a bit taboo in my family.


But one development that came about after my father died was my newfound ability to watch horror films. Now it was I who went on my own to the video rental store to find them. And they really didn't scare me anymore. I sometimes laughed at how dumb they were, how fake.

For I had seen my father in a box, mortician's makeup providing him with a pale and ashy variation of his usual olive skin tone. Even his fingernails had been meticulously clipped and polished. Nothing could really be scarier to me, than those noticed details.

Jim Shooter's Legion Blues

You can always count on Jim Shooter to provide a frank -- if unflinching -- perspective on things. His interview with CBR regarding his departure(s) from Legion Of The Superheroes -- and the current title's demise -- is no exception.

In the interview, Shooter goes over what he felt was his own failures on the series -- as well as expressing the opinion that he was treated to an extent unfairly by DC. In fact, he goes so far as to allege that the real reason Legion is being cancelled at #50 is to get rid of him:

"Sales of ‘The Legion of Super-Heroes’ aren’t great, but they’re a lot better than those of some of the titles they’re keeping. I think canceling the book is a graceful way of getting rid of me. I complain too much and too loudly.

I'm torn on this issue, as I do have a great amount of respect for Legion editor Mike Marts. I worked with him at Acclaim Comics, and he is a class act all the way.

On the other hand, I think Shooter is an elder statesman of comics, and especially of Legion of the Superheroes. He originally wrote the title, I believe, while still a teenager. I know he has a reputation of being persnickety, outspoken, and uncompromising, but I still think he is a dedicated and talented writer.

Further, in a world full of spin and passing the buck, Shooter in that interview reserved the biggest criticism for himself:

"But let’s focus on the real culprit – me. I guess what it really all comes down to is that my work wasn’t good enough to overcome all the small problems further down the line. If you’re out at first base, it doesn’t matter if you slide in at second."

I said this once about John Byrne, and I'll say it now about Jim Shooter -- like him or hate him, he's one of those people who had an enormous impact on this industry, and will always be remembered as one of the key figures in comic book history. I'm sad to see him leave the title he was so much a part of on such a bitter note.

That said, if I had to guess, I would think that Geoff Johns' own plans for Legion probably played a part in both the problems with the book and its subsequent cancellation. Perhaps at some point DC decided that they really wanted to go with Johns' plans for the book more, and so in the battle for competing visions for the future of the title, Shooter lost.

This not to suggest that Johns in any way specifically was looking to jettison Shooter's Legion. This the way things fall sometimes. That said, it would have been far better to let Shooter's story be told first, give him some room, and wait before launching a new direction on the book.

I wish Shooter's return on Legion didn't have to end so abruptly.

One Year Of Zuda

Today is the one-year anniversary of Zuda Comics. I live in a very Zuda-centric household, and so looking back at their website and index of strips, I can actually remember what I was doing when Avaste Ye or Joe Comics was currently offered in the competition.

As I've written in a previous post, I think Zuda is a noble and worthwhile enterprise, full of hope for the future. Zuda is the Barack Obama of DC Comics. Hopefully, what I just said will mean at least four more years of Zuda. Of course, if I'm wrong, Sarah Palin will be a heartbeat away from the presidency. But dammit, she'll look good doing it, won't she?

Here's my musical tribute to Zuda:

(sung to the tune of "We Didn't Start The Fire")

A Spelunker's Guide To The City, Azure and Alpha Monkey,
Araknid Kid, Avaste Ye, Hannibal Goes To Rome

Hopeless Youth, High Moon, Hammer Sound, Re-Evolution,
Rhandom Escape, Action Ohio, Adventures of Maxy J. Millionaire

We didn't start the Zuda

But the strips keep turning

And High Moon keeps earning

We didn't start the Zuda

Hey kids comix for free

In this bad economy

Admit It, You Thought Liefeld Was Cool Back In The Day

It's ok, we are all friends here. You saw the cover to X-Force #1 when you were a teenager and thought it was the coolest thing ever. You bought all the multiple covers -- and bought extra to take the trading cards out.

You tried to draw like Rob Liefeld. You did. You drew little prototype comic books starring superheroes with lots of lines on their face. It's quite alright.

Those impossibly-sized and -shaped guns Cable used to carry -- you thought that was the coolest thing ever. Ditto for Steven Seagal's ponytail. I know.

I was there. I know. And it's ok, really. We were oh so much more younger then.

That said, what do you think of this Rob Liefeld "Armageddon Now" book? Think about it: Christian "end times" prophecy plus impossibly big guns plus fully-painted Liefeld artwork.

So in this book the Russians are the enemy again, and they wish to destroy Israel in order to "leverage themselves in the Islamic world." Now, the Russians are actually worshiping some ancient godlike being, involved in some demonic cult. And it's all related to the Bible's Book of Revelations. With quotes.

The funny thing is -- there have been a lot of aborted or unsuccessful attempts to create a truly successful, crossover appeal Christian comic book, and having Liefeld spearhead "Armageddon Now" might actually do the trick.

Still can't draw feet, though.

Who Is The Iron Patriot?

I dunno, this guy maybe?
I'm not really into Iron Man action figures, but I bought that one because it had really bright colors. And this awesome unicorn sidekick which smelt of apricot whose hair you can comb. 'Cause that's what I look for in my toys.

Sex Drive/High School Musical III Mix-Up Scars Kids For Life

A movie theater in Utah accidentally ran "Sex Drive" instead of "High School Musical III," thereby exposing a room full of tweens to the evils that include Seth Green playing one of the Amish.

One angry parent wrote,

"I could not carry my little children out before they were exposed to extremely vulgar and sexually explicit material..."

Apparently, there is nudity at the very beginning of "Sex Drive."

This reminds me in third grade when our annual year-end movie was "Beverly Hills Cop." Somewhere by a third of the movie our teachers realized that this was an R-rated film. Ditto for fourth grade and a trip to see "Chorus Line" on Broadway. We were singing "Tits and Ass" on the bus ride home through the porn shops and dirty movie theaters of 42nd Street.

30 Rock Vs. It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia

An actual conversation that has occurred in the history of the world:

"I don't really find the characters on 30 Rock that likable. I like the characters on It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia better."

"Are you serious? Didn't you tell me last week that you liked the characters on Family Guy better than those on How I Met Your Mother?"

"I did."

"Well...that just reveals a systematic problem."

"Look, 30 Rock & How I Met Your Mother are just shows about rich spoiled people with made-up problems. I see this as a socio-economic issue, perhaps even a socio-economic-cultural issue."

"I can't believe you."

"And another thing...you know how on the Mr. Belvedere theme song they have a line like life is more than mere survival? Oh come on! That family never knew what it was like to have mere survival. They have a friggin' butler, for God's sake. And their dad is Bob Uecker!"

"Haven't you even watched Mr. Belvedere? The man was taken in to make money to send home to his family! They were trying to help him out. It was charity."

"Uh..."

"Money to send home for his family. His own family."

"You're right...I feel terrible."

"You should feel terrible..."

****

The next day:

"What are you listening to?!"

"It's Always Sunny In Philadelphia clips on YouTube. Wild card, bitches! Whoo!"

A Modest Proposal

I humbly request that all posts publically attacking Dave Sim and calling him a misogynist and other such things be deleted from the various blogs that have done so. I think if we all work together, we can prevent the slander of this public figure in the comic book community until if and when he has a formal trial labelling him a misogynist. Sure, he's known about the community as that "guy who's cranky about women." But what's the big deal? These things are so very subjective. And I heard he's real fun at parties. However, some of these charges levelled against him in these blogs and message boards are very serious, charges that can have an impact on his job and his very livlihood. He's even been followed on message boards and confronted about these charges. Now, is that civil?

So again, I humbly request that all negative posts regarding Dave Sim, or message board threads, be either deleted or shut down. Further -- I request that any mention of anything relating to those posts ALSO be deleted and shut down. Even the very reference to another post that has been written could help spread these damaging rumors.

Now, say you have been mentioned in one of these ruinous Dave Sim posts, and want to respond in some way. If you do so, you are still guilty, and you should restrain yourself from doing so. In fact, the only way you really could mention those Sim posts is if you are attacking the writers of them or those who reference them. Then, you are still kind of spreading the rumors...but at least you are on his side while doing so.

Comments will be closed on this post, as I want to try to contain the data within it as much as possible. In fact, this post itself will be deleted after a time, just to be absolutely sure. Then I go through the cache, and delete that. Then I delete the entire Internet.

Remember, use social pressure to get those posts taken down!

Now, you might ask yourself: why is somebody so gung-ho for women's rights taking such a stand for Sim? Well, I believe in fairness and consistency. Let's say I was just writing this post as a satire. Unfortunately, the spirit of this post is out in the blogosphere at this moment, and it is no satire. It's real. And it's kinda dumb, and yes it's victimizing the victim again, but where is the big surprise in that? It's all so predictable, and all so banal, and it has been happening way before I came to the scene, and will continue long after I'm gone.

Oh, and stop slandering Sarah Palin too by yakking about her daughter's baby (or "babies")! Yes, I realize that the fact she wants to keep birth control out of the hands of teenagers makes the rumors relevant. But screw relevancy.

Crisis Vs. Final Crisis

I really didn't feel inclined to make my promised review of Final Crisis #4...but as I have been asked by a few people for it, and I did pay for the bloody thing, I might as well.

I guess in order for me to speak of FC #4 I need to back up and talk about my reaction to the original Crisis On Infinite Earths. I read all the back-issues of that mini-series, out-of-order, in the early 1990s. Back then, my knowledge of obscure DC lore was not huge. I was (or had been) mostly a Batman fan. So obviously reading Crisis On Infinite Earths opened up a whole new world for me.

Though I did not know who more than half the characters in Crisis were, when they (or entire worlds) occasionally died it still had an impact for me. Ditto for the drama and the plot in general.

If you had to ask me what Crisis On Infinite Earths was about, I would have said (and still would say) "how people react to a disaster." I realize this is a rather reductionist point-of-view on the series, and does not take into account the Monitors, Anti-Monitors, and numerous parallel worlds. But Crisis appealed to me on a basic human level, in basic human terms I could understand. And I have no doubt this ability of Marv Wolfman & George Perez to get that point across is what was largely responsible for the huge success of the mini-series.

When Comic Book Deaths Still Mattered?

In contrast, if you were to ask me what Final Crisis is about, I would tell you "some neat stuff Grant Morrison thought up regarding continuity and postmodern remixes thereof." That's just for starters. I'm sure if you asked Morrison himself, or a FC fan, the same question you would get more specifics. And that, I think, is the problem.

While there is nothing wrong with creating a book with a very complex plot structure and background that appeals mostly to hardcore fans, I question why it should be the keystone of a year-long (or even three or four years-long) publishing plan. Would not an event with more of an appeal to both the pre-established fanbase and the new reader make more sense?

After I read Crisis On Infinite Earths, I went back and read other related books to "catch-up." I did not do this because I felt I had to in order to understand Crisis. I did it because I wanted to. I looked up old issues of All-Star Squadron because I wanted to (certainly not because they were what all the cool kids were reading). Had there been an extensive backlist from DC at that time, I probably would have bought a number of their titles.

This series was about as continuity-geeky as it got -- but I liked it.

Crisis On Infinite Earths worked for me because it took a casual reader at best and made her more interested in the DC Universe. It worked because it touched me on a very basic human level. It worked because of the great synergy between the talent, the two seamlessly forming one unit. It worked because it was consistent on many levels, not least of which was the fact that Wolfman/Perez were on every issue. And it worked because even though there was a lot I didn't understand (it took me several passes before I could wrap my brain around the concept of Earth 2), it didn't impede my enjoyment of the story -- even reading the book out-of-order.

Final Crisis, for me, fails on several of these levels. As a person who only read #1 and part of #2 (and couldn't even understand that), issue 4 is completely incomprehensible. But even without having much background knowledge, the book could not even engage me on a basic human level. The most it could do so was by two scenes: two Flashes hugging each other and Black Canary saying goodbye to Green Arrow. And yet in those scenes, I still had only the vaguest notion of why those actions were occurring; by contrast, the deaths in Crisis were very clear, "OMG the world is ending I'm dying it hurts!"

But as I have written concerning review copies I have received of comics based on particular video games, it might be pointless for me to give a review of Final Crisis #4 because in the end it might not be a comic written for me. I don't have the long investment in the events before it. The failure of Countdown and the disjointed relation of Death of the New Gods to FC has not provided me with an easy introduction to the series. While I have loved Grant Morrison's Vertigo stuff, I've never been a huge fan of his JLA work, or of his treatment of other DCU characters outside of Animal Man. And, as with most events, I am willing to pick up only a limited amount of crossovers and spin-offs ("willing" as in, not really willing; "limited amount" as in, I can't really afford).

If the "Darkseidy" scene in FC #4 was a rip-off of Episode III,
and Darth Vader was a rip off of Darkseid,
does that mean we have come full circle?

But I think if you have the heavy investment, and you are enthusiastic about Grant, and feel keyed-in to this continuing story the way other people are keyed-in the Lord of the Rings, then I think -- current issues concerning the art notwithstanding -- there is no reason why you wouldn't like Final Crisis. I mean, it's certainly better than Countdown, and fill-in artists Pacheco & Mahnke are both very good. I understand the reader unhappiness about the fill-ins, but it's not like they put Joe Schmoe on the book (no offense to Joe).

If you are a new reader, however, I don't see this series making much sense for you. You might want, instead, to pick up a trade collection of Crisis On Infinite Earths and then work yourself backward & forward. Then, perhaps picking up some momentum, these latter-day DC events might make you more impassioned.

I'm On A Deadline

Hi all,

Just letting you know I'm on a deadline, and until I finish what is due I have to put the blog (and the rest of the Internet as well, except for snappy YouTube clips) away and pretend it doesn't exist. This might take a couple of hours, or it might take until the end of the business day.

I'm thinking that once I get into it, it should only take a couple of hours to finish. But you never know.

How Free Is Free?, Part Two

Regular "OS" commenter Lewis Lovhaug has a new comic book you can download called "Revolution Of The Mask." Sort of like "The Watchmen" meets "V For Vendetta" (something to tide you over until the inevitable crossover), "Revolution Of The Mask concerns a society where all media is vetted and censored. Obviously, his comic book is a fantasy, a least as it pertains to the U.S. and all other freedom-loving nations of the world.


Yet, the website Project Censored has a list of 25 legitimate and important news stories that have blacked-out by the mainstream media (or, MSM). These stories aren't of the "tinfoil brigade" type, but include information about threats to our basic liberties, our security, and our health. In fact, the venerable Walter Cronkite wrote of Project Censored, "Project Censored is one of the organizations that we should listen to, to be assured that our newspapers and our broadcast outlets are practicing thorough and ethical journalism."

Why wouldn't the MSM cover these stories? The reasons are Conflict Of Interest, and I Don't Want To Be Targeted Or Have Any Threat To The Comfortable Lifestyle To Which I Am Accustomed To. In the former, the entities mentioned in the news stories might have or potentially have some business relationship with the media company in question. In the latter, there is the threat to the media company of some sort of vague and ugly retribution, possibly involving either the FCC, the IRS, or the head of a horse.


But even if we had a fearless and intrepid Edward (or Edwina) R. Murrow to cover these controversial topics, we would still need a receptive audience who would actually give a shit. Unfortunately, the tired and harried 9-to5 worker who trudges home after a long day in their ergonomically-designed salt mines might not want to get depressed further by sad facts regarding matters beyond their control. A story regarding them losing their basic human rights would only make them feel more helpless, whereas a mentally-disturbed Britney Spears skinny-dipping in a stranger's swimming pool is kinda hot. And so the market determines the the content of the media.


For all these reasons, it seems to be The Comedy Show that is most able to bring sensitive and often censored stories to light. Seeming jesters such as Jon Stewart, Stephen Colbert, and Bill Maher are too goofy to really be a threat -- right? With a spoonful of ironic sugar, they often end up feeding us more important issues -- and/or are more blunt -- than the MSM itself. And when confronted on the matter, they can simply lift their hands up like any storefront fortune teller and say, "for entertainment purposes only!!!!"


Of course, a tiny industry concerned with the production of Funny Books doesn't add up to a hill of beans in the face of the larger media machine, and what we are looking at in this post might not have any relevance to said industry or related MSM at all. Still, though we are but humble comic book fans and creators, it is always good to periodically revisit these topics.

However, I realize after such a heavy topic, a palette cleanser is necessary:

How Free Is Free?, Part One

The idea is that we are the most free nation on Earth; this is what I have been taught. I never saw a need to question it. Freedom of press, freedom of speech.

I still think in some ways we are pretty free. I mean, in a more repressive country, someone like Jon Stewart would have been thrown in a gulag a long time ago, accused of speaking out against his government. We would have no "Saturday Night Live," unless it was called "Our Country, It Is Glorious."

And yet, I do not think we are completely free, or at least as free as we have been taught from infancy that we are. It might be that asking to be completely free is too much to ask. Some might interpret "completely free" as being able to just walk up to some chick on the street, honk her breast, and say "good mornin' stranger!" So we could use the word "free" but only with the proviso that the freedom in question doesn't encroach on other people's well-being and rights.


Then again, the man who feels that his need to honk a breast uninvited as a necessary part of his well-being might find that a value judgment against his happiness has been made, and that he is not indeed free. So right from the beginning, we have had not only to place limits on freedom, but make certain assessments as to what is and what is not acceptable. I think this is needed. But does this gets extended into areas where there might or might not be any immediate danger to another person?

Say the breast-honker is an artist, and makes a comic book for himself and others of his ilk called "Breast Honk Monthly." "Breast Honk Monthly" is made up of nothing but stories of guys going up to women and honking their breasts without permission. Should that comic be banned or censored under the idea that it incites or condones such behavior? And if it is censored for those reasons, would we say that the artist's freedoms have been unnecessarily curtailed? Indeed, would the artist feel he is living in a repressive regime? Or is he just a skank?

Old Fonz!

This is like the coolest campaign ad-thing ev-ar:

Ron Howard, along with Andy Griffith & Henry Winkler, reprise their classic TV roles to stump for Obama.

See more Ron Howard videos at Funny or Die

One Or Two Things I've Learned...

I don't condone the behavior of the DC Comics Insider -- the blogger who posted controversial allegations -- for a number of legal and ethical reasons that can hurt both the accused and the accuser. This person has crossed a line, and gotten way over his or her head in a way that I think he or she is not fully aware of. I think somebody on the Bendis Board (or maybe the Millar Boards?) said it best...it was something like "it's just sick sad depressing fucked up shit." That is probably the biggest reason not to indulge in it all, because contact with it lessens you as a person and places a stain on your spirit.

But things need to change. Need. To. Change. My biggest fear is that because of this incident, people will shy away from public dialog regarding topics like sexual harassment in the comic book industry. That dialog still needs to continue when and where it is relevant and appropriate. The way The DC Comics Insider handled things was extremely poor, and dangerous to both him or her and the people mentioned in the blog.

The proper ways to deal with injustice, whether it be sexual harassment, racism, homophobia, or anything else are:
1. Find out what legal resources are available to you to address the issue and pursue them.
2. Get counseling.
3. Try to channel some of your hurt and frustration into something productive and expressive. This can be by joining or starting a support group, writing a book, painting a picture, anything.

To immediately go and "out" people in the fashion of The DC Comics Insider will hurt you as much as it will hurt them. It can even give those people you have a beef with sympathy; they become the victim. They get seen as the victim, you get victimized twice. Not a smart solution, is it? A better one is to find out legally what you can do. Or leave the situation; turn your back on it, and shake the dust off your feet.

But by no means do I subscribe to the "silence is golden" rule regarding injustice. I don't think it is distasteful for a member of a family to talk about some abuse that happened within it, for example. But you know -- there are people who do feel that way. They honestly feel that "what happens in the family, should stay in the family." I believe it is a primal response, some inherited predisposition from the apes, or maybe even the lizards.

That said, there are proper legal channels to go through. And they are there to protect you, as well as "them."

And if you are very concerned about the morality of a place you work at, leave it. Discuss it online, but don't put yourself at risk by using immoral tactics to do so. You then risk becoming the very thing you profess to hate.

The golden rule for all the frustrated, the unappreciated, the victims, the damaged, those with grudges...become a successful person. That'll show 'em.

And you know what they hate even more than you not giving in to your bitterness and destroying yourself? When you help other people. Been sexually harassed? Spend some time counseling a person that is going through the same thing you went through. Help give them the courage to get out of the bad situation. I've done that. It was awesome. They hate when you do that, you know. They hate it when you help empower people. So go help people. Stop giving these people sympathy by attacking them, and go out and help people.

Occasional Superheroine Bulletin Board

Kevin Colden's acclaimed webcomic Fishtown is coming out in a handsome hardcover edition from IDW, and will hit stands November 12. You can read an interview I did with Colden over high-quality biscotti here.

Lying In The Gutters' own Rich Johnston has a story in the new Image indie anthology "This Is A Souvenir: The Songs of Spearmint & Shirley Lee."

Laurel Maury is the graphic novel reviewer for NPR's "Books We Like" column, and you should check her posts out.

Sullengrey and Cthulhu Tales artist Drew Rausch is profiled in David Gallaher's new column on Comic Mix, "Mixing It Up."

Clout Magazine's October/November issue features "So Super Duper's" Brian Andersen.


Max Ink has a cartoon regarding the candor and civility of the US Presidential contest. I've just received some comix from Max & am looking forward to reading them!


And the webcomic collective The Chemistry Set have just released their first anthology, No Formula, through Desperado Publishing, which you can get on Amazon (for a substantial discount) here. The creative line-up on the book includes Neil Kleid, Elizabeth Genco, Vito Delsante, Jim Dougan, Dean Haspiel, and Fishtown's Kevin Colden. I bought my copy of the book yesterday at their signing at Jim Hanley's Universe, and will profile the anthology in a later post.

The Great Comics Dare

Yesterday I asked a person I consider to be a knowledgeable and enthusiastic comic book fan to walk me through the New Comic Book Day shelves and recommend to me a bunch of titles I may or may not be familiar with. I was not able to buy everything, but I purchased 8 of the recommended titles:

Booster Gold
Big Hero 6
Hellblazer Presents: Chas The Knowledge
The Incredible Hercules
Daredevil
Criminal
House of Mystery
Justice Society of America

As I've said, some of these titles I have read before, and some are brand new.

Now I'm going to jump in and read them and gauge what level of "old skool comics appreciation' each title engenders in me. Will let you know.

Is anybody reading these books?

2008-2009 Nominations for the Friends of Lulu Board of Directors.

The time has come again to nominate the best and brightest for the Lulu Board of Directors! We need our members to nominate dedicated people to keep up the good work, changes and new adventures for Friends of Lulu that has been the hallmark of 2008.

Nominating and voting individuals to the National Board is one of the privileges enjoyed by members of Friends of Lulu; if you are a member please visit our online nomination page at http://www.friends-lulu.org/basicNomForm.php and submit your nominations!

Comics professionals and members are welcome to run for the board; self-nominations are also accepted and encouraged! We are looking for a few dedicated souls to volunteer their time and energy for a year as we go about bringing women and comics together. Being part of the national board can be very rewarding, enjoyable, and you will make a huge difference in the FoL organization.

We currently need to fill the following positions:

Treasurer:
The Treasurer keeps account activities up to date including PayPal and checking accounts,establishes & adheres to budget for Friends of Lulu projects and programs, and processes retail purchases through the website.

Recording Secretary:
The Recording Secretary sits in on monthly online meetings, records minutes and presents them, maintains an archive of previous minutes, and prepares documents as necessary.

Membership Secretary:
The Membership Secretary keeps an updated record of current and lapsed members, and maintains e-mail and snail-mail correspondence with them. Mails out welcome letters and membership cards to FoL members, new and returning. Regularly sends membership updates to the Newsletter Editor.

Make a nomination online by using our form at:
http://www.friends-lulu.org/basicNomForm. php, and please include the full name and email of your nominee.

We are always looking for volunteers to help us out at conventions, on our website, and in our newsletter! If you wish to donate your time and energy to Friends of Lulu but do not wish to be on the Board of Directors, please contact us by e-mail: board@friends-lulu.org. We are currently seeking volunteers for many positions, and your skill set may be just what we are looking for.

Nominations will CLOSE on Monday, November 10th and voting shall begin shortly thereafter.

Monster Mash

Monster-Size Hulk is a tribute to the "giant"-sized Marvel monster comic book of the 1970s (who can forget "Giant-Sized Man-Thing"?), complete with multiple stories and even an all-text Dracula tale penned by Peter David. Of course, the Giant-Sized editions of the 1970s were around 50 cents...but in this day and age $3.99 for double-sized issue of original material (albeit some which are...gasp...only words) is not bad.

The main story features the Hulk vs. Frankenstein slugfest we have all been waiting for (have those two ever fought before?). This is no flat-topped generic Frankenstein's monster but the one with the funky mohair vest and hippie hair from the short-lived Marvel monster comic. Of course, though the two monsters duke it out, they eventually realize they have more in common than differences. The end of the story seems to set up Frankenstein's Monster for further adventures in the Marvel universe; consult the comic itself for details. Perhaps he can join the Avengers.

The other stories feature a Hulk/Werewolf By Night tale done in the moody black & whites of the old Marvel magazines, a cute two-page gag featuring Googam, and the aforementioned Peter David text piece. The part in the Werewolf By Night story where Bruce Banner suspects Jack Russell's possession of a human-sized cage to be some sort of "illegal and weird" pastime takes us out of the nostalgia-era mindset a little bit, but for the most part these stories are pretty timeless.


Superman & Batman Vs. Vampires & Werewolves has a rather utilitarian title that will no doubt keep in in backlist for some time to come. The story is about...Superman & Batman Vs. vampires & werewolves.

The moody illustrations of Tom Mandrake channel Gene Colan as ordinary mortals morph into dark creatures and Superman, Batman, and Wonder Woman gape at the horror of it all. The first issue seems very much a throwback to an earlier time -- perhaps hearkening a bit to the monster comics of the Seventies, but also to the DC comics in general of that time period. I kept hallucinating and thinking the artist was Jim Aparo.

Your Cryptic Image Of The Day

It's an actual Halloween costume, in case you're curious.

Poll: Do You Still Care About Final Crisis?

Wih Final Crisis #4 hitting the stands today, I thought I would ask the question:

Do you still care about Final Crisis?

Follow up questions:

Were you collecting it?

Are you still collecting it?

If you are collecting it, would you buy the hardcover?

and,

Do you want another DC event after this, or do you want them to wait for awhile to let things settle?

Kirk Bitter Over Sulu Snub

William Shatner expresses his disappointment at not being invited to George Takei's wedding on a exclusive YouTube video:

"The whole thing makes me feel badly. The poor man, there's such a sickness there. It's so patently obvious that there's a psychosis there."


He goes on to take a dig at Takei for hiding his homosexuality & then coming out of the closet later in life:

"Finally at the age of 70 he decides to come out of the closet and say: I'm gay. Like, who cares?"


"You'd think there'd be an epiphany in someone where he might have said...poor Bill Shatner."


"There must be something inside George that is festering...and he decides to take it out on me."

"It's sad...I feel nothing but pity for him."


Of course, mission accomplished, now I'm subscribed to his YouTube videos.

Haven't You Heard...

about the bird?

Hi Again

Okay, I cannot post any comments relating to "that thing." Please do not be offended if I erase them.

There is also apparently a blog by a "DC Insider" that has just sprouted up. Just to make it clear -- I have nothing to do with that blog. Nothing against the person who runs it, I just wanted to make that clear.

I am not devoid of opinions on the subject, to be sure, but this is not the forum or time right now.

Comments on this post are locked, but next post will be back to normal.

Intermission Music

Due to some shocking allegations made by a commenter on my previous post, I'm going to have to halt comments for now. They will still be allowed, but I have to moderate them later after I figure out what is the best course of action to take.

No offense to the commenter who made them; there's just some shit hitting the fan right now.

I actually have to run into a meeting right...now.

Speak to you soon.

Breaking: JG Jones Comments On Final Crisis

JG Jones responded to a request from Comic Book Resources regarding his participation in the final issue of Final Crisis by writing:

"Any problems completing the series are my own. I love Doug Mahnke’s art, and he would have probably been a better choice to draw this series in the first place."

He also indicated that he would not be redrawing the final issue for the eventual FC collection, and that he is, according to CBR, "currently revising his plans for the future."

Doug Mahnke will indeed be providing the art for Final Crisis #7.

I realize fans might be angry at JG for not being able to draw the final issue, but I hope they cut him a break. As I have learned as a comic book editor, there are sometimes things beyond our control.

It's Official: New Black Panther Is A Chick

From Marvel:

There’s a new Black Panther leaping onto shelves this February and she—yeah, you heard us—is already making waves in the mainstream. What’s happened to T’Challa, the previous Black Panther? What does it mean for the future of the Black Panther?And just who is under that mask? For some answers and hints, the men behind this new plot twist sat down with the Washington Post in their first interview-- read what Marvel Editor in Chief Joe Quesada and series writer Reginald Hudlin had to say here. There’s a storm brewing in Wakanda, and it hits this February in the extra sized Black Panther #1!

With a female Kraven The Hunter and a female Bullseye, there seems to be a trend at Marvel regarding revisioning traditionally male characters as females.

Who's next? And what do you think?

As for me, I think it's aweeeeesome.

The New Warriors Canceled

The New Warriors have been a cult favorite for many a comic book reader who grew up in the early 1990s. The reboot has recently been canceled, according to the latest solicitations:

NEW WARRIORS #20
Written by KEVIN GREVIOUX
Penciled by REILLY BROWN
Cover by NIC KLEIN
FINAL ISSUE!
This is it. This is what it's all led up to. In a future that's
everything he's ever fought against, Night Thrasher has achieved his
mission and been reunited with his brother, Dwayne. But at a cost. One
that's growing. And when that cost becomes too high, Donyell realizes
he needs to take it upon himself to set things right. In this final
issue of NEW WARRIORS, all bets are off. And no one leaves unscathed...

To be honest, I did not follow this new series; though, as I do with a lot of relatively short runs, I might sit down and read the whole set now. But I'm sorry to see the series go, as I know the revival of The New Warriors meant a lot to their devoted fans.

On the other hand, this brings up the issue of revamps versus sticking to the original team. Would a New Warriors starring the old cast of Firestar, Justice, Night Thrasher, Namorita, and Nova would have worked better? Or is the time for that past -- was it better to just move things forward anyhow and update the book?


Plus: The New New Warriors had Jubilee (even though her name is now Wondra).

Anyway, I hope Marvel does something with this team again in the nearish future.

I'd like to write it one day, but mostly to drive my boyfriend, who is the biggest NW fan in the entire universe, crazy. ;-)

Lesbian Webcomic Sites Target Of Harassment

I've just received this disturbing report regarding a number of webcomic sites with lesbian-themed content being targeted for harassment.

Megan Rose Gedris, creator of the Yu+Me and I Was Kidnapped By Lesbian Pirates From Outer Space webcomic, reports in her LiveJournal about a particular poster with a scary message of hate. The poster wrote:

"I'm glad all of those girls are dykes, them some ugly bitches!
Anways while those two clam-smackers were fingering each other, I busted in their room with a shotgun. No death-ray guns for me, I prefer the old fashion way since more blood splatters that way. I first shot Susan at her head because that's the only way to cure those people than I shot Janet in the head as well.
Two dead dykes and one big smile on the face.
Now it's time for me to wipe out the rest of the Sapphire Sisters."

Was this another "dumb troll" who was probably just some kid in his mom's basement, nothing to worry about?

No, actually:

"Well, turns out he actually WAS a threat. One of my readers is a police guy, who has been watching this guy's internet activities. He was a 45-year old guy living in Toronto, not too far from me and my family. And he was escalating. His "stories" (he posted such things as this all the time) were getting more and more violent and sadistic, all of them featuring violence towards gay people. Scary, right?"

and what sort of stuff did he have on his computer?

"Thousands of images of illegal, sadistic pornography..."

But the story has a happy resolution, as he was taken into custody:

"He can't actually be convicted for threats against fictional people, but he CAN be for illegal porn! Yay justice!"

So you have a grown man writing stuff like:

"...I prefer the old fashion way since more blood splatters that way. I first shot Susan at her head because that's the only way to cure those people than I shot Janet in the head as well."

Does his writing constitute a hate crime? One person on the LiveJournal thread thinks "yes" --

"First off, he just violated his TOS. Get his account shut down.

Second, you can contact the Hate Crime National Hotline at 206-350-HATE (4283). (http://www.lambda.org/hatecr2.htm)

They might be able to give you guidance on any additional rights that you have."

I firmly believe that the person who wrote those hateful things WAS dangerous, IS dangerous, obviously has a lot of hatred against women and lesbian women in particular.

Don't take these things lightly, don't just assume "it's a troll" and that's it. This wasn't some ordinary trolling, this was a guy who calls himself "Da Solution" who writes about shooting lesbians in the head so their blood spatters. Murder: that was HIS solution.

I think the thing to do here is spread the word that this sort of thing happens, share stories, and, most importantly, point out resources to take legal action.

This story makes me sick.

On a lighter note, I read a big chunk of Yu+Me a while ago, and thought it was great. :-)

"Sex Among The Geeks"

today's LITG had a number of "sex and/or violence related blind items, including this one:

"Which executive gave an artist a phenomenal amount of work over the last two years so that the executive may woo a colleague and partner of the artist, in a manner rather reminiscent of the biblical tale of David and Uriah?"

There's actually a Bathsheba of the comic book industry?

One of the gigs my literary agent was trying to line up for me was an article/comic in GQ (yes, the actual GQ Magazine for men) entitled "Sex Among The Geeks." The theme? Fornication in the comic book industry.

I said to her: "I don't think I can come up with enough good stuff."

She said,

"Try."

(Butters from South Park impression): "Uh, okay."

Postscript: "Sex Among The Geeks" is still a pretty viable topic for an article I think, between the sex on beds made of comic book boxes and the apparent Biblical references. And the cosplay.

Paul Lynde Halloween Special: What Was Up In The 1970s?

It's not just my foggy memory on the subject -- I was watching some old 1970s TV shows and they were really really corny.

The 1960s were campy --
The 1980s were fun but sort of shallow & materialistic --
The 1970s were corny.

Case in point: this Paul Lynde Halloween Special from 1976. My God, where to begin? This show makes the Star Wars Christmas special seem like The Sopranos.


Lynde as The Rhinestone Trucker?

Witchiepoo from H.R. Pufnstuf?

Florence Henderson singing a disco cover of "That Old Black Magic?"

Pinky Tuscadero from "Happy Days" as the love interest?

This wasn't just children's entertainment -- this was the sort of stuff that was made for viewers of all ages in the 1970s. And variety shows were the absolute worst. Even a lot of the children's animation was treacle.

Only two really cool things about the Paul Lynde Halloween Special:
1) KISS performs!
2) I'm sort of on a Paul Lynde kick. This dude was fascinating.



But the 1970s still sort of sucked on TV.

September Comics Sales: Commentary

Here is the official list, for reference.

Thoughts:

* Secret Invasion is still #1, with both Avengers books, which closely tie in with the event, at #3 and #5.

* Does Final Crisis skipping a month hurt this title and the event as a whole? Or is there enough FC product out to give the series a sense of continuity?

* I would really like to pin-point the appeal of All-Star Batman & Robin, which is one of the few DC books to make the Top 20 at #4. Is it the Frank Miller/Jim Lee combined name cachet? Or the fact that it is a Batman book that isn't continuity-heavy? Is this book, such as it is, a template for how other successful DC books should be?

* Marvel pseudo-reboots of Hulk, Iron Man, and Amazing Spider-Man still do quite well. Is this a viable strategy for a publisher -- to periodically just come up with a fresh new take on the characters and just push ahead?


* In line with the previous comment, should DC just start doing the same thing with a bunch of their titles? I mean -- for reals, not as a last-minute shuffle.

* I mean my God -- look at the numbers for a book like The Flash -- at #82. This book should be Iron Man/Thor level in sales for DC, if not Captain America level. Because that's how key and iconic this character is to the DCU. It should at least do as well as Green Lantern.

* And Green Arrow -- I mean, that character is classic & edgy & would totally appeal to today's reader -- he even is a semi-regular on TV's "Smallville." Yet the comic is at #85. That's horrible, horrible numbers for a property that is so viable & important.


The formula (and I know I have written this before, so please bear with me):

1. Take your second-tier & some of your third-tier books and apply the Top 50 Test on them.

2. Top 50 Test: are these books starring your best, most licensable intellectual property making it to the top 50? If not: overhaul them.

3. Get top writers & artists for each second tier/third tier book. Carefully talent search for these titles. Pick teams that are willing/likely to stay for at least two complete arcs (if not a full year). <---- this part most important.

4. If the title had been hopelessly mired in bad creative decisions/fill-ins, cancel it outright & start from scratch.

Marvel has applied this philosophy over and over and over again, to good results. Many years ago, when I was just a whelp collecting comics, books like Thor & Fantastic Four and Iron Man were considered "crap" -- all we wanted were "X-Titles" and Spider-Man. But now these second & third tier books are all doing great. This is a formula that works.

I mean, again -- Green Arrow! This should be DC's Iron Man -- there should be a movie out already.

And this is not a slam -- this is a kindness. Trying to figure out what would sell best is a kindness, far more so than a room full of "yes men." A room full of "yes men" can yes you right into bankruptcy. Ask the president.

Mahnke Mahnke Mahnke

Some reasons why I think Doug Mahnke is an artist suited for iconic DC events.

That said, he needs a good inker like Tom Nguyen to really bring out all the detail in his pencils.

Can anybody confirm if DM is really drawing the last ish of Final Crisis or not?

Final Crisis: The Case For Consistency

There was some bitching online recently about Doug Mahnke allegedly filling in on the art for Final Crisis #7. I still don't know if this is true or not, but reading the comments regarding this, a good point was raised.

J.G. Jones is a great artist, but was it worth putting him on FC? For whatever reasons, he couldn't do a monthly on this book. I hear some things about deadline issues regarding him, but I have no first-person observations on that. But an editor would have known, Dan DiDio would have known. If you know your artist is going to have deadline issues, you can do one of two things: 1) not assign him for a book with a regular schedule, or 2) schedule out the book so far in advance that it will give the artist enough time.

The second option has been utilized with success on books like Batman: Hush. Jim Lee started that book waaaaaay in advance. Issues were dutifully collected in the flat file, and at some point everyone felt safe enough to commit to a monthly schedule and solicit the arc. Because it was all done in advance; far less stress for everyone involved, and they got a couple of nice hardcovers out of the deal with consistent art.

But what of the Final Crisis hardcover? There are going to be at least two artists on FC when it is all said and done. And were there not shipping issues as well with the original series?

And for what? I'd rather have had an artist like Carlos Pacheco or Mahnke from the very beginning anyhow. As I said, I think J.G. Jones is a great artist, but I just didn't find his work on this title (from the two issues I did read) very exciting. But even if I did, one of the most important things in a story arc or a mini-series is keeping the creative team consistent.

In retrospect, would you have preferred another artist on Final Crisis (like Mahnke) if it meant the same artist on all seven issues plus a regular shipping schedule?

Postscript: Again, I don't know the story regarding the schedule J.G. Jones kept for FC, so it is all speculation -- I don't want to say an artist is "slow" until I know 100%, plus all the circumstances behind it. I'm just commenting on the fact that there has been erratic shipping on Final Crisis and also fill-in art.

Postscript 2: Many people online are so dumbfounded at the possibility that there could be a fill-in artist on the last issue of FC that they swear up and down it must be a typo in the solicitations information. If it turns out that there was no typo, there are going to be a lot of pissed off people. To me, these online reactions again evidence the fact that the readers crave consistency -- perhaps even above "name" artists.

Are Chick Comics In Trouble?

First Spider-Girl is canceled, then Manhunter...are comics starring superheroines in trouble? Is it the Minx effect?

Or are comics canceled all the time, and we're just putting special emphasis on these titles because they star women?

It's important to note that both Spider-Girl & Manhunter had repeated "saves" by the publisher, and that in total, Spider-Girl had a pretty long run. Manhunter, at least in the beginning, seemed to be DiDio's "cause," in part because it was a book about a female superhero; so as a result it received more "second chances."

I feel bad about both books getting the axe; I liked Spider-Girl very much, and I'm sorry I missed the Gaydos run on Manhunter. On the other hand, I don't want to "tokenize" comics starring superheroines. I think it is great that they sometimes get a little more of a boost by publishers in the interest of gender fairness. But I am also willing to see this or that book go (or to be reconfigured or have the characters move on to other titles), and not feel it was a "sexist" thing that they were canceled.

I still feel that the best way to court female readers is to just put out good stuff like "Buffy," "Firefly," "Smallville," etc. That's all you have to do; that's what women want. They just want good stories. On the other side of the coin, a superheroine book might appeal more to men than to women anyway. Or a superheroine blog, for that matter.

Val Reviews "Joker"

Considering the editor of the graphic novel Joker is Vertigo's Will Dennis, I would assume in some sense this book is an unofficial "Vertigo-izing" of the character (if the recent movie hadn't already done so). Indeed, writer Brian Azzarello takes great pains to remove the story from the current continuity, discarding the quaint charms of "Otherworlds" tales for skinned bodies and strippers who leave you with that "not so fresh feeling."

Taking a page from "The Dark Knight," this Joker has the trademark Heath Ledger cheek-scars and plenty of raw, unrelenting violence. The plot, concerning the villain's release from Arkham and a generalized revenge on former associates, is minimal compared with the character study of both Joker and an ambitious underling. Azzarello portrays Joker as some sort of rock star in his last, drug-addled days -- a monstrous Elvis via Marilyn Manson -- whose addiction to pills might in part explain his insanity.

Do the humanizing moments, such as the pills and his interactions with a prostitute, ruin the iconic evil of the character? Is it better to believe that Joker's insanity spawns from a dark, unexplainable chasm of primal evil? Well, you can send hate mail to the writer via DC and explain why your vision of the character is correct, ok fanboys?

Eddie Campbell pointed out in a review of Lee Bermejo's art in Joker that it is "overdrawn and hideous" and that "there's a nauseous quality to it all which I suspect is not so much intentional as the artist's normal view of the world." I heartily disagree. The art is certainly grotesque at points, but it also has moments, especially when Bermejo's soft pencils are allowed to be viewed, of an ugly beauty. As for the ugliness not being intentional? This is a book where thugs are shot to death with their pants down on the crapper. To say that somehow the artist missed the point of the book and was instead treading out his own gross view of the world is absurd.

In particular Campbell points out the ugliness of the scene where Joker chows down the shrimp. To be honest, I thought there was a subtle reference to fellatio in the image. I will go back to my cave now.

As for Campbell's criticisms of the coloring, I think it was very well executed considering the fact that Bermejo's art, in my opinion, looks far better in black & white (much like Gene Colan).

In terms of the story, the only nitpick I had was the ending with (spoilers follow!) Batman in it. I guess if there was one thing Joker brought home to me was the fact that while the title character can be more or less seamlessly integrated into a Vertigo-noir/100 Bullets universe, Batman cannot. It just doesn't work. Maybe for the more streamlined and restrained Batman Year One, or the darkly wacky dystopian future of The Dark Knight Returns. But not for this.

Batman in this graphic novel sticks out like a sore thumb, bringing me immediately out of the dark urban universe Azzarello had been carefully building for 90+ pages. When he finally comes on the scene, knocking out this hideously successful and resourceful mass murderer with a goddamn Batarang, I'm disappointed. Had the hero received the same "real world" makeover as the Batman's rogues gallery did in the book, his appearance might have been more successful.

For the person who is a fan of "The Dark Knight" movie but may not necessarily be familiar with the current comics, I think a $20 investment in Joker is well worth it. It skips over the labyrinthine barriers of continuity and brings them all the coolness of the character they "fell in love with." I believe the comic book fan would enjoy the book as well, though it makes several jumps out of the accepted vision of the Joker with which they might quibble.

Fake Superhero Toys Exposed!

I've long been fascinated by bootleg toys. They're usually crappy, but I like the crappy. I like when they get the color on Robin's outfit wrong. I like when some company overseas mixes disparate characters together in one package, offering us juxtapositions we might otherwise never see. I want to see Snoopy hanging out with Spongebob Squarepants, the two of them using iPods. I want to see that.

One of my first bootleg toys was a Mickey Mouse figural pencil sharpener. He looked like the Japanese icon of the "salary man," with sunglasses, a business suit, and briefcase. He was pretty obese. They had a geisha Minnie Mouse as well. Most certainly not licensed by Disney.

Then there was fake Voltron, which to this day I refer to as "Foltron."

Recently my interest in these fabulous fakes was reawakened upon the discovery of action figure multi-packs that feature some really strange bedfellows:


As you can see, in this set we have Superman, a Ninja Turtle, Buzz Lightyear, Batman, and Spider-Man. All for around 6-8 dollars. What a deal! And the colorful and unique packaging promise even more wonders: The Incredibles. The Fantastic Four. Maybe even Venom!

It's heart-warming how all the companies
got together to bring this unique toy set to light.

Of particular interest is the Superman figure, which boasts a large "Superman Returns" head on a much smaller, "Justice League Unlimited" body. And his chest lights up. And they have some part fused into his hand from when they stole the mold from Mattel.

"Collections Them All!"

In this next set, called "Superman Returns," we get an army of Supermen plus Metallo. Though cartoony, the Supermen look not so much like they were stolen from the "animated series" as they resemble the Ed McGuinness version. Were they stolen from the DC Direct figures and shrunk down? Is this an original sculpt? Who knows. The only thing I know for sure is that you get not only Superman but apparently Captain Atom and Shazam as well.

Superman, Shazam, and Captain Atom - - with light-up chest action!

And the chests all light up. Because you want that in your toys.

The capes in the "Superman Returns" collection are all frayed pieces of cloth glued sloppily on the back, and Metallo is widely out of proportion with the other figures. The packaging tells us to "Collections Them All!" And, also, "Let' s Fence Against The Earth!"

Finally, we have here a picture of two Iron Man figures. Can you guess which one is the fake?

One of these figures is a big liar

Unlike the superhero sets, the bootleg Iron Man figures seem to have been created with much more care -- the fake Prada of fake action figures. The intent to fool people into thinking they are the real Hasbro product is quite evident in the packaging, which are direct copies of the originals. The only way you could really tell a fake package and a real one apart, in fact, is in the luster of the paper used. Hasbro's packaging is crisper, with a bit of a gloss, while the fakes are matte and faded.

As for the figures themselves, the originals have more joints, with crisper color. However, the fake apparently has War Machine's accessories -- and, of course, the friggin' light-up chest. Because you need that.

el fake-o

This post is not an endorsement of unlicensed superhero toys. Though many have theoretical suggested age ranges on the packaging, I would never give these toys to a child; most have sloppy production values and sometimes include sharp edges, tiny/loose pieces that could get swallowed, and even weird-smelling paint. And, in the case of the Iron Man figures, the intent was clearly to fool consumers into thinking they were buying the real thing, getting out of the realm of "camp" counterfeits completely and diving head-first into complete fraud.

However, even that cool Batman collectibles book by Chip Kidd several years ago offered us lovingly photographed images of bootleg toys. Their crappiness have seized our imagination.

Does Being A Wonder Woman Include Being A Wonder Mom?

This Wonder Woman custom comic for designer Diane Von Furstenberg features three women (Diva, Viva, and Fifa) who have Wonder Woman come into their lives and tell them "you go girl" -- thus rendering them fully actualized (and well-dressed in ultra-expensive clothing) human beings.

In one sequence, housewife Fifa has been invited to the local Gourmet cookoff but three villains stand in her way: her annoying brats, who barrage her with such unreasonable requests as giving them a snack for school.

What is poor Fifa to do? Well, Wonder Woman saves the day, telling her to look beyond her present condition and "Be The Wonder Woman You Can Be." The image of Wonder Woman is of course conflated with that of Diane Von Furstenberg's floating head, as some sort of Blessed Virgin Mary apparition in the middle of thin air.

Stick-thin model shows off Von Furstenberg dress

So Fifa immediately calls the babysitter, and turns down her children's request for pancakes. The babysitter can make the damn pancakes. "I need to see what else I can do!", Mom explains in a narrative caption as she wins first prize in the cookoff. Now Fifa is a fully-actualized woman who Wonder Woman can be proud of.

Because being a mom of three children wasn't enough for Wonder Woman to make an appearance and approve. Because when you are a housewife and mother, you are a failure -- you're not a Wonder Woman, you're a slave to a patriarchal system, a joke, an underachiever. Oh, and a Stepford Wife Soccer Mom.

Official Diane Von Furstenberg Barbie doll.

That this "liberated woman" pitch is made by a member of a business sector that does so much to convince women to buy expensive shit in order to be pretty, liked, and sexy is quite ironic.

"Be The Wonder Woman You Can Be."

Buy expensive shit. Wear jewels. Promote poor body image by feeding into a system of advertisements and fashion modeling that favors the freakishly thin.

You know what would be really liberating for some women? Some sort of encouragement to just stay home for a few years with their small children. Give them a stipend so they don't have to put their kid in child care when they are only six months old.

Hopefully, this soccer mom will have Wonder Woman visit her
and make her realize what a mistake it was to birth those
two parasites who ruined all her accolades and fun.
Then she can go use the money she would have used to raise
these drains on her resources and buy a Diane Von Furstenberg dress.

I know someone who has her three-month-old child cradled in one arm and her laptop balanced on her knee so she can work from home. She doesn't have the money right now to take time off from her job to raise her infant child, nor does she want to immediately get him a nanny. She wants to bond with him. So she works her ass off to do so. Will I see a Wonder Woman comic praising her decision to keep her baby and make personal sacrifices to raise him properly?

This Wonder Woman comic is so out of touch with reality, so airy-fairy in its view of feminism and the appropriation of Wonder Woman as feminist icon, that it blows my mind. I don't need lectures about feminism from fashion designers. Sorry.

It's important to note that I am not saying that the views in this comic represent that of DC Comics. This is a custom comic -- a vanity comic, really -- written by the fashion designer herself. I suppose we won't be seeing any WW graphic novels from her any time soon.

Uh, right, DC?

After Visiting the Costume Shop 4 Times...

...I have concluded that most of the Halloween costumes are slutty.

Even if, say, I wanted to be a Ghostbuster. They have "Sexy Ghostbuster." That's it. That's what the costume is actually called. "Sexy Ghostbuster."

Then there are the superheroine costumes. Even disregarding the Robin Slut costume they still kind of skeeve me out a bit, because they remind me of those superheroine fetish sites. You know, the ones where the wigs never quite fit right?

I might almost be able to pull off a Sarah Palin DIY costume. I could carry a freshly-shot wolf carcass with me.

Let's Play: Is There Fan-Fic For This?

This is a game where I ask the question: "Is there fan-fiction for this?" Without knowing if there is or not. Then Google and prepare to be amazed.


1. Jimmy Olsen/Tess Mercer from "Smallville": YES!


"Olsen's Diamond Blues" via Elly's Fanfiction
Excerpt:

"I understand you're getting married, Mr. Olsen," she said, smiling. "Congratulations."

Jimmy smiled back. Tess was a lot nicer than Lex Luthor had been. Better to look at, too. She had long red hair and emerald green eyes, along with a body that filled out her power suits very impressively. There was a gentle warmth in her eyes, totally unlike the glacial cold in Lex's gray ones.

"Thanks," he answered.

Notes: love this observation from the comments section of the story:
"Jimmy is such a tool. He's done it before; he'll do it again. I'll just consider this canon."


2. Chuck/Casey from "Chuck": YES!


Chuck Slash group on Live Journal
Excerpt from the story, "Nurse Casey":

“I’m all sweaty,” Chuck said.

Casey nodded, he had noticed that himself. He set Chuck down on his bed and moved over to his drawers, pulling out a fresh t-shirt for him.

“Arms up,” Casey said. As Chuck did this, Casey pulled his soaked t-shirt off him before grabbing his work shirt up off the floor and drying him with it and pulled on the dry t-shirt, “Okay, lie down. I’m gonna call a doctor.”

Notes: I'll be in my bunk.


3. "King Of The Hill" adult fan-fic: NO!


Try as I might, I was unable to find any dirty stories featuring the cast of "King of the Hill." However, a quick search for the TV show under Google Image Search (SafeSearch off) immediately displayed the work of many talented artists who are apparently doing their own riff off of the "Aristocrats" joke.

Notes: Sort of glad the link I found to a "KOTH" fic regarding how they all went to renaissance fair didn't work.


4. Iron Man movie slash fic: Yes!


If you dream it, there's a Live Journal community for it.
Excerpt? OMFG, I can't excerpt this.

Notes: "Only Tony can give a xxxx so loudly the silence deafens you afterwards."


5. "Always Sunny In Philadelphia" fan-fiction: YES!

Excerpt:

Charlie was not an asshole. He was probably the best person in the gang. The only reason for this was that he was too stupid to be anything but what he was. He did dick-ish things, but hardly ever just for the sake of being a jerk. He did get a little carried away with revenge schemes.

Notes: Going back to the Chuck slash, now.

10 Reasons I Like X-Force

1. X-Force is primo emo.

2. I like when they have these scenes where Wolverine or Cyclops insists on some scenario to see if like Wolfsbane is still a deadly killer, or Archangel is still a deadly killer -- and they go: "okay, let's lock them both in a small room and spray them with hatred and Tabasco sauce and see what happens." And you feel kinda good during the inevitable carnage that follows, because you feel in a way like it was all done for your entertainment benefit.

3. They actually have a parental advisory on the cover to tip off parents to the violence inside.


4. Every damn time Cyclops says: "We're going dark. We're in the dark side now. It ain't pretty. No foolin'."

5. Two Angels for the price of one.

6. Wolverine acts like the den mother in this book; X-Force's Mrs. Garrett.


7. I can almost forget X-23 was a child prostitute.

8. Great coloring. Lots of red.


9. They have all the stabby characters in this book.

10. I can almost forget the X-Force of 1991.

Overfill Dumpster Submissions and Nemesis

In his post "Hiring Policies At DC," Ryan @ Comics Fodder brings up ther topic of the submissions process and how fear of lawsuits might have curtailled it in the comic book industry:

"For most of my life, it was believed you sent scripts to some submissions department at DC and Marvel, and somebody might read the script and give some talented, lucky kid a shot. Of course, all of that was managed by technology. You had to: (a) write the story (b) get the story on a type writer (which meant typing, which used to be considered a skill) (c) presumably photocopy the script so you'd have a copy and one for the publisher (d) Place it in the mail (e) Hope for a phone call but expect a rejection letter"

Sometime around 2001/2002, somebody at DC Comics discovered that there were literally piles upon piles of unanswered submissions lying around their offices. Many of the editors simply didn't want to or didn't have the time to answer the submissions, so they were stashed, unopened, under desks, in file cabinets, etc.

When they were finally collected, they filled at least one entire large metal dumpster cart. I think that might have been from just one editor's office alone.

A skilled member of DC's staff was chosen to spearhead the clean-up effort and get those months and possibly years of unopened submissions answered. Me.

The unofficial "rejections editor" was instructed to send out one of several form letters rejecting the submissions. There were no "acceptance" letters, just rejections.

All self-addressed stamped envelopes and unused postage of any kind were to be returned to the sender, as well as any original plots or other writing. Why the return of the original writing? So the submitters couldn't sue DC for any similar characters or plotlines that might have been created.

Apparently, some of the DC higher-ups were absolutely furious that those submissions had piled up like they did. As a direct result of the "great submissions shame," DC officially changed their policy to "no outside submissions." This, given the circumstances, seemed fair.

I once found a submission that Cry For Dawn creator Joseph Michael Linsner sent for a possible Batman/Dawn crossover in the unopened submissions pile. After briefly bringing it to the attention of my boss, I took the pinup print that was sent of Dawn & Batman and hung it up on my office wall. It would have been thrown away with all the others if I didn't.

Mike Park, in the late Seventies, visited DC with art samples, including an original page of comic art featuring a character he created named Nemesis. Nemesis was unique for a superhero in that he did not wear a costume, just civilian clothes with a trademark turtleneck. The art director at the time, Vince Colletta, thought Park's art was too "underground" in style for DC, but thought he had a great concept with Nemesis.

In 1980, a character named Nemesis debuted in The Brave and the Bold. He was unique for a superhero in that he did not wear a costume, just civilian clothes with a trademark turtleneck. There were allegedly other similarities in the B&B story to the comic story Park had shown DC, specifically regarding a helicopter, but I couldn't really comment in that unless I both read the comics in question & looked at the art again.

Anyway, when Nemesis hit the stands in 1980, Park immediately recognized it as his character. But he had never thought of bringing it up to DC. "I was just too small a fish," he explained to me. But he dutifully collected every appearance of Nemesis, and to this day quietly considers it "his" character.

Park is digging the Nemesis sample out of storage so I can have another look at it & scan it & post it.

Was the Nemesis case that of coincidence, or something more? Regardless, instances like these are why comic book companies get so nervous about unsolicited submissions.

Effing Clowns

So after I wrote the last post, I decided to take the rest of the afternoon off and do something wholesome, like the laundry.

After being at the laundromat for about 15 minutes, I noticed this hanging over my machine:


Picture of what my dad purchased for me when my mother told him to buy me a doll so I could play with more gender-appropriate toys:

This thing was like three feet tall. We used to scare my grandmother with it by pretending it was my younger brother. At night the thing would scare us too. When I got older I tried getting rid of it by putting it in the window of the comic book store I used to work at, hoping someone would buy it. Then my sister saw it in the window and insisted I take it down, because it was a family heirloom. She took it home with her, but I think through the years she got rid of it somehow.

She better not still have that thing.

I'm Taking A Break For The Rest Of The Afternoon

Creepy synchronicity reading the Brian Azzarello/Lee Bermejo GN Joker while listening to A&E's "Biography":

I open the book at random to a big picture of the Joker and this line comes on the TV:

"...Satan was now depicted as a clown."

Minor I know, but I have the creepies. Ugh.

...

Oh crap, I'm soooo skeeved out right now!

5th Indiana Jones movie?!

Hasn't Indy learned anything?

Conspiracy Theories: Air, The Ferryman, and Fringe

I like reading conspiracy theories, though I think 80% of them are generally crap and 20% have some points to ponder. The trick, I believe, is to burrow your way through the crap -- but I could say the same thing for the evening news.

I've lumped the first issues of Air, The Ferryman, and Fringe together for this review not only because they seem to be concerned with conspiracy theories of one stripe or another, but because -- despite their stylistic differences -- they seem to unfold these conspiracies in the same way.

But first let me meditate on my favorite conspiracy books. A caveat: just because I consider some of these books great conspiracy narratives doesn't mean I necessarily agree with their content.


1. The Gods Of Eden by William Bramley: Let me spoil it for you: humanity is nothing but an alien ant farm. Mixes some actually pretty useful info on how America's economy is structured (especially in light of the current clusterfuck) with a retread of the "Chariots of the Gods" ancient astronaut theory.

2. Hellhounds on Their Trail by R. Gary Patterson: This book, about the intersection between the occult and rock n' roll, was so excessively creepy that I had to throw it away in the garbage. If that's not an endorsement to read it, I don't know what is.

3. The Book of the Damned by Charles Fort: This 1919 book is the grandfather of all the great conspiracy books. However, its biggest revelation does not regard aliens and unexplained phenomena, but how refreshingly modern and genuinely talented Fort was as a writer.

4. The Cosmic Trigger by Robert Anton Wilson: Another "meta theory" book in the vein of "Gods of Eden," discussing everything from LSD to the significance of the number 23 to Aleister Crowley. What makes this book special, however, is the skeptical stance the author takes every step of the way -- not allowing himself the luxury to wallow in, as he put it, the "chapel perilous" of the theories themselves.

5. The Spear Of Destiny by Trevor Ravenscroft: What book can seamlessly weave together the Holy Grail, Hitler, medieval romances and black magic, and present the whole thing as if it was true? This one. A jaw-dropping epic narrative irredeemably marred by a single anti-Semitic line slipped in towards the end, resulting in one of the biggest 180-degree turns in the history of the written word.


In the examples above, a heavy ground-work is presented for each conspiracy theory, layer upon kooky layer of history and cited texts interweaving. In the comics mentioned at the beginning of this review, however, we are dropped in medias res -- in the middle of things -- and forced to figure out where we are and what in blazes is happening.

As a result, Air, The Ferryman, and Fringe are a bit confusing. I do not see this confusion as something that would necessarily ruin the reading enjoyment of each, but it does require one to purchase subsequent issues of each in order to better understand the conspiracy -- or simply the plot. In the case of Fringe, whose schedule has been pushed back to January, this will no doubt produce some frustration.

I can appreciate Air #1 as literature -- much as Salman Rushdie's "Satanic Verses" that writer G. Willow Wilson references at the beginning of the story -- but not as a comic book issue. As a discrete single comic book unit, the issue has very little in the way of plot, or anything that would really satisfy me as a reader. That's why I really believe serializing works such as Air delivers a real injustice to the content. The conspiracy offered, about anti-terrorists who become wacky terrorists in their quest to fight terrorism, was intriguing, but could use more meat.

The Ferryman is the lovechild of another conspiracy classic, Confessions of an Economic Hitman, with (spoilers) ye olde fallen angels lore. Because the entire first issue revolves around a single action sequence, it better draws the reader in than Air. The edgy art, by Jonathan Wayshak, brought to mind that of Ralph Steadman's work for "Rolling Stone" -- and, via the Hunter S. Thompson connection, I thought of Transmetropolitan as well.

Fringe #1 is an absolutely pointless read without buying the issues after it and, I suppose, having at least half-a-season of the TV show it is based on under your belt. It is far more like several clues strung together than an actual comic book; a special decoder that you might get with your cereal that might provide added value to your television viewing experience.

Verdict: Will continue to read Ferryman, might check out Air in trade, forgetting Fringe for now

Valerie Is Not Paying Attention In Class

Recently I ran across a stack of old notes from high school & my first year of college. They were completely covered in doodles -- far more doodles than notes. On some pages, I would forgo notes completely and just draw.

One of my favorite methods of passing the time back then was to draw random squiggles, then figure out how to turn them into figures of people & animals & stuff.

Also, note the use of Watchmen's Rorschach in one of the pages.

In the last page, I decided to combine the doodles with my school-work and hand in a comic strip as an English assignment.

And, just in case you're wondering -- no, I did not exactly live up to my potential in high-school. Though I was an honors student in college. I honestly don't remember a lot about high-school, except that it provided me a lot of time to draw.

Happy Birthday, Tiffany!

Please visit her sketch diary when u have a chance!

The Rape Of Indiana Jones

I had the unique experience of watching George Lucas rape Indiana Jones on top of a Howard The Duck pinball machine on "South Park" right before going to bed a couple of nights ago.

Obviously, there was a little metaphor going on in that episode regarding how some people feel that Lucas/Spielberg "raped" the Indy franchise (and, in turn, their childhoods).

But does the episode make light of rape itself? And should cartoons, no matter how irreverent, be able to depict real-life people committing more or less graphic sexual atrocities? Couldn't cartoons do this with political figures...and candidates? Couldn't "Family Guy" have an episode where McCain was molesting children? Or couldn't a conservative cartoon have a field day with Obama? Under the name of "it's satire and only a cartoon anyway?"

I got the joke of that particular scene up to a point -- but there was a certain rawness to it that sort of went beyond satire and was really sort of disturbing and creepy.

Plus: I've just witnessed Indiana Jones get gang-raped. I was sort of hoping to not run into an image like that in my lifetime.

What do you think?

Was Just Reading That Gene Colan Tribute Book...

...damn, what a difference an artist of Colan's caliber has on a comic!

Take the early Iron Man stories in A Tribute To Gene Colan, for instance. Now, this isn't what I consider Colan at his apex, when he found an inker like Tom Palmer who knew how to really interpret what Palmer calls his "cinematic soft pencil rendering." But Colan just gave so much added value to those Tales Of Suspense issues. From the dramatic angles to the realism of the faces. Even Iron Man's immovable mask is bent in a powerful grimace that seems to emote.

But it's in Tomb of Dracula that Colan, in my opinion, really hit his stride. Dracula, as depicted in a way only Gene Colan could, looks like Satan himself. Not even horror movies have been able to capture a menacing enough Dracula in images (I love Bela Lugosi and all, but he's really sort of cuddly in comparison).

What really blows my mind, however, is how much product artists like him would put out back then. And the writers, too. And how long some of them would stay on runs.

Good stuff.

Would You Pay $60 A Year For Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited?

Ok, here's the question:

Would you pay $59.88 to read over 5000+ Marvel Comics online, including the first 100 issues of Amazing Spider-Man & Fantastic Four, plus new Web-exclusive content?

This isn't an ad for them, I'm just curious if Marvel Digital Comics Unlimited is a model that would work. Especially for backlist.

Another question: would you pay a comparable price for a similar program on DC's end?

I would like the freedom of browsing backlist at my leisure without spending a lot of money or having piles of dusty comics in my house. For me, this largely becomes an issue of space to keep stuff. I don't have the space or the inclination to "archive." If there is one place where I can just read this stuff, that's great.

And as a writer, this arrangement helps me do research.

That said, I understand the appeal of the trade paperback/archive collection. But me personally, I really crave digitized comic book backlist. And I vote for more obscure stuff that might not be cost-effective for Marvel to put out in trade. In other words: more Devil Dinosaur and Rocket Raccoon.

Uncle Ben Parker Still Dead

Shocking Death Of Spider-Man Character!

I found this on CNN.com yesterday:

Uncle Ben Parker Still Dead

Uh, I don't know if you know this, but like Spider-Man's uncle died. Over forty years ago. It was like totally key to everything Spider-Man is about. You know Spider-Man, from those movies everybody goes to see? Yeah, him. There are comic book versions of that movie that you can buy. And in them, this character Uncle Ben dies. It was really shocking and stuff.

Gwen Stacy died too. She was also from the movies.

You can buy this headline as a t-shirt, by the way.

(Really didn't find this on CNN. But I might buy the headline "Puppy Gets Ear Stuck In Paper Shredder" on a t-shirt. You know, just to be irreverent.)

Ironically, I Just Received Nightwing #149 In The Mail From DC To Review

No, just kidding.

It was Gears Of War #1 from Wildstorm.

Video game adaptations continue to be safe for me to review.

(flips through comic)

Ok, here's a question. Gears of War #1, Nightwing #149, both comparably violent comics.

Why does Gears get a "for mature readers" label on the cover and Nightwing doesn't?

It doesn't make sense.

Plus, you couldn't really say that Gears of War #1 is "torture porn." It has a bunch of big zombie alien guys getting their heads blown off. Not very sensual.

(flips through comic again)

Ok, maybe it's a little sensual.

"That One"

John McCain calls Barack Obama by his full name in the latest debate:

That's right: "That One."

That's just how politicians should talk to each other. Don't make eye contact, don't shake hands, just point over your shoulder and call him "that one."

Let's see how many blogs have covered this by 11:30 tonight, several hours after the debates ended: wow, at least 20 Google search results pages full.

I was waiting for that Kennedy/Nixon debate moment...that point where people saw the sweat glisten off Nixon's burgeoning five o'clock shadow and it was clear who was going to lead the country into the future...

Sex Train

For those who aren't familiar with the New York City subway system, often the inside of the train cars will be covered all with the same advertisement; it's almost like "themed" trains.

On one side of my train today were ads for Remy Martin cognac that featured the tagline "Things are getting interesting" and took place in an exclusive club with one of those peepholes in the door. In one ad, a guy with girl on his arm whispers something to another girl. Both girls look happy, and excited. I thought, "threesome." In another ad, one woman has a thick chain around a another woman's neck and is pulling it with her teeth. Message of both ads: "crazy shit will start happening if you drink a lot, and it will be awesome."

On the other side of the train were ads by Wrigley's Gum featuring a bunch of fresh-faced hippie couples rolling around in the grass. There are a bunch of puns about computers, and the idea that after a long hard day in the office is over, you want to find a mate & have intercourse.

Of the two, I'm having a harder time buying that chewing gum will lead to hot passionate times.

Negativity Over Nightwing #149 Killing Comic Book Industry

I'm very concerned about the negativity being tossed around over Nightwing #149. Using phrases like "torture porn" is very serious indeed, and shows a sort of viciousness against not only DC but comic books in general.

Comic books are not for children -- they are for adults. I don't understand what these critics want -- to go back to the days of Stanley and his Monster and Don Rickles? Is that what they want?

Bestselling books, video games, and movies are filled with gore, sex, and violence against women. What makes the comic book industry so very different? Do we want to live in our mother's basements forever? Don't we want to cast off the training diapers and crap in the big boy bowl?

Greg Burgas at CBR writes about Nightwing #149, "Sweet fancy Moses, this is yucky." What is his problem? Does he hate DC Comics or something? Would it have been so hard to find something of value in this comic? He goes on to write,

"Not only is this horrifying in all the wrong ways, it’s dull, dumb, and ugly. It’s everything we should think of when we think of offensively bad comic books. It’s symptomatic of what’s wrong with so much of DC’s output these days. It’s not even fun to eviscerate this thing. It’s just sad."

Again, I don't read comic book blogs so I can read HATE.

Caleb at Every Day Is Like Wednesday called Nightwing #149 "incredibly, spectacularly awful." While Burgas uses Caleb's review as the inspiration for his own review, he misses the one key word in that sentence: "spectacular." Yes, Nightwing #149 IS spectacular (and really, if it wasn't for this damn recession it would have been the first on my pull list but as it is I can barely keep up with Final Crisis proper). It is like Frank Miller on steroids, and if that isn't an image to keep you up at night rubbing your nips at the very potential, I don't know what is.

Finally, Laura Hudson writes, "picking up a comic book like Nightwing #149 feels a lot like shutting my hand in a car door." However, she goes one step further and uses the issues raised by the comic to question the worth of others of its ilk. Which brings me to my point:

"WHY ARE THESE PEOPLE TRYING TO DESTROY THE COMIC BOOK INDUSTRY???"

This Nightwing #149 hate -- and, by extenstion, DC Comics hate -- feels like a big pile-on, like one of those cheerleaders who try to make a pyramid but then fall into a big pile on the floor. Though instead of cheerleaders they are...HATEleaders!

Obviously, Nightwing #149's brand of torture porn is not of the quality and artistic value as, say... The Killing Joke. But if you give Nightwing writer Pete Tomasi the paycheck of Alan Moore, hands-off editing, and Brian Bolland on art, you'd be surprised.

Greg Burgos writes, "In a DC Universe that has recently been all about cruelty, this stands out. " But how about some props to DC for The Dark Knight, huh? Remember -- the best movie made in the last three years (though I also enjoyed Speed Racer)??

And that's what I really have to say: The Dark Knight. The Dark Knight The Dark Knight The Dark Knight. You might call it changing the subject, I call it keeping things positive. Because when we focus on the NEGATIVE, we become part of the problem, and then the terrorists win.

I'm Sarah Palin, and I approve this message.

Poll: Comic Book Buying Habits In A Recession

Here's a questionnaire for you all about your comic buying habits in these tight economic times.

1. If you needed to pull back on your comic book expenditures a little bit, what titles would you drop from your pull list and why?

2. Rank the following in the order of (top) would drop last to (bottom) would drop first, if you had to save money:
a) Comic Books
b) Video Games
c) Collectibles
d) Cable TV
e) Music
f) Internet
g) Medication and Medical Procedures (assuming you aren't covered for them, includes dental care)
h) Movies (either DVDs or going out to theatre)
i) Eating Out For Dinner
* note: only rank what is applicable

3. Have you ever turned to selling some comic books or other collectibles on eBay in order to scare up some extra cash?

4. What, in your opinion, do you think the comic book industry has to do in order to hold you as a loyal reader in the case of a recession?

5. What is your absolute limit in terms of how much you are willing to pay for a single 22-page comc book?
a) $3.00
b) $3.50
c) $4.00
d) $5.00

6. If comics went up to $4.00 per 22-page issue across the board, would you stop or drastically curtail your collecting?

7. If reading a lot of the comics you are following now could be done online and for a drastically cheaper price (either per-issue or through a subscription), would you be cool with that? Would you see that as a legitimate alternative to buying paper, considering the economic factor?

8. What quality in your comic books would you be willing to sacrifice most, if it meant a cheaper price tag?
a) Paper --> from more expensive to cheaper stock
b) Coloring --> from very elaborate to simpler coloring
c) Cover Artist --> no "high ticket" cover artist, unless artist of book
d) Page Count --> less pages

9. Do you like blockbuster artists and writers like Frank Miller, Alex Ross, Grant Morrison, and Neil Gaiman enough to be willing to pay more for a comic book that they are involved with? Are they "instant buys" for you?

10. Are you more likely over the next six months not to travel to as many conventions due to rising gas prices and economic concerns?

11. Over the last few months we've seen Virgin Comics & Minx go the way of the dodo. In your opinion, what might be next on the chopping block?

12. "The Economy Is In Trouble." How much do you agree with this statement?
a) A little
b) A lot
c) I think it's been blown out of proportion in the media

13. Optional: Your gender/age

"Bring More Star Wars Into Star Trek," Sez Movie Writers

The writers of the upcoming Star Trek movie have suggested that what might benefit the franchise at this point is to make it a little bit more like Star Wars -- specifically...

"Original Star Wars. I want to feel the space, I want to feel speed and I want to feel all the things that can become a little bit lost when Star Trek becomes very stately -- which I love about it , but...."

Also, apparently the new movie's director/producer, J.J. Abrams, is more of a Star Wars fan than a Star Trek fan.

I think trying to "bring more Star Wars into Star Trek" sort of misses the point of Star Trek.

Yeah, Star Trek and its spinoffs have all tended to be more "stately" and talky -- dare I say, maybe even a little bit more intellectual? But that's what makes Star Trek, Star Trek.

Personally, I hear this supposed "need" to make Star Trek more like Star Wars, and all I can think of is the merchandising. More cool aliens, cute captain, beanie babies.

Meanwhile, I'll be keeping my eyes on this guy:

Zudtopia

I received an email in response to my Night Owls post that expressed concerns that Zuda was not really a "creative-friendly" imprint. While I respect the writer's opinion, I think it's time to set this straight.

It's no secret that my significant other works on High Moon for Zuda. Because of this fact, I have had a unique chance to observe every bit of Zuda minutia --from the way the editor interacts with the talent, to the details of their contracts, to aspects of marketing, everything. I've seen it from the beginning. There was no way to avoid it.

There has been nothing -- nothing -- that has indicated to me that the Zuda staff is thoughtless about, or controlling, or manipulating, or exploiting their creative talent. Quite the contrary. They have gone out of their way to encourage the independence and success of their creative talent. They have gone out of their way to nurture High Moon. They have gone out of their way to make sure David & Steve have good deals. And they have gone out of their way to support Night Owls.

I think of DC proper as it relates to Zuda as follows: you have a big oil company who decides to fund a protected patch of rainforest. And they're like: ok, we're going to grow things in this rainforest, all sorts of good things, and nobody is going to mess with it. It's like this creative utopia within DC. It's kind of weird, the co-existence. But it almost seems like a test model for a new way of editing and creating comics within the larger corporate structure. It's just all very down-to-earth and humane. And I would love to see that methodology applied to mainstream comics.

And who wins their first competition? The boyfriend of one of DC's biggest critics. Just the fact that this was able to happen was like a miracle to me. I was just so sure something was going to happen to stop it somehow; you know, like Diebold counts the votes and Bush wins Florida. And I thought that somehow I would be shunned by Zuda, for fear of "contamination," and I never was. I was never asked to tone things down on my blog to make DC happy, as if using my boyfriend's employment as leverage. Nothing. Just regular people, totally out of that whole "old comics" loop.

I'm interested in the continued health of Zuda because I believe that it is the next step in the evolution of the way comic books are made at mainstream companies. This goes beyond the webcomics aspect to just, as I said, methodology and creative freedom. I don't think this aspect of Zuda has been really dealt with in the general comics blogosphere, maybe because people don't know or don't know to look beyond just the webcomic thing to tell the full story.

And then there is the notion that when imprints like Minx and Zuda fail, the indie publishers and webcomic collectives somehow "win." That all the readers from these imprints magically come over to their corner, now that the big bad corporate dragon has been slain. That is probably one of the dumbest, most goddamn naive things I have ever heard in my life.

When Vertigo fails, it doesn't help the indie comics industry. When Minx went under, it didn't help "comics for girls." You know what I, who has some interest in perhaps writing "comics for girls" in the future, said when I heard Minx went under? "Fuck!" That's what I said.

If Zuda goes down, it bodes no great thing for independent webcomics. Nobody wins. It just means more money for "Final Crisis IV." That's all it means. And that would be a fucking tragedy.

Photoshop Reality

Faith Hill must have taken the "skinny pills"
advertised on the magazine in order to "lose"
so much body mass for this Redbook cover

Check out the celebrity before and after pics on this professional photo retouching site. Just hit "portfolio" on the top navigation.

Absolutely fascinating. They'll just add big boobs. Remove sections of rib cages for that more svelte look. Cut out whole chunks of Beyonce's ass. Actually draw in a smile on Julia Stiles' face that wasn't there. And basically cover all the skin with this sort of...ice-cream finish. I can't even tell if Halle Berry's skin was lightened...it was just covered in this shiny flawless filter all the other photo subjects had.

Now, I realize the explanation for these extreme Photoshop alterations -- it's just Hollywood, just fantasy. But it's something Hollywood and the advertising industry and the media created within us, instilled within us from an early age. And now we act like it's self-evident -- that since we work long hours in a dreary world, we "deserve" to see no wrinkles or fat or perceived imperfections of any kind in our entertainment. That it's our "escape," and what we need more than anything is escape.


But I think, especially for women (though I'm sure for more than a few men as well), it sets up an unattainable, patently false goal. It sets up a sometimes mild, sometimes awful mass psychosis based on a false reality demurely presenting itself as true.

No, we do not "need" perfect faces in our media. We don't "need" that sort of escape. We don't even necessarily "need" escape. That's all been taught to us, and it's been taught to us for two reasons: 1) To sell stuff, and 2) To lower our ability to both use critical thinking and be proactive in changing the world around us.

The magazines should just hire comic book artists.

Support Creator-Driven Comics Like The Night Owls!

The Night Owls on Zuda.com really needs your help, in terms of readership, feedback, and support. It's a sharp, cute webcomic about a detective agency in the 1920's focusing on the supernatural. It's not cloying or saccharine but it's not gory and depressing either. It's just fun. And I give it my stamp of approval as something you can share with your older children. There are a few demons and boogeymen and whatnot -- but nothing worse than in Harry Potter.

Best of all, you don't have to spend any money on it! Recession special.

I firmly believe that especially in these troubled economic times, quality comics -- especially ones independent from editorial fiat and conceived & created by the creators -- need to be supported. Because if they're not supported, it turns into a Minx situation where you know the new mantra is "girl books don't sell." I think some of what DC puts out is heartless cynical crap, but if there are some diamonds here in the rough, comics with heart -- something has to be said. And that pretty much goes for any comic that you think is worthwhile.

Because really, Zuda is an example of a "big box" comic company trying to support independent creators. If these efforts aren't supported, then, like I said -- a new mantra is born. And that certainly doesn't help the diversity of product that this "big box" company will put out in the future. Then it all becomes Booster Gold and 24-month-long events and weak Sandman spinoffs. Then it all becomes editorial dictation rather than giving creators freedom. Then it's all capes-and-tights comics, with other genres be damned. And then that's what the public "voted" for -- so there really can't be too many complaints.

Please drop by the Night Owls site, check out their old stuff and then take a look at the new season. Then give them feedback if you wish, and tune in regularly for their new stuff.

And check out this trailer for their comix:

Textbook Example Of What To Do When You Have Only One Arm

/only kid in high-school to have Evil Dead T-shirt
//only girl in Brooklyn to have Evil Dead T-shirt
///also had William Burroughs T-shirt
////very popular in high-school

Partridge Family Pimping

Actual description of new Partridge Family TV series from NBC:

"A struggling, sort of well-meaning mom pimping her kids in order to create a wholesome-slash-sexy cash cow."

Will Dina Lohan star?

Postscript: Original post title was, "Why Hollywood sometimes makes me vomit."

There's No Crying In Comics

The sad thing is how many times I've heard a variation of this speech over the last few weeks.

"DC Comics 1"

The statistics program embedded in my blog template tells me many interesting bits of information. For example, IP addresses, how many return visits they make, and what they search for.

For a very long time now -- not quite as long as the blog has been up, but for a good long time -- one IP address has been of interest to me. Originating from AOL/Time Warner in New York City, this IP -- which my statistics software has allowed me to name "DC Comics 1" (see 2nd postscript) -- has visited my site many times -- as of today, 169 times:

"magnify this user *IP censored* *Browser censored* Unknown 169"

Now, I have had similar IPs with similar patterns of search and the same browser also return visit on my blog hundreds of times. I'm not a computer expert, but I guess in theory it might be the same user, on different "streams" (see, not a computer expert).

After nearly two years of reading my statistical info, "DC Comics 1" has become an old friend, a familiar presence on my data lists. This user will very often access my blog from "When Fangirls Attack," as a way (perhaps) of covering his (or her, but probably his) tracks. It would probably look less suspicious to have that site bookmarked. But once accessing "Occasional Superheroine" from that link, "DC Comics 1" will proceed to browse the site for some time.

Often there will be searches on the site done on certain phrases or names. "Dan DiDio" was a very popular search, as well as variations of the name plus other words like "clusterfuck." Sometimes the search terms will be phrases like "Val Goodbye Comics" or "Occasional Superhero Val." Today it's "Nachie Castro Disney":

"http://www.google.com/search?hl=en&q=%22nachie castro%22 disney&start=40&sa=N"

And lo and behold, if you Google that phrase, my blog entry on the subject comes up second. After this post, it will probably come up first. My "Two Mutilated Chicks" post, referencing violence to women in "Teen Titans" (and the source of one of my death threats) was also of particular interest today.

I used to write posts guessing what new move DC was going to make based on what "DC Comics 1" would search for. For example, my guess about JM Straczynski doing work for DC was based on intense searches on my site from "DC Comics 1" on him.

"(*host deleted*) (IP deleted) [Label IP Address]
occasionalsuperheroine.blogspot.com/search/label/J.M.%20Straczynski"

I could also gauge what scandal DC might be embroiled in at any given time based on the search topics. And so "DC Comics 1" became not only a friend but a research tool. An uncannily accurate research tool.

In the past I've saved some of the IP/search data, especially some from earlier this year corresponding to a certain repeat patron of my blog. Nowadays, especially with the occasional death threats, I keep far better records.

Today the activity is rather interesting. As of now -- lunchtime -- two corporate Time Warner-related IPs are looking at my blog within roughly the same narrow time frame, two referencing the same post -- "Two Mutilated Chicks."

"1st October 2008 12:14:06 occasionalsuperheroine.blogspot.com/
occasionalsuperheroine.blogspot.com/2008/09/teen-titans-63-two-mutilated-chicks.html"

Hm. Must be a really popular post.

Anyway, I just wanted to thank "DC Comics 1" for the continued interest in my blog. I hope I have been able to provide you with some useful information over the many many months. And if sneaking around my blog doesn't provide you with the info you are looking for, always feel free to let me know.

Best,
"Occasional Superhero Val"

Postscript: As of 1:17, "DC Comics 1" is still on the "Two Mutilated Chicks" post.

"1st October 200813:09:40 occasionalsuperheroine.blogspot.com/2008/09/teen-titans-63-two-mutilated-chicks.html"

Must have touched a nerve with somebody.

Postscript Postscript: The only way we could really know who "DC Comics 1" is, is for DC themselves to run a check on the IP. So really, it is only a guess on my part. It could be that it's just from some random place with an AOL/Time Warner internal server in New York City with an intense interest in the comic book business and the minutia regarding past and present DC employees. In which case, I've totally jumped the gun, my apologies.

Postscript Postscript Postscript: It wouldn't be a crime if a DC employee was so intensely browsing and searching through my site. It would just be pretty goddamn funny.

Requiem For Jennifer Walters

I picked up this old issue of She-Hulk yesterday. First series, from the 1970s. There's a scene where her boyfriend -- this white guy with an afro and big mutton-chop facial hair -- asks her to change back to Jennifer Walters before she meets his parents. So she'd be "presentable." Apparently, this was not the first request he made of this nature.

And she grits her teeth and does it, but thinks, basically: "This is the last fucking time I'm doing this. This is bullshit."

And I was taken aback by how adult and mature that little sequence was -- how it went past issues of superheroics and comic book mayhem and cut to the heart of something very real and human.

You know: throwaway 1970s comix, bubblegum junk, kinda gimmicky blah blah.

But it had something of value in it, something that survived past the decades and still touched me.

*** *** ***

I realize some of the posts I did over the last week or so really struck a cord, and I'm really fucking glad they did.

That's all. I'm going to continue to write as I've been writing, and that's it.

And this isn't that famous National Lampoon cover where they're going to shoot the dog if you don't read the blog. There are no dogs to be shot -- no kittens, orphans, Ewoks, or any other adorable creature has been put in danger due to my excessive ego.

Just don't read the blog if you do not like it. Poof! Magic.

*** *** ***

Yes, sometimes I write about things like porn. Maybe unbecoming of a woman.

Women's romance novels are full of porn. Haven't picked any up recently, but as of the 1980s, they were full of porn. Written porn, but porn nonetheless.

My first introduction to the concept of bestiality was from a romance novel. I still remember the dog's name. Jurgen.

"Oh Jurgen," she sighed, arching her back even further, "you are my best friend!"

Seriously. The book even taught me that you needed lube to have sex with your pet. And this was a mainstream romance novel that my friend took out from the library. We were maybe eleven.

Now obviously, with the advent of Family Guy, the edge has been taken off extra-species intimacy. Brian the Dog is sort of an iconoclast in that respect.

*** *** ***

I think women have been taught to be be ashamed for any desires they might have for porn. To the point where if it's referred to at all in that context, it's called the far more "pretty" name of "erotica." I think it's the patriarchy's fault (I mean, what isn't?), but it's also sorta feminism as well. And I've sorta bought into it too, but it's me cutting off my nose to spite my own face. So leave me be in the valleys of my own psychodrama, one day I'll figure it all out.

*** *** ***

There won't be any randy dogs named "Jurgen" in my comic book writing. Though if Avatar Press is still around in a few years, maybe we can talk about it.

But I really feel that the reason we haven't had a "Grant Morrison" of female writers yet -- a question I am asked all the fucking time -- relates back to that scene I described in She-Hulk. We don't need more Jen Walters.

It won't be enough anymore to simply write a decent superhero comic and have the public coo patronizingly at the wonder of it all. I think the next breakthrough female comic book writer needs to stir shit up. I mean: seriously.

Easier said than done. I know several really good female comic writers with edgy styles that don't get a hell of a lot of work, and I think it's sort of criminal. I think, despite some flaws, Devin Grayson at least wrote some outrageous stuff and broke taboos. In many of these cases, said edginess is cited by them as the reason they *don't* get work.

I really don't know if my writing is really that good to ever get to a place where it might change things and make an impact.

*** *** ***

Fuck it, my writing really is that good.